Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Attending college leaves me little time to work out
Q. Hi all! Hope everyone is having a good week. Some of you may remember I posted a question a few months back about losing weight, I bought an exercise bike and managed to lose a stone! However I am now having some problems with it, and would lo...
A. 6 October 2014: Most adults work 40 hours a week and commute too... we learn to make the time...
for example.. if I get up at 6:30 and I get to work at 8 and I work till 5... I will be home around 5:45. I still have to make dinner and do the home chores.... (read in full...)
Should I change my style of dress for my boyfriend who says I'm too old to wear certain things ???
Q. I just recently found out that I am the oldest women my boyfriend has ever dated minus his ex wife who was 5 years older than me. I have been dating my boyfriend 6 months and he has already said he loves me and I don't doubt that he dose , but I ...
A. 6 October 2014: 54 here... wearing flats and jeans in the office today (we have no dress code)
I wear flats all the time including my boots and dress shoes...
my hubby is younger than I am and would prefer me to dress like a 20 something slut... NOT happ... (read in full...)
He's 5 years younger. Do I make the first move? Because I can't tell if he likes me too.
Q. I have a crush on a guy I work with. We work together only once or twice a week. He's quiet. He rarely talks to anyone. We didn't even introduce ourselves the first day we met. The next 2 times we met at work, he winked at me to say hi. I talked...
A. 6 October 2014: If you like him and want to get to know him then by all means ask him to do something...
maybe lunch one day or a drink after work... something casual to assess if he returns the feelings.
5 years at 30-35 is not bad now if he is 25 and you ... (read in full...)
He's 17 and he said he would wait, if I did, or we could sneak it? What should we do?
Q. Well, I'm 13 and My best friend has a brother named Jack. Jack is turning 17, and i started seeing him more often and began to realize i had strong feelings for him. I told him I liked him. That night i slept in his room with him we didn't have s...
A. 6 October 2014: What you should do is wait till you are 16.
do not sneak around.
if he truly wants to wait for you then I suggest you be just friends with him for the next three years. That means only seeing him in public with others around.
I lo... (read in full...)
Would like to find some genuine age-gap dating sites but don't want any scam sites. How do I attract women 10-15 years younger than myself?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 35 year old male who lives in the UK. I prefer younger women aged between 20 and 30 and would like some suggestions for genuine age gap dating sites. Before anyone asks: no, I am not looking for a notch on my bedpost or '...
A. 6 October 2014: I seem to naturally prefer younger men. My current husband is 13+ years younger than I am.
I have to be honest... as a supporter of age gap relationships, I have seen many. Both older women and younger women although I find I see more younger ... (read in full...)
Has he hurt his back in some way, or is his back problem due to deeper psychological issues affecting my Bf?
Q. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. We both love sex very much and whenever we're together we do it more than once. However, he recently started to complain that his back is hurting very much after sex. He keeps writhing in bed, telling me ...
A. 4 October 2014: ignoring it will not make it go away. he needs to see a back doctor. there are lots of treatments that don't involve surgery.... (read in full...)
His daily gambling is getting in the way of our relationship!
Q. I'm with my fiancee two years and for the first time ever I feel like he prefers his phone more than me. 2 months ago he told me that he would set up a betting account and make very small bets to make money for a savings account. He said his limit ...
A. 3 October 2014: your fiance is addicted to gambling. he has a disease and he won't stop till he admits and accepts he has a problem and gets help. Even if he manages to stop, he will always battle this demon.
you can't make him stop gambling.
http://www.... (read in full...)
Has he hurt his back in some way, or is his back problem due to deeper psychological issues affecting my Bf?
Q. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. We both love sex very much and whenever we're together we do it more than once. However, he recently started to complain that his back is hurting very much after sex. He keeps writhing in bed, telling me ...
A. 3 October 2014: it's simple... use woman superior or doggy style and his back won't hurt.
I will tell you that as a chronic pain sufferer due to a bad back that it may be he has either an injury or sadly degenerative disc disease.
my husband slipped a disc i... (read in full...)
