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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 4 November 2014: So OP has she ASKED you to help figure this out?
HAS she expressed a need to have intercourse with you and SHE is the one who is frustrated or is she ok with the status quo?... (read in full...)
How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 3 November 2014: At this point she needs to see a GYN if she can't even put a tampon in. She may have a disorder called vaginismus
has she ever gone to the gyn for a well woman visit. All women should either by age 18 or if they become sexually active before t... (read in full...)
Guys, is this a turn-off?
Q. Sometimes my vaginal discharge is very sour, very tart, like a vitamin C pill. Anyone else ever have that? Dudes, you ever notice that? I know it changes with time, it's not usually the fluid that comes with being turned on. What's it mean and is it ...
A. 3 November 2014: Your bodily secretions will be impacted by what you eat.
if you are tart and want to be sweet add strawberries and/or pineapple juice daily.
I don't know what's common vs uncommon but your questions in your post (NOT the title since I know t... (read in full...)
We both like her -- do we negotiate?
Q. I'm in a love triangle. I like a girl and so does another guy. Should I speak to him about it? Do I ask if he likes her? Or does that show me as insecure. If he knows I like her then maybe he will back off or fight for her? is it worth fighting over ...
A. 3 November 2014: well how do you know he likes her?
does she like you or does she like him?
this is between you and her NOT YOU and him.
HE has nothing to do with you (unless he's your best friend and then walk away from her if he is going after her alr... (read in full...)
He's broke. I'd like us to live together. But financially I'd have to carry him. Is living with him going to end in tears?
Q. I'm 35 and my boyfriend 33. We've been together 3 years but don't live together. He lives with his parents. I want us to live together but the problem is that he's broke and just finally got a steady job 3 months ago where he makes 3 times less than...
A. 3 November 2014: As a woman who has always made more than her partner I say NO... it's one thing when he is able to contribute 50% of the expenses but he can't even cover 1/4 of the RENT let alone food, etc.
You will grow more resentful and angry with time as... (read in full...)
How do you know if it is just for sex or is it more?
Q. Very brief, i am 24 he is 25. We have been speaking for a month. Met online, he was previously speaking to another girl when i was speaking to him off the internet but then after we met he says just me and him . We are a couple, we have spent tw...
A. 3 November 2014: if he said I love you after a month he's moving fast.
the only way to know if he's only in it for sex (which he does not sound like he is) then you would withhold sex and see if he sticks around.
I think you guys are spending a lot of ti... (read in full...)
Does my ex miss me or is he just trying to be friends?
Q. My ex and I broke up in march. he jumped straight into a relationship with a new girl a few weeks later and not long later she moved in with him, everything happened so quickly it destroyed me as we have been through a lot in the 6 years we have ...
A. 3 November 2014: it's very good for children of parents that don't live together to see their parents getting along.
IF you don't plan on trying to make it work with him does it matter if he's missing you vs just behaving like an adult???... (read in full...)
I can't forget a guy I met online 4 years ago...........
Q. So I met a man online who lives maybe 20-30 minutes from me in 2010. The first time we chatted we chatted for 6 hours. We chatted everyday for 4 months but it was in the 5th month things went sour. I wanted to meet him badly but I had lied to him ...
A. 3 November 2014: If you met online and only lived 20-30 minutes apart why did you not progress to meeting in person ASAP...
NOTHING would have happened back then either... if he had truly wanted things to happen it would have progressed rapidly.
IF after 4 ... (read in full...)
The relationship is toxic but ending it is complicated
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and the majority of that time has been just dreadful. He started off incredibly sweet and charming, helped me with money when I lost my job and took me places I'd always wanted to go. But slowly he's just ...
A. 3 November 2014: OP you said " I can't say how awful I feel about the fact he has to live with his mother because of me."
BUT it's NOT because of you... it's because of HIM and his behavior.
there are consequences to our behavior and his consequence is that ... (read in full...)
Is my best female friend flirting with me?
Q. Is my best friend flirting with me? I'm a single female and my best friend is a married female. I am starting to feel like she is flirting with me lately. We see each other often and talk most every day either in person or via email. There are ...
