A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been noticing some weird behavior from my fience. Hes always kept his phone with him but just recently he put a lock on it when I asked him he said his president (of his club) said he either needed to get a new number or put on lock on his phone. Kinda wierd but then ive noticed that he has been more sneaky about his phone.. like he only charges it in the dining room the front door is right there or if hes sleeping and its right next to him. And we were on the front porch the other night n I noticed he was reading a text n texting back but when I got up to put my cigg out he quickly put it down I thought that was weird so I sat back down waited for him to go back to his phone which he did n I waited a minute then went to go get back up n he quickly put his phone in his pocket n said I shold go check on our son... I don't know if im just being paranoid but my gut is telling me sitting is up if anyone can give me advice id appricate it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2014): Yeah something is up. Don't let on that you know. Play dumb. That way you can find out more information. Act extremely nice and unsuspecting. Play the total fool. And be really nice so you can gain his trust and he let's his guard down. This is very important. Because if you start prying or accusing he is going to get defensive, turn it around on you, make you feel like the bad guy and you will never know what is really going on. That is why you have to be really smart about this.
But without him catching on, see if you can find out his new password, and while he is sleeping snoop through his phone.
I am sorry you are going through this. Take my advice to a tee.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): He is displaying classic signs of cheating. Don't draw any attention to this issue while u investigate it otherwise he will get more sneaky. Try and see what code he punches in out the corner of ur eye...stay casual at all times. Does his phone auto lock or is it timed to lock after so many minutes non activity. Do u have a window of opportunity there. There are spy equipment websites that can help worth a look too. One other thing... If he 'accidentally' misplaced his phone before going out ;) check for his reaction. For example my ex husband was cheating and he left his phone at home went off to work. He rang me from a land line slight panic in his voice and told me firmly to turn his phone off and just leave it alone. Your gut instinct is not wrong. Stay off the sex too..you don't know what you might be sharing.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 A lot of people use their year of birth as a phone password. Just saying and not suggesting you should try it for a moment.
Also some SIMS work in different phones as the lock is usually the PHONE not the SIM card. Again just saying. Not suggesting you take his SIM card out and try it In a different phone. That would be a misinterpretation of what I am saying.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2014):
 the only way i fear you will get proof is to hire an investigator.
He has to lock his phone because the president of his club told him to? WHY? that would be my first question. WHY is the president of your club mandating that you lock your phone?
If you ask "can I know the code?" I am sure the answer will be of course not. But what could the president of a club have that is so secret that a partner can't know? Are they running guns or drugs? If not I call BS.
my husband and I password protect things to keep OTHERS from it but not each other. I know all his passwords he knows mine and we even have "household" passwords for mutual things.
If you ask these questions and don't like the answers I would call off the engagement and hire a PI to follow him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2014):
 You don't HAVE to see his phone to know something is up or to ask him WTF is happening. YOU know him well enough (I presume) to see how he reacts and can read his body language.
And I think you might want to re-consider the engagement for now. You might love the guy, but to marry a man you can't fully trust? not a good way to start life together.
What exactly kind of club is it? The one where the "prez" is telling him to PW his phone? Social club? Sports?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): Thank you for the advice... and no he pays his phone bill but that is how his prez gets ahold if him but he's been back with the club for sometime now n this is now just happening doesn't add up if he is cheating its over I don't want to work it out cheating is a BIG NO in my book..I do want to get full proof that he is cheating before I say anything cuz that'll bring up trust issues and I did trust him up untill this phone stuff. Oh n he does bring his phone in the shower as well I mean he always kept it close but now it seems sneaky n I feel like we r emotaionaly detaching and our sex life is on the down side but he just says he doesn't know what it is he just hasnt even been in the mood to or even look at porn he says we have pinky have sex 2times in the past 2 1/2 weekd. .. I can't get into his phone cuz he keeps a lock on it now. Ive started writing down when he's being sneaky so if I don't get full proof ill have enough written down that itll have to be descussed. Unless someone knows a way to get into a pin locked cell phone that would be awesome but thank you again n I would like to get more advice if possible ty
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2014):
Though I kind of doubt he would tell you the truth, I would simply ask him what's up with the protecting his phone from YOU the way he is. How it makes you think and feel something is really off.
The whole president of his club told him to do it? Wait what? What club and why does the "president" if his club have a say in this? Does he keep confidential information pertaining to the club on his phone? Does the club PAY his phone bill? What is up with that explanation?
Yeah I'd bring it up. I wouldn't mention cheating, just that it makes you feel like he doesn't TRUST you and that he seems to have things to HIDE from you. Whatever those things are.
I agree, if your GUT is telling you something is off, LISTEN to your gut.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): Thank you for the advice... I want to get full proof that he is cheating before I say anything cuz that'll bring up trust issues. I can't get into his phone cuz he keeps a lock on it now. Ive started writing down when he's being sneaky so if I don't get full proof ill have enough written down that itll have to be descussed. Unless someone knows a way to get into a pin locked cell phone that would be awesome but thank you again n I would like to get more advice if possible ty
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Listen to your gut! Something is up. One of the main signs of cheating is being over protective of one's phone. My ex husband cheated on me and he did the same thing. He even carried his phone with him in the shower. Never left it unattended. I sneaked one night while he was asleep and found this one woman's name kept popping up on his call list. He got so mad when he found out what I did and tried to turn it around on me. I left his cheating behind after that and quickly got a divorce. Get to the bottom of your fiance's odd behaviour before you walk down the aisle.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 How interesting the president of his club is telling him to get a new number or to lock his phone ..... is it a club phone? Does the president pay the bills on the phone? Why did the president tell him that?
His behaviour does seem suspicious, and if our gut says something is up, our gut is usually correct.
I think the only course open to you is to be blunt and direct. Tell him his changed behaviour about his phone has you puzzled and concerned. Maybe start out by asking what his club president has to do with his phone ... ask a few more questions, don't be fobbed off, if the answers seem weird and don't make sense repeat them back to him so he can hear how silly they sound for himself. Ask for clarification.
To be honest, I think you need to decide what you want if he IS cheating, do you want to work on the relationship, hoping this is once off, or will it be an instant deal breaker.
Also consider if he is cheating, what if he decides he doesn't want to stay and work on things ... have you any shared assets, bank accounts, and other property.
Make sure you and your son are protected financially before you raise the question with him, just in case.
I hope things go well for you and your son, good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): Hi, I hope that my answer may be able to help you somehow. I can't give you a definite yes or no, what I can give you is an opinion on what you have mentioned and my own experience. A few months ago my boyfriend became protective over his phone, keeping it in his jean pocket when he slept, charging it only whilst it was near him, tilting the phone whilst he was texting. If I asked about it he got mad and told me to stop being nosey. Soon he had to work late and he was always arguing with me. Everything I did was wrong or irritated him. I then found out he had been cheating on me for 5 weeks. I can pin point back to the exact week It started without even having to be told. My gut told me. Your heart and your head try to come up with other solutions, because you love him. You don't want to believe that they would do that to you. Your gut instinct is always right. If you have noticed a change in your fiancé and his actions thats probably because there has been a change to notice. Especially if it's enough of a change for you to write into this relationship help site. Keep an eye him and his actions. Unfortunately a cheater will never ever admitt or confess off there own back. Normally they have to be caught out with hard evidence that they have cheated before they apologise. Good luck with everything. Just please, always listen to your gut instinct.
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