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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How can I block out the hurtful words and focus on taking care of my daughter?
Q. I have a very hard time taking care of my 14 month old daughter when my GF (her mom) is mean to me. Not big things but like putting off feeding her for 10 minutes while I try, and try to make things better between us. I'm the type of person that can ...
A. 1 December 2014: You say that your gf needs "space and time" when she's mad to sort things through and YOU need to resolve it HERE and NOW.
I used to be a HERE and NOW person till I married my space and time husband.
I LEARNED that walking away and let... (read in full...)
Why would you leave the best relationship you ever had over a surmountable problem.
Q. Hey guys, This past Friday my boyfriends of a little over a year broke up with me. Despite my embarrassing pleas he would not reconsider. The reason he gave for the breakup was that despite my having been the best girlfriend he had ever had and...
A. 25 November 2014: People say nice things when they are hurting you to lessen the pain.
You can't make him stay with you. He left because you have been "fighting a lot lately" about what? how often is a lot? maybe he thinks that it's too much fighting... (read in full...)
How can I improve my social life and my chances of dating? What are your thoughts on the man I have been texting? Just found out he's married.
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a successful career lady but my social life sucks. I have never had a boyfriend or sex mainly because I always meet rejections (maybe because I am physically disabled thus, less attractive). I do not believe in FWBs but a decent r...
A. 25 November 2014: Well since he's married I think you need to protect yourself and walk away. Easier said than done.
whatever you do, do not be emotionally or physically intimate with him.
IF he comes to visit you make him stay in a hotel.
but I'm betti... (read in full...)
How do I tell my new partner I want to be tested for STI's?
Q. Hello, I have recently entered a new relationship after being in a previous relationship lasting roughly a year. My last relationship ended because of lots of trust issues. Anyway I want to go to a sexual health clinic and get tested for STIs. I ...
A. 25 November 2014: It's common sense to have STD testing at the beginning of a new relationship.
Just say "I'm going to get STD tested and I would like you to do it also" It's common courtesy to offer your blood work report to new partners in this day and age.... (read in full...)
I feel like I would be killing a cute lovable puppy saying "no" to him!
Q. I have been single for 4 years now but have got to a point where yes I miss companionship but I am not desperate. I recently met a guy online, we talked for about 2 weeks and met up. Ive now seen him couple of times and he is lovely, he is 3 years ...
A. 24 November 2014: do not lead him on. bite the bullet and break it off with him 100% do not give him the "let's be friends" talk as that just gives him hope...
... (read in full...)
Could his girlfriend have deleted my message?
Q. ok so i sent my ex boyfriend a text message on a! iphone 5 asking if our little girl has been ok because she wasnt feeling the best! he also has a iphone and told me he never received the text and showed me a screenshot to prove it! cant remember if ...
A. 24 November 2014: I have sent messages to my husband in August that he has not gotten till November.
Text messages are NEVER to be used for important things as they are not a priority for phone carriers and they piggyback the message on other data packets. This me... (read in full...)
I'm shattered, horrified,torn apart because my daughter just told me she's a bisexual
Q. Hi, I'm shattered, torn apart. I can't seem to function. Just caught my daughter kissing a girl. Horrified, livid. I can't seem to accept my 16 yr old daughter telling me she is bisexual. I'm still 2 days later so angry wth her, calling her so ...
A. 21 November 2014: Feedback.... LOVE YOUR CHILD no matter what.
So she kissed a girl and she liked it.
My brother is gay. I love his husband.
My aunt was married, she had a child. she nearly died from this... she pretended to live a straight life and wa... (read in full...)
My wife treats and speaks to me as though I am incompetent!
Q. My wife of 1 1/2 years treats and speaks to me as though I am incompetent and unable to make the "right" decision. I am almost 62 years old and have managed to take of matters just fine all this time. My wife has a different and more stressful ...
