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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My child's Grandmother is trying to take my son!
Q. My son's biological father, we'll call him "Cord", his mother "Jackie" is trying to get visitation with my son. Cord is deceased, he got drunk on Father's day, never called to see my son or ever acknowledged that my son was his, and he fell off of a ...
A. 21 May 2014: Because she is his grandmother and she may have had some changes in her life that have made her reconsider her behavior.
It's not your place to question WHY... it's your place to protect your child but not at the expense of his knowing his ... (read in full...)
How can I help him quit pot?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a month now. We have a past and just happened to come back together and fall in love again. He's 16 and he's been smoking pot since he was 10. He used to sell, too, but stopped for me. I used to ...
A. 21 May 2014: I also wish to address the anonymous male poster, llifton has addressed a few of my concerns with his post.
First of all detoxing from alcohol or tobacco or any other drug such as meth or heroin can kill you. Truly if you are a heavy dr... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 21 May 2014: Because he does not wish it. That alone is enough of a reason.
and because YOU want it SO BADLY it's not a good idea.... (read in full...)
Insecure for over 10 years because of wife's exes, am I being a fool?
Q. When my wife and I met she insisted on carrying on seeing (non sexually I've always assumed) her exes. She took me out for dinner with one guy, only to tell me a week later she'd kissed him and let him finger her, she had another guy round for the ...
A. 21 May 2014: I gotta agree with both Honeypie and Sugarplum.
You need to leave
but the reason she thinks you should CONTINUE to accept her bad behavior is because you accepted it before the marriage and still married her.
As far as she's concerned her b... (read in full...)
My child's Grandmother is trying to take my son!
Q. My son's biological father, we'll call him "Cord", his mother "Jackie" is trying to get visitation with my son. Cord is deceased, he got drunk on Father's day, never called to see my son or ever acknowledged that my son was his, and he fell off of a ...
A. 21 May 2014: I would by all means get an attorney that does family law in your area and go by what they say.
I would also be inclined (if it was ME) to be the one IN CONTROL of this mess by offering SUPERVISED visitation that is supervised by a court appointe... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 21 May 2014: I would NOT hold my breath that you can go back to having that kind of friendship...
... (read in full...)
Can we move from FWB to something more?
Q. This question is probably directed more towards the guys. I am pretty sure I already know my answer but I need a second opinion. Here it goes. I've known this guy for about 3 years now. We have been more of a friends with benefits situation since ...
A. 21 May 2014: Well the truth is that RARELY does FWB work out to be more than that.
If you tell him how you feel and he wants more then he'll be game... if he didn't want more it won't scare him off but he will make it clear that there is no hope of more and... (read in full...)
After 6 months of a great relationship my girlfriend wanted to break up
Q. Ive been dating this girl for 7 months now and everything was great we hardly faught we had great sex and we went out and had fun , right before the summer started she wanted to talk and said she was not ready for this relationship , she said a ...
A. 21 May 2014: I would not wait for her to get it out of her system.
This is not about how you did or did not treat her... in fact it's NOT about YOU at all... it rarely is..
there is a great old book out there called "A Fine Romance" it's in paperback by... (read in full...)
How do I control myself around this guy? I'm older but can't seem to get a handle on my actions and feelings. Help?
Q. Ok, so this is a really embarrassing and very silly problem. I am a confident woman. I date. I don't have any trouble picking up guys, but for personal reasons I am not interested in a relationship at the moment. BUT for the first time in about 10 ...
A. 21 May 2014: why not ask him if he wants a 6 week fling since you two will be in the same place at the same time.
after that you will know if it's supposed to be over or your supposed to stop making excuses as to why it can't work with a younger guy.
... (read in full...)
How do I move on and stay sane after finding out that he cheated?
Q. About two weeks ago I had an email from a guy saying that his girlfriend has been having sex with someone and he thinks it's with my fiance. I confronted my fiance about it and after a few minutes of him denying it he finally admitted it. He said ...
A. 21 May 2014: Hurting her will NOT fix your problem nor will it make you feel better. He's the one who did wrong to you NOT her.
