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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He wants to meet me but he is still married!
Q. the answer to the question why stay is because , part of me believed in him. Part is sooo scared to find out the truth. he is in the military and he lives separately from his wife because of the constant arguments. He left the city where he used to ...
A. 8 September 2014: Over and over (I think this is the 3rd question I have seen on this topic from this poster) you keep asking the same question (he's married and lying to me what should I do?) but phasing it slightly differently in hopes of different answers.
OP ... (read in full...)
Should I Start To Pay?
Q. Hi I am married and my husband is not so rich. He works really hard to provide for me and and our child. Money is a hardship for him. However I have 30,000 pounds in savings. I haven't mentioned it to my husband as this was before we got mar...
A. 5 September 2014: If I found out my spouse had a large sum of money and kept it a secret from me I would feel very betrayed.
... (read in full...)
Should I Start To Pay?
Q. Hi I am married and my husband is not so rich. He works really hard to provide for me and and our child. Money is a hardship for him. However I have 30,000 pounds in savings. I haven't mentioned it to my husband as this was before we got mar...
A. 5 September 2014: I am old school like Olderthandiet and play the what's mine is yours what's yours is mine game too.
when we got engaged my hubby paid off some bills and paid to rehab the home I owned.
I put him on the deed the house.
none of ... (read in full...)
I'm in a high-risk pregnancy and he wants me to start earning?
Q. I have been married for 2 years,I had thought happily. After we got married, my contract terminated for my job. All very stressful but we started trying for a baby straight away. Well the upshot is that all was okay with me but there were male ...
A. 5 September 2014: OP your follow up just reinforces my belief that he's just not reacting well to the worries of money.
Since you are stressed a few days away sounds good to me.. you can formulate a way to talk to him about his fears and help him put them in word... (read in full...)
I'm in a high-risk pregnancy and he wants me to start earning?
Q. I have been married for 2 years,I had thought happily. After we got married, my contract terminated for my job. All very stressful but we started trying for a baby straight away. Well the upshot is that all was okay with me but there were male ...
A. 4 September 2014: Does he often over react to stress?
I am betting he is scared to death that you two will not have the necessary money to handle things once the baby is born.
Have you asked him specifically what he is feeling.
Offer to get a job as... (read in full...)
He bullied me into an abortion last time, so how do I tell him I'm pregnant?
Q. Can anyone help!! I think i just need someone to talk to and not judge! I have been with my on off partner for 3 years. At the minute u could say we have been casual...just dating. Last year I fell pregnant and he bullied and manipulated me over th ...
A. 4 September 2014: I would wait a bit... no need to make yourself crazy with him hammering at you to abort if you know you are not going to.
IF you wait till you are beyond the safe abortion time frame you can tell him:
"I'm pregnant and I'm past the time to... (read in full...)
Why does he trust me with his phone?
Q. Having a little fling/casual sex with a foreign guy from Germany and on our 3rd date/meeting where he's giving me a lift to his place, he tells me to keep his phone while he drives. He doesn't text and drive though. I just found it strange. I don't ...
A. 4 September 2014: your just fuck buddies... it doesn't matter to him what you know or think.... you are looking too deeply into this.... (read in full...)
How odd is it that her pets are "brothers"?
Q. I've known this girl Aimée for about 3 months. Met her at work and she's really nice, seems genuine, she's not judgemental or anything like that. She seems like she'd be a good friend. Here's the catch though, we were talking about our families and ...
A. 4 September 2014: I think waiting to spring it on you while you are there is a bit odd but to call them brothers seems ok.
My pets were always my fur babies. I was MOMMY to them.
My son and his fiancee just got a cat. My sentiments "I have a grand kitty n... (read in full...)
Is this normal in a relationship?
Q. Hi, this is not really a personal question but I'd like to hear some opinions. It is regarding the recent celebrity nude pictures scandal. After seeing the pics I find myself questioning what is normal and acceptable in relationships(I've never had ...
