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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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When a guy holds your waist after hugging good bye
Q. Wondering if this is a subtle hint that a guy may have feelings for me. We were with family and friends, and upon leaving this guy hugged me, I hugged him but very lightly...as I pulled away he moved his hand down to my one waist side and held his ...
A. 23 July 2014: since you "can't be together" then how he feels or why he does what he does is really moot.
doesn't matter how he feels.
doesn't matter why he does what he does
the fact that you care and wonder says to me that while you say "we can'... (read in full...)
When a guy holds your waist after hugging good bye
Q. Wondering if this is a subtle hint that a guy may have feelings for me. We were with family and friends, and upon leaving this guy hugged me, I hugged him but very lightly...as I pulled away he moved his hand down to my one waist side and held his ...
A. 23 July 2014: I agree that you are trying to find symbolism in something anything to assure yourself that your feelings towards him are being reciprocated.
It probably means nothing more than he's comfortable around a friend.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has baby mama drama and I'm being pushed aside
Q. I am dealing with some baby momma drama. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. We really love each other and talk about a future together. We are both professionals....im a resident physician and he in school to ...
A. 22 July 2014: he doesn't want a DNA test because he doesn't want to know he's NOT the father.
I agree with YouWISh... something is very wrong somewhere.
He needs to get a DNA test and make sure he is the dad
his bullshit story about not meeting fam... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a ridiculously attractive average looking guy?
Q. There have been a very very small number of guys who said they've done some kind of psychological exercises to become more attractive to girls and now they get checked out everywhere they go by a LOT of girls and don't have to say anything special ...
A. 22 July 2014: NOT rare at all...
My husband is short and snaggle toothed with a military fade haircut and is very myopic... he's as hot as they come... why? Because is is assertive and cocksure of himself. Not arrogant. Not nasty.. just secure. It's ver... (read in full...)
The spark is gone from our sex life, will bringing in a third person help?
Q. Hi. My wife and I have been married for 23 years. We still love each other but the spark has gone from our sex life, although we regularly have sex. For many years I have always told her that the thought of her having sex with another well endowed ...
A. 22 July 2014: Trust me... you want to keep this a hot fantasy.
Swinging ruined my last marriage. I know lots of marriages that opened their beds up for the wrong reasons and they fell apart as soon as extra people were added.
Bringing someone ... (read in full...)
My heart is broken....I don't know how to fix this. Help me!
Q. My husband asked me to fulfill a fantasy for him. He wanted me to have sex with another man and video it for he and I to watch later. I am not as open minded as him and it took me a while to process the idea and agree to it. We did it this ...
A. 22 July 2014: I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
I'm sorry your husband is reacting to his ideas this way and trying to place the blame on you.
YOU did nothing wrong... all you did was comply with HIS request.
His request was that.. HIS... it was... (read in full...)
Is this boy ignoring me, or does he just want sex?
Q. This guy messaged me about a week or two ago. We'll call him "Isaac." "Isaac" and I went to middle school together, and he's two years younger than me. He is about to be a sophomore and I'm about to be a senior. When we were in middle school, I came ...
A. 22 July 2014: He is only interested in sex... IGNORE HIM.
clue one... boys (and girls) that respect you will NOT want to talk about sex right away..... big huge RED FLAG.
if all he ever does it text you or message you on FB and ask about sexual things.... (read in full...)
How do you tell a fake cry from a real cry? I think my ex fake cried to get me back!
Q. Im not sure, but I think my ex might have fake cried as a way of trying to get me back. He told me before that he cried to try and get his exes back but he did it becuase he knew it would get them back. He knows that I know this, and he s...
A. 21 July 2014: I don't think it matters.
I can make myself cry and it looks very real.
If you are wanting to break up with him does it really matter if he cries about it or not?
... (read in full...)
Experiences coping with Type 1 Diabetes?
Q. Does anyone have any experience of coping with Diabetes Type 1 - NOT type 2? My daughter is being really affected by getting Type 1 at the age of 24, very suddenly. She's highly intelligent and would benefit from a 'buddy' - even an online pen-pal ...
A. 21 July 2014: I googled "type one diabetes support and found an entire website:
http://typeonenation.org/
... (read in full...)
