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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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.I don't understand why I should be faithful and invest in a relationship that has unstable future plans
Q. I have been dating this man for a year and a half and I need a solution to a problem. We are in a long distance relationship an hour and a half drive away.I live in a big city and he lives in a small town. I am willing to relocate to another big ...
A. 27 August 2014: He could sell his house or rent it out.
YOU do things when you love someone that you would not normally do.
I owned my house so my husband moved to me on the condition that we sell the house and buy a new one. I did not want to but I agreed... (read in full...)
Jealousy is ruining my life!
Q. For as far back as I can remember, I have been a VERY jealous person. I was jealous of friends, girls in my class, and one day in primary school, my friends mum actually said to me that I was a very jealous little girl because I got so pissed off ...
A. 25 August 2014: I agree that if it's this severe a counselor is your best bet to fix this.
I will say that jealousy is an emotion totally rooted in INSECURITY. since you mentioned always COMPARING yourself to others and finding yourself lacking, I suggest that... (read in full...)
.I don't understand why I should be faithful and invest in a relationship that has unstable future plans
Q. I have been dating this man for a year and a half and I need a solution to a problem. We are in a long distance relationship an hour and a half drive away.I live in a big city and he lives in a small town. I am willing to relocate to another big ...
A. 25 August 2014: 90 minutes is often a commute around here.
when my husband was my boyfriend and a nearly 2 hr drive away we had to decide what to do.
LDRs exist with one goal in mind if the folks are honest and that's to be NOT LDR!
If at your age after ... (read in full...)
How do I know if this girl had sex before me?
Q. hello, I have a girlfriend. last month i had sex with her,this was my first time.after did the sex lot of confusion created. according to my girl friend she was also first time but during sex i seen her membrane had already broken and vagina is lo...
A. 25 August 2014: it's your inexperienced perception and insecurity that is causing you to feel this way.
IF she said she was a virgin then you have to trust her.
IF you don't trust her, then do her a favor and end the relationship now. NO woman should have... (read in full...)
My parents are up fighting and talking at night and I can't sleep!
Q. My parents don't let me sleep at night! In 2013 I developed an eating disorder followed with random binges due to a lifetime of my dad's bulling and being a sensitive person, and continued despite all of this. He also abused everyone in my f...
A. 25 August 2014: Franny, ask mom to buy you some earplugs for sleeping. that will help cancel out the noise your folks are making.
... (read in full...)
I cant stand my boyfriend's family and things with my boyfriend are starting to fall apart as well. What do I do?
Q. Iv been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now, engaged for a year. I agree that I rushed into this relationship and I have nothing to say in my defense. I had known him for many years because we worked in the same place and he seemed great. ...
A. 25 August 2014: I don't think you have a future with him.
You list all the things that support us telling you to leave him.... therefore it seems you want us to give you permission to break an engagement and end the relationship.
Permission granted.
... (read in full...)
What is best in giving oral sex to a man?
Q. I hope that my question is appropriate to be posted. I edited it and re submitted it but i don't understand why it is being said that i am asking a new question. I am again asking the same question. My question concerns giving oral sex to a man. I ...
A. 25 August 2014: actually I find that when they get closer that varying the rhythm will often ruin it for the guy.
Once he gets towards that "point of no return" you can change it up to keep it going longer or keep going just as you are to get him to finish..... (read in full...)
How do I introduce my daughter to my boyfriend officially as my boyfriend?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. I have a very basic question that I need some advice on. I have decided to introduce my daughter to my boyfriend officially as my boyfriend, but I'm not sure how best to go about it. I have been dating my boyfriend...
A. 25 August 2014: 3rd vote for say nothing .
kids are BRILLIANT and understand things we can't imagine they understand....... (read in full...)
What is best in giving oral sex to a man?
Q. I hope that my question is appropriate to be posted. I edited it and re submitted it but i don't understand why it is being said that i am asking a new question. I am again asking the same question. My question concerns giving oral sex to a man. I ...
