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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why doesn't he see my potential? Is he sexist? Complacent about life?
Q. I feel like my boyfriend doesnt understand one aspect of my life and I need help explaining this to him. I am going to graduate late next year with a degree in engineering. I have worked very hard with my school and it is because I want to provide ...
A. 19 September 2014: This is not sexist.
This has nothing to do with "seeing your potential"
this has everything to do with him not wanting to live in the city.
He compromised and moved to a suburb of the city which is how many folks live.
NOW you Compromi... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to tell my now-ex that I was in love with him when we were dating?
Q. I'm looking for people's opinions about telling an ex that I was in love with him while we were dating. We broke up just under 2 years ago. We are not in regular contact. He told me that he was in love with me 2 months into the relationship and...
A. 19 September 2014: Ah . with your follow up I get it.
He's not in love with you, he does not want you back. He wants to get laid.
IF you tell him that you loved him, he will use that as a way to try to have sex with you and then leave.... telling him will... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out with a female coworker and I didn't like it. Should I go out with a male to see how he likes it?
Q. Last night my boyfriend told me that he had a super nice dinner with a co-worker/friend because they were leaving. He then told me how the waiter thought they were engaged and he laughed and told me how he said no. Wait what? The friend was a gir...
A. 19 September 2014: I am a bisexual woman. If i have dinner with a girlfriend is that as bad as if I had dinner with a guy?
for all you know this woman is a lesbian!
she was a coworker and is a casual friend and you are way over-reacting.
jealousy is an ... (read in full...)
16 years of marriage and I've lost the spark for my wife. How can I get it back?
Q. We have been married for 16 years, four kids, financially stable...I have never cheated. I don't think she has ever cheated. This has been building for some time now: when I look at her, there is just no sexual spark. It's gotten to the point where ...
A. 19 September 2014: OP your follow up (which BTW thank you) may get lost as it's not marked as a follow up.
I get your comment and I didn't pick up that her weight gain was the issue.
"Familiarity breeds contempt" is an old statement that I think applies her... (read in full...)
His being late makes me feel disrespected
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just ...
A. 18 September 2014: my response would be "I do and I did... have a nice life bye"
he's made it clear he intends to never be timely... you don't need that. it would make me crazy... promptness is important to me.... (read in full...)
I want the freedom to test the waters but my ex won't let go
Q. Hello, I am a freshman at college in my third week and I broke up with my bf at the start. He loves me soo much but almost too much. He also now lives two hrs away. I need a real and tangible relationship, not just skype dates. But at the same time ...
A. 18 September 2014: He is an ex. he has no say in what you do or who you do it with.
I agree that in the LONG run the kindest thing to do for him is to end it 100% and go no contact for a while if not forever.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has overly attached bromance...what do I do?
Q. Hello everyone hope someone out there can give me some help on this issue i have. I recently started dating a guy who is wonderful andi really do like him. We only see each other about once a week because i work and he lives about half an hour away ...
A. 18 September 2014: oh yeah I have a bad feeling about this.
I would not hold out any hopes of this working out.
there is bromance and then there is playing both ends.
even with the best hetero bromance, the guy knows he takes a back seat to the new girl... (read in full...)
Was he insinuating he is not happy with his significant other?
Q. I was talking to a man I know, and somewhere in the conversation he said his significant other always finds ways to comment on stuff and can't be quiet on any topic....she always has something to say. He laughed nervously but quietly while saying ...
A. 18 September 2014: I don't think it means there is a window open to snatch her away.
I love my husband. I am not leaving him but gawd he's an idiot. And I say it all the time... he's MY idiot.
And he will say to others that I never shut up... cause I don't. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't give me money for an emergency, only advice!
Q. My boyfriend doesn't help me in emergency situations when I need financial help but only gives me a bunch of advices. He spends a lot of money for himself to buy luxury goods like Apple IPhone 5 etc. Is he a good partner?...
A. 18 September 2014: How long has he been your boyfriend? under a year? he's right to not lend money
do you live together? no? he's right to not lend money
do you ask often? no.... depends on what you asked for.
it's not really your boyfriends respo... (read in full...)
Two months of dating and now he seems cold and distant..what should I do?
Q. I will try to make this short and sweet ! I have been dating a man that I really care for ( i am 31 , he is 36) We have been dating a short time..2 months. We have talked about our future..getting engaged...starting a life together its been ...
A. 17 September 2014: At about two months, the true colors start coming out...
this is how he is... he is not an affirmation guy. If you know your love language that's good but you need to know his.
I like words and gifts my hubby is an acts of service kind... (read in full...)
Involved with flat mate and not sure what to do about it?