How can I ever tell my wife that due to my diabetes my ability to have sexual relations is no more?.
Q. I am a 53 year old man and I have lost my ability to have sex because I suffer from diabetes. I can just can ejaculate but my penis is not hard enough to sustain sexual relations with my wife. I feel guilty myself. My wife is so good, How can I te...
A. 21 July 2014: I am sure she has noticed the lack of sex.
There are drugs that you can get that will help your erection. This is not your fault as you have an illness that affects your blood flow and supply and it's normal.
There are ways to mak... (read in full...)
I'm married and have been chatting with a man for a year. We'll never meet so its harmless isnt it?
Q. Ok so where do I start. When I was on maternity, I spent long days in the house by myself. My husband has become rather un-attentive and has lost interest in most conversation. I was very lonely and restricted in money for doing activities...
A. 21 July 2014: How would you feel to find out your husband was having the exact same feelings and conversations with a woman in a similar locale as your online boyfriend?
You are emotionally cheating yourself and your partner.
It's NOT harmless... ... (read in full...)
Will he still like me if I wear something different?
Q. I met this guy a few weeks ago and we have been on quite a few dates. The first time we met I was wearing a skirt with a slip underneath. As he told me then and keeps telling me since, that he loves me wearing such clothes, I have always dressed ...
A. 21 July 2014: By all means test the waters....
My husband has distinct "rules" about dressing
jeans or leggings are fine
pants are a no-no for him.
women are to be in feminine attire at all times.
he likes me in skirts or dresses... body hugging.... (read in full...)
Is it good or bad to have a high angled Penis?
Q. Anyone know if a high erection angle, e.g. 11 o'clock, is particularly stimulating to women or is there not much benefit to having one? I have one and sex doesn't feel that great for me because of it, I think. But if it gets girls off particularly ...
A. 21 July 2014: Every 18 yr old boy I knew had a "belly hugger"... By 30 it won't be 11 o'clock... eventually you get less angle...
so I'd not worry about the angle at this point... as you age your technique will have to change to accommodate your body changes... (read in full...)
Would any man even be interested in a woman of only five feet if she is not extremely slim ?
Q. I'm recently back in the dating game after a long relationship but finding myself worried about my height . I only five feet tall and a little plump. I lost considerable weight through weight loss surgery and am happy with where I'm at now . I am ...
A. 21 July 2014: I'm 5"2" I had WLS nearly 5 years ago. I am also 54 and yet men are after me all the time.
and yeah you do not have to be bone thing... most men prefer a bit of meat on a woman anyway...
be proud, dress to please yourself... and hei... (read in full...)
I want to be doubly sure that my behaviour around my baby sister is appropriate
Q. Okay so I am female and 13 years old, and she's still just a little one, six months old. I was wondering if it is appropriate to kiss your little sister on the cheek/forehead? We had a family member living with us years ago that attempted to molest ...
A. 21 July 2014: yes kisses to your little sister on her cheek or forehead are fine... even lips are ok. I kiss my friend's baby who is now two on the lips all the time.. and she kisses me right back....
... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who uses a wheelchair? Or consider it?
Q. Just curious. Because I use one but it seems that most people are really weary of it and I think a lot of them think wheelchair-users are a no go when it comes to dating, or even friendship. I'll be honest and say that making friends has been...
A. 21 July 2014: I would date and marry someone in a wheelchair no problem.
MY former husband thought his legs and feet ugly due to scars from surgery as a baby. I disagreed and barely saw the scars.
I have tons of scars... scars are what give us charact... (read in full...)
I woke up to my bf jerking off 2 hours after I told him am so horny and want him so bad
Q. I woke up to my bf jerking off 2 hours after I had literary begged him for sex because am always horny. He stopped immediately with a guilty look, and tried to cuddle me, but I was both shocked and disgusted. We didn't talk about it because I was so ...
A. 21 July 2014: He's full of it. It's easier to rub one out than it is to make love to a woman or even use her as a handy penis holder.
And the excuse that he's trying to get ready for you is an excuse... most women do not orgasm from penetration so a penis is... (read in full...)
My affair partner is leaving her husband but becoming distant towards me
Q. What could be the reason for this type of behavior? You would think that she would probably want to get closer to me now that she's "moving on" so to speak, but it almost feels like she's slowly distancing herself from me as well. We have been s...
