A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a newlywed. 6 months married. I am starting to see some really off things about my husband and I want to get some advice or opinions from others. I love my husband, he has some wonderful qualities but I think I may have made a mistake in marrying him. A little background, my husband kept the house we live in after his divorce. He built a second story on to it during his marriage. Saturday a woman showed up at our door at 9 am. We had just gotten out of bed and were making breakfast. She apparently used to live on our street 7 years ago and is now renting out her house. She apparently did not know that we were married. I had never met her before and my husband did not remember her name.He had apparently given this woman the plans that he had created for his house seven years ago and she showed up to ask for his help building it. Now, my husband is 62 and not a contractor. He had a contractor help him build it. We both asked her what she wanted from him and she was very vague. She would not say. She wanted him to come over and talk to her at her house. Now understand, I had never met this woman and I know or have greeted all of our neighbors. We live on a small cul de sac. She came over early on a saturday with no warning. Saturday is the only day of the week that we have no other obligations. I like that to be a day for us to do fun things together. Plus, I was still in my nightgown for pete's sake. She also said she does not have the money to do the project so we both suspect she wants him to help build it for free.My husband tells her, right in front of me, that he will come over after breakfast. Here is where the problem is, I reminded him that we had made plans all day to do stuff together and I asked if they could meet another day. I thought that was reasonable. He starts arguing with me in front of her. Instead of telling her that we need to discuss it and he will get back to her or saying oh right, I forgot we have plans today. He starts arguing with me about how our plans were not important. I was mortified.After she left, he told me that helping the neighbor was more important to him than our plans. He will charge her a lot of money to help her, but I just need to let him do this. I disagreed and he started calling me names. He called me a bitch and said I was selfish because I "should know" that helping a neighbor, is more important than our time.Well, I was and am mortified! So then he brushed his teeth a second time that day and went over. She wasn't even there. Because, and this is when we found out, she doesn't even live there. So he called her and now they are meeting on Tuesday night. When he got back from her house he said incredulously, she doesn't even live there. I don't want to do this and now because of you I have an appointment with her on Tuesday. He fought with me about this all weekend. Called me names. I suspect there is some interest in her on his part. I am not okay with him working on some strange woman's house for free. I am fine with him telling her what he did in terms of information like it took this many man hours or this much material, but actually building it! I think it was presumptuous of her to ask him to help her and then be vague about what she wanted. I think this whole situation stinks. So now, do I talk to her, or do I make a plan to go?Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not know why I cannot talk to him about this. I have tried.
I guess I wasn't clear. She is apparently already operating a lab out of the house. This would be an expansion. Now I don't know what she is making in it. But you cannot have a lab in your house. You cannot run a business out of your tenant's house. And she lives next to a number of children. Our houses are wood and the potential for safety issues is huge.
I am not going after this woman. I just want her to leave us alone.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 May 2014):
 so just because this woman showed up and asked for something under the table, you are leaving your husband or was this the straw that broke the camels back.
I agree that before you rat her out make sure you are protected... and if you are divorcing him you don't need to fret about what he does.. that's on him.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 May 2014):
 While what she is SAYING she is planning is illegal it kind of also reeks of "getting even" more then doing the right thing. All you have right now are hearsay and planning. Nothing is concrete and nothing has been done. So what are the city planning to do with the info?
Personally, I would get ALL my ducks in a row and sort out the whole marriage/divorce thing before "going" after her.
What I really don't get is why you and your husband can't sit and talk this over in a normal manner. If you have known him for 3/12 year and this is so out of character, I wonder why it is he is being this stubborn about talking to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, I spoke to our city planning department and it turns out that what she is doing now, even before the new construction, is illegal in our town. You cannot run a lab out of your home, you cannot run a business out if a home you rent to someone else, you cannot have multiple employees coming and going. You cannot store chemicals except certain quantities and types. Well you get the idea.
I spoke to her Friday and asked her to leave us alone. She responded by calling our house phone the next day and leaving a sultry sounding voice mail for my husband.
The city wants me to file an anonymous complaint but I am worried she will hurt my dog or slash my tires but my gut says do it. I would love to know what others think. I would certainly be improving the safety of my neighbors.
And even though I plan to leave my husband I want to protect him from building anything he can be held legally liable for.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2014):
She sounds sketchy. And your husband's reasoning to help is JUST as sketchy.
My guess is he KNOWS her better then he has told you, or she is a good salesman and has him hoodwinked into thinking he is going to make BANK helping her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him that if he builds anything for this woman, anything, I will move out and leave him. He expressed incredulity. Told me he was shocked that this would be something that would cause me to leave him as he is not interested in her. We were together 4 years before marriage. I thought I knew him. I told him that he could answer her questions and she has consistently cancelled. I found out what is up her sleeve though.In today's paper there is an article about her! She is starting a cosmetics company. She actually says it is going to be a non-profit and the paper says she is trying to raise 50 thousand dollars and it has a website. think I will write the journalist and ask how can they publish such a false article that is essentially an ad. That she is trying to raise money to build a lab in her home! But of course she is a liar. She lied to them. Says it is going to be all natural etc etc. Never mentions that the money is to put a story on her own home or that it is illegal what she is doing.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2014):
And what did your husband say when you told him you are leaving? Or didn't you tell him yet?
IF you haven't I'd go see a lawyer first. Find a place to live and so forth.