A. 4 September 2014: Just because she has a face full of semen does NOT mean she is not decent and/or nice.
NO not all women want "facials"
Not all women want oral or want to give oral
NOT all men want or need blow jobs
SEX is very private and you would be ama... (read in full...)
Words of wisdom for starting a LDR? Boyfriend going away to college
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over 2 and a half years, and the time has finally come for him to go off to university in nine days. I'm a year younger, so I'm only beginning the application process at the moment. H...
A. 4 September 2014: It will be hard. And you might not survive as a couple.
BUT it can be done and if it's meant to be, well it will happen.
Anyway...300 miles is about 4 hours away... not as bad as all that if you have time and money which college stu... (read in full...)
Does no sex after pregnancy mean no orgasms either?
Q. Hey i was wondering is it safe to have a orgasm through clitoral stimulation after having a baby almost a month ago? I know your not supposed to have sex until 6 weeks after but i don't know if an orgasm this way is safe, i keep hearing different ...
A. 4 September 2014: I asked the doctor that 30 years ago and she was taken aback but told me that it's penetration that is the problem not the orgasm.... (read in full...)
How can I get him to miss me back?
Q. I've been dating this guy for over a year now. We live together. And things have been good until now. He's acting weird. Like he went to spend time with his family and friends and they live like 45 minutes to an hour away and he said he wanted to ...
A. 3 September 2014: In order for him to MISS you, you need to be gone.
stop texting him.
wait for him to get in touch with you.... (read in full...)
A man who is so afraid to lose me, he opted for lying
Q. I met a good looking turkish man over the nternet 6 years ago. The chemistry was awesome , we spoke almost everyday on all these years , unti I stumble upon his picture and his real name on facebook. Call it God's guidance , imagine after six years. ...
A. 3 September 2014: It's been 6 years....
have you ever met him face to face in real life?
if not then I would not worry about this non-relationship.
he has deceived you. He is probably still deceiving you.
since you met him online 6 years ago by now o... (read in full...)
His first weekend out in America and my B/f got a lapdance and kissed a stripper! The trust is completely gone.
Q. My bf and I have been together for 3yrs. He is younger than me. He had the opportunity to go to Florida to study for a year, which I have supported and encouraged. I was, however, aware of all the temptations that would be there in Miami etc for...
A. 3 September 2014: He wants out. YouWish is correct... he is too chicken to do it so he's given you no choice but to break up with him.
If you don't break up with him he will know you are not a woman of your word. What he did was a deal breaker you both AGREED ... (read in full...)
My husband looks down on me because I'm a housewife and he puts himself on a pedestal because he is the sole bread winner
Q. I do everything I can to be a positive uplifting person for my husband. I Build him up always say I love you first and I am the affectionate one. He can be affectionate but only on his terms. I can never do enough to please him he is always ...
A. 3 September 2014: Oh wow… first of all stop being the one to initiate all the affection… let him come after you a bit.
Secondly, I would stop feeding his ego by letting him make all the choices.
THEN I would stop doing his laundry, cooking his meals and cleani... (read in full...)
Why is my advice to her the least valued by her? And do we need to learn new ways to discuss and resolve things considering how often we fight and resolve very little?
Q. So I am currently confused about certain aspects of my relationship with my girlfriend and would appreciate any insight. My first confusion deals with my girlfriend takes advice and everyday comments from her friends in a positive and receptiv...
A. 3 September 2014: You say you have 12 more years experience than her at work, are you also a bit OLDER than her? IF so it may be hard for her to take advice from you as it may feel PARENTAL to her. I know that when my husband is “critical” of me it irks me more ... (read in full...)
I hate the way he accuses me of being unfaithful.
Q. Break up are so upsetting! My boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 years. We have broke up and got together loads of times. I hate the way he accuses me of being unfaithful. He is really unwell with mental health and im scared he will do harm him...
A. 3 September 2014: so what is your question?
do you want help in leaving him?
are you asking how to fix his mental health?
... (read in full...)
12 years together..will he ever marry me?