A. 21 July 2014: Sometimes an affair partner becomes the catalyst for the person to make changes... once those changes are made the catalyst is no longer needed.
I left my first husband in 1989 I never wanted to go back to him but the divorce was not final ti... (read in full...)
My B/f seems to think I should be available to fit around his busy schedule. Am I being out of line?
Q. I'm looking for some advice on the argument I just had with my boyfriend please. He has been on vacation for 2 and a bit weeks, at a music festival in Spain. Before he left and during the course of him being away, I've asked him a couple of time...
A. 21 July 2014: I think you did everything in your power to try to be available for him and that his hissy fit is wrong and you are correct.
Just live your life for you and fit him in when it works for you. You owe him no apology for this. IN fact, the ex... (read in full...)
We broke up but I still feel like I should tell him I went out for drinks
Q. I was in a long distance relationship for almost a year. He and I had several problems throughout the relationship, initially about opening up and then trust issues towards the end. In the beginning after a month or so of dating he was demanding...
A. 21 July 2014: Double standards never work in relationships.
Either BOTH of you can have friends of the opposite sex or NETHER can.
He has NO RIGHT to ask about your prior relationships.. only to ask that you submit current blood work to show you are curr... (read in full...)
Should I hope for the best? Or allow my insecurity about my breasts be enough to put me off being intimate with a partner?
Q. I recently got into a long distance relationship with an exceptionally charming man. We have made plans to meet in future but I am afraid of getting intimate for one reason: my breasts. I know it sounds silly, but I am very self conscious about ...
A. 21 July 2014: I have had breast reconstructive surgery... Natural breasts droop... even mine do now.... it's normal and natural
cleavage is made by a good bra (according to my plastic surgeon)
I think you are worrying about stuff that doesn't really matte... (read in full...)
I'm older now so how and where should I meet this guy I used to talk to online? What's a way to make it safe and get to know him better in person?
Q. Hello everybody. Hope we are all well! A quick question really, if anyone is able to let me know their opinions? Right, I'll try and keep this as short as I can. Basically, a few years ago I did meet a guy online. We hit it off, yeah, bu...
A. 21 July 2014: I think if an LDR is to work then both parties need to make an effort.
I vote for both of you going halfway and meeting... if the drive is not so bad to make it a day trip...
if you need to stay overnight.. SEPARATE rooms are in order..... (read in full...)
Should I give it time to develop? I feel confused about my Online long distance friend. I really like her.
Q. Hi everyone Sorry, new to this site so not exactly sure how it works but I'll just ask away. Well basically I'm in a sort of confusing position with this girl who is my best friend. She's from Taiwan and we've been talking (online) for at ...
A. 21 July 2014: OP feeling the way you do is normal... the problem is how do you fix it.
being in an LDR sucks if you are close and can see each other often...
There are things you need to make an LDR work
two of them are time and money... at your age I d... (read in full...)
Newlyweds and embarrassment of dealing with hair "down there"
Q. How do newlyweds deal with hair "down there"? I mean, doesn't it get uncomfortable with the roughness of hair growing back or the embarrassment of ingrown hairs? I'm getting married soon and have never been intimate with anyone before. I'm anxious ...
A. 21 July 2014: OP, I strongly urge you to investigate waxing. I find waxing while more expensive to be easier....
I currently shave but I prefer to wax the whole thing... once you get that going then the hair growth is reduced slightly and the re-growt... (read in full...)
SHould I date this guy even though my family says hes just after me for sex?
Q. So 4 weeks ago i started a new job and a co worker of mine has really taken a liking to me. I like him too, a lot, but I am 18 and he is 23. Now i know this is a very small age gap but i have a sister who's 22 and i have always said i refuse to date ...
A. 21 July 2014: IF it's been 4 weeks and all you to is text and snapchat and you are leaving in 4 weeks for college and have no intention of having sex with him then I see no issues with this practice.
NOTE that texting and shapchatting is no way to have a re... (read in full...)
Why are some younger guys physically attracted to older women?
Q. When you write that question on google, you get a lot of answers such: having their life together, being more self-assured, more open sexually, etc etc, but I was wondering how some younger men find bodies with signs of aging attractive, what do ...
