A
female
age
30-35,
*inkbunni3xz
writes:Hi everyone,Lately I've been find it hard to cope with how much I'm seeing my boyfriend. We've been dating for a year now and recently he got a new position at work which has limited the time we see each other. We use to see each other almost everyday. Now I see him 1-2 times, and most of the time he's on the phone working. When were not seeing each other there is no contact so I don't hear from him at all. I'm starting to feel very alone.The hard part isn't our quality time has been cut but more so that every time I try to talk to him about my feelings, he gets irritated so quickly and dismisses me right away. I use to think he was the one for me because he always takes the time to hear me out. Lately every time I've opened my mouth he's always saying I'm being too sensitive or overreacting and there is nothing he can do about it It really sucks being the only one that wants to initiate or make time. I work 7 days a week and go to school too but I still make time for him whenever there is free time. He hardly thinks ahead and most of the time I initiate or call when to meet up. I'm starting to feel extremely resentful and bitter. Also his dismissive attitude has lowered my self -esteem. I find it harder and harder to speak up now. I'm not sure if this is just a rough stage in our relationship or am I really taken for granted.I use to be so confident and thought he was the one. But lately I've been wanting to leave.Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 A new position at work can be very stressful and in his defense, most men can really only focus on one thing at a time. Work is always important and often men define themselves by how work is going. If he’s stressed at work it’s going to bleed over into his home life.
If the job is VERY new I’d back off and let him have all the room he needs… if after 6-8 weeks of this not getting better, then you can reassess if you need to make changes.
You say that EVERY TIME you try to talk to him about your feelings… so the issue is HOW often are you trying to talk about this? IF every time you see him you want to talk about how you feel alone and neglected no wonder he does not want to see you much.. it’s not fun to be with someone who is always complaining that you never get to see them.
MEN are fixers. IF you tell him you are upset because you just want to VENT, he does not know that.. he thinks you are complaining because you WANT HIM TO FIX IT. He can’t fix it so he feels bad.
This is what I would do… I would cut him a wide berth… do not call him. WHEN he contacts you be light and cheery and be receptive to making plans to get together but DO NOT do it spur of the moment. Do not ask to see him, leave it up to him.. if he asks why the change you say “I was listening to what you said and I’m trying not to stress you out with my demands”
IF he calls on Thursday for Saturday night.. by all means say yes.. but when he calls on Saturday afternoon for Saturday night.. BE BUSY. Make plans and go out with friends.. even if it’s just shopping with the girls..
IF after 6-8 weeks of this, if you don’t see improvement in him, you can be assured that you are no longer a top priority for this guy and it’s probably time to leave.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 May 2014):
These stages are expected in a relationship. Everyone goes through rough times and careers can be demanding.
You have to take the good with the bad sometimes, not everything can be peaches and honeydew. I understand that you are trying your best but you should also know when to sit back and relax. You can't force him to give you this attention that you need just because you think your are doing everything. It doesn't work like that.
When it comes to feelings there is a time and place for everything so the both of you need to come to a compromise and figure out WHEN this can happen. I understand that you have increased frustrations from the way things are but you should be trying harder to be stronger and not as dependent. I suspect he is very turned off about a feelings speech when you guys finally get to spend time. His job revolves around talking to people all day so this is very taxing for many. To get to my point, talking about your feelings isn't going to solve anything if he is already stressed from work. You need to suggest things he can do or should do that will actually make things work out.
Relationships can be very tough dear and sometimes you just need to be stronger. If not only for your sake but also for his. I am not saying to put up with crap at all, but rather when these issues come about in a relationship, you should find a smart way to deal with it...always work smarter not harder. Surely he doesn't want you stressing over something which can't be helped ie decreased time being spent with each other.
You havn't mentioned any other problems so I think these things you wrote can definitely be solved. I wish you luck and much success in your classes.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (4 May 2014):
 As he has recently changed jobs, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's being an arse because he's stressed because of his current workload and all the new things he has to think about. Give him a few weeks to adjust and see if things change.
It isn't great that he is brushing you off when you are expressing your concern. Perhaps wait until a good time, when there's less going on in his life and tell him that you how his behavior has made you feel. Until then, try to take a step back and let him come to you. Fill your time with catching up with friends and have some you time. If he loves you, he'll miss you and start making more of an effort. If he doesn't, well, is he worth your effort?
But this could just be a rough patch so don't be hasty, just ride it out and see if things improve when he's settled in his new routine.
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A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (3 May 2014):
Darling, you are being taken fir granted
I mean seriously you sound like the ideal girlfriend - wanting to be involved and really trying your best.
I'd feel exactly the same way if I were you - what right does he have to just dismiss how you feel?! He consider himself a bigshot now or something??
If I were you I'd stop contacting him, no calls, texts or anything!! See if he cares or notices and you'll then have part of your answer - the rest is up to you, do you REALLY want to be with an insensitive jerk??
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 Maybe it's just a temporary readjustment of priorities. Soimes we need to focus on work, sometimes on fun, sometimes on relationship building. but there are a limited number of hos in the day. I'd call it a 'rough patch" if that makesou feel better but it may just be thatou can't be the only focus of notheperson's attention. Yoay just have to wait it out and see what happens.
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