A. 25 August 2014: the head gets too sensitive if you only focus on that.
most men like a firm suction on the shaft and yes some tongue play on the area below the scrotum and anal area is often desired as well.
also just like you are different from your frie... (read in full...)
It is wrong if I would kiss my older 3rd cousin and experiment?
Q. I just got in touch with my third cousin over a year ago. We both find each other attractive and flirt a lot. He even offered to pay for my first tattoo for when im legally able to do it without my parents. This means that I would have to go up to ...
A. 25 August 2014: I agree with Honeypie.. the fact that he is TEN YEARS older than you at 16/17 is a red flag for me.
IF he was your age there would be NO issues about it for me but the fact that you are a teen and he is nearly 30 is a big issue for me.
I'm t... (read in full...)
Am I now the workplace joke?
Q. Im the 3rd oldest at work, 95% my colleagues are under 31. my handwriting isnt good , I try and its kind of ok and legible, but it will never be "really neat." Part of my job means writing and documenting at times, I do my best but since i was ...
A. 25 August 2014: OP,
Cindy's remark was fine. YOUR reaction to it clearly indicates (to me at least) that PART of the issue may be in YOUR personal interpretation of what is going on.
yes they may be laughing but it may not be malicious as much as just a co... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love your husband but contemplate leaving him?
Q. I have been married to my husband for 12 years. We have 2 beautiful children together. Since we got married, our marriage was always been a little tumultuous as my husband tends to be very moody and suffers from anxiety. He has refused professi...
A. 22 August 2014: well to answer the title question... yes you can love someone and still think about leaving them and actually still leave.
I love my husband. I wish I didn't. I'd leave in a heartbeat if I didn't love him. I stay because I love him.
... (read in full...)
I don't think he would ever cheat on me but is a cheat always a cheat in your opinion?
Q. Hi guys :) I ve been seeing my bf for 8 months now exclusively but i was kinda seeing him (never sex) when he was with his ex. I know its horrible and I feel so guilty. I met her a few times and she was so mean and horrible to him. He said that the...
A. 22 August 2014: I do not think that ONCE a cheat always a cheat but you can't say that he won't ever cheat again since he's already shown you he is able to do so.
... (read in full...)
How should I tell this woman that the man she loves isn't who he says that he is?
Q. I am in total shock. I was dating a really wonderful, fun man for 10 months, who was doing important research in the medical field. We saw each other about once a week, and rarely on weekends, as he was always working on grants and papers, trying to ...
A. 22 August 2014: how can he do it? easily... some folks separate sex and love easily.
did he care about you... yeah I"m sure he did.
does he care about his wife, yeah I'm sure he does
but I'm also sure that he cares about himself more than anyo... (read in full...)
I found performance-enhancing pills -- should I ask him about them?
Q. I'm in a new relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months, it's going very nicely. Infact we confessed our true feelings a few days ago and told each other we love each other, we're both so happy :) My concern came about today when I came across so...
A. 22 August 2014: My husband loves his "stiffies" I keep trying to tell him they are doing NOTHING and it's all in his head but he swears he needs them. I agree if they are over the counter that it's mostly placebo effect as the brain is the biggest sex organ ... (read in full...)
We want a boy but I don't want my husband to be disappointed if it isn't
Q. Hello! I am 12 weeks pregnant, due in March 2015! My husband wants, a little boy, therefore I do to. I even talk to my stomach as if I were having a boy. But lately I have had a lot of anxiety inside me. I am so worried that, I will have a girl, I ...
A. 22 August 2014: I think all men in some way want a son for their first. As the oldest of two I can say that i never knew if my dad was disappointed that I was a girl or not.
Cindy is correct, It is the male that determines the sex of the baby.
I agree you... (read in full...)
She told him she used to have a crush on him?
Q. Should i be worried that my girlfriend (and mother of my child) told her guy friend on Facebook that she used to have a crush on him in high school? Not sure why she would choose now of all times to admit that to him, but nevertheless its got me ...
A. 21 August 2014: Oh I would so tell high school guys I had a crush on them now... it's in the past... and we are all grown ups and what we did/felt as teens is no longer relevant.
how do you know she did this? are you spying... if so why do you think that y... (read in full...)