How long does it take to forgive cheating and rebuild trust?
Q. My bf cheated twice and he has slowly made changes since then and im on guard but sometimes I feel like he is quick to jump on me about things I do wrong yet I had so much patiences towards him and his wrong doing. Am I wrong for feeling like im not ...
A. 3 October 2014: when I was married to a liar/cheater it took me once 9 months before I started to trust him again at all... and it was very fragile... he broke that trust again... i never got it back.
Trust is like a fine china tea cup. it's lovely but o... (read in full...)
I can't be with both girls! I have a lovely girl here but what about the one who I met in Florida?
Q. Thank you for reading - it's quite funny as I'm normally the one my friends ask for advice, yet here I am asking you all... It's been hard and I haven't been able to sleep much so I really need an outside perspective- thank you. I met a girl about...
A. 2 October 2014: Well I'm going to vote for neither.
1. you only know the florida girl a few days on vacation and she's already got you meeting her family and moving to be with her when you barely know each other. RED FLAG IMO
2. LDRS are way harder than you ... (read in full...)
Living with my husband's family is putting stress on our marriage!
Q. Hi Aunties,My relationship with my DH went from us being happy and ignorning all of the conflict around us, to him and I arguing about his parents. We live with his parents and sisters so we can save money for a house of our own. His father holds ...
A. 2 October 2014: if you are already paying rent... I suggest moving out and paying rent somewhere else.
since you are moving soon, I suggest a "this too shall pass" feeling with everything... MIL says something... smile and say to yourself "this soon shall pa... (read in full...)
My Gf is not talking to me, and am I studying for the right reasons?
Q. I was seeking some guidance In regards to my relationship and study which I've just started. I started my first day of college yesterday, I loved the work but I don't like the college life because I'm too old, I'm a 24 year old woman sat with 1...
A. 2 October 2014: Stop doing things you don't want to do to please someone else.
If you want to do home study.. do it.
IF you want to go to school FOR YOU.. do it.
do not go to school to please her. a three hour commute one way is way too much on a reg... (read in full...)
How can this guy just hang out with me and not feel what we have?
Q. I'm a goner. Someone please help! I started seeing Mr X in June. We met online thru mutual friends (not dating site) at first he was very flirtatious and we talked a lot. It was a good flow. We went out and had a great time. No more then kissin...
A. 1 October 2014: OP I see your follow up.
I am glad you are not having sex with him. You need to probably go NO CONTACT and end the friendship because you are attached and want more but he is not going to give it to you. The longer you stay friends the harder t... (read in full...)
Six months together but he's not ready for sex? Is he worth waiting for? Or should I move on?
Q. I have been friends with a guy in my class for about six months. He has made it obvious that he found me attractive from Day 1. We became friends and started hanging out. During this time, he has always initiated affection (hugs, kisses, etc), yet ...
A. 30 September 2014: Honeypie is spot on
LISTEN to his words... you will never be more than friends.
IF you want to sleep with a friend and not have a full relationship then wait for him. Otherwise, start looking for a real boyfriend and stop toying with this... (read in full...)
I am dating a guy 5 years younger than me and am afraid his friends are laughing behind our backs
Q. Recently I have started seeing a guy who is five years younger then me, he is 19, and I have just turned 24. I have known him a while, as my friend is in a relationship with his older brother, and things started up in the last few months. He i...
A. 30 September 2014: oh I forgot one thing.
My husband before this one was ONLY 11 years younger..
we now joke that I am going to troll the high schools for my next husband. I started the joke... if you are sensitive to it folks will pick up on that and tease... (read in full...)
I would like to reconnect with my ex. Is it significan that he never changed his passwords when we brokeup?
Q. hi...i wanna know about my ex...we had broken about 2years but i still love my ex and i wanna get him back... i don't know his mind but he never changed all of the pass the accounts password even when we were apart...he blocked my acc but he never...
A. 30 September 2014: changing passwords is a pain in the neck... that's why in security we have to FORCE people to change passwords.
his not changing the passwords does not mean anything about you.