A. 21 July 2014: I can't tell you why my 41 yr old husband find my 54 yr old self wonderful but he does.... same age gap... I turned 54 while he was still 40....
After a certain point what matters is the inside and then the outside is sexy no matter what.... (read in full...)
My parents cant stand my relationship with my much older B/f. Should I even invite them to my wedding ?
Q. My parents have never been supportive if my relationship with my older boyfriend. We have been dating for three years and he is 19 years older then me and was also a family friend before we started dating. Once we started dating they but me out o...
A. 21 July 2014: Sounds like good news OP... seriously... baby steps..
in time this will all work out.
GOOD for you for standing your ground.... (read in full...)
His temper is threatening to spoil this relationship!!
Q. I'm so stuck with this. I don't know if I'm being over picky or if I'm being sensible. My partner of 2 years is brilliant. No, better than that, he's incredible! We met a few years ago through mutual friends and he made it obvious he liked me but ...
A. 18 July 2014: no you should NOT be scared of your partner.
You should NOT have to walk on eggshells.
IF he can't see that his anger is a problem and agree to get help for it then I'm sorry he's not the perfect man.
DO you see how it's escalating... first... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend I'm having twins?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have had sex for a little bit about every weekend for 1month I'm 22 he is 23 and we weren't protected once. I thought he was wearing a condom turns out I was wrong... Now I'm pregnant. I told him and he was quite surprised but ...
A. 18 July 2014: has he not noticed that you are huge for 5 months pregnant and asked about it?... (read in full...)
A question for men on women's weight?
Q. I would like some advice on something that came up in a previous question that has also been on my mind . I am a healthy weight woman according to the weight for height charts and yet at times when I have lost weight and become somewhat underwei...
A. 18 July 2014: I don't think that's actually the case.
I like a full figured curvy girl and a thick man.
very skinny anorexic looking people are a turn off for me.
I have been size 28 as an adult and size 4 as an adult
currently carrying a bit of... (read in full...)
I told my porn-addicted fiance that if he looked at porn again, I'm done. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and guess what?
Q. My now fiance had a porn addiction he was even looking at it at work. I basically told him if you do it again i'm done, this was over a year ago and i never caught him looking at it until now. I'm 37 weeks pregnant I looked at his phone history last ...
A. 18 July 2014: I can't improve on what CindyCares has said.
But my take is the same.. never issue an ultimatum you are not ready to back up. AND make sure the consequences are clear.
Let me give you an example from my life since it's current.
BA... (read in full...)
I think a man who wants woman will not let her go!
Q. I met a man and everything fell together so seamlessly. We were both crazy about each other and he told me he saw a future with me, and very quickly was telling me he was in love with me (within a month). I am weary of people falling too quickly ...
A. 18 July 2014: OH OP your last update says SO MUCH.
"womb for rent is right!" he is not capable of a full mature relationship and thinks money will fix it
"hire a nanny"
HUGE red flags....
let him be sorry all he wants and don't fret abo... (read in full...)
Why would my sexy sext stranger mention marriage, of all things?
Q. A guy I met online (from far faaar away) and I have been texting/sexting for about 2 and a 1/2 weeks now. I'm new to sexting and find that I'm enjoying it immensly - we seem to be very compatible. However I don't expect anything more of this. It's ...
A. 17 July 2014: yes it's not true he wants to marry you.
He's telling you want you want to hear so you will sext with him and send him more pictures....
when you are not sexting and talking about the future what do you talk about?
... (read in full...)
I think a man who wants woman will not let her go!
Q. I met a man and everything fell together so seamlessly. We were both crazy about each other and he told me he saw a future with me, and very quickly was telling me he was in love with me (within a month). I am weary of people falling too quickly ...
A. 17 July 2014: IT makes sense to me.
You said "I NEED and WANT MORE than you can give"
he said "I am who I am and this all all I can give now therefore I can't be what you want or need so it's best that I let you go to find someone who can"
"when ... (read in full...)
Bf has a short fuse and says he has PTSD and as a result I walk on egg shells. What can I do about this situation?
Q. My boyfriend said he has PTSD and he doesn't take any meds for it. He did take meds for a couple months but he didn't like the way it made him feels so he stopped taking. He was in the army and he said he started feeling that way I guess after he ...