Q. I wrote in yesterday about having an affair with my flat mate he's 28 I'm 44 he came to see me yesterday to use my toilet he came out the bathroom belting up his trousers I couldt help but look he then said why was I looking at him we then was play ...
A. 17 September 2014: What do you want to know?
if you are asking if a 28 yr old man could really like a 44 yr old woman the answer is yes.
if you are asking if he feels as strongly as you do, well based on his implications that you are a FRIEND and he does not... (read in full...)
Why would an apparently happily married person claim that they are in a "complicated" relationship?
Q. When somebody puts on facebook that they are in a complicated relationship, but they still live together, go to family gatherings together. What does it really mean? Obviously they are still going out as couple but is it that they are having p...
A. 17 September 2014: Perhaps they are swingers.... then it really is complicated. Or one of them is bisexual and has a lover on the side with permission.
Either way I have another vote for Honeypie's answer...
why does it matter?... (read in full...)
We are just friends now but got intimate the other night, help me understand him!
Q. I've been dating my flat mate he is 28 I'm 44 we got on realy well sex was so intense we are now just friends but I have strong feelings for him he says he thinks the world of me what does he mean by this? We got intimate the other night I don't ...
A. 17 September 2014: he means he sees you as a lovely way to spend time.
He likes you as a person and thinks it's ok to have sex with you as a friend with benefits but he is making it clear that he does NOT see you as a romantic long term partner.
... (read in full...)
My gut is telling me something is up!
Q. Ive been noticing some weird behavior from my fience. Hes always kept his phone with him but just recently he put a lock on it when I asked him he said his president (of his club) said he either needed to get a new number or put on lock on his ...
A. 17 September 2014: the only way i fear you will get proof is to hire an investigator.
He has to lock his phone because the president of his club told him to? WHY? that would be my first question. WHY is the president of your club mandating that you lock you... (read in full...)
Am I overusing the words "I Love you"?
Q. I've known my boyfriend since my first yr in college and we've been dating for the past 3 yrs. Now that we've both graduated from school, I don't see him too much because he lives like 20 mins away from my home. We talk and text every day and he ...
A. 16 September 2014: Sending him texts that say "I love you" don't require a response.
in fact, I bet he could say "thank you" and you would be just as upset right?
I will tell you my story.. my ex husband said "I love you" all the time... in the long ... (read in full...)
My B/f knows that I have a history of depression and yet he's broken up with me, blocked me in every form and now I cant move on
Q. I was with my boyfriend for two years until he decided that he couldn't be with me anymore. I have a history of depression and I think I was wearing him down. He said it's over and to him it's been over for ages before he actually said it was ...
A. 16 September 2014: Dear OP.
I am sorry you are hurting and confused. I have to echo what Honeypie has said. You need to make sure your depression is being treated properly. That can mean, therapy, medications, biofeedback or other options. SAYING “I have dep... (read in full...)
Is it alright to like get back with your ex?
Q. Is it alright to like get back with your ex? Some people say it's not a good idea but I feel like there isn't any harm in giving a second chance. However, I asked my teacher whose quite an expert about it and he said that people tend to fall bac...
A. 16 September 2014: fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me.
if the reason you broke up was not abuse or drugs or lies or trust issues... then a second go round is probably ok to test the waters BUT be aware
that most folks break up for good reason... (read in full...)
Is my personal trainer interested?
Q. Hello, Today was my third work out with my personal trainer, I didnt know this personal trainer since before. Last week on the second work out I saw him tickle his sensitve area a little now and then. I pretented to not see him dong it...
A. 16 September 2014: NO honey he's not interested. He's just doing his job...
men scratch, tickle, hold and pat their privates all the time... rude ones do it in public.
his job is to make you want to have more and more PT sessions with him and spend more money... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be lying about porn for no reason.
Q. Thank you in advance for reading this and answering to whomever answers. I've been with my boyfriend quite a long time now and I found out not too long ago he had been watching porn, I just looked at him and said what's this? And he looked guilty a...
A. 16 September 2014: I have a higher drive than my hubby.. I don't tell him when I flip on the porn and watch it... he doesn't ask and I don't tell...
I just assume he watches porn and don't ask, don't care.
and 22 is very young. IF THIS is the only concern... (read in full...)
Since we've been long distance it seems like I've taken a back seat
Q. So my Girlfriend of 5 years now has been working in another county for just over 6 months now because she is saving up the money. Luckily she works for an airline so i have seen her about 3 times as she travels. However the things that are bothering ...
A. 16 September 2014: Well there may not be good news here.. she may be done with the relationship.. the key to me is the time on the phone when you are visiting her.
I've done LDRs and they are hard.
I suggest that for right now you give her a chance to miss y... (read in full...)
I hear less and less from my LDR
Q. I really don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend. We're in a fairly long distance relationship, about four hours away, so it's not easy seeing each other. At first it was fine because we'd text and skype all the time, but recently things have ...
