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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He is my first love!! Please give me some advice
Q. My boyfriend and I have been close friends and we started dating recently. He is 8 years older than me but I love his personality. He is my ideal boyfriend. We play sports together every week and text each other everyday. He seems really seriously ...
A. 2 June 2014: at 16/17 even if you think it's true love and he's your ONE you are years away from actually making that choice.
so if you have to ask "how do you know" then the answer is "it isn't him" usually... but in your case the answer is.. wait 5 ... (read in full...)
Is cell phone snooping okay?
Q. Is it okay for someone you are dating to go into your cell phone behind your back and look at text messages you have received and sent to other people?...
A. 30 May 2014: not unless you want them to ... (read in full...)
Why isn't he talking as much as he used to? Is it the distance? Or did he just want sex?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for over a month and a half now. We met online and live an hour and a half away from each other. I went to his city three weeks ago because I needed to get something there and he took me out to get drinks. It was a lot ...
A. 30 May 2014: it could be that he just wanted sex
or he is busy
or he realized after you met a couple of times that the chemistry was not right...
... (read in full...)
Can we really keep it together if she's gone for two years?
Q. Hey guys. I'm in need of some opinions. I've been with my girlfriend for approaching two years now. We have a very loving and healthy relationship. And we are very compatible. We have discussed future marriage and kids and our lives together, in ...
A. 30 May 2014: ok so you guys are together for almost 2 years now
and you have yet another year together before she finishes school and does her 2 year PC stint....
and then she will be committed to the PC for two years. In that time you can go see her o... (read in full...)
My question is why some lasses follow you around when you give up on them? Give her a second chance or will that lead to heartbreak?
Q. Hi I was sort of knowing a girl and dating her but I felt she was a bit cold and distant so I thought she's not interested and moved on! To tell you further, I actually liked her a lot and it was sort of heartbreaking to move on! Surely it took s...
A. 30 May 2014: I don't see a need to say anything to her..
if she asks you out decline
other than that just get on with your life.... (read in full...)
Should I go to my boyfriend's best friend's birthday party? I don't want any more drama!
Q. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for about 10 months, exclusive for 6 months. Its going brilliantly! And we get a long so well. But last week hit a bit of a problem. So we have gradually been introducing each other to family and friends etc and its ...
A. 30 May 2014: YES YOU GO! YOU go and you hold your head high and you just ignore her insanity. Go and ignore her. If she follows you outside to talk you look straight at her and say "I have heard what you said the last time you spoke to me and i have ... (read in full...)
Dumped, why am I so upset by this? A normal person would be running for the hills.
Q. I have been gong through a very difficult time these past few months. I had recently broken up with the biggest Casanova I'd ever dated (he had kids and a wife etc.)So a few months later I meet what I thought was my knight in shining armor, boy was ...
A. 30 May 2014: because any loss is hard to deal with.
and because you are scared to actually go out and find someone appropriate... being with the loser bf and the married lover made it easy to keep your life the way it is.
NOW you have to heal yourself an... (read in full...)
She said my 'offer' isn't good enough?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and I recently asked her to move in with me. However she turned me down. I'll admit we've had our arguments over the years, mainly because she kept saying she thought I acted single but I've never ...
A. 30 May 2014: I think that the word "offer" was used only because another word does not fit unless "compromise" is what you meant.
she wants marriage and home and family and you want to live together.
In my day NO ONE lived together prior to marriage. ... (read in full...)
How long until I can add him back as a friend on FB?
Q. I got rejected by a guy a couple of weeks ago who I thought I really liked and I deleted him off facebook straight away. We haven't spoken since then and I've had time to realise now that I don't want him romantically, but I do want to be friends in ...
A. 30 May 2014: I'm with Tisha. After your follow up the whole thing is about making YOU feel better... and that's not a good idea.
let this one go... use the experience to learn from it and make changes in the future going forward with new folks... (read in full...)
My question is why some lasses follow you around when you give up on them? Give her a second chance or will that lead to heartbreak?
Q. Hi I was sort of knowing a girl and dating her but I felt she was a bit cold and distant so I thought she's not interested and moved on! To tell you further, I actually liked her a lot and it was sort of heartbreaking to move on! Surely it took s...
A. 30 May 2014: I'm torn between what Honeypie has said and what CMMP has said.
it's either of the two
so that does not answer your question as to why she is doing it but the answer to
'should we give it another go" either way is NO...
if she has... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to act when I meet my ex again?
Q. Next month I'm going to a concert with a pair of friend of mine, but I've just found out there will be my ex too with us. I've been in a relationship with an incredible guy for the past six months, but I can't say I've completely forgotten my ex. T...
A. 30 May 2014: Be the best person you can be. Be happy, be yourself, be pleasant and civil with him friendly even.. but no talking about when you were a couple...
