A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Thank you in advance for reading this and answering to whomever answers. I've been with my boyfriend quite a long time now and I found out not too long ago he had been watching porn, I just looked at him and said what's this? And he looked guilty and said it was a stupid mistake and he was sorry , so I went back to being naive and he did it again and said the same thing, he promised he wouldn't do it again off his own back, I didn't nag or anything, I acted perfectly calm and like I didn't care, I wasn't too bothered, I just hate that he's broke two promises and I saw when I was typing in to search for some thing that nakedonthestreet was a top hit, and he lied and said he hadn't been on it, why does he lie and think I'm stupid when i haven't given him reason to lie, or made him feel guilty or brought it up when I haven't seen it, I've also noticed the other week he was on facebook and he went on the activity log to find something and he'd searched for amateur videos and pictures and naked selfies, he's starting to make me feel like I'm being lied to and I don't feel I can trust him to tell me, I told him he could watch porn and he said no I don't want to it was a mistake and I promise not to watch it, but I know he still does and lies about it if I find evidence why??
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male
reader, jtfletcher85  +, writes (14 October 2014):
He needs to know that you're really okay about it and you're always available to him. Sit him down at the computer and insist that he shows you what he likes. Touch him. Make sure he knows that you're okay with it and it's something you can enjoy together.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2014):
 I have a higher drive than my hubby.. I don't tell him when I flip on the porn and watch it... he doesn't ask and I don't tell...
I just assume he watches porn and don't ask, don't care.
and 22 is very young. IF THIS is the only concern I advise you to
a. assume he is watching porn
b. never ask about it
c. LET IT GO.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (16 September 2014):
 I hate liars with a vengeance, so if porn has turned him into a liar, then that would explain why I hate porn with a vengeance too. Of course, if your Mum were to ask you what you had been up too, I'm not going to tell her I had a wank. However, if my significant partner asked, then I would tell him I had a wank, I don't keep those things private in my life and I certainly wouldn't lie to my husband. This would be a HUGE red flag to me. I am with you on this one - it just depends what you are prepared to do about it. My husband was into porn when we met and I hated it. He struggles everyday with the after effects of porn watching and it has been touch and go many times as to whether I stay with him. He used to stare at women too because he was treating them as objects, in fact he once spun round because he heard the tip tap of high heels. The odd thing is the girl had the face of a box of frogs, but he still spun roundWhen he was asked about what was going on, he said "it might have been someTHING interesting". Not someone, but someTHING. Porn is dangerous and liars are worse!!
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 September 2014):
 There is a difference between lying, and having privacy about personal enjoyment.
Example - if my mom came home and asked me what I had been doing all afternoon I would of course say "Working from home, catching up on emails, all run of the mill, tedious stuff really mom. Yourself?" When in reality I may have spent the afternoon....celebrating myself. I am not a liar per sa, just easier to make an excuse than cause the embarrassment of saying "Well as you asked mom I was wanking while look at a picture of a womans naked breasts?"
I know my girlfriends has various sex toys. Yet if I asked her when she last used them she would say "oh ages ago, while thinking of you of course!". She isn't going to say "I used them all last night until the batteries were flat while thinking of someone younger, taller, hunkier and more muscly than you." The latter would probably be true of any other man in fairness but its better to keep an air of privacy where pleasuring oneself is concerned and to bend the truth a bit to avoid embarrassment or insecurity for others. If my GF thinks of a well built, stocky guy confidently making wild, passionate love to her while masturbating then that's fine BUT if she was open and honest about it I would feel insecure as im a short, weedy guy with girly hands and a bony chest.
At 22 your partner IS still very young. He is full of hormones and for a while yet will probably needs to have a sexual release far more often than a relationship can realistically sustain. Making love involves a lot of time, effort and of course pleasing our partners (I usually skip that bit), whereas masturbation is a quicker, easier and singular activity that can be used to find a quick and easy solution to feeling horny. A guy his age will often feel like sex several times per day but constraints on time and of course having a willing partner will make it difficult. Masturbation while watching porn becomes a means to an end.
By the way Person123 I must say I was disappointed - when you said you had a lot of porn resources on you profile and to click on the blue box to see them I was expecting something else. Still, would only have dimmed my eye sight anyway I suppose :-)
Mark
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 As you grow older with men, you won't be surprised anymore when they say one thing and mean another. Give him a break because if you take it literally everything a guy says and demand an explanation when there is discrepancy, you will just annoy yourself. He is a good guy, is ashamed of his guilty pleasures, and just leave it at that. He is not trying to be deceitful. Even when you can accept porn he can't. He feels he failed himself by lying too. That's his issue now. Don't dig too deep and give him a hard time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): olderthandirt I don't understand why someone being bothered about their boyfriend watching porn is weird to you, it's a common fact that watching porn in a relationship is looked down upon and most women don't allow it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSee I'm not bothered about the porn, it's about the lying and he knows that, and he's 22 so not really that young, and I don't go on his computer over and over he just didn't cover his tracks before I went on it, and I didn't go on to specifically look to see if he had been watching porn, we have a very active sex life and it annoys me that he says he feels he can tell me anything and knows I'm not bothered about porn but still lies about it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 September 2014):
He's lying because being caught watching porn is an embarrassing thing. We have been taught to hide our private parts and sexual thoughts from others since childhood. When he's single this has become his habit but while in a relationship he feels bad watching it. You are challenging him by looking at his computer over and over again. What response would you like better, "Yes I watch porn, so what!" or "I am sorry it was a mistake. Won't do it again." He's also lying to get off the topic as he finds it unpleasant to talk about it. The honest answer is that he is so horny and rather than bugging you for sex he is just going to do it himself. He is young so he is not sure if watching porn is an acceptable thing in a relationship but he isn't sure if he's going to stop either.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Lying is a bad habit and hard to break. an ultimatum is in order. Whatever it is that bothers you about him watching porn is wierd to me but it's your life.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 September 2014):
 I have a lot of porn resources on my profile (in the blue box), I think you would find them helpful to read through:
http://www.dearcupid.org/people/person12345
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