A. 16 September 2014: Oh I agree that LDRs can work but there are some things that need to be in place to make them work and teens do not have those things...
1. time to visit (school, chores, part time work, family obligations etc all impact on these things)
2... (read in full...)
Should height be a factor in not picking someone?
Q. Should height be a factor in not picking someone? There's a guy I went out with recently, cute, sweet, funny, and we got along fine it's just that he's so short. I mean I'm short too but he's like 2 inches taller than me and I'm 5'1 I love ...
A. 16 September 2014: If you are attracted to him in spite of his height and you are just feeling like this is wrong... then go for it...
IF you can't get past his height then yes you should end it ASAP but do not tell him it's cause of his height
I'm 5'2 and... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but do not see myself marrying him
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years. We are both 25 now. I love him a lot but I do not see him as the person I want to marry to. There are quite some reasons for that. He has cheated on me once with his ex, and had a problem with say...
A. 15 September 2014: you will stay till the cons outweigh the pros or until he leaves you for a new girl or until you find a guy who interests you more.
what you need to do is stop "rowing the relationship boat"
stop calling him
stop texting him
stop going ... (read in full...)
If I leave my wife it will be for the right reasons, but it would be a comfort to know this friend is out there
Q. I have read many questions of women wondering if they should date a man after he divorces if he shows interest in you before he actually divorced. This may be long to explain, so I will try to be as brief as possible as this question is from the ...
A. 12 September 2014: When I ended my first marriage, I knew my biggest fear was that I would be alone and never have an adult reltionship again. I spent a lot of time talking to this one guy. Finally he said to me "I am not going to be there for you if you break ... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 11 September 2014: no need to tell them... they will notice.
there was a time not too long ago that no one removed their pubic hair. even trimming was not done.
if they don't like pubic hair how will that matter..
you don't shave and that's fine... i... (read in full...)
His step-dad has banned all sleepovers!
Q. So both me and my partner (let's call him Alex) are 23 and we've been together since we were 19. I live in shared housing at Uni but Alex is studying from home. After the first few months of getting together we were allowed to stay at each other's ...
A. 11 September 2014: Agreed that it's his house/their house... their rules.
yes it's hypocritical if they are sharing a bed but not married BUT, they pay the bills so it's their call.
Often relationships go through periods where you can't be physically inti... (read in full...)
My step-son confessed to something I haven't encountered before
Q. So my step son is 11 going on 12. I have known him since he was 5 years old. He told me the other night that he couldn't sleep cause he did something and it was on his mind. He didn't want to tell me but I got it out of him. He told me it was ...
A. 11 September 2014: HOW WONDERFUL that this child trusts you so much that he came to you and shared this with you.
He is being a very curious pre-teen full of hormones and confusing feelings. I do not think this is an indication that you are raising a pervert.
... (read in full...)
I know time's supposed to heal, but ...
Q. I'm Needing a little advice, I realize time is meant to be a healer but it still hurts !! I had a very short but intense relationship and my partner left, I was heart broken. I have followed the things you are meant to do and it has got a little e...
A. 11 September 2014: If at 6 weeks this person only comes to mind when you are tried or have an odd moment now and then, then you are healing...
It goes like this
at first you think about them 24/7 they are all you can think about
then one day you wake up ... (read in full...)
Their house cleaning isn't up to American standards -- would an anonymous letter be a good idea?
Q. We have some good friends who are smart, friendly adults. The only thing is, they seem to never clean their bathroom. For instance the toilet is often disgusting. My theory is that since they both grew up in a different country, perhaps their home ...
A. 11 September 2014: I have many friends who are smart and personable and outgoing and good friends who were born in the USA and have nasty bathrooms.
Some folks just have different standards than others.
IF their level of cleanliness is not up to your standa... (read in full...)
He gets drunk and only talks about his ex
Q. I am at a total loss. I am a 35 year old female and my boyfriend is 45 years old.We've been together 7 months. Right now we are living across the state from each other although.we do get to see each other every 2 weeks. We met on Facebook almost 2 ...
A. 11 September 2014: OH honey, I know you love him and I know you won't leave him but there are so many red flags here.
he gets drunk regularly. the man has an alcohol problem. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH AN ALCOHOLIC OR ADDICT. Once you get tangled in t... (read in full...)
Should I tell my partner about guys hitting on me?
Q. A guy from one of my college classes walked me to my car the other day (10 mins out of his way). He asked if I was single, I said no, he suggested he was interested. I took it as a compliment. Since then I helped him out with a class he missed, sent ...
A. 9 September 2014: Your cognitive dissonance is caused by your guilt.
You feel guilty enjoying the attentions of a man who has every intentions of trying to win you.
