A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for two years until he decided that he couldn't be with me anymore. I have a history of depression and I think I was wearing him down. He said it's over and to him it's been over for ages before he actually said it was finished. He gave up on the relationship and I never wanted it to end. He was everything to me. He blocked me in every form and hasn't spoken in 3 months. I sent him a letter but nothing. I haven't said anything since but I'm so depressed and he's hurt me so much. I'm ripped apart and have no support but he has so much. He dropped me so far down and I don't know how to move on. I miss him terribly and I've found distractions but underneath I'm so broken.I never thought he'd be that person that I was so scared he could be, I loved him more than anything and I'm ripped up inside. Why has he chosen to never speak again? I don't think that's fair and decent when he knows the problems I go through.I guess I can't accept that he's done this as I thought so much of him and never believed this would occur. I love and miss him and underneath I'm a mess. I don't know how I can trust again. I gave him all of me :(Please help.
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female
reader, Vianneeey  +, writes (18 September 2014):
As a depression survivor, I know how you feel, I once broken up because he knew I had depression. It was tough, but it's not impossible to get through. Now after so many years, I was glad that he left me.
You have to fight this depression alone. This fight is between you and yourself. You have to fight all that negative thoughts in your head, you are better than the accusations in your head. You have to be happy on your own. Other people can give you all the support, love, attention; but if you have to decide to run & finish the race.
The reason why he broke up with you is because you've became dependent to him and (1) didn't give him the space he needs, (2) you cant be happy without him.
Why he cut contact with you? Because he wants you to get over him & focus on getting yourself better. It will be easier for you to fix this broken heart if you don't keep reminded about him. Distance will make anything seems small & time will heal a broken heart.
No matter what, don't give up.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Dear OP.
I am sorry you are hurting and confused. I have to echo what Honeypie has said. You need to make sure your depression is being treated properly. That can mean, therapy, medications, biofeedback or other options. SAYING “I have depression” is not enough. “I have depression and I’m being treated for it” is fine.
What you have to understand is that he did not do this TO YOU. This is NOT personal. It is the hardest thing for folks to understand. I strongly urge you to get the book “A Fine Romance” by Judith Sills http://www.judithsills.com/afineromance.asp which was my BIBLE in my early 30s after a divorce and staring to date again. It will explain it to you in many ways and help you understand why it’s not personal against you.
Just because you never wanted the relationship to end does not mean he was not done. You can’t force someone to love you or be what you want or need just because you want or need it. A sad true fact.
IF he blocked you 100% for NO CONTACT, you should respect that and know that it’s a very wise course of action. Going no contact is a tried and true method for ending a relationship. There is nowhere it’s written we have to be friendly or even civil to an ex. IF he knew that having contact with you was going to stress him out, then he did the right thing to take care od himself which was to go NO CONTACT. I know it hurts you but sadly YOU are not his responsibility. HE IS. And he is doing everything HE NEEDS TO DO TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. You need to respect that. And you need to take care of yourself.
IF YOU ARE NOT in treatment with professionals for your depression, that’s your first step.
IF you are, then ask your therapist for coping skills help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): Some people simply don't have the courage or compassion to handle women like us. They're too self-absorbed to give the extra care and attention it requires to be there for someone who truly needs that to feel secure in a loving relationship. To break it down simply, he has no heart and no b*lls. I promise you will eventually find someone who does. I have severe bipolar and it took me almost 30 years, but I did find someone I can trust who nurtures me, respects me and loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. That's exactly what you deserve. It's his loss; you deserve a strong man, not a selfish boy. xxx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Blocking you is what was right for him, it may not sit well with you, but he has to put himself first.
A relationship can't and won't work if only one person wants it to continue.
If depression has rules you (and in that sense your relationship) maybe he has realized that he can't handle that. This is a problem HE can't FIX for you. And cutting contact isn't about hurting YOU, it's about protecting himself and protecting you. Even if it doesn't FEEL that way.
Instead of being upset that he ended it AND cut the contact, maybe you need to deal with that HUGE elephant in the room, YOUR depression. Go see a doctor, DEAL with the depression.
Depression doesn't JUST affect the person WITH the depression but everyone around them. And if you aren't in a good spot with YOURSELF how can you have enough energy for a relationship?
Make YOURSELF the priority in your life. Make getting better your priority.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 You are hearting and it is expected. You invested a lot of time and energy in the relationship and it fell apart. Your ex has done you a favour by blocking all contacts, you may not see it but its in your best interest as you are now forced to move on. There is no point in trying to make any contact as he has moved on and this will also hold you from moving forward.
You should seek help and take to someone as just talking to someone helps with the healing. Start improving on you, be stronger, confident try and be happy, fake it if you have to and eventually enjoying life becomes really fun. You control whether you are happy or miserable don't give that power to anyone. I promise it will get better but ou need to let go and want to move on. Stuck in the past and wishing things will change is not going to help you. Stop being a victim and start living today. Take the step to accept its over, don't dwell in past.
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