A. 21 November 2014: When my husband complains about how I handle things (I am 54 to his 41 and have been running my own home since age 21) I very nicely let him know that if he does not like the way I am doing a task he can take it over. OTHERWISE STFU!
guess... (read in full...)
Is my daughter having a second affair?
Q. I am concerned about my daughter, I will give you some background information she has a child with her former friends dad who was married at the time. I don't need to say why they are no longer friends. This is all came out when the baby was born. I ...
A. 21 November 2014: This is NOT a reflection on you or your marriage or how you raised her.
I agree that it's sad but it's not your place to say anything or place conditions on her.
Love your granddaughter to the best of your ability.
IF your daughter as... (read in full...)
My wife hides vodka around the house.
Q. Hi Biggy issue. My wife drinks every night. Varying from half bottle of wine to half bottle of half bottle of vodka.? She spends roughly £60 to £80 a month on booze. I myself don't drink. Havent done for 2 yrs. Had a mishap w...
A. 19 November 2014: OP, she's hiding her booze.. that's a sure sign of alcoholism or at least the knowledge that what she is doing is wrong. She is drinking every day... she is making excuses for why she drinks, she is spending money she does not have. SHE IS AN ... (read in full...)
Does he want my number or not?
Q. So there's this guy I work with. He is a very shy person and I don't think his self esteem is very high. He even said to be that he doesn't think he very attractive. So we were having a conversation and I was like "oh text me if...happens." And he ...
A. 19 November 2014: I literally had to say to my husband the first time "do I need to hit you over the head with a brick??"
and he said "yeah" he had NO CLUE I was seriously hitting on him.
what you should have done was say "what's your number" and then... (read in full...)
Is this normal in sex? I'm new to it and have no confidence in what I'm doing!
Q. So i have a question for the guys! If you have sex with someone and use the pull out method (i know not entirely sensible but sometimes it happens) is it normal to finish yourself off as it were?? This happened on a recent conquest of mine and being ...
A. 19 November 2014: Ya know what they call folks who use the pull out method?
PARENTS.
Funny I have been having sex for 40 years and I have NEVER had to USE the pull out method. IT NEVER HAPPENED FOR ME.
but that aside.... if he is wise enough to pull out b... (read in full...)
My ex is ill so I haven't told him I'm in a new relationship yet!
Q. Ok, cutting a long story short, a few months ago my ex who still has feelings for me became very ill (we're still friends and have contact at his request). Around the same time I met someone else who's ex treated him terribly and left him/cheated on ...
A. 19 November 2014: Your loyalty is to your new partner. NOT your ex.
YOU owe your ex NOTHING... his care and feeding is not your problem.
... (read in full...)
Why hasn't she told her guy friend she has a boyfriend?
Q. My girlfriend has a guy friend that she has known for two years and they used to like each other she has not told him that she has a boyfriend and she wants to hang out with him alone and won't introduce me or tell him that she has a boyfriend. I ...
A. 19 November 2014: and as as far as what to do, (i hate that we can't edit our posts)
I would say to her t hat until you meet him you can't see her anymore as you are tired of being her dirty little secret.
You may not like what happens (she may not see... (read in full...)
Why hasn't she told her guy friend she has a boyfriend?
Q. My girlfriend has a guy friend that she has known for two years and they used to like each other she has not told him that she has a boyfriend and she wants to hang out with him alone and won't introduce me or tell him that she has a boyfriend. I ...
A. 19 November 2014: I agree... her not telling him she has a boyfriend keeps her options open with him.
I don't think it's wrong for attached folks to have friends of the same sex as their partner as long as they are transparent with all parties about the actual r... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for always thinking of him? even though he's hurt me so bad?
Q. So me and my boyfriend just broke up AGAIN for good, he was the first guy I've ever loved and it hurts like hell. But theres a story behind it all..the first time we broke up was around March after spring break where he started talking to some ...
A. 19 November 2014: It's only been a week... give it time.
go NO CONTACT with him... you two are over and done.