Put the blame where it lies... on him.
In order to move on and stay together you will have to FORGIVE him... you never hav... (read in full...)
Should I tell her how I feel before she goes back home to the other side of the planet?
Q. Hi guys Basically, I met a girl who is 5 years older than me, she is 28 and I am 23. She is studying here and will leave in a few months time. I knew her from an online language exchange and I went to visit her and saw her during 3 days. During t...
A. 21 May 2014: The age is not the problem... the potential for a VLDR is.
LDRs are hard enough when you are on the same continent... they are nearly impossible in the scenario you present.
Had you two been together as a couple for a while and she had to l... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 21 May 2014: You need to let this idea that you two can be friends go.
He's making great progress by being CIVIL... and I think that's all you are going to be able to hope for.
I'm sure you think all you want is to be friends but I think you deep down ... (read in full...)
How can I help him quit pot?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a month now. We have a past and just happened to come back together and fall in love again. He's 16 and he's been smoking pot since he was 10. He used to sell, too, but stopped for me. I used to ...
A. 21 May 2014: I’m in the USA.. in a state that just decriminalized it. I am hoping to have it legal by the end of this decade and hope before the end of my life to see this herb legal like tobacco and alcohol. I am a daily user. I do not smoke cigarettes or ... (read in full...)
This is a babyshower question. I want to make a good impression.What do you think?
Q. hi, I know this isn't a relationship question, but this question site is the only one I like, I don not like any others so help would be appreciated, thankyou I am holding a baby shower on sunday and have a few cakes to bake - as well as all of t...
A. 21 May 2014: cupcakes and a lemon cake and a chocolate cake... are you having 100 people?
if not you may be making too much food...
but yeah they will keep... do the final decorations (sprinkles or drizzle the morning of if you can...
and it shoul... (read in full...)
After having the baby, I am having trouble controlling my temper!
Q. Hello. Since I had my baby 8 months ago I'm finding it difficult to deal with my temper and I'm always angry or emotional especially with my husband. Me and my husband we been together for 5 years and married for a year and we both are deeply in ...
A. 20 May 2014: Sounds like postpartum depression to me.....
i'd head to the doctor for a checkup and to talk about it.
are you nursing the baby? if so that has impact on your hormones too..... (read in full...)
I said I'd visit my LDR girlfriend, but now I'm not so sure it's a good idea...
Q. Hi everyone I've had a girlfriend for nearly two years now. I love her and during these 2 years it has always been me who put in the majority of the effort. It's long distance which doesn't help, but she sacrificed very little for us whereas I did...
A. 20 May 2014: Another vote for Ciar.
I wrote about if an LDR is worth it..
sounds to me as long as she knows she has you she's fine to be able to admit she is not sure how she feels... but once you start backing off she gets jealous...
not good.
... (read in full...)
I found porn on girlfriends phone about men with big penis. Should I be worried?
Q. So me and my girlfriend been sexually active and I am actually below average size but my girlfriend says she is fine with it and that she is satisfied. Recently I checked her phone just to go on the internet and on her history it said "big black ...
A. 20 May 2014: Hello Toushite, what a rough spot for you as a young man…
I can assure you that her choices in porn are NOT reflective of her feelings for you.
Your insecurity is your own and it would not matter if she had watched “tiny Asian guy with fat Ame... (read in full...)
We haven't kissed or cuddled for years
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for almost ten years. We are a gay couple, but things aren't all rosey I'm afraid. Our sex life has completely broken down for no apparent Reason. I've asked on regular occasions why, but he is older than me by...
A. 20 May 2014: I would strongly encourage you to find a way out.
cheating is never good
being miserable is never good
and to be honest losing your sex drive at 40 something is never good.
for my 40 yr old husband he lost his drive when he moved and gain... (read in full...)
Is he pushing too soon to have a relationship with me?
Q. Dear Cupid Member I have a question? Do you think a guy is pushing a relationship with you too soon if after exchanging emails and just talking once on the Phone he already told me that He wants to be my Boyfriend? I met him online in one of...