"good to see you" is fine
"you're looking well" is fine
"i miss you" is NOT fine
Cia... (read in full...)
Did I over react when I dumped him?
Q. My boyfriend - I guess now ex boyfriend - is in his late 40s. We were dating a year and a half - exclusive for a year and 3 months. Over that time, I brought up the future several times. I want marriage and a kid and am ready to start nesting. He ...
A. 30 May 2014: I think you waited way longer than you should have to end this with him.
He is NEVER going to want to marry you and have a child with you... if he did you would know it by now.
If you want those things it's time to move on and find a new fe... (read in full...)
I wonder if he could actually care for me.
Q. Hi, I met someone on holiday five years ago. It was clear we liked the look of each other but nothing ever happened. He found me on facebook somehow when he got home and three years later we were still texting every other week. Last year he asked me...
A. 30 May 2014: doesn't matter what he feels.. it's not going to be much of anything other than the occasional hook up.
I triple what Mark has said.... (read in full...)
I found out he has another girlfriend but he wont admit it!
Q. Me an my boyfriend have been toghter 16mnts an I recently found out he's been seeing another women.Although he still tries to hide her she makes herself well known around da neighborhood DAT they are toghter my problem is he will not admitt it an ...
A. 30 May 2014: throw in the towel....
he's cheating
he's lying
he's useless
you can do better.... (read in full...)
Are we dating or is this just FWB?
Q. Before I ask this question, I'm going to ask that if you want to answer, just answer respectfully. I recently started seeing a 30 year old man. We have gone on a few dates before about a year ago and once about 6 months ago, but I sort of backed o...
A. 30 May 2014: It sounds like it's going well.
IF you want to know where you stand with him ask him. Something like "I'm having such a lovely time with you, I was wondering how you feel about us spending time together and where we stand as a couple" ... (read in full...)
I don't trust my boyfriend.
Q. I do not trust my boyfriend. We've been together 4 years, don't live together but have talked about moving in together in the near future. We have problems in our relationship but the biggest one is I just don't trust him. I'm always questioni...
A. 30 May 2014: Your examples clearly show that your issue is YOURS and it's ruining your relationship. Nothing he has said or done in your examples warrants your grilling of him.
If you can't let go and trust then there is no relationship.
all the repli... (read in full...)
How can I have a conversation with him about this without being arrested for a domestic dispute?
Q. After 25 years of marriage I have come to realize my husband is a liar...about big and small things. I do not trust him at all, and I find it difficult to believe anything he tells me, even if it's about the weather!! I want to confront him abo...
A. 30 May 2014: So once you talk to him and confirm that he's a liar and a cheater and just a generally bad person what will happen.
what will this "confirmation" do for you?
what will it change?
IF you want to stay you must let him live his life ... (read in full...)
Any tips for approaching my crush?
Q. I recently had a dream that I was getting married, well kinda. Well for some reason I was at my middle school ( currently in the 10th) and there was this semi long hall way to get to te front doors. Well I was walking towards the front doors and ...
A. 30 May 2014: The dream does not mean he's your true love or that you will marry him or even date him. It means you had a dream about marrying a boy you have a crush on... perfectly normal.
As for how to approach him... he's just a person... so don't make a... (read in full...)
Has this turned into a casual sex thing?
Q. so I am a little confused on my situation.. my ex and I are not together, yet we are in this cycle of not talking, then talking, hooking up, meeting up while we are out, then not talking again for a week or two. he is well aware that I love him and ...
A. 29 May 2014: It's the "you will do as a sex partner FWB till I find someone else" thing...
it happens with ex partners that we are just not ready to give up....
it's just casual sex and you will be very hurt when he leaves you.... consider stoppin... (read in full...)
I'm terrified he's going to go from "I want to marry you!" to "I don't want to get married to you!"
Q. When my boyfriend and I started going out with each other - after a few months we used to chat about what kind of wedding we'd have etc etc. we were both on the same plane about it cost wise and all that - not too expensive but a fun day and put our ...
A. 29 May 2014: Not quite sure how it happened for me this last time but I know that my current husband wanted ME to propose to him (and he took my last name)...
if you love this guy enough and want to get married to him ask him to marry you... why not?
... (read in full...)
How do I help my son?
Q. Both my sons have left the house and have been in the military. My youngest is currently home visiting, he has time off. Chatting with him, I realized he seems depressed, he has no inspiration for the future, such as college degree or a good job. ...
A. 29 May 2014: If your son needed eye glasses you would give them to him
If you son needed insulin for diabetes you would give it to him.
IF you son needs medication for depression or ADHD why would yo withhold that?
I hate when parents won't let kids... (read in full...)
Should I start up a text conversation with her again?