A. 17 July 2014: I am married to an active alcoholic who has PTSD from a terrible childhood. When he hears our neighbors fight he's hysterical with stress as it brings up bad childhood memories.
I've done the "walking on eggshells" thing. it sucks.
... (read in full...)
I told my porn-addicted fiance that if he looked at porn again, I'm done. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and guess what?
Q. My now fiance had a porn addiction he was even looking at it at work. I basically told him if you do it again i'm done, this was over a year ago and i never caught him looking at it until now. I'm 37 weeks pregnant I looked at his phone history last ...
A. 17 July 2014: If you told him if he looked at porn again you were done (meaning you were leaving) then you have no choice but to leave.
the problem is you made a condition (a threat) and now you are not willing to carry it out (look at porn lose me)
so wh... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend I'm having twins?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have had sex for a little bit about every weekend for 1month I'm 22 he is 23 and we weren't protected once. I thought he was wearing a condom turns out I was wrong... Now I'm pregnant. I told him and he was quite surprised but ...
A. 17 July 2014: what choice does he have? none... one baby, two babies... money and time get stretched a bit more but it's very doable.
how about when he gets back you show him the ultrasound and go from there?
... (read in full...)
My parents cant stand my relationship with my much older B/f. Should I even invite them to my wedding ?
Q. My parents have never been supportive if my relationship with my older boyfriend. We have been dating for three years and he is 19 years older then me and was also a family friend before we started dating. Once we started dating they but me out o...
A. 17 July 2014: I am the mother of an engaged child. I am divorced from the father. (this is important)
My son is marrying an age appropriate young lady with an education, two married parents and a good job. There is nothing wrong with her at all. Except a... (read in full...)
How do I regain some control?
Q. Were now a year in to our relationship At first i couldnt believe how amazing he was. Ive definitely never loved anyone like i love him and hes like my best friend but the past 6 weeks hes been really distant and is cancelling plans. Ive always been ...
A. 17 July 2014: in adult relationships no one is in control or charge.
the truth is that the person who cares less is the one who makes the rules...
I've been on both sides of that fence.. sometimes I'm the one who loved more... and sometimes less. I p... (read in full...)
Is he starting to become possessive and overly curious about my contact with others?
Q. My partner and I are completely and totally in love, and have an incredible relationship that for us is the perfect balance of fun, banter, respect, love and intimacy. We started off just having casual sex whilst on a work trip. We spent the ent...
A. 17 July 2014: I have nothing to hide and I hate when my husband picks up my phone and goes through it. I don't keep it password protected because that's a pain for me but if he did he would know my password.
I would do two things.
1. since this "friend" ... (read in full...)
Should I break off my engagement to my LDR? Concerned about so many issues.
Q. Should I break off my engagement? I'm engaged and I love my fiance-he has a lot of wonderful qualities-honest, loving, caring, etc. I do feel like I am taking on perhaps too much baggage to be with him and I am concerned about how our future w...
A. 17 July 2014: I have to question HOW they got a divorce if they still own property together... that's not a standard thing so there has to be some paperwork there.
if she OWNS the house then ONLY her name is on the DEED and SHE can do what she wants... HE has n... (read in full...)
I'm absolutely miserable at my job, what should I do when there are no tasks needing doing?
Q. I've been working a 9-5 summer internship/job for the summer - I do get paid, but on the downside, I'm absolutely miserable. I ask my supervisors for work, but they really don't have anything for me to do. When they give me work, I accomplish it, ...
A. 17 July 2014: Here we have a huge INTRANET with learning modules that folks can do any time they want and have time..
is there any online learning you could do?
If there is someone who does the job you think you want can you ask to shadow them?
... (read in full...)
Should I break off my engagement to my LDR? Concerned about so many issues.
Q. Should I break off my engagement? I'm engaged and I love my fiance-he has a lot of wonderful qualities-honest, loving, caring, etc. I do feel like I am taking on perhaps too much baggage to be with him and I am concerned about how our future w...
A. 15 July 2014: you are correct you cannot love a man or base the relationship on his potential. you will be disappointed.
you say he's learning his CS amount... did his marriage break up because you two met online or something? is his divorce final?
... (read in full...)
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