A. 20 May 2014: It's pretty easy to emigrate from Canada or even carry dual citizenship with both Canda and USA... I don't think he's trolling for a green card.
but red flags abound... sounds like he may be good at business and bad at love.... he is just movi... (read in full...)
Should I try again with my ex? We have 2 daughters and have been apart for 4 years.
Q. My question is whether it is a good idea to try have a relationship with an ex again when there is children involved? My ex wants to get back together after 4 years apart, and even though I would like to try, I have a fear it would affect our...
A. 20 May 2014: I'm not so sure it's a bad idea.
19 and 23 is very young
add two babies early on and stir and that's a recipe for disaster.
My take on this... go VERY slowly.. no moving in with each other...
I strongly suggest that if you want to try ... (read in full...)
He told me to text him but he didn't say he liked me?
Q. So today, I confessed to the guy I like that I like him. He's anti-social and shy so I wasn't expecting much, but we talked for two whole hours and he was really nice. He didn't make it awkward. When I would flirt with him, he would blush, smile, ...
A. 20 May 2014: He has your number
you made it clear you like him
he told you to text...
you could text him to start but then I'd let it go...
and be careful... he has the upper hand here...knowing you like him and probably being aware that lots of you... (read in full...)
Who pays when the guys invite the girls?
Q. We went out with 2 guys yesterday, my friend and I. The whole discussion with her started after I noticed ( I think) that when It was time to pay, the guys were kind of hesitant ( may be I am mistaken). I was ready to offer to pay for my drinks, ...
A. 20 May 2014: If a guy invited me out, back in the dark ages before the internet and cell phones I assumed the invite meant he was going to pay....
in this day and age of equality I would go with the "I'd love to but that place is out of my budget this ... (read in full...)
It seems like we've lost interest in each other -- how do we get it back?
Q. Dear Cupid.... i joined this site as im in a relationship and have been 2 years this june, however since i've got my job in july 2013 we seem to have lost interest in eachother we sit in seperate rooms when he comes to stay and our sex life is ...
A. 20 May 2014: I wonder if your putting on weight and not taking care to look your best is to keep him at a distance..... do you?
I have gained weight but I still bathe and dress up and do my hair more for my spouse than me. I WANT to look good for him...
... (read in full...)
Should I cut contact altogether with him? He's an unappealing combination of arrogance and cheesiness.
Q. The guy I used to date and I are talking now, just as friends. We had an abrupt break up so now we are just exchanging friendly emails to catch up, I guess. I never went beyond friendly because I thought that after almost a year of not seeing each ...
A. 20 May 2014: I'm not sensing that the PROS of this guy outweigh the CONS.
it sounds like you will never be happy with how he interfaces with you... so why bother to try again?... (read in full...)
Why does she not reply to my messages anymore?
Q. Okay so this might be a long story but here it goes! So when I was in highschool I liked this girl and we went out, but I later said somethings and she took them as if I did not like her and then she just kinda didn't want to talk to me afterwards! ...
A. 20 May 2014: Yeah I think the big mistake was refusing (for whatever reason) the invite to go to the party with her.
If you were not over the top apologetic she probably figured you are only interested in seeing her ALONE (i.e. for a hook up sort of thing). ... (read in full...)
Why do guys wait so long before texting girls back?
Q. I've been dating a guy I really like for a couple months. I genuinely feel that he really likes me and cares for me. He treats me right when we are together and I feel very close to him. Always after a date, the next day he will text me a lot. He ...
A. 20 May 2014: I would not measure his interest based JUST on texting.
some folks don't like texting. My hubby hates it. I use it rarely for keeping in touch.. more for "running late be there in 15 minutes" or "I'm here.. .booth in the back" sort of stuff... (read in full...)
After ten years we will be getting married ... IF we can agree on a venue!
Q. After 10 yrs of being together we finally have decided to get married this year but the problem is I want a church wedding and he wants a civil one. All girls dream is to walk along the isle with everyone watching and all he ever want is a simple c...
A. 20 May 2014: Think about the means to the ends...
what is most important to you the short day of the wedding
or the MARRIAGE?
my grandparents eloped to the court house and their marriage lasted 67 years....
my big "religious" wedding complete... (read in full...)
