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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 27 September 2014: At 56 he's slowing down and wanting to retire... kids make that impossible.
also how fair is it to a child to have a parent old enough to be the grandparent...
kids make a big difference.... does he even WANT a child now?... (read in full...)
I know he's cheating on me, why won't he admit it?
Q. I know hes cheating on me ive been told by so many people and his friends its apparently been going on since dec when he moved to b closer to his brothers I've always given him the chance to tell me himself ive dropped hints with suff like if u lik...
A. 14 August 2014: what will his admitting it change?
will it make you leave?
if you know he's cheating why do you stay?... (read in full...)
If we have kids I don't want the grandfather in their lives
Q. So...my boyfriend and I got into a theoretical disagreement. First it began with him venting about his parents. and how his mom refuses to pay him money she owes and how his birth father is a piece of shit who showers his other kids. I grew up ...
A. 14 August 2014: I think that the person who is the child of the grandparents should have the final say unless the children are being abused.
My husband is totally estranged from his family. I speak to his sister but have never met his mom nor talked to he... (read in full...)
Can you cheat in an open relationship?
Q. So I've been in a long term relationship with my partner for the past 9 years. We talk about having children one day and getting married and we already own a home together. We have an extremely happy and healthy relationship and are very open and ...
A. 14 August 2014: I was in an open marriage. yes you can cheat.
ANYTHING you can't won't or Don't ell your partner is cheating.
Our marriage survived just fine as long as I didn't have a partner on the side, the MINUTE I added a guy my "open marriage" fell... (read in full...)
My husband and I are getting a divorce but he refuses to leave the house, which is in my name. Is there anything I can do?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. Recently we has a huge fight in which he now wants a divorce. He is seeing an attorney who told him to stay in the house in order to receive a share of the money if we have to sell the home. The house ...
A. 14 August 2014: Nope his attorney gave him GREAT advice.
If he leaves you have abandonment grounds.
Just get a great attorney and one of you move into the spare room.... (read in full...)
Is using the services of a prostitute OK?
Q. I've been separated for years, I find sex is hard to get with out being in a relationship. I don't think it's fair to get into a relationship until my divorce is final. The only sex I had any chance of getting was with 2 married women, I won't have ...
A. 14 August 2014: My husband used escorts before he met me... IMO big deal.
Yes some women will not accept it.
I propose you find a site such as OK CUPID or Plenty of FISH
and that you seek a FWB with the express understanding that it's fun and ... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 13 August 2014: Of course your concerns are valid.
and you need to express these concerns to him.
Usually it's the older partner that is concerned that the younger partner is with them and will be cheated out of a full experience. I know I worry about lea... (read in full...)
I want to explore this new girl but don't want to lose something I already have
Q. Hello readers. I hope you can give me some insight in the hope that I would understand my feelings and know what to do. Firstly I have a gf, been together for 1.5yrs. I don't know if I love her or if I am emotionally attached. She says she loves m...
A. 13 August 2014: I agree that if after 1.5 years you are not sure if you love her then you don't. the fact that you want to explore with others is enough to see you are not happy.
IF you don't want to lose your "sure thing" then you can ask her for permission t... (read in full...)
Do men like biting and scratching during sex?
Q. Is it enjoyable for a guy to have his back grabbed/ lightly scratched during sex? Lip bitten? I just don't want to hurt or turn men off. When I get excited, I can't help it! Opinions? ...
A. 11 August 2014: so do
some do not
... (read in full...)
LDR--Is it selfish of me to want him to move to be with me?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend Jake for a little over 3 years now. I just turned 22 and he is 21. Recently I transferred to a great music school about in Boston 9 hours away from my home town where he is attending school. I went ...
A. 11 August 2014: Good for Jake.
It's a year or two for goodness sake. Yes LDR's suck. but at your age getting a good foundation for life (i.e. school and job) is critical.
