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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Am I paranoid or is this a good gut feeling that he's cheating?
Q. I've been with my bf over a month now met over the internet. i'm 24 , hes 25. Everything is going, treats me like a queen. We've been on two weekends away (already i know) and met up in between. Thing is he normally msgs me every morning, ...
A. 10 November 2014: sounds like paranoia to me.
couples who are committed do NOT need to be in touch 24/7 nor do they have to have daily contact.
when my husband and I were dating LDR I wanted more contact than he did. We talked about it. I had to learn that... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is irresposible with finances!
Q. My gf has serious personal finance problems. Even though she makes more than enough to pay her expenses and save, she consistently spends her entire paycheck and sometimes overspends it. She's open to discussion and is often willing to cutback ...
A. 10 November 2014: NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT BAIL HER OUT.
I speak from the experience of the person who has no financial skills. My parents kept helping me and I kept just going right back to a mess
I make good money. I have issues with spending i admit it. It'... (read in full...)
How does one go about securing a friend with benefits?
Q. I am recently divorced. I'm not ready to get into a relationship, I still have anger over my wife's decision to divorce me. So I've been looking for something that seems somewhat popular these days, a friend with benefits. I've been looking ...
A. 10 November 2014: I'm betting your "single fat ugly" female friend is having sex way more than you.
When i was obese I was never wanting for partnership or attention... but I always found it amazing that men in general assume that fat chicks will bone anything... (read in full...)
My alcoholic boyfriend has become a born again Christian and insists we marry
Q. Hello everyone - I'm confused with the direction of my life. My alcoholic boyfriend of 5 years (and it has been a roller coaster ride of binge drinking destruction) has finally quit drinking after a 10 day binge which ended up with him in hosp...
A. 10 November 2014: IF a year from now he's still walking this walk, then consider it... 3 months sober is a great start but until he's a year into his sobriety nothing should be changed... in other words no marriage...
It sounds to me like he has swapped one ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that it's OK he got an erection
Q. Hey I'm 16 and today I spent the day with J (also 16) while his parents and mine went out. We've known each other for a year but we aren't really friends. Anyway we both sat on my horse on the way back to the house after a long walk (my horse is ...
A. 10 November 2014: You say NOTHING...at 16 boys get erections from ANY and EVERYTHING.... and it embarrasses them. How would you feel if you got wet panties so badly it leaked through your jeans and he saw your wet spot? would you want J to say something?
at hi... (read in full...)
Should I break off contact with my crush?
Q. So there's this guy I've kind of had a crush on for a long time now, since I was around 16 (I'm now 19). The issue is that he's my ex teacher. I have him as a friend on Facebook and we chat occasionally, just about normal things like catching up, ...
A. 10 November 2014: I agree with Honeypie.
He was your teacher and as such he was doing his job to help you.
You don't OWE him anything and he is polite to you as a professional should be.
I had a crush at 16/17 on my English teacher who was at the time abou... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has trouble showing and relating to emotions. How do I deal with this?
Q. On several occasions, my boyfriend has admitted that he is not very emotional and has problems expressing his emotions and relating to other's emotions. The longer I'm with him, the more I see this. He did something and it hurt my feelings. When I ...
A. 10 November 2014: first thing I would suggest is that you get a copy of the book "the five languages of love"
I saw my husband much as you describe your boyfriend and that book helped me understand how his actions tell me he loves me and how I can tell him I l... (read in full...)
I like a hot dad and don't know how or if even should pursue?
Q. Hi just need some advice pls. I'm a 33 single mum,and there is this really hot dad at the school, iv never spoken to him face to face as I always assumed his married or got a partner plus I'm shy lol anyway im on a dating site and hadn't been on ...
A. 10 November 2014: Just be cool
guess what he's not magic or special
he puts his pants on the same as any ex you have had.
he needs to eat
he needs to sleep
he needs to work and bathe and go potty
he probably dances and sings in his underwear in front of a... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my married lover
Q. I've been in a relationship with an older married man for a year. In the last year, my feelings have grown for him, and I am in love. I know it's selfish, but I want more of his time to be spent with me. He insists that it will get better, but I'm ...
A. 10 November 2014: My aunt waited TWENTY FIVE YEARS for her married lover to leave his wife.
WHEN he died, she was unable to mourn the loss of her lover publicly while his wife was able to grieve as a widow.
Oh and the wife got everything while my aunt lives in... (read in full...)
I've been dating him for 2 years and he won't show me where he lives?
Q. I have been dating a man for two years but he refuses to show me where he lives.he took me to visit jis family out of state; but he can't show me where he live in state.he tells me he lives with a family member.he get many excuses about the ...
A. 7 November 2014: OH it sounds like he is married.
... (read in full...)
We are getting married in a year and already I feel my sex life is terrible even though my B/f tells me once a month is the norm with couples!