I've never felt an instant attraction before!
Q. Why did I feel that way about that guy? I've never felt like that before.? So yesterday I went to my sister's party and I saw this gorgeous guy and the attraction was instant. I was so shy couldn't wait to get out off his sight. He found out...
A. 20 May 2014: ah limerence is lovely ... it's that instant pheromone attraction to someone.
IT does not mean he's your one.
It does not mean he's right for you
It does NOT mean you should sleep with him.
it means you found him interesting and intr... (read in full...)
How do I get over all this hurt and move on from this?
Q. Hi everyone I'm just looking for a bit of advice, I'm really hurting and angry infact confused and I just don't know how to get over this or move on from it. I'll tell u briefly about the history. 3 years with a guy a few years older than me (3...
A. 20 May 2014: I agree with Aunty BimBim totally.
if you can't block him, change your number. also block him and his family and friends on all social media and send their email to an empty folder automatically so you don't see it...
IGNORE him and his cr... (read in full...)
We've drifted apart and I've met someone else
Q. I have been with my current partner for several years now and we have two beautiful children together. We got together quite young and fell with the first after only 6months of being together . We haven't been unhappy but we have drifted apart over ...
A. 20 May 2014: you never should cheat.
you've already cheated even if you didn't have intercourse.
if you are that unhappy with your current partner then I like CMMP's ideas...
either break up with her and set her free (and you too)
working out equita... (read in full...)
My siblings had bad relationships so I'm not allowed to date
Q. My dad won't let me date because of my siblings' past relationships! I have four sisters and one brother who are all in their late 20's and 30's. Their relationships would sink and my parents would baby them! I don't know what to do. I'm almost 18 ...
A. 20 May 2014: so if you can't change your parents... and btw telling an adult child they can't do something seems rather silly just like telling someone you may never date because all your older siblings screwed up.
seems to me IF all your sibs screwed up t... (read in full...)
My wife gave her phone number to a former lover and says I am over reacting!
Q. Through the wonders of Facebook my wife was contacted by one of her former lovers. I don't know why but she gave him her cell phone number and he started calling her. I discovered one of these voicemail messages when she asked me to check somethin...
A. 20 May 2014: Well since she gave you her phone to look through to me at least it's clear she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong.
would it have made a difference to you had she mentioned you (and any children you may have)
this "lie of omission... (read in full...)
Some small complications with pregnancy, I need some advise.
Q. Hi all...looking for a bit of advice :) Im currently 30 weeks pregnant and have recently found out of a few small problems with the pregnancy. Thankfully nothing major but i am going into hospital twice a week to be monitored. I am happy that the...
A. 19 May 2014: Guess what... ANYTHING you need they have at the hospital.
hair brush
tooth brush
tooth paste
mouthwash
soap
towels
deodorant
you can wear one gown forward and one gown backwards as a robe
they have slipper socks..
there is really ... (read in full...)
Some of the things she confides turn me on?
Q. For a while now my best-friend, call her Cee has been in a relationship with this guy, who's also mostly my friend too. I's been going on for two years, and it was the most ridiculous relationship ever, and Cee was complaining about him constant...
A. 19 May 2014: Totally NOT disgusting.
Very normal.
and yeah I suggest that if you feel the need to express yourself and work these feeling through that you get a journal and keep it private.
There is nothing disgusting or abnormal or freaky about hav... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend but does he really want to be with her?
Q. myself and my ex boyfriend broke up 2 years ago when he went abroad. I was suppose to go out after him but decided I wasnt ready for the commitment. He has done alot of the chasing for the last two years and was always the one to contact me. He ...
A. 19 May 2014: I think he's right.. you just wanted what you couldn't have.
As long as he was "available" to you, it was fine to not be with him... now that he's "off the market" you want him. NOT cool
move on... do not attempt to be friends or make amen... (read in full...)
My siblings had bad relationships so I'm not allowed to date
Q. My dad won't let me date because of my siblings' past relationships! I have four sisters and one brother who are all in their late 20's and 30's. Their relationships would sink and my parents would baby them! I don't know what to do. I'm almost 18 ...