A. 3 November 2014: I don't know if you picked the title or the moderators did but I don't see this as flirting.
It seems to me if I worked with my husband i would much rather spend lunch with my girlfriends since I see him at home all the time.
I see NOTHI... (read in full...)
How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 3 November 2014: I hate to say this but if the ex boyfriend "put it in a little bit" she's NOT a virgin.
but that's neither here nor there...
if it's painful for her then you have to figure out if it's pain from fear... or something else.
do yo... (read in full...)
Is oral sex harmful?
Q. My girlfriend gives me blowjobs. Does it is harmful or bad for her???...
A. 3 November 2014: as long as you are STD free and clean then it should not be a problem.
YOu need to return the favor to her as well.... (read in full...)
How much am I entitled to know?
Q. How much asking about a bf's friends is too much? Do you stop asking once he says "I'm going out with a friend/friends? Or is it ok to ask what else they'd be doing? Or ask if who the friends are. Just curious. Many thanks for your replies...
A. 3 November 2014: If my husband said "I'm going out with friends" I would ask which friends...
but he's my spouse...
a LONG TERM boyfriend... who always says who he is with and this time does not say,... red flag.
a new boyfriend... "anyone I know... (read in full...)
Should I go off the pill now or wait and make an announcement?
Q. My partner and I both want kids, he is of the mind set that he doesn't want to TRY and conceive, he would like it to just ... Happen . Without too much stress. He would be happy if I turned around tomorrow and told him I was pregnant. A little bit ...
A. 3 November 2014: The first time I wanted to get pregnant I got pregnant ASAP
the second time it took two cycles..
my one friend took 12 YEARS to get pregnant.
you never know...
you need to be off of BCP for about 3 months before you start trying
IF... (read in full...)
Normal for boyfriend to watch shemale porn ?
Q. I recently discovered on my boyfriends computer history that he has been watching shemale porn. To be honest I'm very disturbed by it , it had like ladyboy asain boys and guys with girls too but the girls wore strap ons. He had other porn like teen ...
A. 3 November 2014: I do not think watching gay porn or shemale porn or liking anal stimulation makes a guy gay or bi.
I know lots of very straight guys who like anal penetration.
Personally I think men that are open to it are just more in touch with their sex... (read in full...)
I want to get married at Disney World but he doesn't
Q. I got engaged a few month ago and need some help. Since I was 10 I said I was going to get married at Disneyworld and I've never changed my mind. My fiance wants a big wedding here. I don't!! All we do I argue over it because I want to go to ...
A. 3 November 2014: HE thinks he can pick your bridesmaids?
He picked the venue?
HE picked the color?
HE isn't taking ANY of your desires into account? (so says you)
IF THIS is true, what do you think will happen AFTER you get married?... (read in full...)
He tells me nothing has changed but I'm not convinced. What could have made him change his mind?
Q. I met a guy 3 weeks ago...random but he got out of his car and passed me his number...I texted him and added him on facebook and we chatted constantly about how much we liked each other...seems mad I know but we just seemed to click. Anyway I have...
A. 3 November 2014: It's only been three weeks.
sounds like he was attracted to your looks and as he gets to know you it may not be the best fit.
3 hours apart with an age gap of 15 years and a random meeting... it may work.. but it will take a lot of effort... (read in full...)
Send BF a naughty video but he has not responded to it yet.
Q. Hi everyone. My boyfriend is on vacation with his family in China. He will be back in a few days. Yesterday I sent him a naughty video of myself talking dirty and looking very sexy. I was fully clothed but I really stepped it up. Like a real fant...
A. 30 October 2014: I asked my husband who is around your age what he thought and he agreed with EWO... his first response was "he's with his FAMILY, maybe he couldn't see it or he got caught!"
... (read in full...)
Is 'heartache' a figurative term or does it really hurt?
Q. I've often heard of the term 'Heartache' but is it possible to feel real pain in the heart from missing someone, breaking up with someone, being hurt by someone emotionally, etc? Often times when I think of the possibility of breaking up with my ...