You want to do your plans and wont' change and that's fine.
he wants to do his and ... (read in full...)
Do a lot of people misinterpret politeness as flirting?
Q. Do a lot of people misinterpret politeness as flirting? I hate it when I'm friendly to people only to have them act cold. I smile at people passing by while out in public. Sometimes I'll get a scowl in return, usually from women. Men just look aw...
A. 31 July 2014: I smile at everyone.. and I flirt with everyone too... most folks will talk to me and I start conversations with total strangers... I did it the other day and it turned out to me my old neighbors from 20 years ago.
I'm with Tisha... in ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on this girl? She's come up with all kinds of excuses for why we can't get together.
Q. I am very close to giving up on this girl and I just want to see if I should or if there is still hope. I met her a couple months ago at Wondercon, we connected well and I got her number. After a couple text exchanges (with very delayed response...
A. 31 July 2014: I'd let it go... her excuses may be legit but without a counter offer she's not really interested.
... (read in full...)
Do guys always stop intercourse after they cum?
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles! So I just have a pretty straightforward question, do guys always stop intercourse after they cum? Every guy I've been with has. But I've heard before that not everyone does (i don't know if they're lying or not) th...
A. 31 July 2014: If you know you are STD free AND you are on Birth control why does he pull out? that makes no sense to me.
IF you were NOT on birth control and he was still using the "withdrawal" method I would caution you that you can still EASILY get p... (read in full...)
Could I get pregnant from dry humping?
Q. My boyfriend and I dry humped. I have like cheer shorts on, they are short and thin plus underwear. He had underwear and like guys athletic shorts. Well we were humping and I felt something wet down there. Im scared I could be pregant please help!...
A. 31 July 2014: To get pregnant sperm needs to meet Egg.
Since the egg is in your fallopian tubes then the only way for the sperm to meet it is to swim up from your vagina through your cervix into your uterus and then into your tube where the egg is. THEN t... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting or is he just not that into me?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. I feel like he’s just not that into me. He’s been in florida for over 2 weeks now, but I’m always the one calling/texting him. This isn’t the first time that this has happened. He goes down to Florida to ...
A. 30 July 2014: If you are always the one initiating contact then yes he's just not that into you and he's settled into something that's easier than being single or looking for someone that really fits.
what will happen is eventually he will find someone else... (read in full...)
Am I being silly to be upset over the fact my boyfriends mum made a joke over whether I should wear white I get married because I have a child?
Q. Am I being silly to be upset over the fact my boyfriends mum made a joke over whether I should wear white I get married because I have a child? I know it may seem harmless but it's actually rather hurt me. I was 17 when I had my son, who is now...
A. 30 July 2014: Sounds like she is just old school and thinks that white is for virgin brides.
when you get married wear what you want.
... (read in full...)
Is this cheating? My husband bought his female colleague perfume!
Q. My husband told me that he really appreciates his female colleague and bought her perfume for her birthday gift. Should I be worried? ...
A. 30 July 2014: Well either he's got no bad intent and is just inappropriate (perfume is a rather personal gift unless she marinates in it and he likes the scent and she told him which one it was)
or he's got bad intentions and is smart enough to throw you of... (read in full...)
Do I do anything about my feelings for my brother in law?
Q. I like my sisters husbands brother alot. Should I do anything? ...
A. 30 July 2014: growing up my family had friends where two sisters married brothers...
so if he's single and age appropriate then go for it.... (read in full...)
How do I get my BF to take the next step?
Q. I am caught in limbo and need help. My boyfriend of a year and a half has been stalling for months now about the "next step". When I first brought it up at 8 months, he said he needed a year before he could consider things. At a year and 3 months, ...
A. 30 July 2014: I’m sorry OP the sad news is you are not going to get what you want from this man. Trust me when I say this. You can’t force something.
I have NEVER seen a man who by 6 months did not know that eventually he would marry his wife. If you g... (read in full...)
