A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was involved in a once only threesome with my ex bf and another girl. Deeply regretted. Should I tell the man I married later? He has had premarital sex but not of this kind.
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (7 May 2014):
Presumably he knows you weren't a virgin when you married, so tell him while you liked the other girl, having your ex there didn't do anything for you. Continue by assuring your husband that it would be different if you were sharing the same threesome experience with him. No man on earth would turn that down.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): How anyone could get married without complete knowledge of their potential spouses past, specifically dating/sexual past is completely beyond me. You're just begging for problems.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): No, not if he hasn't asked. My bf told me about a past experience he had, that I did not ask about, and I did not want to know. I wish he never told me, and I don't know why he did. I now imagine what he told me everytime I go into the room he told me about. You do NOT need to give any information about your past sexual life, unless it has been asked from you. Some people don't want to know. Those that do want to know, usually struggle with what they hear if it isn't what they wanted to hear. You should never lie about it if you are asked. My bf sometimes asks me about my past, and I tell him I am not telling him about it and I don't want to hear about his. I tell him it is only hurtful and all that matter is that we are together now. He knows all he needs to know, and any more detail is irrelevant.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 part of any relationship is being honest to each other. not sneaking around on the one you love, not hiding things from the one you love, not lying to the one you love.
it is more than likely bothering you or it would not be on your mind, you regret it.
you do not have to bring it up to him if he is not asking about the past of your life. if he ask you if you ever had a threesome, then you have a choice to make. to hide it and lye about it,or to be honest . if you ever come to the point of telling him you do not need to go into details, it will only cause him to feel hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): I personally don't understand how you can marry someone without them knowing this sort of information before-hand.
Only you can know how he will react, but since you are already married, it might be wise to not mention it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 No that's yo secrete why give him that mental image of you haveing what most men fantasize about anyway. plus why all the self-loathing. It was fun right and no one got hurt YET.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): Once, being drunk I said something to my husband about one of my boyfriends referring to the small size of his penis. I thought I was joking but even being drunk I noticed unhappy expression on my husband"s face.
In a morning he asked not to do it anymore. He said, we all had pasts, but lets just pretend we were each others first.
sometimes truth means very little, it can only hurt.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 SVC made a good point. When I answered I assumed you were considering volunteering this out of the blue. If so, then definitely not.
If he's asking about your past then I would NOT lie, but decline to answer with something like 'I don't discuss my intimate moments with others and I would prefer not to hear about yours'. If you're asked why not, you simply say 'I just don't'.
The less you say the better. .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2014):
 Nope, I would NOt tell him, for several reasons.
1. you flag said UAE and I think CULTURALLY a 3-some might be considered more "disgraceful" in your end of the woods then many others, and thus leave it in the past.
2. It was a mistake. YOU are allowed to have made mistakes, no NEED to relive them.
3. MANY men are not able to leave the past alone.
4. I think you already "punish" yourself enough of this mistake.Let it go.
5. IF he already knows you have had a BF before him, he doesn't need to know details.
Your husband (hopefully) loves YOU for you. NOT for your past or who he "thinks" you should be.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 May 2014):
Why would you? You are allowed to keep some things personal. Just because he's your husband doesn't mean he needs to know all of your secrets, especially when they're not going to affect the relationship or you're not hiding who you really are from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): NO, you don't tell him. That was in the past. We all did things in the past we regret. The time to deal with the guilt was back then. You had a choice to do it or not to. So what's done is done. Don't open that door. You must have it in the back of your mind, to go rummaging around in his
past. If you need to confess, confess to a priest.
LEAVE IT ALONE!!!
You have read DearCupid before, and you've read about reactions some people have received over past sexual conduct of their spouses and partners. Unless you're gay,
and you think you prefer girls. Keep it to yourself.
The less your sexual past is the topic of conversation the better off you'll be. Don't create issues in your marriage.
Sometimes people are subconsciously sorry they got married and bring up things that are explosive or self-destructive; because they're scared. Ignore any inclination to go there. It's a closed chapter. If you kept it under wraps through your engagement, what in the world brings it up now?
Don't do it to him, or to yourself. It's really no big deal; but you may not want to hear what he has done that might top that. Let that keep the lid on it!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2014):
 I would not volunteer the info.. and i'd avoid conversations that may lead to bringing it up... but I am not sure I would advise you to LIE if he's asking about it.
so I guess the issue is, has he asked you about this?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 May 2014):
 Don't tell him.... EVEN IF HE ASKS ABOUT YOUR "SINGLE" $EX-LIFE. It's past, (YOUR past), let it remain past..... Don't divulge details.....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (2 May 2014):
Hi,
No. I believe the best way is simply not mention it.
For some men, myself included, a small piece of information like this can haunt them for years and years. Some people suffer, (not their fault) with retrograde jealousy and this can be a trigger. I think its best to simply not mention it.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 May 2014):
 No, don't tell him.
If you look up the amount of posts here on retroactive/ retrograde jealousy you'll see that it can cause a massive amount of torment for a partner to know too much about the other partner's former sex life. Once it's said, you can't take it back.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (2 May 2014):
Absolutely not.
For one thing, it's none of his business and for another you would only cause him unnecessary grief which you'll end up paying the price for.
You have some regrets. We all do, that doesn't mean we must declare them all for someone else's review.
Unless a child was born of that union, or there was an STD involved or some of thing that will have a tangible effect on him then your sexual past is your business and his is his business.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): No, I wouldn't. Not if it had happened even before I met my partner.
Unless you think your ex and the other girl are such gossips that they would tell other people or use it to make trouble for you, keep it to yourself.
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