Q. My fiancee and I are going through a rut. We are together 2 years and moved in 2 months ago. Before we moved in it was hard to have sex as we were either at my parents or at the appartment he shared with friends. The only time we could have sex is ...
A. 7 November 2014: No it's not normal at your age.
Some folks have lower sex drives than others. The key it to find a person who has the same drive you do.
You want sex either daily or every other day. He wants sex NEVER so he offers once a month as a co... (read in full...)
What kind of person makes this sort of random offer?
Q. I met a man on a train on the way into New York City. He was very helpful as I was asking for directions and he travels often, so we spent about an hour chatting. He gave me his number so he could send me some links and when I texted him to thank...
A. 7 November 2014: It was a chance encounter and a grand flirt..
NO one on this side of the pond flies to Paris for the weekend... (Amsterdam for a 4 day bachelor party is the quickest trip I know of)
YOU are attracted to him and somewhere have this hope... (read in full...)
What is a good compromise age for us to have a baby?
Q. Hello! I need a little advice about when I should think about having children with my boyfriend. We've been together for over 3 years, lived together for over 2 and are planning to stay together for the long run. The only reason I'm think...
A. 7 November 2014: when you are 30 he will be 30... it's going to be hard for both of you to be in your 30s...
I had my first at age 24 and I loved being a young MARRIED mother.
I am very OLD SCHOOL and I believe in "first comes love, then comes marriage ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to take a polygraph?!
Q. Okay so I've been seeing this guy for 10 months, before him I went through a really rough yime after I went through a bad break up with my long term bf, where he cheated. After I did not deal with it well I had dated people and had ended sleeping...
A. 6 November 2014: IF it was me I would say "how does it feel to want?"
he can WANT you to do it all you want but you have the right to say NO
and I would not only say NO I would say "see ya" you don't need this. YOUR past is your past and while I don... (read in full...)
Why and when do men not orgasm?
Q. I've been seeing someone over the course of five months. Well I never labaled it with seeing him, that's just how he puts it in his own words. Anyhow, things have been 'rocky' from the get go, from what's. been said, to my behavior towards...
A. 6 November 2014: Some men do not orgasm from oral sex.
My ex husband has told me recently that I was to this day the only woman that could bring him to orgasm from oral.
It is not a reflection on you or your skills.... (read in full...)
My high pitched voice is impacting dating and my job interviews
Q. I've always had an extremely high pitched voice. I've gotten used to it, however I realized it's hindering my dating life and finding a job. It doesn't help that I'm very petite either. I graduated with a business major but it doesn't matter how ...
A. 6 November 2014: have you considered speaking to a voice coach or speech therapist to see if you can learn a way to modulate your voice a bit? Actors take voice lessons to learn to project and change their voice?
It is very hard for petite women to be taken ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to set up a fake okcupid profile, what does this mean?
Q. I've been writing to this guy on okcupid for the past 6 months, during which time I was living abroad, and we couldn't meet. When we finally did meet, we had a deep connection. He's introverted, and didn't make any moves on me. Finally, on the ...
A. 6 November 2014: I agree with HoneyPie... he sounds like a grade A jerk.
he's just about all the fun and games right now.
... (read in full...)
Is it out of line for me to try and initiate spontaneous sex ? I keep getting rejected by my wife
Q. hey there, I have been in a relationship for seven years now and my wife continues to reject my spontaneous advances. I understand things could be approached the wrong way, but I try and be fun or cute and at times alpha to initiate somethin...
A. 6 November 2014: so let me get this straight, she is running a home and raising a child... if she is also working outside of the home then she has a lot on her plate.
IF i had a small child I would be concerned they would be affected by our spontaneous ... (read in full...)
Why won't he pull out during sex?
Q. So I have a boyfriend who's a pretty good guy. The only thing is, he doesn't want to pull out during sex. Or wear a condom. Says he hates them. We're both pretty stable so that's not a problem. My only question is, why does he do this? We both have ...
A. 6 November 2014: what do I think?
I think he's selfish and immature and I think you are willing to do anything he wants to keep him.
I also think you will both be parents together in about 10 months or so if you don't make some changes.
Tisha is right... h... (read in full...)
I think I'm being manipulated!
Q. I think I'm being manipulated. My husband's best friend is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. His wife was always cold with us. Their visits got rarer and rarer to the point that she stopped coming all together and he visited us alone...
A. 5 November 2014: I would tell my husband what was going on. I would let him deal with his friend (her husband)
and I agree that if you can't just ignore her or tell her that you do not wish to be party to this nonsense that you block her.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend bought presents for everyone except me and I'm the one who helped him!
Q. BF of 9yrs has just recovered from a broken leg and has bought thank you gifts for those who helped him-apart from ME!!!! God I helped him the most and no gift required but in view of the others receiving something I just feel bloody hurt!! Would ...