Q. Will he ever Marry me? We have been together about 12 years, we have 2 kids (6 and 8). I think I have finally come to except that he will never marry me. I don't want that to be true, but I keep bring it up and he keeps giving me excuses. The ...
A. 3 September 2014: OP if that is how you feel it may be that it's YOUR feelings.
I would tell him that marriage is now important to you and that you wish to marry legally and if he does not then the relationship is over (AND MEAN IT)...so when he says "no" you can... (read in full...)
12 years together..will he ever marry me?
Q. Will he ever Marry me? We have been together about 12 years, we have 2 kids (6 and 8). I think I have finally come to except that he will never marry me. I don't want that to be true, but I keep bring it up and he keeps giving me excuses. The ...
A. 2 September 2014: nope he will not marry you.
if you want to get married and he does not why do you stay?
... (read in full...)
My Husband Reads Erotic literature
Q. I just happened to see my husband's browsing history while searching for a file . He seems to be reading erotic stories involving incest between mother and son .. This is the second time I ve seen him read this topic of erotic literature .. The ...
A. 2 September 2014: Most men prefer porn in visual ways vs erotica. Women tend to go for the erotica more than the film.
If it's not spilling over into real life and it's not impacting on your sex life negatively then I would just let it go and know that's his c... (read in full...)
What does my mother see that I don't?
Q. I met a man at summer, he was really nice and helpful to me, as am a single mum with a 3 year old, he done a few jobs round my house for free, and in that time I got to know him. He has asked if he could take me for dinner and I said yes I will ask ...
A. 2 September 2014: a man that is nearly twice your age is what mum sees and she is concerned.
perhaps she is afraid he is using you
or she thinks the age gap is too much.
I will tell you that with my 13 yr gap we are starting to have some issues con... (read in full...)
Why Did This Lady Act This Way?
Q. i moved area's a year ago and while here i met a lady who owns the local shop; she seemed really friendly and after some talks i invited her out for dinner one day to get to know her more as i didnt have any friends and thought to make a ...
A. 2 September 2014: well why didn't you ask her for that "food day"?
if she's really busy then it may have slipped her mind.
I would not take it personally at all... just let it go and move on.... (read in full...)
Could this long distance guy be interested in me?
Q. I'd like some insight into a crush I am visiting in a few months. We live in different countries and only met at a party last year. We just flirted and kissed a bit -- I didn't want to go any further because I was casually dating someone else at the ...
A. 2 September 2014: i offer casual friends a place to stay.... it may just mean he likes company and is trying to save you some money.
you met a year or so ago
and have had minimal contact since then.
I like the idea of a hotel for you... no need to create... (read in full...)
I had an affair with a younger man and I wanted to hurt his girlfriend so I told her about what we did. I thought this would break them but they're back together. What do I do now?
Q. I've been very stupid. 6 weeks ago I started to talk to a man 11 years younger than myself, he was at work when I met him and I asked for his number for a job that I needed doing in my home. I text him and it started off innocently, I ne...
A. 2 September 2014: Bottom line… do not contact her. it’s not your place or your relationship.
He has ignored your calls because you mean nothing to him.
You said “The sad thing is that deep down I know he loves her.” and then you said “I want to tell her... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about walking away from my drug addict guy. Was I wrong to take some distance?
Q. Hi everyone I have been in a relationship for a few months with a guy who is a drug addict. He uses coke, meth, heroin, etc. We recently spoke about his drug addiction and I told him that I will be there to support his recovery. He just has to ...
A. 30 August 2014: I wish my husband had been mean to me when he was under the influence before we were married. I would have walked then and there... sadly his true addict colors did not show up till after we said "I do" and I am committed to staying with him.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never buy me gifts or flowers. Do you think this is petty of me to think this way or is this a problem?
Q. I buy my boyfriend nice gifts, all the time. Golf stuff, beer stuff, nice ties... He really doesn't do anything for me at all. He brought me a book for my birthday and a sex toy and that's about it. Otherwise, our relationship (one year so far...
A. 29 August 2014: Have you read the book "The five languages of love"? If not get a copy of it.
The issue is you define showing love as gifts. He does not.
it's just that you two are speaking a different love language.