Feeling bad for possibly sick ex. Should I break NC?
Q. My ex and I were together 4 years. We broke up 2 months ago, tomorrow. I broke it off because for several months prior, while I was trying to work things out, he was pushing me to end things, so I did. He acted like he wanted to be set free so I let ...
A. 21 August 2014: Actually you are NOT NC since you read his text messages (and have not blocked him) and still look at his FB page (have not blocked him)
NO CONTACT means just that NOTHING... as if you do not know each other at all. The fact that he can send... (read in full...)
Can I still pull it off with my childish underwear?
Q. I've never been sexually active with someone else before and never saw a need to impress. I'm having sex soon and don't know if my cotton polka dotted panties and plain bras will pull off the seductive look. I'm low on cash so can't go buying ...
A. 21 August 2014: As an afterthought.. I once had a boyfriend who when I showed him my NEW sexy underwear said
"it will look lovely in a pile on the floor"
yep. that.... (read in full...)
Why is he so hot and cold? Excited and happy one day, ignoring me the next?
Q. After 8 months, I finally returned to the place I used to work. The last time I was there, I became good friends with a man, let's call him Mike. Mike pretty much taught me everything I knew when I first started the job. He is about 10 years older ...
A. 20 August 2014: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-my-married-coworker-so-hot-and.html asked the same question:
"My questions is: Why is he so hot and cold? Excited and happy one day, ignoring me the next?"
My answer is exactly the same...
YOU ... (read in full...)
I have my first date! Is there a list of no-no's to follow to ensure that its a great date?
Q. I'm about to have a date for the first time in my life. Is there a general list of things that I should refrain from doing in order to ensure that my date has the best possible time? The date itself is going to be a fairly simple affair. Basicall...
A. 20 August 2014: Mark's post is awesome.
after grooming and dressing properly (not too heavy on the cologne and i prefer Polo to Old Spice) the best advice is to
LISTEN twice as much as you talk..... ... (read in full...)
Can I still pull it off with my childish underwear?
Q. I've never been sexually active with someone else before and never saw a need to impress. I'm having sex soon and don't know if my cotton polka dotted panties and plain bras will pull off the seductive look. I'm low on cash so can't go buying ...
A. 20 August 2014: There is an old (semi-true) saying
"Men have two heads but they can only think with one at a time because when there is blood in one there is not any in the other"
He won't care. It's all about the attitude. I was wearing leggings a t... (read in full...)
I'm not going to contact him but is there any chance he might contact me and we could salvage something?
Q. Dear cupid, I am needing your advice on this please, My ex dumped me and Things ended very friendly between us, he just didn’t want a relationship and I do – I’m heartbroken, all I can do is work and sleep. Anyway he contacts and we chat...
A. 20 August 2014: It's over.
He is putting out feelers for an FWB... it's easy with an ex. they know you will accept any little bone they throw you just to be near them.
GO NO contact totally. and hold NO hope of it ever being what you want.
... (read in full...)
With an abusive family, at what point do you say enough us enough?
Q. My father used to physically abuse me all the time when I was a child, and my mother and older siblings (I'm the youngest) used to back him up in this, emotionally abusing me and telling me that I deserved it. My father was also on the verge of ...
A. 20 August 2014: There is no crime in not surrounding yourself with folks who hurt you either physically or mentally or emotionally.
Once you are independent of them I see no need to have any contact.
We can't choose who we are RELATED to but we can MAKE our ... (read in full...)
I want to get married soon but don't know how to tell my mum
Q. How do I tell my mum I want to get married soon? So I've been seeing my bf for a year now. He's really sweet and totally into me and wants us to get married in a few years soon. I love him and we make each other happy. He's now ready a...
A. 19 August 2014: Oh I thought you had a ring and a date...
"get married soon" to me means within the year.
you go on to say "in the next few years" that's plenty of time.
you are 24
you have graduated
how about "mom I want to bring [insert ... (read in full...)