My family ignored my repeated requests to have a homemade card for my birthday. I"m hurt and disappointed!
Q. Ok, so it is my 19th birthday today, so this may sound trivial, but it's important to me. When I was growing up, it was a tradition to make birthday/anniversary/Christmas/thank you cards for family. That continued for me and my older brother until ...
A. 30 July 2014: I have to be honest... you sound whiny and bratty to me.
If I got my kid a card (and granted our cards have checks or cash in them) and he declined to open it since it did not meet his requirements, that would be the LAST time I ever did any... (read in full...)
Does he love me if he wants a threesome?
Q. Does he love me. Wants threesome other women ...
A. 30 July 2014: I agree with Chigirl.
you can love someone and still want to be sexually adventurous.
IF you doubt he loves you, then he probably does not.... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 30 July 2014: It's a tough struggle OP but keep walking the walk.
ONE day you will wake up and he will not be the first thing on your mind.
and then slowly day by day you won't even realize it... till one day you don't think about him till you are g... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship but it's not feeling like one!
Q. When we first went out 3 years ago, everything was perfect. He tried his best to do what ever he can just to make me happy but because I don't mind anything and he kind of stopped doing because he said I don't really mind anything he does and I'm ...
A. 29 July 2014: YOU are not asking too much.
He's a chicken and can't even be man enough to break up with you instead he makes excuses and sneaks away.
I did an LDR with my husband for a year. Once we were sure it was serious we had daily contact. Mult... (read in full...)
How can I show my partner I appreciate everything he has done for me since I gave birth with complications?
Q. My question is not a problem as such, id just really appreciate some suggestions. I recently had a baby and due to last minute complications I had to have a cesarean which also went wrong. It was quite a traumatic time, especially for my partner ...
A. 29 July 2014: He's just doing what all dads do... but it's very sweet of you to want to acknowledge it. Congrats on the baby.
Remember that in addition to giving birth you have just had MAJOR abdominal surgery so don't push yourself too hard or too fast. (... (read in full...)
He put down the booze and picked up the anger!
Q. Last year I was seeing someone for over a year (we were friends for 3 years prior to dating) and we broke it off because he had some issues with alcohol. That issue has become a lot better. We started hanging out again in May and have been trying to ...
A. 29 July 2014: Sounds to me like he was using the alcohol to "self medicate" which is very common with folks.
He needs a complete medical and psych eval to figure out if he has some sort of disorder that will respond to medication.
... (read in full...)
I'm 7 years older, will I look like a creep if I pursue this 19 year old girl?
Q. Dear cupid I'm a 26 year old guy and i've developed feelings for this 19 old girl that I'v known since she was 10 years old. The thing is I'v known her three brothers for years they are not close friends but I'v always had a good understanding with ...
A. 28 July 2014: I'll give you the other side of the coin
when my husband was 19 (and I did not know him) I was 32.
19 and 26 is a bigger gap that 29 and 36. Same time but the maturity at 19 may not be there for the young lady.
I would suggest that if y... (read in full...)
How many times a week should I cycle? And for how long each day?
Q. I have been struggling with my weight for a while now, and for around about a year or so I have been trying to find effective ways to help me shed a few stone. I have always eaten rather healthil...
A. 28 July 2014: Congrats to you for being so proactive and taking care of yourself.
if you are that sore then take a rest day.
I give myself a day off from walking and yoga every few days if I feel like it.
My doctor has told me that my exercise is like... (read in full...)
My grandparents play favorites and I'm fed up!
Q. This is very long. It's getting harder for me to hold in my feelings. My family have always had problems. My grandparents always like to play favorites with their grand kids. There were three of us and they treated Emily much better. Babysitting, ...
A. 28 July 2014: do all the mothers of these children feel the same way?
do the mothers of these children try to have relationships with the grandparents and great grandparents or is this your wish?
some families are like this.... it may be since Pete had... (read in full...)