A. 30 October 2014: The first thing I want to say is if you THINK there is a medical problem see your doctor.
I can tell you that when I have been in GREAT Emotional pain I will feel it in my chest or a bit lower... folks are amazed at how high their stomachs act... (read in full...)
I'm in a badly sex-deprived long term marriage!
Q. I've been married for 22 years, and feel terribly sexually starved by my partner. If I don't ask (often beg, demand or cajole) for sex, I'll almost never get it. Once I tried waiting for three months, to see if she would think of it. She didn't! ...
A. 30 October 2014: I understand your frustation. I have the same problem in reverse my 41 yr old husband is so NOT interested and I would prefer it more often even if it's not satisfying physically for me, emotionally knowing he wants me is a big thing.
and I had to... (read in full...)
My husband stays in contact with his racist father
Q. Dear all, I am a black woman and my husband is white. We've been together four years and married this summer just gone. The problem is this. The rest of his family are lovely and I have never encountered any problems. But his father is seve...
A. 30 October 2014: I"m sorry your FIL is an idiot and a racist.
My ex husband has basically disowned our youngest due to religion (his fiancee is not of the same religion my son was raised in and they find that unacceptable.)
I understand how you feel and I a... (read in full...)
Can steroids and ice be reason for cheating?
Q. Hi I'm going through a tough experience. My partner and I were in an amazing rship for almost 2 years everything was perfect we were best friends and lovers n I couldn't fault him and then things changed n he was snorting ice and taking steroids.. ...
A. 30 October 2014: My brother used steroids when he was a body builder...
it can make you more aggressive but it will not cause you to cheat.
He's making excuses. It's not even an explanation.... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I'd rather have a piece of jewellery than chocolates as a present, and not sound ungrateful?
Q. So, on my birthday my boyfriend (of about 9 months) bought me chocolates, along with taking me out for dinner and dessert. I enjoyed it, afterwards we spent some time together on the beach and I acknowledge he did spend a fair amount of money on...
A. 30 October 2014: I understand you want something permanent but I do not think the only option is Jewelery. In fact, I think Jewelery this early in the relationship (other than some good costume jewelery that is not a ring) would be a bit much as you are not dating ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend and his ex-sister in law! I am incandesant with anger over this. What could or should I do?
Q. My boyfriend slept with his ex sister in-law, so that now has a baby by his brother. I can't get over the past and I don't think I ever will. I hate that "BITCH" and she's part of their family which I can't stand!!!What should I do about this s...
A. 29 October 2014: If I'm interpreting your rant correctly,
you met a man who is now your boyfriend and BEFORE you were his GF he had an affair with his x-sil who had HIS brother's child.
so you hate a woman who has a baby with one man (your bf's brother) ... (read in full...)
I orgasm when alone, yet lose the orgasm when with my Bf. Yes he's caring with foreplay. What needs to change?
Q. Hello ! So I'm having a issue with reaching an orgasm with my boyfriend . He's 5 years older then me and he's the best lover I have ever had ( I think it's because he's older ) but anyways I have never climaxed with anybody that I have been ...
A. 29 October 2014: It's not vulgar
women often cannot orgasm from intercourse.
If the only way you can orgasm is from grinding on a hard flat surface, that's part of the issue... you need to find other ways to orgasm.
I suggest trying rubbing with your fin... (read in full...)
Is my Boyfriend more likely to cheat because 4 of his friends are cheaters?
Q. Four of my boyfriend's friends (both females and males) have cheated on their partner. Does that mean he is more likely to cheat?...
A. 29 October 2014: Has he ever cheated? Does he think their behavior is acceptable?
If he finds cheating behavior acceptable then it's possible he would cheat too.
If he has no problem with his friends cheating but he has never cheated at this point al... (read in full...)
He was just being friendly, right?
Q. A young guy has recently started at out workplace and was being introduced to everyone and he came into the room I was in, smiled and said hello but as he left and while I was talking to his manager he winked at me. I know I should probably ...
A. 29 October 2014: Are you interested in him? I'm never sure why folks worry about some light flirtation unless it makes them uncomfortable or they are interested in the person and trying to interpret behavior.
