A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hello everyone hope someone out there can give me some help on this issue i have. I recently started dating a guy who is wonderful andi really do like him. We only see each other about once a week because i work and he lives about half an hour away from me.My issue us that he has an overly attached bromance. This other guyis his closest friend and he goes by the name 'wifey'. On a few occasions already and we have only just started dating within the last month, his 'wife' will text him if im with him and demands he comes back home to see him. The guy im dating says he doesnt and wont let him walk all over him etc but he already has let this 'wifey' take over. One night i made plans with my guy to come over to a mates and watch movies and stuff. He knows my friends already and loves spending time with them but his 'wife' text him saying he doesnt spend time with him anymore when he does pretty much all week and demanded he stopped hanging out with us that night and come back to see him, so he did. I was slightly annoyed but got over it. But now its happening a lil more and im worried this 'friend' is going to ruin our chances of even starting a relationship. I dont mind him hanging out with him at all, sometimes i wont hear from my guy for days because hes with his friend but i dint text him asking why he hasnt text me etc as im not like that, but I dont want this stupid 'wifey' taking over. My guy has already warned me his friend is quite sarcastic and may say something rude to me now and again but i should just give it back to him, but why should i? I expect his friend to treat me with respect on first meeting and everytime after that. I can already imagine him gatecrashing dates.What should i do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 oh yeah I have a bad feeling about this.
I would not hold out any hopes of this working out.
there is bromance and then there is playing both ends.
even with the best hetero bromance, the guy knows he takes a back seat to the new girl.
unitl you meet this guy (who may be a girl really) I'd not invest too much emotion in this guy. AND I would let him know that any plans that are already set that are broken because wifey is pouting are the straw that breaks the camels back and further plans will NOT be scheduled.
let him make his choice.. wife or girlfriend.
A
female
reader, jstar92 +, writes (18 September 2014):
 Men have their bromances, fine. But this one does seem a bit, intense. I mean, if this 'wifey' was going through a particularly difficult struggle at the time and needed his friend, there would be some justification for this but it sounds like this friend is a tad too insecure and intense.Your boyfriend isn't much better, as I said, if it were a real emergency and he needed his mate, okay forgiveable, you can't forget those who stick by you. But your boyfriend is succumbing to it and who knows how long it's been like that - it may be too late for any impact you make to change their dynamic now. You're in a love triangle, is it worth the struggle?Personally, I would advise you to walk away from this guy and his possessive friend, if you stay it's going to get worse before it gets better - maybe you two will come out stronger because of it, but it'll be a long road, probably ending in you and this wifey in having a major argument and leaving your boyfriend to decide between the two and I've never known the ultimatum "it's them or me" to work as a permanent solution to anything.You deserve more than what you're receiving.
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A
female
reader, jstar92 +, writes (18 September 2014):
Men have their bromances, fine. But this one does seem a bit, intense. I mean, if this 'wifey' was going through a particularly difficult struggle at the time and needed his friend, there would be some justification for this but it sounds like this friend is a tad too insecure and intense.Your boyfriend isn't much better, as I said, if it were a real emergency and he needed his mate, okay forgiveable, you can't forget those who stick by you. But your boyfriend is succumbing to it and who knows how long it's been like that - it may be too late for any impact you make to change their dynamic now. You're in a love triangle, is it worth the struggle?Personally, I would advise you to walk away from this guy and his possessive friend, if you stay it's going to get worse before it gets better - maybe you two will come out stronger because of it, but it'll be a long road, probably ending in you and this wifey in having a major argument and leaving your boyfriend to decide between the two and I've never known the ultimatum "it's them or me" to work as a permanent solution to anything.You deserve more than what you're receiving.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 You ar the third wheel on a bycycle. They have a bond that you will never understand. It's probably a position you do not need to be in. If I were you, I'd find a new boyfriend. Either that or you will Always be the 'other guy'.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2014):
 I'm sorry that would not be OK for me. I could NOT date a guy who cancels ALREADY made plans with me, because he BFF is pouting. OH heck no!
I wouldn't date this guy, sorry. This is only the start. You have seen the tip of the iceberg with this "wifie". Do you even know that it's a GUY? Because it sounds lot more like it's another girl.
I think guys and gals having friends (male and/or female) is VITAL, we all function better when we have the love and support of friends. BUT, when you are dating someone the priority shifts from friends to lover/gf/bf.
My husband was practically inseparable from his CO - they went through a LOT during a couple of deployments, and would hang out like a couple of fratboys or teenage girls on week ends, the friend pretty much had a seat at the dinner table on weekends. Didn't bother me, and you might as kwhy? Because I was included. Always. I actually golfed with his friend on his days off. (hubby don't do golf lol) And I KNOW how important friends are.
YOUR BF had no idea how destructive it can be to a relationship when you enable a FRIEND to manipulate you like that. And if you KEEP pretending it's OK and you are OK with it... it will never DAWN on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2014): Make him choose between you. You sound like you're playing on the losing-end of a bi-sexual love-triangle.
"Wifey" can go take a hike; if he can't be civil, and can't stay within the guidelines of a proper heterosexual(???) friendship. Which means you don't interfere with the romantic-relationship between your bro and his girl. It sounds like your boyfriend has two "girlfriends" to me. That is, if it isn't really a woman who is his wife!!! Have you ever seen "wifey" in-person?
I think you're being awful naive or too passive about all this. You want your boyfriend so bad, you're in denial; and setting no boundaries within your commitment. It appears "wifey" does, and calls all the shots.
You're trying not to rock the boat in order to hang on to your boyfriend. How can you call him your boyfriend when you see him only once a week? Sounds more like you're the friend, and "wifey" is the girlfriend.
Put this mess to rest. Either make him choose, or kick his ass to the curb. I hope you use condoms. Just in-case that "bromance" is more than what meets the eye.
By the way, I'm gay. I'm not being a phobe.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 Either they have a mutual attraction or the friend is playing a joke here. Your boyfriend does not mind being called husband and has an obligation to him. That says a lot. I would let them have each other and I won't tolerate it as I don't want to be with a weak guy who can't say no and fend off intrusive people, whether male or female. Your so called boyfriend of a month has no plans to protect your relationship and impress you. A relationship of one month shouldn't be hard to let go of. Think about it.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (17 September 2014):
 Dear oh Dear! Well if you do date Simon Cowell you gotta expect David Walliams to get in on the action!
Hmmm personally I would hate that situation. Sounds like this other guy is very insecure, irritating and immature. I suggest looking in the Yellow Pages under D for Discrete Hitman. That should sort it all out.
Your partner should be making time for the two of you not bowing to his "wifes" demands. He is not being mature or independent in any way. Yes I too can see him popping up during a date, a stroll, a meal or while making love to annoy you. Bah.
You do get to a point in relationships where you judge more on your partners friends than your partner you know? My ex a few years back was sensible and mature enough but when she introduced me to her best friend who greated me with "Safe man safe!" I thought "Hmm do I want to be part of this". Looking at the bigger picture is often disappointing.
Your BF sounds a bit of a push over who is too keen to please. You need to decide whether that's what you want as I can foresee his chummy wifey taking over too much and dragging him away from you out of insecurity and being desperate for attention.
Mark
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