A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some helpMy boyfriend works at a big store and is good friends with most of his co workers. These co workers have friends that come up to their work sometimes and hang out during break/lunch time. Recently, there have been a few girls that have been coming up to the work and have been hitting on and being inappropriate with my boyfriend. They come up once like every weekend or so and it's not like my boyfriend can stop them from coming over. He's been honest with me about this which is a good sign. However, there has been some bad signs as well. My boyfriend has gave his cell phone number out to a couple of these girls and the things they have been texting him worries me. They text him to ask him if he's working that day so they can come up and see him and they compliment him and try to flirt with him. My boyfriend has eventually told these girls nicely that he's taken and they both admitted they have a crush on him but said they would stop but that they still want to be friends. I'm not to keen on the whole friendship thing to be honest. I know my boyfriend probably feels weird about the whole situation but I feel like he let the situation go too far. He says he would like to be friends with them and that he's not interested in them. WHY does he want to be friends with them? Almost once every weekend they both or individually come up to the work to do some shopping and want to see and chat with my boyfriend while they're there. Do they really want just a friendship with him or are they still looking for more? I think they're still being inappropriate especially knowing he's taken. It's just kind of ticking me off. What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2014):
 I have to agree the one to be mad at is the boyfriend who won't set boundaries.
He may care very deeply for you but the ego stroke of having girls admit to wanting him is very hard to dismiss.
The issue is this.. IF he keeps them at arms length, and continues to be honest with you and them and makes it clear to them that he's NOT interested, they can dance the hootchie coo naked in front of him and it won't matter if he's devoted to you and you trust him.
the key is... do you?
the key is is he holding them at arms length? the giving of his phone number is a bit suspect but he may just be a clueless male.
the issue is once they admitted they want to "steal" him from you, it was incumbent on him to make sure they understand they do not have a snowball's chance in hell of wining... if he does not do that, then that's your cue to give him his freedom to let these girls have him and you step away.
really is being with a man who you worry about cheating on you and you don't trust worth it?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2014):
 OP
PLEASE read Auntie Chigirl's answer. The truth is in her words.
You WANT all these girls to be the ones who are inappropriate, but THEY aren't dating YOU. HE is. HE is being inappropriate towards you and your relationship. Why? Because HE gets something out of this. It's not hard to tell someone, no you can't have my number, my GF wouldn't like it. Yet he doesn't.
Wake up and smell the coffee, honey. Your BF is the one in the WRONG here.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 May 2014):
I think this happens a lot more to women. Women often get hit on when they are just trying to be nice and get along in work. They can't force the guys to stop as I am sure it happens with new guys constantly. Eventually they just ignore and some guys are decent enough to become friends. I am sure this happens to you as well.
I gather that your boyfriend is just being nice and he really isn't doing anything wrong. While he is not blatantly telling these girls to "fuck off" he is maintaining a good work ethic and professionalism by rejecting them.
While I could be very wrong as I am merely trying to picture out these scenarios, it stands out that he tells you about this. I think if he had ill intentions he would have kept it a secret. Advise him that he should not reply to their flirtation and should instead ignore it. Hopefully in time they will take the hint.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): "WHY does he want to be friends with them?"He likes having these girls stroke his ego, and he's likely open to the possibility of having them stroke other parts of him. "Do they really want just a friendship with him or are they still looking for more?"More. That's why he keeps encouraging them."I think they're still being inappropriate especially knowing he's taken."He's the one being inappropriate. If he really respected your relationship then he would have told them to get lost and meant it."What should I do?"You should realize that if he has no consideration for your feelings then he has no respect for your relationship and respond accordingly. In other words, either dump him or prepare for the eventuality that he will cheat on you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 Focus. Im so tired of girls letting out their frustration and anger at other women when it is their BOYFRIEND who is out of line. These girls have the right to flirt with whomever they want, they are single, and they're not in a relationship with YOU, so they get to do whatever they want.
But your boyfriend is in a relationship with you, and he likes the attention.
So what to do? Either he respects you enough to cut out the "friendship" with these girls (no, they don't want to be friends, they want to flirt and steal him away if they can), or you leave him so he can frolic around with as many girls at the same time as he pleases.
Sorry, but that's the harsh truth. This will happen again, and again, and again, because apparently your boyfriend is just that type of man who can't set boundaries and doesn't understand that flirting and hanging out with other girls who have a crush in him, is actually ruining his relationship. In a relationship you need to work on that relationship, often a garden is used as a metaphor. Nurture it, cherish it. Not neglect it and have fun in someone else's garden, and then expect that the flowers will still be blooming when he comes back home.
These "friends" are not working to make your relationship a good and healthy one. They are working towards ending it. Him hanging out with them means he doesn't care about his relationship enough.
I understand that this is young love and you will probably make excuses for him and stick to him. But it wont last, because I don't think he's got what it takes to maintain a relationship and set boundaries for himself and the people he meets who work against said relationship.
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