Maybe he has a tic?
Maybe he likes you?
May... (read in full...)
How did we go from an initial attraction to FWB and then to now, where he's making little effort to keep the relationship going?
Q. So, there's a guy (isn't there always) who I met at the end of my long term relationship. He's separated and in the middle of a nasty court battle re kids. He and I initially bonded over our dislike of our exes (great baseline, I know) and have dis...
A. 28 October 2014: If all you want is a FWB until life settles down then what you have is fine. He accepts your invites because he likes you but he does not want more than a casual FWB thing with you so he lets you do all the work and he benefits by getting laid.
... (read in full...)
Am I overthinking this? My friend wants me to accomodate her friends at my home. I don't know them and feel uncomfortable about her request.
Q. Friends question. I got a bit bewildered to day by friend's request. She is my very good friend, I know her for 15 years. They have this friends a couple from a different city who comes on vacation to our part for New Year's Eve and stay for ...
A. 28 October 2014: I can see her asking... some of us have no clue about what's right and wrong.
I can agree with you saying no... and to strangers I would say no too...
i had to think on this however.. we have close friends who have keys to our home and can ... (read in full...)
He's controlling and abusive. What's the best way to handle this situation?
Q. Been with my partner almost five years, we have a four year old son together. For the last two years our relationship has been very rocky. It has been an unhappy relationship for me, since being with him he has stopped me seeing family and frien...
A. 28 October 2014: you are right to leave
isolating you is but ONE big step in abuse.
can you stay with family or friends or a woman's shelter?
I would get out as fast as I could.... (read in full...)
Should I go along to the Doctor with my fiance when she visits the Doctor to talk about contraception?
Q. Hi everyone. I am engaged to get married next year in june. It is about my fiance going to be using birth control. She plans to go see the doctor and get all that figured out. But when would be a good time to go to the doctor and should i go alon...
A. 28 October 2014: has she ASKED you to go? if not, then no do not go.
sometimes my hubby asks me to attend his dr appointments and then I do... sometimes he does not and then I offer and do not go unless he wants me there.
I do NOT want him at my regular gy... (read in full...)
Seeking input on which is the better work option. Current employer or a change?
Q. I am hoping someone can help me! I am currently a nanny and work 16 hours a week mainly working from 2.30 until 6.30 Monday to Thursday. I am also not on a contract. However, the family are moving abroad next August. They have asked me to work...
A. 28 October 2014: I would apply for the new job and when you get it let the family know you will give them at least 2 weeks to find a new nanny.
If they have been very good to you and do not take advantage I would stay with them even if you get the new job as l... (read in full...)
Should I stay away from her until she's officially divorced? Right now she's separated.
Q. So, this is a new one for me... There is this girl that I got acquainted with recently. We really hit it off well and have a lot in common. We do seem to connect well on an emotional level and she says that I bring out the best in her and stir ...
A. 28 October 2014: There is nothing wrong with being FRIENDS with someone going through a divorce.. why does it have to be so black and white?
Sadly As a woman who went through a divorce in my early 30s with two small children, I can tell you that she has a lot on h... (read in full...)
My Dad has told me he's disowning me for spending the night with my Bf. Feel incredibly hurt. What can I do?
Q. I'm sorry if this post is lengthy and/or complicated. I'm 19 years old, and ever since I turned 18, I've been having more and more issues with my dad. My parents are divorced, and are very different from each other. My dad is very overprotecti...
A. 28 October 2014: I'm sorry your dad is ill (bipolar disorder is an illness) and that he refuses to take care of himself. THIS is not your fault.
He will get over his hissy fit in time (parents do in general) and as a bipolar patient I'm sure you are aware of... (read in full...)
Still mourning my ex who passed away due to suicide. How can I move on? And what to do about the crush I have on my tenant?
Q. Lost my boyfriend a year ago through suicide. People are telling i should move on cause we were not married. In my heart i still miss him a lot. Recently ive discovered that im having a crush on my tenant, which is when my late boyfriend died i...
A. 28 October 2014: In my religion we are allowed to mourn publicly for a parent, spouse or child for a year... 30 days for aunts, uncles, cousins or siblings.