And I'm sorry. I think the man you married is a man with a lot of agendas and some don't include you.
How well did you know him when you married him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): Something very fishy is going on here. Your husband's defensive and angry response means he's hiding something. This could be more than sleeping with her, not that I'm discounting that possibility. It's very very strange. Has he ever been involved in anything criminal? Drugs.. money laundering...?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): I'm so sorry. I think you're making the best decision here. It will not be easy but as you say, this is not a real marriage based on all of his behavior.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo after this woman called 7 times and texted him 5 times to "talk" I put my foot down. She cancelled each and every time by the way. She would set up a time to talk and then change it. I tried talking to my husband about how annoying and upsetting that this woman is calling him at all hours of the day and night, never ever getting to the problem. His response, she is a neighbor. I have to at least hear her out. So I am ending my marriage. I cannot stay with someone who would consider building an illegal lab for anyone, much less some strange woman he is either sleeping with, getting ready to sleep with. He told me yesterday that he would consider building it for her if she paid him enough. Did not say what currency he is talking about.I cannot stay in this sham of a relationship any longer. He has no respect for me and if he isn't already sleeping with her apparently wants to be.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 May 2014):
Still smells like week old herring in here.
What would she need a lab for? And why on her rental property?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all who answered. Here is the update. She, the neighbor who is not really our neighbor, has texted Wayne 8 times and called him repeatedly only to cancel and reschedule 4 different meetings. Yesterday was the final straw. She asked if they could just talk on the phone and then,instead of doing that, called to ask him if he could come over on Sunday. Any time she says. I reminded him that Sunday last weekend he did not want to meet with her because he grades papers that day and he screamed at me about it. Now all of a sudden Sunday is okay. His sister is coming from Maryland and we have church and he has papers to grade. I asked why they couldn't just talk on the phone. He said she lost the copy of our plans. So I took matters into my own hands. I made him make a copy of the plans and I then delivered them 2 houses down the street to her tenants with instructions to give them to her. I found out she already has a working lab in the garage now which is not only a safety hazard but illegal in our residential area. I called her and told her she can call my husband once on Friday night, we have no plan that night, and ask her questions and that is it. After that she should lose his phone numbers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): Hello.
yes. Please let us know with an update. I for one believe something just doesn't seem right. Thanks.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 April 2014):
 I suspect that new-hubby has a closet-ful of skeletons... and you just uncovered the first one.......
Good luck....
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2014):
She wants to what? build a chemistry lab?
She going to bring some "Breaking Bad" to the Cul-de-sac?
Let him dig his own hole. And perhaps you need to re-think this marriage?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is not a contractor. He is a school teacher. My gut tells me that he was interested in her or maybe dated her 7 years ago. She shows up thinking he is still single and he is not. The irony is I also found out that she wants to build a chemistry lab and we are not zoned for commercial use on our little cul de sac. I will let you all know what happens after tonight. She gave him her phone number in front of me.So I am pretty sure they had not seen each other in a while.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): Yes you definitely made a mistake marrying him and now you need to rectify it with a divorce.
There are so many red flags here it's hard to sort them out.
He knows this women, for sure. He has no respect for you. He sounds like a crazy, narcissist. These are reasons enough for getting rid of him.
And how can he help someone renovate their house if he isn't a contractor? Does he work in that field? Most contractors etc. are a bunch of untrustworthy people unfortunately.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): I think too you may of made a mistake marrying him. It sounds like he doesn't care how you feel about it, he is going to do what he wants. You and your plans together should come before a neighbor who stops over unannounced.
You should also be able to talk to him and disagree without being called names.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): Watch it ! you are dealing with two vague people and one of those is your husband. I would be more concerned how he insulted you infront of her.
My wild guess, a long time ago something nearly happened between them and she has returned to show her interest, not knowing he was married and they could not talk infront of you. Sorry but it does not ring true, unless he is just one big ignoranus and insults you at the drop of a hat and is just thinking of earning cash. Either possibility is a red flag for a new marriage.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2014):
I would say something smells fishy too.
1. because she was so vague.
2. you husband has NO contractor experience.
3. she showed up out of the blue.
4. when he found out she didn't live in the neighborhood he STILL called her? and made an appointment? So he HAS her number? Did she give you the number when she came calling?
5. he is awfully aggressive and hostile towards YOU about the situation.
6. calling you names because you question HIM and the situation.
ALL really odd and weird.
Do you know her name? If so, did you try and look her up a little?
Personally, I would let him go. I would NOT bring it up. I would however (because the situation is so randomly weird) put a voice activated recorder in his car. See what it comes up with.
LEGALLY, he CAN NOT build a second floor on a house without having a licence and submitting plans. HE would need building PERMITS. It's just so far fetched by BOTH of them.
NOW this is PURE speculation.....
(so bear that in mind)
I think they know each other. I think he has either dating her in the past or recently, SHE showed up at YOUR house (because he found out where HE lives).
She lived there 7 years ago.. Now he can remember THAT (7 years) but not her name? I'm sorry, I remember my immediate neighbors, but not the exact time their lived there.
How well do you know your husband?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should clarify. See what happens when you write a letter with no caffeine in you. She wants to build a second story to her house that she is renting out. Using the plans that she got from my husband and his help in some mysterious and as yet unknown way.
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