IT takes a while to get over someone you care about who has betrayed your trust.
DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. DO NOT talk to him, do not text him... (read in full...)
How do I put my foot down so he knows his behavior won't be tolerated anymore?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years (except a 4 month break) and I'm to the point that I'm not happy. I feel lonely and neglected. I broke up with him 5 months ago because he'd started neglecting me, wouldn't contact me and made ...
A. 19 November 2014: You can leave. Permanently. You can not and will not change him. He is who he is. His behavior is what it is and it's part and parcel of him as a man.
This relationship has run it's course and is over... you two are just letting it die a sl... (read in full...)
Would telling him I'm going on a date with someone get his attention?
Q. theres a guy i like and would love it if he asked me out but i need to get his attention first. we are friends he said he liked me before but didnt do anything about it we do fun friend flirting that doesnt mean anything asfar as i know ,im too ...
A. 19 November 2014: how about if you ask him to join you and your friends for this event...... (read in full...)
Is he horrible or mentally ill?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for two years and it was great for 6 months but then something horrible happened to me and I became extremely depressed. My partner helped me through that although at times it was awful, I didn't know if it was all my ...
A. 19 November 2014: If we say he's mentally ill it gives you an out to stay with him... think about it.
He may have mental illness but that does not negate or excuse his abusive nasty behavior.
683 texts in 3 days and calling work is stalking abusive behavior... (read in full...)
When it comes to sex she calls the shots
Q. My girlfriend Is controlling sexually she keeps rejecting me every time if try to have sex. It's destroying our relationship so much, I try to talk she won't We have sex 1time a month on her command. It is destroying my masculinity Help me flip...
A. 18 November 2014: IF it has always been like this, then it's probably a case of mismatched sex drives and NOTHING can fix that.
IF it's NEW behavior...then we have something to work with.
Is she on BCP? If so that could cause her to have no drive.
I agree... (read in full...)
Does a blow job require this in order to feel good?
Q. Guys when a girl gives you a blow job, does a girl have to deep throat for it to feel good for you. Answers from guys only please. ...
A. 18 November 2014: I'm with Chigirl...
I've been giving GOOD blow jobs for 40 years and I have never had a complaint and I have NEVER deep throated.
IN fact, I have had SEVERAL men tell me over the years that I was the ONLY woman to be able to bring them to or... (read in full...)
He needs space, but I want him to know I'm still interested!
Q. Hello all, I need some ideas on how to keep the chemistry going with a guy I've started talking to. We met online about a month ago and instantly clicked; talking on the phone about any and everything everyday, which I never thought I'd have the ...
A. 17 November 2014: Men (in general) are very tied to their jobs and losing a job is a huge huge ego blow. it invades EVERYTHING in their lives.
So here he is trying to win and woo you and look like the BMOC and he goes and gets his ass handed to him and he is se... (read in full...)
A love that hurts at times
Q. Ok so long story short, I met the love of my life 8 months ago. I say the love of my life and you're probably asking why I'm on here... I need help from your opinions on understanding a few things.. Mainly the women using this. First of all.. The ...
A. 17 November 2014: Sageoldguy...we do it this way
I love you
I love you more
I love you most
I love you more than most
yeah...
there are times HE tries harder and there are time I try harder... the fact that it goes back and forth is key...
Anothe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has only read about 50 of the 200 posts in my blog. What does this mean?
Q. I'm a writer who has a blog. It's a travel blog. I met this guy online about 6 months ago while I was travelling and we wrote to each other back and forth. Back then, he would read all of my posts, and write back with his take on them, what he ...
A. 17 November 2014: It means he read 50 posts... doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or that you are a bad writer or anything other than he read 50 posts no more no less...
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend goes to the pub after he visits me
Q. Hi there everyone Just looking for some advice as to know I am over reacting or not. I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a lovely man. We see each other 2-3 times a week but he'll stay one night a week, midweek. The other times, ...