Why is my married co worker avoiding me and yet also acting like something might be going on?
Q. I met a married man at work. Recently for a month we've been working more closely together. He started flirting with me and I am attracted to him. He winked at me a few times, brushed his arm against mine one time for a few seconds and teasing me ...
A. 19 August 2014: Oh dear, another case of misinterpretation of flirting and friendliness. I see this a lot here and IRL too
JUST because a person (married or single) is friendly and/or flirty does NOT mean they want you for sex or anything other than friendly... (read in full...)
Experiences with losing your virginity in a one night stand or to a FWB??
Q. So recently I was asked by a friend I have know since I was five if I wanted to have sex with him in a fwb kinda thing. My problem with this is that I am virgin. I'm just wondering what are some experiences anybody has had with losing their ...
A. 19 August 2014: The proper response is "NO THANK YOU I'm waiting till I meet the right person."
I was too young when I lost my virginity and while I do not regret it, I do advise young women to wait until they meet the first Mr. Right. NOT to save it for m... (read in full...)
A guy I work with doesn't get nervous when he talks to me. Does that mean he isn't as attracted to me?
Q. Ok there's this guy I work with a few years older to myself, who is also single, who I get the impression may be attracted to me. He is only at my work place twice a month - he works at another store. He always tries to talk to me and I feel he ...
A. 18 August 2014: If you want to know if he is attracted to you why can't you ask him?
why the game?... (read in full...)
Why did he only call me "cute," and how do I stay safe on my next date if we're alone at his place?
Q. [Mod note: two questions from the same asker and concerning the same date have been combined] Went on a lovely, but brief date with a 23 yr old guy at the mall. It was my first date ever, and according to me (and my lack of experience), it went mos...
A. 18 August 2014: nope I've had sex in cars too.
YOU ARE PLAYING with fire... if you are willing to be a pretend virgin and have oral with him to get him off he may settle for that.
... (read in full...)
Why is my married coworker so hot and cold with me?
Q. After 8 months, I finally returned to the place I used to work. The last time I was there, I became good friends with a man, let's call him Mike. Mike pretty much taught me everything I knew when I first started the job. He is about 10 years older ...
A. 18 August 2014: I agree that letting it go is the best thing to do.
and yes if a young unmarried co-worker of my husband was texting him, even though he has no thoughts of cheating or being unfaithful I would not be happy with the young lady.
... (read in full...)
A guy I work with doesn't get nervous when he talks to me. Does that mean he isn't as attracted to me?
Q. Ok there's this guy I work with a few years older to myself, who is also single, who I get the impression may be attracted to me. He is only at my work place twice a month - he works at another store. He always tries to talk to me and I feel he ...
A. 18 August 2014: More and More on Dear Cupid I am amazed at what folks use as ways to determine if someone is interested in them or not.
Just because he talks to you does not mean he wants to date you
Just because he doesn't get nervous and stammer around y... (read in full...)
It is possible to be FWB with an ex?
Q. Recently an ex of mine has contacted me and we've started speaking again. It's been a couple years since we broke up, and a year since the last time we spoke. We've both had other relationships since each other, so there was time to get over it. ...
A. 18 August 2014: I did it once with an ex. BUT we just sort of transitioned from dating to FWB....in retrospect it was fine... when it was happening I was lying to myself about it.
I think it can work but remember that when you have sex with someone your... (read in full...)
Why did he only call me "cute," and how do I stay safe on my next date if we're alone at his place?
Q. [Mod note: two questions from the same asker and concerning the same date have been combined] Went on a lovely, but brief date with a 23 yr old guy at the mall. It was my first date ever, and according to me (and my lack of experience), it went mos...
A. 18 August 2014: OH let me tell you how this "date" at home will go:
First it will be
come sit next to me (pats the couch next to him) you sit close
he turns on a romantic movie
then he will put his arm around you
then he will kiss you
he will ... (read in full...)
My recovering drug addicted boyfriend has gone AWOL .... again!
Q. Hi everyone I come here in despair, hoping to gain some insight from objective people. I have been dating a guy who is a recovering drug addict. We have been together for just over three months. At the beginning of our relationship, h...