I am sorry for the loss of your bf. I am sure you are in emotional pain as suicide leaves those still al... (read in full...)
Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?
Q. Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only? Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children? ...
A. 28 October 2014: It's a good point.. yes you can LOVE more than one but unless you can get all parties involved to be poly... you can only LIVE with one...
he may love the mistress in a different way than he loves the wife, it does NOT mean he will break up his... (read in full...)
Dating a coworker that cheated on his gf, will we last????
Q. I just started dating a coworker, he is 8 years older then me. He was in a relationship with someone he lived with for over a year. He wasn't happy and we started talking and flirting and it lead to more. We got really close. Well one night out we ...
A. 27 October 2014: OP, Just because he SAYS things were bad does not mean that they were bad or that SHE thought they were bad.
He lied to her
He cheated on her
I know you are going to say "but I'm not her and he WANTS to be with me but he didn't want t... (read in full...)
Unhappily married. Is this younger man interested in me?
Q. Is this younger man interested in me? I am an unhappily married woman who is re-considering her options. One of the main reasons I am still married is for my 2 young children. My husband suffers from a mood disorder, depression and anxiety. In ...
A. 27 October 2014: 6-8 years is not a different life stage.
My husband is 13+ yrs younger than I am and at 41 can't imagine retirement while I at 54 can see it looming just out of reach.
Since you are still in your marriage, he is nothing more than a friend n... (read in full...)
His apartment is freezing, but he doesn't turn up the heat! Do I stop visiting?
Q. Perhaps this is a weird question, but some suggestions on how to best deal with this would be nice. I've got a key to my boyfriends apartment, and I have been staying at his place for about every other day these last months. It's usually his plac...
A. 27 October 2014: I'd stop going to his place as it's clear he is doing NOTHING to make you feel welcome at all.
When i was dating my now husband, we were LDR and after about 6 visits from me, he cleared out a drawer for me to keep things there, also a shelf in... (read in full...)
I was drunk and punched my boyfriend in front of his co-workers. Now he's telling me to come get my things!
Q. My boyfriend is a senior managering director in a company with 750 workers and met me at a social event that my company went to and i work in a factory making pies and at another event i got what you would say had far too many drinks and he did not ...
A. 27 October 2014: You need to be pleased he did not have you arrested for assault.
Be a lady.
Be an adult
get your things (or send a friend to do it for you if you can't bear being an adult)
you owe him an apology.
IF you have an alcohol problem (this wa... (read in full...)
I told him if he wants to be with me he has to break up with his partner first
Q. So being a 29 year old and single for a year I seem to have gotten myself into a rather difficult situation ... Whilst recently on holiday I met a guy who i noticed, and few days over the holiday the usual eye contact etc. We exchanged numbers and ...
A. 27 October 2014: I agree with Honeypie..
walk away until he is over his current partner. that means he has left, moved out and cut all ties... until they are formally not a couple you are just a little bit on the side...... (read in full...)
Is it mean to take back my necklace that my boyfriend wants to keep?
Q. Hey, so I'll make this short and sweet. I needed a second opinion, because my friend said that this was a bad idea. Last week when I was over at my boyfriend's house I left my FAVORITE guitar pick necklace, it's my absolute favorite necklace...
A. 27 October 2014: OH HELL TO THE NO!
Do not let him bully you into keeping your necklace.
RIGHT NOW you say "I'm glad you like it and I'll be happy to get you one FROM me to YOU but THAT particular one means more to me than it ever will to you so GIVE IT BACK ... (read in full...)
Did hiring a escort make me look bad?
Q. I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...
A. 27 October 2014: oh so if you can only meet partners in school I guess that meeting my last three partners didn't happens since I was not in school???
my first husband went to a different school altogether and i met him through a group membership we both had wit... (read in full...)
Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?
Q. Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only? Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children? ...
A. 27 October 2014: If he's been using you as his handy penis holder for more than 6 months, do not count of him ever leaving his wife even once the kids are grown....
if he was going to leave the wife for the mistress it would be within the first 3-6 months kids ... (read in full...)
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