A. 17 November 2014: Have you asked him why he does this?
Have you told him how it makes you feel?
what would you want him to do instead
he could not come to see you at all
he could come to see you, go to the pub then return to your home
he could switch his n... (read in full...)
It's our baby's first Christmas so what's the harm in spending it in our home instead of their daddy's ex's?
Q. Hello! My boyfriend and I normally spend every Christmas at his ex girlfriends house so that he can spend the day with his son. It's incredibly nice of her to let us spend it there and even more so that her boyfriend is ok with it too. We have ...
A. 17 November 2014: I agree with Chigirl.
there is plenty of time to tell the mom of your boyfriend's first child that you are not coming any more for Xmas.
In fact, it's time to split the families up... she can have him xmas eve and xmas morning.. dad ... (read in full...)
Love him but he's very abusive when angry
Q. I'm on my last bit of hope for my relationship. I have been going out with my boyfriend 2 years and like any relationship we have our ups and downs. I figured out pretty soon in the relationship that he was very verbally aggressive in arguments and ...
A. 17 November 2014: Since you are not going to leave him because you love him then I will advise you on how to cope.
YOU cannot change HIM. YOU can change THINGS such as YOUR reaction to him.
My husband has PTSD from a lousy childhood and he reacts TERRIBLY ... (read in full...)
Why do people automatically assume I'm a bumb?
Q. Hi all, I'm somewhat of a professional gambler, and I was wondering why is it so socially unacceptable to be a gambler? To make things clear, I'm not a problem gambler, I've been doing it for a living for the better part of 10 years. I'm a poker ...
A. 17 November 2014: We are gamers (of the Euro Board Game variety) and as such we have SEVERAL friends who live in Las Vegas and make their livings gambling.
I can see how folks who do not understand that there is a mathematical strategy to gambling for a living w... (read in full...)
Can a man be happy with a slim girl when he really prefers BBW?
Q. My boyfriend is into pretty much only BBW / chubby porn, but won't just admit he fancies big girls. he says it gets him off but I just have a gut feeling he prefers big girls. None of his exes have been too chubby though and I am slim. Hi calls me ...
A. 17 November 2014: I used to be a size 28 US. I had gastric bypass along with my (now ex) husband. HE LEFT ME for a woman who was bigger than I ever was after i got slim. He also gained all his weight back and she's gotten even bigger. (I know I saw them over the ... (read in full...)
I have the hots for the amazingly hot baby sitter
Q. I have an amazingly hot baby sitter, she is new to my family, just me and my daughter, but I have known her sister for while now. How do I find out if she has any interest? I wont lie I would love to see her in more ways than just my baby sitter. I ...
A. 17 November 2014: She is an 18 yr old girl, they are amazingly transparent.
IF she had ANY interest at all you would already know it.
Clearly she does not.... leave it a hot fantasy and move on.... (read in full...)
I told him its me or the weed ...
Q. my boyfriend stopped smoking weed and recently he talked about starting back. but me on the other hand hate it and don't want to be around it. What should I do? I told him to pick me or weed and he says its up to me.. help!...
A. 17 November 2014: If he chooses to smoke it, nothing you want, nothing you say and nothing you do will change that.
It's a choice.
You told him, ME or WEED... he told you MAKE a choice
what he means is.. "I'm not giving up my pot, you now choose if you wi... (read in full...)
Married man was flirting with me but now he tries to ignore me. Why?
Q. Hi everyone. Please don't judge because of what I am going to tell you. I have been flirting with an older married man and he has been flirting back. Long eye contact, a lot of smiling back and forth and all kinds of other things. He is alw...
A. 13 November 2014: I am a married middle aged woman who flirts like i breathe.
My husband knows this and is fine with it. Some folks are just natural flirts and can't help it. Once I learned that I was what i call a 'natural' flirt I became more aware that fol... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same since he admitted to a threesome
Q. What would you do/feel if you had a friend for whom you had feelings. You had started to get close physically and emotionally. Plans were made to meet up (we're living far apart now). But he tells you he got drunk and had a 3some with his friend and ...