A. 5 November 2014: I would really be rather insulted if my husband purchased a "thank you gift" for me the same as other friends. I am different.
I care for him all the time and I do not need a gift to say thank you to me.
Nine years is a long time toget... (read in full...)
Actions Are Louder Than Words?
Q. My latest "best friend in life" and I have been in a committed relationship going on 19 months. We addressed the "wondering eye" syndrome and his "friends on facebook", and I finally had told him that since he said, "I will never hurt you", I told ...
A. 5 November 2014: I always look to see if the actions match the words.
I think that his do actually and that the issue is that he's just NOT enough for you
his idea of what a relationship is and should be do not match what yours are.
there is inherent dis... (read in full...)
What does it mean when he says I am his "guilty pleasure"?
Q. What does it mean if a man tells you your his guilty pleasure? What would it mean to you if you were to say this to someone or someone was to say this to you? How would you translate this in your inner world? Personally, humorous, passing c...
A. 5 November 2014: I will tell you how I use the term "guilty pleasure" It's very tongue in cheek for me.
I am a Jewish girl. My favorite mindless fiction is AMISH romance which is Christian based and if I was a religious Jewish girl I would not be permitte... (read in full...)
He used to do his own laundry! Is he cheating on me?
Q. Is he cheating? My boyfriend of 4yrs and 11 mnths . nowadays constantly takes his clothes to the dry cleaners where his ex works.but before he used to do his own laundry. Is he cheating?...
A. 5 November 2014: There is no way to know from where he does his laundry if he's cheating or not.
what other signs to you have?... (read in full...)
What would you ladies do or think if your straight boyfriend just announced he had once kissed and touched another guy like he was telling you about his day?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months. Things are really great between us and we are thinking about taking the next step and getting a house together. It wouldn't be until the new year anyway but things are getting serious and I couldn't ...
A. 5 November 2014: I would think that he was a perfectly normal human being who was bi-curious tried it out and realized he didn't like it.
KUDOS to him for being upfront and honest with you.
As a bisexual woman I hate the double standard humans in general ha... (read in full...)
The man of my dreams but not the place of my dreams
Q. I'm in such a bind, it has gotten me pretty depressed. I have an amazing boyfriend who thinks the world of me, and I wanted him as well since the first time I laid eyes on him. My wish came true, he became mine, and we get along amazingly. One of ...
A. 5 November 2014: My husband gave up his apartment of ten years, all his friends and his job and moved to be with me in the horrible state we are in. I appreciate this from him more than you can imagine. Had he not wanted to move we would not be together as we ... (read in full...)
I don't see my boyfriend and I moving in together should I walk away?
Q. I don't think my boyfriend and I will move in together, should I walk away ?. He has bipolar disorder. He recently moved into a new place. He doesn't seem to want to move in with me, and it could be difficult to live with him, as he has so many mood ...
A. 5 November 2014: I fear you are beating a very dead horse here.
You have been with him 3 years
he just moved into his own place and you were not invited... he's not going to change that.
IN addition, if he's not properly medicated and treated for his bi-p... (read in full...)
Is it out of line for me to try and initiate spontaneous sex ? I keep getting rejected by my wife
Q. hey there, I have been in a relationship for seven years now and my wife continues to reject my spontaneous advances. I understand things could be approached the wrong way, but I try and be fun or cute and at times alpha to initiate somethin...
A. 5 November 2014: how often are you in the bedroom in the dark with the lights off?
how often are you trying to be spontaneous?
has she ever been anything but an "in the dark in the bedroom under the covers" kind of girl? if she was and she no longer is th... (read in full...)
It looked promising then he dropped out of the text convo
Q. Met a nice boy at concert over weekend. We didn't get a lot of time to talk because shows were loud but he gave me his cell and took a pic of us at the stage. I did feel like he wanted to get closer fast. Tried to kiss me and that wasn't something I ...
A. 5 November 2014: IF he gave you his cell but did not take yours to me that's not a good sign.
It means to me he's willing to be available if you make the effort.
I'd advise you if you really want to know if he really likes you to WAIT and see if he conta... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much from my husband?
Q. I feel that I give more than I get. I feel that my husband hasn't got a clue what love really is... We've been together for almost 15 years. We met when I was 25 and he 27. In a way we grew up together. All the major life decisions (and efforts)...
A. 5 November 2014: Things must change here but I’m not one for thinking that talking to him will work. My husband of two years takes me for granted already. I am a caretaker. I like to cook and clean and take care of him. Yet the fact that he takes it for ... (read in full...)
Advice on what a break means.
Q. So my girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. However, out of the blue, she sent a text message asking for a break. She said she didn't want things to end, just a short break. It was not stemmed from a fight and she made it clear she still ...