YOU knowing he has not changed them means you are stalking.... (read in full...)
Will this man leave me alone now?
Q. Dear Cupid My brother in law recently tried match making me with a single friend of his! This guy started messaging me and things began to flow. He started off pleasant enough but the messages soon started to turn very flirtatious! He kn...
A. 30 September 2014: I agree... he was hoping you were easy and would be his "go to girl" when horny.
He's already made it clear he rejects you as a person but would accept you as a handy warm wet breathing masturbation tool.
live and learn.... (read in full...)
I am dating a guy 5 years younger than me and am afraid his friends are laughing behind our backs
Q. Recently I have started seeing a guy who is five years younger then me, he is 19, and I have just turned 24. I have known him a while, as my friend is in a relationship with his older brother, and things started up in the last few months. He i...
A. 30 September 2014: if you are happy and he is happy then what your "friends" say is wasted breath on their part. IGNORE THEM.
When I was 24 my husband would have been ELEVEN!
granted we did not meet until he was in his late 30s but after about 25 or so age... (read in full...)
Clean now and sober for 23 months. How can I show these people that I've changed?
Q. When I was in my early 20's I began a bad habit that got me hooked on drugs (pills) and alcohol. I was able to hide it from almost everyone I knew. I met an amazing girl “T”, who had no idea what she was getting into and I thought I could ju...
A. 30 September 2014: Congrats on 23 months of clean and sober. May that extend beyond 23 years... Hard to do and for one this stranger is very proud of you.
The best thing you can do is just continue to walk the walk... with time they will see you have cleaned ... (read in full...)
I know he's a player but my gut says he really likes me
Q. ok so here goes.. I met this guy in march just after i broke up with my ex and we hit it off straight away! its like we just had this little spark as soon as we met each other. I knew he was a player from the beginning and had commitment issues b...
A. 29 September 2014: you are very much in denial.
It would be so nice if he liked you the way you like him.
he doesn't. buying drinks for you and your friends is just a different version of prostitution...
all he wanted was a warm wet penis holder...any ... (read in full...)
3 wishes: want him to treat me better, be more passionate, and erase his tattoo. Too much to ask for??
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He's wonderful man. We are both 25 and he's going to proposed me and give me that hint ( asking me about the engage ring that I like and accidentally told me that he's going to marry me next year). ...
A. 29 September 2014: I'm so sorry to tell you this but none of the things you want are things you can MAKE him do.
I have three tattoos... all covered by business clothing. Thankfully I don't have to wear business clothing to work so a few of them peek out... but m... (read in full...)
Please help me! Is my fiancé abusing me?
Q. So my fiancé thinks that its okay to look at girls who are way skinnier than me and then gets mad when a guy looks at me in a good way. He consistantly will do this right in front of me then tells me that im an attention whore and wants me to wear...
A. 29 September 2014: Abuse can be physical (spanking is abuse if you don't want to be spanked) mental and/or emotional (calling you names, insulting you, calling you attention whore, trying to control what you wear, who you see or what you do)
YES you are being ab... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend said horrible things so I would call him! Do I end the relationship?
Q. My boyfriend is lovely sometimes. He is so loving, caring and has a good sense of humour, but he says horrible things sometimes and takes things too far. He really took it too far over the last couple of days. He was angry with me because I haven'...
A. 29 September 2014: I'd end it. he's insecure, immature and childish...
you do not need that.... (read in full...)
Why people assume that this much older man is my husband?
Q. Why people assume that this much older guy is my husband?? I belong to one club. One member who is 24 years older than me which makes him only 3 years younger than my father drives me there sometimes as we live very close to each other. His daughter...
A. 29 September 2014: I am 54. My husband is 41. Our friends are a couple that is reversed.. he's 54 she just turned 42.
Once I went out with the couple and someone asked us if the husband and I commented on how nice it was that we taking our DAUGHTER out for a me... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 27 September 2014: At 56 he's slowing down and wanting to retire... kids make that impossible.
also how fair is it to a child to have a parent old enough to be the grandparent...
kids make a big difference.... does he even WANT a child now?... (read in full...)