Should I ask out the 22 year old woman I'm interested in?
Q. Hi I'm a 31 year old guy, 2 months ago I split up with a 23 year old. Now I've met a 22 year old who I like but I'm worried she is too young for me so I haven't asked her out yet. I got the impression from a few of my friends and family tha...
A. 28 July 2014: IF you like her and she likes you then 22 to 31 is not a huge issue IMO.
both of you are legally adults and that's all that matters if your intent is pure.
when my now husband was 22 I was 35.... and it never would have worked....... (read in full...)
He seldom tries to see me but he's left stuff at my place ...
Q. Im so confused my partner moved due to work in November last yr and this year ive seen him 4 times only for a day never over night, ive asked him many of times if he wanted to b with me or if he liked somebody else or was even with anyone else hes ...
A. 25 July 2014: you are just free storage to him... this is not even a relationship anymore... he just forgot to tell you he was done dating you...
I suggest you box up all his stuff and give him notice that if he does not come and get all of his stuff within... (read in full...)
Should I confront her about why she deleted me from facebook?
Q. Small question.. Just finished college ive just noticed one of my friends from college has deleted me of Facebook, no idea why, we were quite good friends as far as I'm aware. I thought maybe it was because we had finished college and she felt she...
A. 25 July 2014: facebook has a weird habit of unfriending us sometimes... I just noticed the other day that a friend of mine had "unfriended me" but her husband had not.
found out she had "unfriended" another of my very good friends too.
we both did a fri... (read in full...)
I'm confused about this attraction to this girl, how do I approach her?
Q. Dear Cupid.. I am so confused. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and love him to pieces. But for years, since I started secondary school I have always fancied girls and guys. It started by having crushes on girl teachers. I met my boyfrie...
A. 25 July 2014: if you are emotionally cheating you are still cheating.
if you are bi-curious and want to try it the best thing to do is talk to your boyfriend before you do anything..l. find out if he's ok with you experimenting with girls... be aware that i... (read in full...)
LDR issues: Don't want to lose him, but things are moving too fast
Q. How can I help to make this LDR work? I met a guy a month ago and he moved too fast with his feelings. I hesitated to date him at first because I have tried two LDRs that failed because the first one I wasn't really in love and the second one basi...
A. 25 July 2014: since you have met and will continue to meet... and you like him... just tell him to table any talk of love or marriage for at least a year...
who would be moving in case it does work out? you can't be LDR forever....... (read in full...)
Would it be okay to go out with a friend of the opposite sex?
Q. I am in a relationship of about 5 months, we were together previously. I have a friend who I haven't physically seen, just messaged since I reentered my relationship. My friend did admit he had feelings for me previously when i was single, but i ...
A. 24 July 2014: Personally I think that if you go to your boyfriend before the event and say "Bob wants to go to the concert and he wants US to go with him and his friend" then boyfriend can say "I don't want to go" and you say "ok I'll go with Bob and the ... (read in full...)
I caught him talking sexually with other men but he denies it!
Q. I need help! I have caught my boyfriend (for the second time) talking to men sexually. We are happy (or so I thought). we've been living together for over a year. He denies everything, i even sent the "mystery man" an email, he says they never ...
A. 24 July 2014: I am a bisexual woman. I get very angry when folks say that they could forgive a partner for doing what he is doing because it's with same sex partners.... as if you can only cheat if you go after someone who could REPLACE me...
When I ma... (read in full...)
LDR issues: Don't want to lose him, but things are moving too fast
Q. How can I help to make this LDR work? I met a guy a month ago and he moved too fast with his feelings. I hesitated to date him at first because I have tried two LDRs that failed because the first one I wasn't really in love and the second one basi...
A. 24 July 2014: I’ve done LDR and made it work (we are now married and NOT LDR).
I wrote about how to decide if the relationship is worth it or not:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html
You met a guy a month... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying to make a LDR work?