Telling him you were not single is good. NOW to ACT like it.
THE fact that you ASK whe... (read in full...)
Is me sending my boyfriend pictures of me in my sports bra okay?
Q. Hi :) I'm 15 going to be 16 soon. I am not exactly sure but like I've sent a number of pics of me in my sports bra to my boyfriend.... It sounds kinda stupid of me... But it also got me questioning if it's okay to actually do that? ...
A. 9 September 2014: If you would not want mom dad or your grandparents to see something then never send it.
Are you ok with grandma seeing you in your sports bra?... (read in full...)
Will he ever regret it?
Q. So I want to start off telling my story, starting 5 years ago. I met this man, and I instantly knew I was in love with him. crazy, but true. we started spending every day together, with friends, and by ourselves. time went on, and he started using ...
A. 9 September 2014: Will he regret it.
Maybe... after he's in recovery and has worked his steps.
You won't know till he gets to the "make ammends to all I have harmed in the past" and contacts you to apologize and give himself and you closure in his journey t... (read in full...)
I asked him not to see his ex but he did
Q. A few weeks back my boyfriend of over a year told me he was going to see his ex girlfriend because her sister was unwell and she'd asked for support. Theyve been broken up approximately 2 and a half years. My boyfriend and his ex had a bad break up. ...
A. 9 September 2014: Well being in touch with an ex is not a huge issue IF... everyone is above board and honest.
1. the big huge red flag for me is that he did not tell you and SHE does not know about you.
IF he had said he was going to see her, and you said... (read in full...)
Guys, what would you prefer?
Q. In general, do men prefer a gorgeous woman (say 8/10) who isn't very good at, or interested in, sex? Or do they prefer a more average looking girl (say 6.5/10) who is more sexual? ...
A. 9 September 2014: The insecurity B has is her biggest problem. Insecurity is not attractive at all.
Putting up with quirky is not hard but it takes another quirky person to do so.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend choked me in an argument and I'm extremely disturbed. What do I do?
Q. I got into a silly tussle/fight with my fiancé a few months ago. She had been moody and snappy with me and her parents all day. At the end of the night I got fed up with her horrible attitude and said I was leaving for the night. As I s...
A. 9 September 2014: YOU leave her, you don't "verbally put her in her place"
If this was a few months ago, then I doubt you can file charges now.
Domestic violence is abhorrent. Google Ray Rice over here in the states it's all over the news. (AND it's pus... (read in full...)
Should my uncle have a talk with my boyfriend?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I am posting my question and asking for your advice. I've been with this guy for almost a year now and although we had ups and downs I never felt like posting for advice. This time my instinct tells me things are different. ...
A. 8 September 2014: I don't think that as an adult anyone but you and your bf should be involved in your relationship.
... (read in full...)
What Am I doing wrong?
Q. do you sometimes feel the entire world is against you? and nothing you do is good? Well yesterday i felt that way. First my on again off again boyfriend - we are in a long distance relationship for more than 11 years, YES long distance relationship ...
A. 8 September 2014: You are loveable. YOU have to love yourself first and you have to make people treat you the way you want to be treated.
if my husband had said "I need a pussy" I would have sent him a picture of a cat.
YOU are permitting this LDR faux... (read in full...)
I've tried to include my half-siblings in my life but they don't seem interested
Q. How do you deal with half-siblings who don't want you in their life? I grew up an only child. I have 3 half-siblings on my dad's side. For 7 years I've been trying to reconnect with them. They haven't seemed very interested. We've correspon...
A. 8 September 2014: go ahead and unfriend them on facebook it's possible they won't even notice.
I'm so sorry your half sibs did not take to you.
my full sibling brother and i rarely talk or see each other.
Make your family with your friends.. that's what ... (read in full...)
LDR Newbie needs your help
Q. Any LDR 411s on here? I am new to LDR and think I may have found the one guy that makes my heart melts and understand me. I am the kind of person that hated LDR and preached against it but said if I ever get into one I first want to make sure one...
A. 8 September 2014: LDRs are hard. The total goal of an LDR is to NOT be LDR but be together. Since he is going to relocate (and that has been decided) then what’s stopping him from setting that in motion NOW?
I met my husband IRL (if you have not met this man... (read in full...)
He wants to meet me but he is still married!
Q. the answer to the question why stay is because , part of me believed in him. Part is sooo scared to find out the truth. he is in the military and he lives separately from his wife because of the constant arguments. He left the city where he used to ...
A. 8 September 2014: Over and over (I think this is the 3rd question I have seen on this topic from this poster) you keep asking the same question (he's married and lying to me what should I do?) but phasing it slightly differently in hopes of different answers.
OP ... (read in full...)
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