A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and have known him well for about 7 years. Last year he decorated his backyard. I picked out the pool which is the staple of the backyard. I picked out most all of the furniture, helped pick out the flowers etc. I played a major part in the way the backyard turned out. It is beautiful.He has since had a number of parties and I have not been invited to not 1. Some of them he even hid from me and still does not know that I know. Men and women are invited to these parties and he is having one tomorrow...to watch the fight. He knows I am a fan of boxing. I asked if he wanted to watch the fight together, and he said he already made plans for the fight. I now know otherwise, he would not have mentioned it. It hurts my feelings. I have talked to him about it in the past and told him it bothers me. Nothing has changed, he still doesn't invite me. He has had bbq's, games nights, birthday parties, and just regular parties there. And I am never invited.What to do? I feel bad about myself at this point. Like I am a weak girlfriend. I do not like this feeling, I actually feel dumb for putting up with it.
View related questions:
flowers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2014):
 I assume you call him your boyfriend because you are intimate (having sex) with him.
If so, he does not consider you his GF more of his fuck buddy...
He's not treating you as a gf. I'd end it now.
no need to get into it with him as his bad treatment of you indicates his lack of respect for you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2014):
 Have you done the simple thing here and ASKED him? You hinted at wanting to watch the match WITH him and he blew you off, don't be coy - BE DIRECT when you ask him.
And I agree with Auntie Bim and Auntie llifton.
Stop being his doormat, end it. If you aren't "good" enough to be at his parties then HE isn't "good" enough to be your BF!
And helping decorate doesn't mean squat. It doesn't give you any rights or special privileged to his back-yard. BEING his GF should be enough to warrant an invitation!
He doesn't want you around family and friend, why? Is he ashamed of you? Is he pretending to be single?
Have you MET his friend & family? Ever?
For me this would be a total deal-breaker.
Now, my husband had a "dude-BBQ" when he got back from Iraq - I took the kids and went with a friend for a week-end getaway to a nice hotel with an huge indoor pool.
There was some steaks, beers and the MP's coming out to tell them to turn the volume down (though most of the neighbor men were there too). Many of the guys there were slotted to move to other duty stations, so it was a kind of informal send off. But it was ONE time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2014): This is NOT how boyfriends treat the girlfriends they love and respect. You are 'allowing' him to disrespect you, by accepting this treatment. You must love him a lot to allow this sort of hurtful treatment. Would you ever not invite your closest friend to one of your parties? It is strange, and unacceptable. If my bf ever did this, I would tell him I know he had a party and didn't invite me, and I am not interested in being his girlfriend anymore. I would then never have anything to do with him ever again. There is no time or room in your life for people that do not have regard for your feelings. Be strong, love yourself and only allow people in your life who treat you well.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 May 2014):
I don't think this guy wants to be your boyfriend. He wants a free life and wants it with his friends. Sorry. If he doesn't break up with you, then he is just keeping you there until he is ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (3 May 2014):
This guy isn't your boyfriend. He's got someone he likes or someone else he's seeing that is coming to these parties. Don't be a doormat. Just cut it off, you deserve respect and love, and this isn't it.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 I'd feel dumb for putting out with it too. And now it's happened so many times you can't excuse it as him forgetting about it, or misunderstandings etc. You know that he deliberately leaves you out. He does not want you there. Listen to the unspoken words he speaks through his actions. He doesn't want you there. In any normal and healthy relationship, you'd love to have your partner there, because your partner is supposedly the one person you cherish the most. Your partner is the one you supposedly enjoy spending time with, hang out with, the one you are proud of and want all your friends to meet because you want to show them off.
But he hides you instead, leaves you out, even lies to you. By not telling you the truth about these parties he's lying to you. Of course if you confront him about this you'd not get any explanation at all, and he'd refuse it probably, and try to make excuses for himself etc. Like you said, you've talked about this before. He knows you know, he knows it is a problem, and if he's got any common sense, he also knows it is very hurtful to exclude someone.
Unless your boyfriend has sever autism, I don't think there's any other explanation to his behaviour other than this: He doesn't really like your company. He probably stays with you out of habit, and I would except him to break up with you in not too long. He probably is a coward, who doesn't breakup with you but rather just excludes you... So maybe he's need to find someone else behind your back before he gets the balls to end things.
I say it is due time to leave.
BTW, I get the connection between you having helped create that backyard and not being invited to the very same backyard. It's like you prepared the party but weren't invited to go. It's like you helped build the house you're not allowed to live in.
The lesson is: do not invest in something that isn't a sure deal. Do not help decorate a backyard that isn't yours.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 May 2014):
 The fact that you helped him pick out the decorations of the backyard are irrelevant. But the fact that your boyfriend has guests over and then lies to you about it? That's what's BS. If I were throwing a party, I couldn't imagine not wanting my partner to come along. I certainly can't imagine lying about it. And why wouldn't he want you to come along?
I'm not completely certain that this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, as it's a sign that he's clearly very capable of lies and deception. And that's something I'm certainly not prepared to put up with. I don't know why he does this, but it would definitely make me second-guess our relationship.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): I agree, this guy sounds selfish and mean. Maybe hes a coward too. Tell him you know about all the parties and then dump him. Do you ever meet his family and friends. Is he hiding anything?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): OP here-
Thank you Aunty Bim Bim. Same thought I had.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 Don't put up with it, just don't! You have already told him his not including you bothers you, and as he has very clearly shown you, he doesn't care!
Not one jot!
Not one iota!
Don't be his doormat. Just cut contact, now, right this minute! don't give him even one more second of your time. Block him on all social networking sites like facebook, block his cell phone number, don't accept his calls, and if he comes a knocking don't answer the door. This man is not your boyfriend, he is just a low life man abusing your good nature. Have nothing more to do with him he is not worth you energy.
...............................
|
