A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently went on a first date with a guy in the public services blue uniform high up who I met online. He tried to kiss me intimately outside a pub in the car park which I found embarrassing and then text me later that he was going to be doing some DIY before bed (not the home improvement type) which I found a bit of an eye opener considering we had just met. He kept asking if I fancied him or thought about him and that he hadn't had a real chance to check me out as I was quite covered up. He also questioned the fact that I pulled away when he snogged me and we could have sat in my car. Am I being a prude or should I give this man a chance? We talked for a week prior to meeting and there were no undertones then.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 Good for you OP, START to trust in your instincts - they were SCREAMING at you, this guy is a CREEP!
And your gut was right.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 April 2014):
 Wise decision, OP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): I'm the OP
Thank you all. I am not seeing him again. I just needed that confirmation.
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A
female
reader, Lola333 +, writes (28 April 2014):
Don't waste another second of your life with this guy. He is showing you who he is. His true colors. He is gross and crass. And he has issues. Run.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 April 2014):
 he's not worth any effort. he's gross.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 April 2014):
 Ewwww!! Just gross!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): Hi, you should really let him go. He was too crude and direct for a first date.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (28 April 2014):
 You are not a prude.
Sorry, but this guy sounds incredibly sleazy & way too easy with you, particularly being a first date & you & he have only chatted for 1 week!
That is hardly enough time to know anything about him.
You know nothing about his past behaviours, his background.
You are a mature, sensible woman & you demand respect, when meeting new men.
Do not lower yourself, your levels, or your standards, just to please any man & any man who comes on so strong as this man has, please beware.
He is not going to change in the immediate future & he sounds very over bearing & i would even say that he may be seeking intimacy alone & this is not where good foundations are laid, within any relationship.
From all you have written, this man has treated you with very little respect whatsoever & his behaviour out in public, with a woman he has only just met, should serve as a serious warning to you.
You cannot be sure how many women he has already dated & behaved like this with.
You do not know whether he is a player secretly, whether he is a desperado on the prowl.
It may sound funny, but it is true.
I would advise you to do yourself a huge favour & say goodbye to this man, if you know you are worthy, you demand & deserve nothing short of pure respect & it sounds as though he is not in it for the long haul.
Finally, this man is not after you, as a PERSON, he is clearly after your body.
Place yourself, first & foremost & consider what YOUR immediate NEEDS ARE, not HIS NEEDs.
I would assume you are seeking a long term & stable, loving union with a man, not a quick fling, or if you'll excuse the pun, a roll in the haystack.
This, we all know, will not last forever & if you give him what he is making so blatantly obvious he wants, then he will surely move on & you will remain broken hearted.
End it before it gets any worse & you will have saved yourself a whole lot of unecessary pain.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2014):
The guy is crude and not looking for a lady or a relationship. He was looking for a roll in the hay. PURE and SIMPLE.
You are NOT being a prude.
I'd toss this one back in the pond and never look back.
Girls are raised to be polite. But YOU are old enough, to tell a guy who tries to SNOG you :" Hey Buster, I barely know you and I have NO intentions to play tonsil hockey til I DO know you better".
If this is how he behaves after talking to you for one week on the first date, I "shudder" to think what he might think is appropriate for a second date.
Yuck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): I would just dump him. He's creepy.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 April 2014):
Personally I wouldn't give him a second chance unless you're just looking for a hook up, because it seems that is what he's after. He might prove you wrong if you give him a chance (to treat you like a lady rather than piece of meat) but I doubt it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): You were not a prude. He was too much.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 April 2014):
 Sorry, but I laughed, this guy has no clue or finesse does he? How long has he been single, maybe he has been hanging out with just the blokes for too long, or maybe he really does and doesn't realise there are still people with some degree of decorum.
I think you need to sort out what you would like to say to him and then lay your cards on the table. Let him know his actions and words are making you feel uncomfortable. Ask him if this is something he would be willing to work on or if you should shake hands and call it quits now.
Personally it doesn't sound to me that he is a man willing to take his time getting to know you before he puts the hard word on you, but you never know.
Good luck!
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