A. 13 November 2014: only if grammar and clarity override emotions.
... (read in full...)
Little contact for 2 days... are men really like this?
Q. Is it normal for a man to go like 2 days without any real contact with his girlfriend? We've been together for over 4 years, not currently living together, but doing so after the new year. We had an amazing weekend and I know, in person, that he ...
A. 13 November 2014: There was a time before the internet and before cell phones when a boy had to call the girls house to speak to her. she had to be home to get the call as we did not have caller ID or answering machines.
We sent paper letters and cards to... (read in full...)
What can I say or do in order to keep her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 11 months now. I am 18 and she is 17. I am currently a freshman in college and she is a senior in high school. Throughout these initial few months in college, things have gone pretty well. I only ...
A. 13 November 2014: OH I'm so sorry to be the first bearer of bad news but the end of this relationship is near.
her backing off from you and saying "we need a break" and saying she has a lot going on and she doesn't know what to think means she knows she wa... (read in full...)
In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you?
Q. This is an age old question but I would like to poll a question. In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you? (Note that it's a one-sided love. You may care for the other person but I am referring to ...
A. 13 November 2014: I actually prefer the ebb and flow of being with someone who sometimes loves me more than I love them and other times is loved more by me than they love me.
Note that this is different than what you are asking.
IF it's totally one sided with o... (read in full...)
Herbal supplements for suppressing male libido?
Q. I'm 18 years old, straight, and have never had a girlfriend, this hasn't bothered me until recently when I've begun to notice that my sex drive has seemed to increase as of lately. Now I realize that for most men an increased/regular sex drive is a ...
A. 12 November 2014: I can't suggest anything OTC but I can recommend that you ask the doctor for some Paxil.
It's an anti anxiety anti depressive that totally destroys libido...... (read in full...)
Naked pictures in a long distance relationship, she wants to see mine but won't show me hers!
Q. I am in a long distance relationship for over a year, yet we have not seen each other in person, but we communicated daily in web cam, phone, facebook, etc. I love her and she says she loves me very much. We have plans to meet soon and we want to ...
A. 12 November 2014: Don't send. Don't ask.
Wait till you meet in person (and don't have sex the first few meetings)
why has it taken so long to get together... if cash flow is a problem... this relationship is doomed since you really need to have the ability to t... (read in full...)
Do guys need to see women naked?
Q. I find I can do without porn and don't want to support any porn sites. But if I go a long time without atleast seeing naked women, I start feeling bummed out, hollow, empty or dead inside. Is that normal? Could it have something to do with being ...
A. 12 November 2014: Do men NEED to see women naked... no.
Do men WANT to see something naked... sure
Jeff Foxworthy has a saying... "what do men want?"
"It's simple... they want a beer and they want to see something naked!" most men i know nod their heads a... (read in full...)
My widowed mother is sleeping with a married man.
Q. I am a seventeen year old Indian girl. My father passed away in December 2013. Since February this year my father's best friend, Max, who is a married white man has been visiting us at least twice a week and sleeps over. He is a salesman for a large ...
A. 12 November 2014: I agree with Aunty BimBim that it's NOT your place to say anything.
Mom and Max are grown adults and for all you know Max and his wife have an agreement that he's allowed to visit your mother and your father gave his blessing before he died.
... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid or is this a good gut feeling that he's cheating?
Q. I've been with my bf over a month now met over the internet. i'm 24 , hes 25. Everything is going, treats me like a queen. We've been on two weekends away (already i know) and met up in between. Thing is he normally msgs me every morning, ...
A. 10 November 2014: sounds like paranoia to me.
couples who are committed do NOT need to be in touch 24/7 nor do they have to have daily contact.
when my husband and I were dating LDR I wanted more contact than he did. We talked about it. I had to learn that... (read in full...)
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