A. 19 May 2014: At 18 you can move out and be an adult on your own and do what you want.
Your BROTHER has no say in how you live your life so you can ignore him totally.
Mom and dad are still paying your bills and you are still under their roof so even i... (read in full...)
Even though we've broken up he still tries to control me
Q. Hi and thanks My ex boyfriend and I had a roller coaster relationship. Our first time around he was on a dating site our whole 8 month relationship plus admitted to having feelings for his ex plus cheated so many times I can't count that high....
A. 19 May 2014: Another vote for block/delete/ignore.
block on social media
block emails
block on cell phone
and if you can't block (my plan does not permit blocking) label his number "DO NOT ANSWER THIS" and then do not.
delete any messages.
any... (read in full...)
How come my ex never feels sorry?
Q. My ex and I were long distance. He's a social butterfly and he's loud and I know how he acts around people. I know he couldn't put up with the loneliness if I wasn't there with him, so I used to ask him to let me know if he had feelings for someone ...
A. 19 May 2014: You asked for closure and he gave you the best he could.. you were too clingy… and you can be clingy over an LDR relationship.
LDRS are hard but I don’t think that they are fake as one poster said. IF you have met the person and you are LDR for ... (read in full...)
Does he not observe personal space, or was it something else?
Q. This is going to sound really stupid.It is. For the first time in a long time,got attracted to someone who everybody else thinks is gay. He is moving to another state that is so far away.It doesn't matter.But he always seemed uncomfort...
A. 19 May 2014: Of course it does... just because a person's sexual orientation is homosexual vs. heterosexual does not mean that social clues are foreign to them.
this guy in general may not have a clue or personal space boundaries.
and you said "ev... (read in full...)
How do I know how much to worry during this first pregnancy?
Q. Hi. Looking for some advice. Im a first time mum...so naturally everything is new to me. Im 30 weeks pregnant today. The past 4/5 days my baby hasnt been moving alot at all ... not i know babys movements do change but things just dont feel right ...
A. 19 May 2014: You are normal.. first pregnancies are all new to you so you have no clue if it's "normal" or not.
You are doing it right... in touch with the medical professional and told to come in at any worry.. that's perfect.
and yeah towards the end ... (read in full...)
Does this mean it's over?
Q. My boyfriend (of 2 years) and I had an argument last week. The argument was mainly because i started noticing that my boyfriend has been ignoring me lately, reading my texts and not responding, he even ignored me for a whole day. Throughout our ...
A. 19 May 2014: Even if he does not want it to be over it needs to be over for you.
He's using his depression as an excuse (which is very different from an explanation) to mistreat you.
My husband suffers low-grade depression and sometimes it flares and he ju... (read in full...)
Found out I was pregnant after we broke up
Q. I have a lot to deal with right now. Some days I'm fine just going about my day, then everything comes back to me and i feel overwhelmed and depressed again. I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my ex's baby. We broke up before i even knew i was pregnant. I...
A. 19 May 2014: At this point you are pretty far along...so it's obvious that you're going to keep the baby (or go through with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption which is awesome if that's your choice)
Telling him has to be done. He has a right ... (read in full...)
Should I walk away from these friendships or try to save them?
Q. This is more of a friends question than relationship advice but I hope you can help. I introduced my married female friend to my single male friend on a casual night out before Christmas (along with other people I might add). Fast forward 2 weeks ...
A. 19 May 2014: If you can't hold your tongue then the best thing to do is walk away.
I doubt you introduced them thinking they would behave this way, I personally don't find you culpable at all.
it's NOT your behavior that's bad. IT was not YOUR choice ... (read in full...)
Will spending time apart really help us?
Q. Okay my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and 3 months and we live together. It feels like our relationship is running into the ground. I'm not sure if its because we spend all our time together or what. Our daily routine is he goes to work at ...
A. 19 May 2014: What you have is very typical of couples that get into a rut. While sending him away may seem like a good idea... it's just going to band aid fix the bigger wound. And once he comes home it will start all over again.... and you will be back to ... (read in full...)
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