A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my step son is 11 going on 12. I have known him since he was 5 years old. He told me the other night that he couldn't sleep cause he did something and it was on his mind. He didn't want to tell me but I got it out of him. He told me it was embarrassing, then he said he had sniffed my underware DIRTY and the clean ones as well. Held them up, which they are thongs. I have my own son with my husband of 4 years old and 2 step do I have never delt with this before and same with my husband. Any help and any word.....please help cause it does bother me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2014):
 I agree with SVC
It's a GOOD thing that he trusts you enough to tell you, and I think it would be a good thing to let him know that from now on, there will be no more panty sniffing.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 September 2014):
 HOW WONDERFUL that this child trusts you so much that he came to you and shared this with you.
He is being a very curious pre-teen full of hormones and confusing feelings. I do not think this is an indication that you are raising a pervert.
I would thank him for being honest and assure him he's normal but let him know your underwear is off limits.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (10 September 2014):
Dear OP,
He is a child and still a lot of his mind is very innocent. Children have a different sense of sexuality, about what is okay and what is not, they are still learning the boundaries of adult life. For instance, you will see a lot of children touch their genitals in public. They don't stop it unless an adult tells them it's inappropriate. Also, children clearly enjoy games that look erotic to adults, or have weird topics, and can irritate a grown up person.
Clearly, your step son realized what he did was not okay somehow, or else he wouldn't have been so ashamed and unable to sleep. But he must also trust in you and love you, or else he wouldn't have confessed the deed.
My advice is to not overanalyze the whole thing and worry too much. We live in a culture where a childs' sexuality is a big taboo and so we all are quickly overwhelmed when it comes to dealing with such a topic. But trust in your step son and yourself. You seem to have a good relationship with him, so whatever he did, it's nothing that can destroy your good relationship. Talk to him. Thank him for his trust in you. Tell him to not sniff your underwear anymore, but without making him feel like a pervert. Maybe, because he is starting to go into puberty, show him some age-appropriate movie or book about sexuality.
PS: I grew up with two brothers.. when boys go into puberty they sometimes do weird things. They need a lot of privacy to explore their bodies, and possibilities to learn about sexuality. Anyway, what I know for sure is that boys in that age are confused and they need support and understanding, because it's hard to deal with being a teenager.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 September 2014):
 I also agree to handle it with grace and not jump into conclusions like he needs mental help. The reason he told you is that he felt bad and trusted you that you have the wisdom to make him feel better. I would strongly doubt that he told you what he did as a sign that he's attracted to you and wants something further. He is a boy, a child but starting puberty. He has interests in the female body but does not have an outlet for the curiosity. He fancies girls in schools and doesn't know how to act that out. He thinks that you as an adult has all the answers even though it is not something you have encountered.
What I would say to him is be honest that you feel embarrassed. You are not angry with him but because of the awkwardness it's best that he never does this again. You have to be careful because even though this is mischievous behavior, he can be very sensitive. You are a mother figure and besides his biological mother, you take on a strong role teaching him how to relate to females. If you show him in anyway that this is perv behaviour that only reinforces that he is crazy, weird and that doesn't do anything to help his self esteem. All he has to know is that it's normal to have curiosities but he has to keep them to himself and have self restraints. He can read books on sex that's appropriate for his age.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 September 2014):
 Kids do kooky things. What you have submitted is no more startling than a few other things that he will likely do whilest he is young and still in your household. The KEY to the whole thing is to LISTEN to him... understand "where he is coming from" (curiosity) and then discuss the matter in as-adult fashion as you expect he will understand... and, without judgement by you.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): I remember reading years ago about making sure a son never sees his mother in a sexual way. For example, to make sure as a mother, they don't catch you naked, and to dress appropriately etc, otherwise, they can find it very confusing and difficult to understanding what they are thinking/feeling etc. It is dangerous territory for a young mind, so I suggest you do research this, and maybe get professional advise. I would be concerned for your step sons mental health, not that there is anything wrong with him, but that the matter is dealt with appropriately.
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