A. 18 August 2014: I am married to an active alcoholic. It's not a fun ride.
if you are dating for three months... you need to consider getting out. I know you won't but I wish you would.
Aside from not using when in recovery it's strongly urged/recommend... (read in full...)
I'm living the life of a single person but I'm not single, in a LDR!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The first year and a half was great, then he moved 6 hours away because the company had problems and pulled everyone back to head office. He struggled financailly and I helped him out. I said at the time...
A. 18 August 2014: I'm sorry but adults who are LDR for more than 2 years when schooling is not involved are using LDR as a way to avoid "real life"
the entire GOAL of LDR is to NOT be LDR.. if all you get is a week in december... then it's time to fish or cut ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be exclusive, she says sex with another woman doesn't count!
Q. I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She ...
A. 18 August 2014: I HATE it when bi-curious folks think that having sex with a person of the same sex is not cheating. How that undermines gays and bisexuals.
IF you have or attempt to have relations with anyone outside of your relationship without PRIOR permis... (read in full...)
I really like a girl I've been chatting to online but cant see us ever being able to meet!
Q. I met a girl online and we really hit it off. We've been video calling and chatting over skype and text for about two months now and I really like this girl. I'm pretty sure she likes me back, but I'm scared of starting a long distance relationship ...
A. 18 August 2014: Texas to California is not that bad... unless you are 17 in school living at home and have no income.
LDRs for adults with time and money are hard.
LDRs where you have met the person before you are LDR are hard
Having never met her in p... (read in full...)
Am I a coward or courageous? My alcoholic homeless husband abandoned our marriage but blames things on me
Q. I live in Minnesota and my husband lives homeless in Boise ID. We have lived apart a total of three years in a marriage of six years due to his drinking. I moved back home to Minnesota two years ago to be near my children Since I moved back I was ...
A. 18 August 2014: This is no longer a marriage. You are very brave.
My husband is an alcoholic. He's at the "I have a problem" stage but won't even attempt to stop drinking at this point. I wish I wanted to leave. I would.
You can get a duplicate titl... (read in full...)
After dating him for several months I've learned he lied about his age!
Q. Hi I'm 35 I met a guy he said he was 33 and we began dating. A few months later he tells me he had lied to me he is only 28 and his reason was that if I had known his age I wouldn't have dated him. I don't know what to do the age difference scary.....
A. 18 August 2014: I have mixed feelings on this.
First of all a gap from 28-35 is not that big a deal IMO
I'm 13 years older than my husband.
The concern is he lied and you believed him. Do you think he will lie about other things or was this a one o... (read in full...)
Why is my married coworker so hot and cold with me?
Q. After 8 months, I finally returned to the place I used to work. The last time I was there, I became good friends with a man, let's call him Mike. Mike pretty much taught me everything I knew when I first started the job. He is about 10 years older ...
A. 18 August 2014: I agree with WiseOwlE.
YOU are seeing what you WANT to see... NOTHING you have posted here leads me to suspect he is anything other than an exuberant extroverted out going co-worker.
Since you are seeking an answer to what you are thinking... (read in full...)
He gives me stability, but there is a 30 year age gap!
Q. Dear cupid, I need help , I was talking to a much older man without any real touchy it could be more then friends but i think in catching feelings and I'm afraid to be judged since he is so much older i am 26 he is 55 I might also mention i have a ...
A. 18 August 2014: I'm all for age gap relationships. My husband is 13 years younger than I am. In every case I've ever seen that works long term, the older partner goes into the relationship kicking and screaming and fighting it. We feel that it's NOT fair to the ... (read in full...)
I know he's cheating on me, why won't he admit it?
Q. I know hes cheating on me ive been told by so many people and his friends its apparently been going on since dec when he moved to b closer to his brothers I've always given him the chance to tell me himself ive dropped hints with suff like if u lik...
A. 14 August 2014: what will his admitting it change?
will it make you leave?
if you know he's cheating why do you stay?... (read in full...)
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