Q. Dear Cupids, I just got this girls nnumber last week. I waited a day and then texted her. A day later she responded while I was out with some friends. Probably should of told her I was busy. I ended up starting to text her back after a couple o...
A. 29 May 2014: I'm with honeypie... Pick up the phone and CALL HER and say "hey wanna go get coffee on Sunday afternoon?"
see what she says.... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants to postpone the wedding?
Q. My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost three years now and we have planned our wedding for about a year now. Our wedding is coming up in July and last week she told me she wants to postpone it because she is scared and she clams to not be ...
A. 29 May 2014: I'm with everyone else here... after 3 years she knows.. she just does not want to say... she knows it's not a good fit.
I also am concerned that you say "everything can only CONTINUE to get better" does that mean it was bad and is now better b... (read in full...)
My ex gets bored seeing his son and lets him down
Q. I try and try to encourage a relationship with my ex-boyfriend and our son, but every time he lets us both down. If he isn't drunk or high, he would rather be with his mates or just being a total waste of space. I'm passed the point of anger, ...
A. 29 May 2014: I would get this all done legally. A court order for child support payments for when he works. If you are concerned about his drugging and drinking when caring for your child you can get supervised visitation ordered by the courts. Even if it's ... (read in full...)
What is more important: being comfortable in a relationship or having a similar level of attraction to each other?
Q. I wanted to share my point of view on attraction in relationships. Obviously there has to be attraction for a relationship to work. But in my opinion, go for someone you're moderately attracted to over someone you're insanely attracted to. Me...
A. 29 May 2014: I think you are doing yourself a huge disservice.
You have opted for someone who makes it easy because you don't care what he thinks or feels... it's not about HIM it's about your needs and wants. that's a recipe for disaster later on. ... (read in full...)
He's a sweet and wonderful guy, but he never wants to go out and do anything
Q. My boyfriend is gentle and makes me laugh, is loyal and sweet, helps me when I need it, makes sure I'm safe. I love him too, but things are getting just.. Ridiculously boring. I love going on walks when the weather is good, or to the beach...
A. 29 May 2014: what should you do?
you end it when you can and are ready. It's never going to work... you are not compatible. Stop rowing the relationship boat and see what happens. In other words, do not call him. Do not ask to see him or go over to see h... (read in full...)
His social anxiety keeps him house bound
Q. I like this guy quite a lot and I really want to get to know him more, originally my parents set us up as they know his mum well. The problem is that I can't him to come out of his house, he hardly ever comes off his computer. He lost his dad at a ...
A. 29 May 2014: Mothers do not always know their children need help or are unwilling to admit they created a "deficient" child. I would not base his needs on his mother's assessment of him.
IF you want to go and see him by all means do. I would not consider... (read in full...)
What sort of relationship is this?
Q. I have a situation that which I know I should run for the hills and be done with this relationship but I am struggling. My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago during a LDR. We met up half way every 2-3 weeks and eventually he met my kids and would co...
A. 29 May 2014: The elephant in the room is that he has not truly embraced you as his partner nor your children as his quasi-step children.
Until you demand to be treated properly he will continue to be the way he is and keep you his dirty little secret.
... (read in full...)
She is a really nice girl but I don't have strong feelings for her.
Q. I have started seeing this girl who I know for 2 years now. I was never attracted to her but she made a pass at me a few months ago and now we have started dating. I still dont have very strong feelings for her but she is a really really nice girl. ...
A. 29 May 2014: If you don't feel it, you need to be honest... yes it might change later on but at this point you are essentially lying about how you feel.
I once asked "does love beget love?" in other words does someone loving you make you love them...... (read in full...)
I am sick of being depressed and it is as if he just doesn't care.
Q. I am having problems with my husband not supporting me emotionally. I have depression and anxiety disorder. I become irrational when I feel someone has done me wrong. Multiple times I have gone to my husband in need of emotional support and he ...
A. 29 May 2014: You have a lot on your plate.
Yes you need to do the work to fix yourself.
When you go to your husband and want help due to an impending anxiety attack do you preface it with "honey i'm on the verge of a bad attack what i NEED from you is to ... (read in full...)
My family guilted me into getting back in touch with my LDR
Q. I have a dilemma… I dated a guy very shortly (less than 4 mo.) and he wanted to do a long distance thing but I didn’t like him enough to do so. He just didn’t “get it” so I had to rudely and abruptly cut contact and block him. My mom gave me a lot...
A. 29 May 2014: I would stop talking to him. No effort on your part is fine.
I do not think i would go so far as to block and unfriend him but I would be very cool and negative with him in any contact or just ignore him if possible.
UNLESS he asks a dire... (read in full...)
Is my new boyfriend a tight wad?