A. 5 November 2014: And a third vote for she's using this as a way to have guilt free fooling around with someone else.. a break of this type specifically (out of the blue without any conversations about time frames or why or anything) is never a good sign.
I w... (read in full...)
He hit me again - should I leave?
Q. Hi dearcupid, My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 years but have only lived together for 12 months (because we were both at uni and persuing our own career goals). Since we've started living together its all gone downhill though and we ha...
A. 4 November 2014: this is a terrible relationship
you are abusing him (hitting him is abuse even if you are a woman) and he is abusing you.
call your daddy and say "my boyfriend hits me can I come home?" I bet he sends you the money to make it happen.... (read in full...)
Worried about girlfriends nightlife
Q. Ok, my girlfriend is away at college for the past 3yrs and everything has been great. She goes out to drink once in a great while with her friends and I don't mind because I know her friends and they are good people. I myself hate drinking...
A. 4 November 2014: I will assume that your gf is a few years younger than you...
sadly when folks go away to college they find themselves, they grow they change.
your fears may be your own insecurity and nothing more or they may be founded in the reality that ... (read in full...)
What does the word 'cute' mean to guys? To me, it means 'ugly but acceptable'!
Q. Dear Auntz Me and my new boyfriend started dating a week ago and he keeps saying that im cute! I have always told myself that i will never date any guy that thinks i am cute, but here i am. I wish he would use the word beautiful instea...
A. 4 November 2014: BABY DUCKS ARE CUTE... that's what I used to say.
I think my husband is CUTE... he tells me that's a term for GIRLS...
we all bring our own baggage to words.
I am short 5'2" and I want to be BEAUTIFUL... I had to accept that as a short g... (read in full...)
How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 4 November 2014: So OP has she ASKED you to help figure this out?
HAS she expressed a need to have intercourse with you and SHE is the one who is frustrated or is she ok with the status quo?... (read in full...)
I would be leaving my wife of 12 years for her, so I need to know if she wants me too
Q. First time I have done something like this online but there is no one else i can speak to about this. I am married with a child and 2 step kids, I love my wife but I don't know if I am still in love with her. I met a girl in her 20s a couple months ...
A. 3 November 2014: And if she doesn't want you, what will change? NOTHING
you will continue to love your wife but not be IN love with her.
either fix your marriage or leave but don't CHEAT.
of course you could CHEAT and then your wife and all the kids ... (read in full...)
He hit me again - should I leave?
Q. Hi dearcupid, My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 years but have only lived together for 12 months (because we were both at uni and persuing our own career goals). Since we've started living together its all gone downhill though and we ha...
A. 3 November 2014: It's amazing what we find out when we live with someone.
He is abusing you. Next time it may not be a bruise it may be a broken arm or a broken nose or a broken neck
or he could cut out the long term affects and just kill you the next ti... (read in full...)
How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 3 November 2014: At this point she needs to see a GYN if she can't even put a tampon in. She may have a disorder called vaginismus
has she ever gone to the gyn for a well woman visit. All women should either by age 18 or if they become sexually active before t... (read in full...)
I'm bitter about my rich ex-husband, while I don't have much money. Will karma get him?
Q. I don't wish anything really bad to happen to my ex-husband, but some Kharma would be nice... My ex and I divorced about two years ago. He was not a good husband-treated me very badly and basically walked out on our son and I when he decided he wa...
A. 3 November 2014: If he had that big of a raise you can TAKE HIM BACK TO COURT and get a new court order for CS.
CS is based on a percentage of his and yours vs a bunch of other things
Call an attorney and find out what the state guidelines are for y... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like that I hang out with guys, yet he hangs out with his ex girlfriend!
Q. So here it is short and sweet. My bf doesn't like me hanging out with guys and flipped out the other night when I did. Only to find out last night that, the same night he was texting me freaking out, he was spending the night at his ex girlfriends ...
A. 3 November 2014: He blew up because he figures you are doing the same thing he is CHEATING....
NO ONE drives six hours to see the CHILD of an ex unless it is their child.
that's his excuse. besides having a double standard.
I would not only be upset... (read in full...)
Guys, is this a turn-off?
Q. Sometimes my vaginal discharge is very sour, very tart, like a vitamin C pill. Anyone else ever have that? Dudes, you ever notice that? I know it changes with time, it's not usually the fluid that comes with being turned on. What's it mean and is it ...
A. 3 November 2014: Your bodily secretions will be impacted by what you eat.
if you are tart and want to be sweet add strawberries and/or pineapple juice daily.
I don't know what's common vs uncommon but your questions in your post (NOT the title since I know t... (read in full...)
How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 3 November 2014: I hate to say this but if the ex boyfriend "put it in a little bit" she's NOT a virgin.
but that's neither here nor there...
if it's painful for her then you have to figure out if it's pain from fear... or something else.
do yo... (read in full...)
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