A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Thanks for reading if you do . This is probably a daft question but see how it goes , I have been working with this girl nearly a year now and we get on rather well .Well we have always had a banter and she winds me up and I wind her up, not in a rude way just generally laughing at each other etc .Anyway , she is in her first love relationship and also a few years younger than me , so I just seen her as a younger co worker and just had a joke with her . I knew she was attractive but still just thought differently . Anyway after so long , we are still having a laugh and a joke , and she has shown me cheekier sides of her ... nothing bad . But anyhoo , I think I have started to like her , I mean she even makes me smile lol .. problem is we work together everyday . Well I can’t get a office transfer , I have tried to keep it professional , but she says I am being nice and it’s not normal ( as we usually wind each other up )Do I just say look , I am starting to like you and cant or do I just go cold on her ? Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): Thank you guys for the advice , I usually am quite good at hiding my feelings so will continue to do so . It is just hard as you tends to make me smile a lot . but I have always knew this isn't mine to deal with .
thank you again
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Agree with "don't go cold on her" that will not work well.
But back off... keep it all totally work related.
IF she asks then you can tell her what's up and why (it's rather flattering when someone has a crush even if you are not interested in them that way) but other than that I'd not say anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): You use self-control, and do your job. Try just being more professional.
You can cut down on the kidding around; if you feel there is too much interaction going on between you. She has a boyfriend. You don't need to verbally express your feelings toward her; because they don't matter. It's inappropriate.
When you spend a lot of time and share work-space, and personalities click; you can grow pretty fond of people. You spend a minimum of 35 hours a week together. Your lack of a girlfriend is forcing you to subconsciously adopt your co-worker as a substitute. Feeding on the fondness and humor you've built over time.
I don't think you've been socializing on your personal-time away from work. If you haven't been dating, there's a gap in your love-life that needs to be filled.
You're using her as a fill-in for the absence of female companionship. That is only because she's conveniently close, no need to break the ice, and she's an attractive female.
Respect the fact that she's taken, remember you're at work; not at a social-mixer for singles. Crushes usually fade, when you avert your attention elsewhere. Time to start dating. You want female-attention; but you're looking in the wrong place. You're being lazy. You don't want to go through the trouble of finding a woman of your own. It's too much work. Don't stoop to fishing in a barrel. You might get yourself in trouble; or make it awkward working near you.
One thing we men have little trouble doing; is controlling how we outwardly express emotion.
This is the right time to suppress your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2014):
 I would just "wind" how much you interact with her down. Not avoid her 100% or go cold (because let's face she doesn't deserve a cold shoulder because you developed some feelings) - just cut down on how much time you spend with/around her.
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A
female
reader, Altonen +, writes (5 May 2014):
Hm... It's hard to stay away from her if you work with her. Try to just talk less. Don't go cold on her. If you really want to stop talking to her so you can get over her, then you should tell her how you feel.Putting some distance between someone you like can really change your feelings for them. However, you don't want to hurt them. Explain to her that you like her and want to get over her as she is unavailable.If she reacts badly, then she isn't worth it. As a friend, she should be willing to help you out. You ain't asking for much.You could always just try talking to her less but that seems hard. At least, only talk to her at work. Don't go cold on her, she hasn't done anything wrong.Hope I helped!
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