A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I met a guy on a dating site a few weeks ago. He messaged me first and we talked for a little bit. Turns out, we have a lot in common and he is honestly what I am looking for in a man- good looking, smart, successful, down to earth, athletic, etc. The problem is that he lives about 60 miles away from me. He messages me two weeks ago saying that he was coming to my city with his friends and that we should meet up. I was out of town and didn't see his message until the next morning. I said that I had plans and that next time, he should text me and gave him my phone number. After that, he never texted or messaged me and the more I look at his profile, the more and more I'm starting to like him and that doesn't really happen to me as I am extremely picky when it comes to guys. So my question is should I message him again and ask when he will be coming up? I don't want to sound desperate or anything but I'm very interested in him. On the other hand, he has my number and hasn't reached out to me and I would hate to chase a guy. What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 I don't think 60 miles for adults is that long of a distance.. that's a commute around here for some folks; but to be honest, you sent him your cell number and that's really all you can do.
what you like is an idea. you like a profile.. you don't LIKE HIM as you don't know him at all.
if he gets in touch with you, then sure you could meet but I would not be holding my breath.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Realistically 60 miles is a long way. Why is he chatting to someone so far away on a dating site? Thats a red flag: Married maybe? Doesn't want to get caught on his own patch? Scared of commitment? Either way it sounds like he was just interested in a hook up or something and now has lots interest.As you have never met him, and take this from an experienced internet dater, you don't really know him at all. You say he is "good looking, smart, successful, down to earth, athletic, etc." Yet he could be very different in real life, especially as he is so far away. Some people chat online to people who are a long distance away so they can "loose themselves" in the fantasy of being who ever they wish. There are lots of men on line who claim to be successful, athletic, handsome, high earning and 6 foot tall. The distance stops any risk of actually meeting the person they are impressing which would reveal either the photo on the site isn't of them (very common!) or that they are ten years old, six inches shorter and far less successful than they actually claimed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2014): Do nothing more. You gave him your number, you told him to text you.... leave it with him. Maybe he will text you next time he is in your city. Till then, you are not falling for 'him', you are falling for your 'idea' of him. Take control of yourself, of your feelings, and do not allow your 'feelings' to grow any more until HE gives you a REASON for them to. IE: He MEETS you, or contacts you, or communicates with you. You are desiring something 'an idea' of something you don't have at the moment, not HIM.
Contacting him again would serve not good purpose to you, it would show you are more keen than he possibly is. He has your number, he knows you don't have his. If HE WANTS to, nothing will stop him from contacting you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014): He might be the guy for you but ATM you're getting carried away fantasising about what could be, letting your imagination create this vision of this incredible relationship with this incredible guy... When in reality you can know for someone for months, years even, n they can turn out to be right idiots. It's rare to truly know a person (family exception)Don't go round the roundabout ruminating... You have very limited info regarding who this guy really is... Only what's PRESENTED publicly. I agree with wise owl that because he made the first move and you didn't respond he's put you down as a lost cause... You live a long way from each other and as far as he's concerned, you didn't make the effort... From meeting someone online for a couple of weeks, he's not gunna take things too seriously..Make one last effort, message him casually n sincere n let him know you didn't get the last message. If he doesn't respond you'll just have to take a turning off the roundabout... Don't dwell or take things too seriously at this stage, whatever happens. Take care x :)
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (18 April 2014):
You have'nt met yet so don't build your hopes up in case he is not what you want in real life. Meet him first and decide then if he IS really the man for you. You have to bear in mind with online dating too that you're probably not the only woman he has been messaging or meeting from the dating site you both use. So keep your options open. Also he may be ignoring your texts etc because he assumes you're not interested. My advice...message him with your number and ask him out. You don't get if you don't ask. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 April 2014):
 If you are interested in him based on his online profile and haven't actually met him IRL then I would not build up a whole fantasy relationship just yet.
If he has your number and isn't using it then he's not interested in you, sorry!
What should you do?
Don't expect this man to be "Mr. Right.."
And you say that he's all you want in a guy "good looking, smart, successful, down to earth, athletic, etc" but as you have never actually met him in real life then he's just really good at person PR. You know nothing about him beyond what he's presented.
I would not bother with messaging him and I would make sure that I meet a guy before getting caught up in a fantasy….
Sorry. :/
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A
female
reader, nroberts +, writes (18 April 2014):
i don't see anything bad in talking to him. That doesn't mean you are chasing him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEdit: I don't have his number, he never gave it to me. I figured maybe he would think it was weird if I messaged him again since its been two weeks. I don't know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014): He reached out to you first. You said you had plans. Now it's your turn. It wouldn't be desperate letting the guy know you still want to get together. He figures he gave it a try, and you didn't seem too interested.
Desperate is if you call and call; and he still doesn't answer. I hope you have his phone number. Maybe you should call instead of sending a message. It would be a lot more personal hearing your voice.
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