After 7 years together if he's not ready for the next step will he ever be?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years officially. We met at 15 years old and have been happy ever since. As we met in school we have the same group of friends and regulaly go out as a big group. Me and my partner rarely if never argue we are ...
A. 26 September 2014: OP, I agree with your bf... an engagement is for when you are ready to get married and have a date for the wedding etc within a few weeks of the engagement.
NORMALLY I would say if after 5 years he's not ready to make a commitment to marriage... (read in full...)
If it's FWB why does he care who I date?
Q. Hey everyone, I have been in a sexual relationship with a colleague of mine for almost a year now. Prior to anything sexual, he made it clear that he did not want any emotions or attachments to form once we had sex. He also stated that we w...
A. 26 September 2014: agree with everything Cindy Tisha and Honeypie have said.
he's a FRIEND, not a fuck buddy... friends do things together.
you want more and as is common with sexual relationships you now care about him.
there is only one thing to ... (read in full...)
My bf's dad doesn't treat his son right and I don't know how to handle their conflicts
Q. I have a problem with my bf's dad. I've been with my bf for about 3 yrs now and I've always heard him bash on his dad. It took me at least a yr to understand their relationship because my bf was too embarrassed to share it with me. Anyways, my bf's ...
A. 26 September 2014: unfriend the dad... there is no need for you to be friends on facebook with him. if dad can be rude so can you.
I would just know that dad is a jerk and nothing you say will change his mind... therefore when you have to deal with him just smi... (read in full...)
My husband supports his grown children more than us!
Q. I have married to this man for 22 years and we have no children together but he seems to support them first rather then our home and things get put back. Am I wrong for being mad about this.plus his grown daughter has a job and a child of her own ...
A. 26 September 2014: I am your age. My father is 80...while his life with his lifer partner (together nearly 19 years) does not suffer, he still assists his children and grandchildren (my grown sons) fiscally as he sees fit.
You say that things get put off at home ... (read in full...)
Do u think he's blowing me off?
Q. Hi there I would like some advice relating to this guy that I like. We have known each other a few months, through a mutual friend. We met up on 2 occasions at the club and he was complimenting all night and we ended up kissing which was really...
A. 25 September 2014: Don't pursue him. if he's interested it's because you would make it easy for him...
if he wants to be with you he will come after you.... (read in full...)
Is he interested? polite? I'm confused!
Q. we hooked up on 2 occasions he spent the night we were drunk nothing happened just kissed and cuddled but i asked him to an event and he happily said yes, he then cancelled saying he was poorly and i never heard from him since. today i mailed him ...
A. 25 September 2014: I'm with Cindy... i think that he's up for some fun and games when it suits him and nothing more.
Men that are interested LET YOU KNOW. he's just going along for the ride.
IF you want to you can text him back saying "great I look forwar... (read in full...)
I don't like my boyfriend's belly!
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months and I have a problem with him physically. He is 6 feet tall and has nice big arms, which I like, but he has a huge belly from years of living a sedentary life style. He's 22. He used to be ...
A. 25 September 2014: OP, you need to realize that at your age if he has a belly now, it will only get worse with age even if he learns to eat right and learns to love working out for himself.
It is NOT shallow to have a particular body type you prefer.
... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem interested in me or our new baby
Q. I would like to hear some of your perspectives on what I'm going through: I used to live in a foreign country (as an expat) and I met another guy (also an expat from a different country). We started seeing each other and in a short time I got...
A. 25 September 2014: I agree with Aunty BimBim. I would see if you can get child support from him while you are in Sweden. If you can, I would get a lawyer and get a paternity test. Then get court ordered child support that is automatically taken from him and sent ... (read in full...)
I don't like my boyfriend's belly!
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months and I have a problem with him physically. He is 6 feet tall and has nice big arms, which I like, but he has a huge belly from years of living a sedentary life style. He's 22. He used to be ...