Q. I met a 45 year old lovely guy who said he is ' careful with money' On our first date he asked if I was going to buy the second round of drinks.I laughed and said it was only a coke both times but felt embarrassed me made the point. Then we agreed ...
A. 29 May 2014: It's one thing to train them and break them in in their early 20s but at this point you are correct in wondering WHY you would have to SAY something to him about his stinginess.
My husband was very VERY generous when we started dating. I h... (read in full...)
I am beginning to hate the husband I once loved like life, what do I do?
Q. Dear cupids, my problem lies with my marriage. We married out of love 4 years ago. Have a daughter and live far away from home. Recently I have been feeling less love for my husband that it disturbs me a lot. I don't feel any pinch when I see him ...
A. 29 May 2014: good luck with the counseling. I'm glad you asked him to go and he agreed.... (read in full...)
I am beginning to hate the husband I once loved like life, what do I do?
Q. Dear cupids, my problem lies with my marriage. We married out of love 4 years ago. Have a daughter and live far away from home. Recently I have been feeling less love for my husband that it disturbs me a lot. I don't feel any pinch when I see him ...
A. 28 May 2014: your choice is simple... live the way you live and be miserable or leave the marriage.
he is not forthcoming with his life and he is holding you at arms length.
If you ask to go to counseling with him will he go? IF not I'd leave.... (read in full...)
I am falling deeply for my older Boyfriend's cousin. What should I do?
Q. I'm 19 and with a 34 year old man a year and half. Please don't comment on the age gap , I prefer older men. About 3 months ago I met his cousin who is 31 for the first time. He told me a lot about this guy how he cheated on his now wife when the...
A. 28 May 2014: Ok who cares how old anyone is... take out the ages... and it still comes down to this
I am with a man and have been with him for 18 months.
I THINK I love him but yet I'm willing to be sexual with other man who is MARRIED and CHEATING... (read in full...)
How hard should I try to make this relationship work, even though he has a fear of commitment?
Q. My current boyfriend and I have a very romantic and dramatic start. Now we have around one year and a half dating. It's my second longest relationship and i'm very proud and happy since i went through a lot of frogs back in the day. The proble...
A. 28 May 2014: When a man says "you are too much in love" you listen. He's saying that you care more than he does and probably always will.
Ciar is right.. enjoy yourself, have a good time, don't buy the dress yet... (i.e. live in the moment don't plan o... (read in full...)
I am fit and petite but I have no boobs. He's a boob man. Is there any chance that he'll consider me attractive?
Q. Would you find a woman with a squatting bum, defined stomach/ faint abs and slight thigh gap attractive, even if she was basically flat chested? I only ask because I'm going to a pool party with the guy i'm dating this weekend and I don't want him...
A. 28 May 2014: My husband loves small petite young Asian women to look at. With light eyes and big boobs... they only come that way in anime porn ya know... but that's his choice.
I am none of the above.
When we met I was a middle aged very saggy woman. I ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf's outlook on ever or never having children normal?
Q. So my boyfriend loves kids, and he's so cute playing with them etc. however we've talked and he's on the fence about actually having kids. He's absolutely fine with having them if I want em but he just can't see where people find the time for it. ...
A. 28 May 2014: sounds normal to me.
My son (age 28 in July) always told me "I don't want kids I'll be a lousy parent" and I always told him "you'll change your mind"
so now he's met a young lady and they plan to marry in the spring... SHE wants children.... (read in full...)
Twenty eight and throwing tantrums
Q. My lovely live in boyfriend has some sort of anxiety and depression. He has spoken to people about it in the past, and been on antidepressants before my time. His recount on things I've said or scenarios that have happened where he ended up getting ...
A. 28 May 2014: Next time he might throw you through a plate glass window...
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE. Stop making excuses for him. (I make them for my husband by saying he is an alcoholic (he is) and it's horrible of me and I don't want to see some... (read in full...)
Why would they be interested in me?
Q. Two childhood sweethearts. . Looked me up after twenty years.. One grade school kept in touch more than the other from Jr high.. they have children and our grandparents. .and from different states .. I finally have a four old daughter and am not ...
A. 28 May 2014: I doubt they "WANT you" per se. It's more about wondering what happened to so and so...
Facebook makes it so easy to find old friends. I have recently reconnected with some friends from when I was a young teen and we have dinner a couple of ti... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed, and I want to be happy again. How can I get over her?
Q. Ok my question is how do i get over a relationship that i just got betrayed and put all my effort into. i feel heartbroken and miserable every night i have been drinking every day and i still cant get over this. i look on social media and she is p...
A. 28 May 2014: IT sucks when we give our all and it’s not returned. It destroys us and makes us wonder if it’s worth putting our hearts out there. It is.
You don’t say how long ago you two ended but time is a great wound healer.
Drinking will not fix thi... (read in full...)
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