A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:do you sometimes feel the entire world is against you? and nothing you do is good? Well yesterday i felt that way. First my on again off again boyfriend - we are in a long distance relationship for more than 11 years, YES long distance relationship and please don't judge me and don't ask me who said this is a real relationship, I am aware of all of that and he is the one who doesn't suggested to move in together but then changed his mind - He emailed me a message using the "F" word asking when can we do it, I wrote back why you asking as I didn't know what else to say because if I make a suggestion he won't take it? he replied in even worse way, he said "I need a "pussy", again i didn't like his reply, I thought it's rude, awful and disrespectful, I expected something along the line " I miss you " or maybe it's been a month since last time!! so when I wrote back that's not nice, instead of saying sorry he sent me an update about Ebola disease, didn't know what else to say, I just left it at that . Then I went out with my mom and sister, my sister is 2 years older, happily married and a mother of 2 kids, has been always jealous of me but is the one who ends up getting everything in life quite easily, she was never deprived of anything, has a lot of luck in life. You wonder how can she be jealous, it's simple, things would come first to me (people say I'm good looking, smart, with a high university degree has good taste and take care of myself ) She'll make a negative comment something like you look ugly, you won't achieve this or your boyfriend will leave you, and it will happen and she will get what came to me first and succeed. Mom spoils her, so she said something twice to mom, mom didn't comment, I repeated the same thing and i was told off, when I asked how come? mom and sister started to be sarcastic. My sister laughed and said mom will have a serious word with her alone etc.. Do you understand this, I don't? why some parents have favourites? my mom is very self centred, I won't lie when I say she copies me, she likes my taste but makes me feel not good enough in anything. I feel that I struggle in life too much although i do my best, I work hard, I am quiet though, I'm kind, a bit shy but very considerate. I please everyone, I put everyone first but i started to feel lately I'm being taken advantage of, what am I doing wrong? why am I not loveable. Any idea is much appreciated.
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jealous, long distance, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 First, Why do you assume you are at fault? It sounds like this dude is an a-hole. and has respect for one thing and one thing only..himself. And 2. Why assume you have to fix it? Like the guy on TV said ..."you can't fix stupid!
'
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 You are loveable. YOU have to love yourself first and you have to make people treat you the way you want to be treated.
if my husband had said "I need a pussy" I would have sent him a picture of a cat.
YOU are permitting this LDR faux boyfriend (I've done LDRs they are workable but not over a decade unless someone is hiding from something) to abuse you.
PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU AS YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO SO.
When mom and sister get snarky... get up and leave.
When idiot man who uses you as a penis holder wants to ask for pussy... ignore him. block him... say "when you treat me like the treasured flower I am, then we can talk"
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Perhaps if we address these three issues, the "solution" will become clear... To wit:
"...lately I'm being taken advantage of, what am I doing wrong? why am I not loveable...."
You are plenty of loveable. HOWEVER, in order for you to experience that, you need a partner who WILL LOVE YOU. The man you described DOESN'T (love you), and, likely, never will...
What you're doing "wrong" is believing this guy who is so far away that he is immune from being honest and straightforward with you. THAT is the nature of long-distance relationship.... Either party can be deceptive (but guys seem to be the most-commonly so) .... with little chance of being found out....
Yes... you're being taken advantage of. THAT is one of the risks of an LDR. ONE partner may actually be "on board"... whilest the other is dabbling at it.
One other detail..... stop comparing yourself to your Sister. That will serve no purpose except to make you dislike your Sister... and her dislike you. There's no reason for that.... Jealousy sucks...
Good luck...
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