A. 24 September 2014: I agree. If you never found it attractive and he's always had it why did you even start with him?
I will tell you when I met my husband he was an anorexic 138 pounds. Over the 4 years we are together he's gained and is now around 175 (too muc... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like me having a sex toy
Q. Hi, so I recently brought some sex toys for myself because my boyfriend and I were too busy to have sex. It was one of the artificial butt toys and I like it a lot. I made the mistake of telling him and now he's very upset about. There are some thi...
A. 23 September 2014: You want a toy you get a toy.
you don't have to tell your BF about it. His insecurity is not your problem.
Having a toy is not cheating. I love that my hubby always makes sure my vibe has fresh batteries.... a supportive partner who is s... (read in full...)
LDR since Dec 2013. Plan to see each other in 2015. So why did she get upset about talk on intimacy?
Q. Hello, My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since Dec 2013. We met online and in one month, we will finally meet in person. She will introduce me to her family and relatives, and well even be going to an island resort fo...
A. 23 September 2014: Ok I'm going to be Debbie Downer here. You are not a teen and your time frames are skewed.
Part and parcel of an LDR is spending time and money FAST to be together. IF you don't have the time or the money to visit regularly (at least once a m... (read in full...)
Am a making a bad choice in marrying this man? We do fight constantly. He can be controlling.
Q. My fiancé and I have been fighting constantly about everything but our last fight earlier today made me question if I'm making the right choice to marry him. I guess I'm looking for an outsiders view as to weather or not I should continue to purs...
A. 23 September 2014: BREAK THE ENGAGEMENT.
End the relationship and go NO CONTACT. DO NOT THINK YOU CAN BE CIVIL OR FRIENDLY WITH HIM.
He may escalate and stalk you or harass you so be prepared to take legal action to protect yourself.
He is being abusive to ... (read in full...)
Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?
Q. I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...
A. 23 September 2014: if he wants to live with you why can't he give up his place and move into yours and pay you rent..... I bet if that's the offer he won't be so quick to do it either....
... (read in full...)
Marriage and threesomes..need advice!
Q. I need your opinion. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years. I have always wanted to try anal and never have with any woman. I have always had this fantasy and had played with her asshole before which she loved, but the last time we ...
A. 22 September 2014: swinging ruined my last marriage.
I know more couples that don't survive opening their marital bed than do.
I, from personal experience advise against even bringing it up.... (read in full...)
Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?
Q. I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...
A. 22 September 2014: buy the house
if after 5 years at 27 he does not know what he wants... I will give you the bad news... it's not you.
He is with you till "the real deal" comes along for him.... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he see my potential? Is he sexist? Complacent about life?
Q. I feel like my boyfriend doesnt understand one aspect of my life and I need help explaining this to him. I am going to graduate late next year with a degree in engineering. I have worked very hard with my school and it is because I want to provide ...
A. 19 September 2014: This is not sexist.
This has nothing to do with "seeing your potential"
this has everything to do with him not wanting to live in the city.
He compromised and moved to a suburb of the city which is how many folks live.
NOW you Compromi... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 13 August 2014: Of course your concerns are valid.
and you need to express these concerns to him.
Usually it's the older partner that is concerned that the younger partner is with them and will be cheated out of a full experience. I know I worry about lea... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 10 July 2014: life is a crapshoot.
My mom died at 58.
My dad will be 80 this year and still plays golf 3 times a week and works out daily and travels extensively with his current partner.
I could die next week. My husband could die next week or get s... (read in full...)
15 year age gap is my concern
Q. I met this guy. He is now 56 and I am 41. Both of us have never been married and no children. He has asked me for a commitment to a relationship and I think he will look for marriage later. This is not a short term relationship. He is a smart,...
A. 9 July 2014: If you are going to end it (and to be honest I would not end it if I were you) then do it soon.
just say "I'm sorry but I am not comfortable with the age difference"\
I understand your concerns, I am at 54, 13 yrs older than my husban... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
