A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my Girlfriend of 5 years now has been working in another county for just over 6 months now because she is saving up the money. Luckily she works for an airline so i have seen her about 3 times as she travels. However the things that are bothering me are how much of a backseat I FEEL i have started to take in her life. Things like not replying to me on social media and texts (cant phone as the prices would sky rocket) within a decent amount of time. E.g. she said she was having a shower, then like 6 hours later i have a picture text off her in a night club. Now im not trying to be controlling, id just like her to at least say, 'off out now' so im not left hanging all the time. Other things like when i went out to see her for just over a week, she never seemed to be off her phone, and thats because she says 'she doesnt want to ignore her friends just because i was there visiting. She also seems to have stopped putting her heart into showing me that she cares and loves me, she would paste us all over social media and the likes, but now its like once every blue moon. And to top that off, she originally said she would only be away for 6 months. But she recently told me she wouldn't know when she'd be coming back at all.So now im worried, if i could i would up and move over there, but im going back to Uni next week, i cant just up and go.The twist is, before she went, i used to be the laid back one never bothering about all the 'lovey dovey' and no she has gone, well, its been a role reversal. Now im the one posting stuff all over social media and sending her loving messages all the time. Problem? she her self has said its too much, im too intense and she isn't used to me being like this. But her going has made me realize how much i did love her if you know what i mean? What im trying to ask i suppose, is what do i do?!I cant carry on like this with nowhere to vent my emotions.I cant ask her to come back home as she's loving it out there and i cant move over there.And i feel like im increasingly becoming less important in her life the longer she is out there.Any suggestions on what i can/should do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Well there may not be good news here.. she may be done with the relationship.. the key to me is the time on the phone when you are visiting her.
I've done LDRs and they are hard.
I suggest that for right now you give her a chance to miss you. Tell her "I hear you and realize I've been overwhelming.... I'll wait for you to get in touch with me, talk to you soon"
THEN GO SILENT on her... NO social media, no texts, no voice mail, no cute notes in the mail.... NOTHING... this will kill you... so write long letters to her that you will not send.... if you are totally stressed out perhaps a therapist can with some short term counseling give you coping skills.
LET HER COME TO YOU.... it will suck and it will also give you the answer as to whether or not you need to end the relationship. if you have been together for 5 years and are 24 then you started as teens...it may sadly be that the relationship has run it's course.
A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Take a back seat and let her come to you. Maybe the time away has given her a bit of freedom, and dare I say it, maybe she doesn't feel the same anymore. Hopefully that isn't the case! Just don't text her for a few days. Don't post anything on social media. Give her a few days and see what happens. If it continues after that, you really need to talk... Maybe skype or something.
I hope it works out for you. Good luck :) x
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