A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this isn't much of a relationship question but we really need help. My brother was married for about 7 years and divorced. He tried to be strong but after a while he completely gave up and now he has no self esteem.We as a family have no idea what to do. He has completely given up on life and will not accept any type of therapy or anything like that. We have referred him to therapists, but he always refuses.She always sends offensive messages, (such as her "flipping him off") but he refuses to block her and always feels sad after she texts him. We have told him to simply change his number, yet he is negligent. We have NO idea what to do PLEASE HELP!
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Healing can be a long process. He's trying to move on and the divorce is proof. Him maintaining contact shows he's still hanging on a bit and that's because of feelings. If ur bro is an emotional guy this is normal instead of criticizing his behaviour support his divorce decision by telling him he is right to move on. If u continue to criticize him while he's still in this state u may harm family relationships. He's refusing you because he's not yet let go and that can take time. My gf left me last june after a 2 month intense relationship and I still haven't let go and i've been through counseling! It could take him years to heal and he may need support through that try to be more positive with him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2014):
 There is nothing you can do.
You can't fix him. You have told him to ignore her, to block her, to get therapy... all good advice but if he does not wish to hear it or take the actions, then there is nothing you can do.
What you can do is tell him 'brother I love you but since you refuse to try to do any of the things we suggest as a way to help you I sadly will NO LONGER be able to discuss your EX or how she makes you feel. DO NOT come to me when she upsets you unless you are asking me how to block her or find a therapist. UNTIL you take steps to take care of yourself I can't help you."
You can be there for him for anything NOT pertaining to his X but any time she comes up... YOU have to leave... end the conversation.
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