Q. So I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now. She is now a senior in high school and I am going to be a freshman in college. Our relationahip is as amazing as it could be and I love her with all that I got. We have been having numerous talks ...
A. 24 July 2014: At your age I would say no. that first year of college is so fraught with changes and close relationships often suffer.
Now I'm one of those who has made an LDR work.. BUT... we were only 2 hours apart... we were both older and had the time... (read in full...)
Can alcohol really cause people to blackout?
Q. Hello I was wondering as people claim they had a blackout after drinking excessively and didn't know what happened, is it real or just a way to avoid embarrassment? I have actually never had a blackout or a moment even with extreme drinkin...
A. 23 July 2014: She's asking you how she got in the guest room...
why can't you just say "you were drunk and I put you there to sleep it off?"
what am I missing?... (read in full...)
I'm afraid the women I am seeing will fall apart if I would end things and I'm feeling the pressure
Q. So, here's the situation. I've been seeing a woman that I met through mutual friends for about 3 months now. Generally, she's cool and very bubbly. I'm a little freaked out right now. She just came over and I told her that a friend of mine t...
A. 23 July 2014: Her issues and her reactions to your choices ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
IF you do not want to date her then you need to NOT date her and you need to let her know that she can say or do anything she wants to say or do and that you are NOT the responsi... (read in full...)
Can alcohol really cause people to blackout?
Q. Hello I was wondering as people claim they had a blackout after drinking excessively and didn't know what happened, is it real or just a way to avoid embarrassment? I have actually never had a blackout or a moment even with extreme drinkin...
A. 23 July 2014: Yes excessive alcohol consumption can and does cause blackouts... it means they do not remember their behavior at all.
I have recorded my husband on occasion and the next day when he is sober shown it to him and he has NO CLUE he was saying o... (read in full...)
When a guy holds your waist after hugging good bye
Q. Wondering if this is a subtle hint that a guy may have feelings for me. We were with family and friends, and upon leaving this guy hugged me, I hugged him but very lightly...as I pulled away he moved his hand down to my one waist side and held his ...
A. 23 July 2014: since you "can't be together" then how he feels or why he does what he does is really moot.
doesn't matter how he feels.
doesn't matter why he does what he does
the fact that you care and wonder says to me that while you say "we can'... (read in full...)
When a guy holds your waist after hugging good bye
Q. Wondering if this is a subtle hint that a guy may have feelings for me. We were with family and friends, and upon leaving this guy hugged me, I hugged him but very lightly...as I pulled away he moved his hand down to my one waist side and held his ...
A. 23 July 2014: I agree that you are trying to find symbolism in something anything to assure yourself that your feelings towards him are being reciprocated.
It probably means nothing more than he's comfortable around a friend.... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 17 July 2014: I had a dream last night too.. that i did my own nails.
NEITHER YOUR DREAM OR MINE is coming true.
hang in there OP... you are at the absolute worst time of the break up.... you need to get over this hump. I am betting the weekend will suc... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 14 July 2014: Don't even look at the texts.. just delete them without reading them...
he's really an idiot... and not worth your time.
stay strong.... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 10 July 2014: why have you not blocked him from contacting you?... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 10 July 2014: life is a crapshoot.
My mom died at 58.
My dad will be 80 this year and still plays golf 3 times a week and works out daily and travels extensively with his current partner.
I could die next week. My husband could die next week or get s... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 9 July 2014: If you are going to end it (and to be honest I would not end it if I were you) then do it soon.
just say "I'm sorry but I am not comfortable with the age difference"\
I understand your concerns, I am at 54, 13 yrs older than my husban... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 8 July 2014: Sadly you should be 12 days no contact since that's when you broke up.
YOUR feelings of up and down and back and forth are normal.
stay strong and just say NO to him.
time heals... 12 days is not a lot of time... give it 4 more weeks ... (read in full...)
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