I like words and gifts to sho... (read in full...)
To anyone who has had therapy for depression, what was your experience like?
Q. Hi, I have a quick question. I'm 25 and I have just been diagnosed with depression, and will be starting therapy soon. I guess I just wanted to hear from anyone here who has been to therapy about what to expect. I'm curious to hear about your ...
A. 28 August 2014: I've done therapy for years. I haven't had the need for a while but I can tell you that if you are doing it properly when you come out of a session you will feel exhausted.
Therapy is hard work if you are doing it right.
if the first ther... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting about him not initiating any text for the last few days ?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 2 months over the summer and he had to move 6 hours away (driving) to finish his masters program for one year. Prior to his moving we had spent a month and half 24/7 together. We had gotten very close and decided ...
A. 28 August 2014: yes you are over reacting
yes you are being a drama queen.
HE TOLD you he would be busy... while MOST women can do more than one thing at a time (schooling, working, running a home, raising kids, having a relationship) MOST men I know can o... (read in full...)
How do express my feelings about this LDR? Should I cut him some slack? His actions don't express romantic intentions to me
Q. I am in a LDR of two months with a guy in UK. We talk everyday and he professes his love for meeting a woman like me everyday. He wants to be with me and marry me. I am feeling the same as well but I do have to questions compatibility or maybe I'm ...
A. 28 August 2014: It is a compatibility issue however. IF you WANT/NEED a man as a partner who will do romantic things for you without being told and it's NOT in his make up to do so, you will be disappointed by his lack of romance.
Therefore before he even spen... (read in full...)
Please help me stop thinking about this amazing guy I met while on a holiday! I'm in Australia. He's in the USA!
Q. I met a guy while on holidays in the USA. We met in Arizona. We had an amazing one night stand and I never thought I would see him again. He flew back to Illinois and I continued on my trip. We exchanged numbers, he changed his flight t...
A. 28 August 2014: I agree tell him how you feel and see what he says... (read in full...)
How do express my feelings about this LDR? Should I cut him some slack? His actions don't express romantic intentions to me
Q. I am in a LDR of two months with a guy in UK. We talk everyday and he professes his love for meeting a woman like me everyday. He wants to be with me and marry me. I am feeling the same as well but I do have to questions compatibility or maybe I'm ...
A. 28 August 2014: You can tell him how you feel but it will NOT change his inherent personality which is not as romantic as you would like.
To be honest talk of marriage is a bit premature here and you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.
He's got lots o... (read in full...)
Need help dealing with heavy periods
Q. Hey I'm 13 and I have really heavy periods which are usually accompanied by horrible cramps. My cycle lasts for 3-4 days; in a day I manage to get through 4 pads!? Is this normal? I don't wear tampons because they seem really unfomortable. Like when ...
A. 28 August 2014: I agree that a visit to a GYN is in order. 4 days is not long at all but heavy with cramps is a pain. I was that way at your age only for twice as long.
Hormone treatment can lessen the flow. Basically Birth control pills will help A LOT.
... (read in full...)
Girls are in control and I don't want my boyfriend to think any other way, so what should I do?
Q. Okay, so my bf was perfect, he blew off his friends for me in class he found excuses to sit next to me and every chance he got he spoke to me. but now he's in anouther world and we hardly speak... and he wont let me tell my bff we're dating because ...
A. 27 August 2014: oh dear.. Girls are not in control.... you never CONTROL another person, not even your own children.
It seems to me that he does not want to be your boyfriend anymore and is not mature enough to tell you this so he'd rather just ignore you a... (read in full...)
Is it better to leave it as things are or try to make a LDR work?
Q. , I am having some guy trouble. This is my first time seeking advice so I don't know how to start off. Last April I broke up with my boyfriend, a week or two later I got with a guy (Philip) 3 years older than me and we 'hit it off' almost straight...
A. 27 August 2014: I'm confused (hence my name)
these are the facts as I see them....
you broke up with a boy and very quickly after that met Phillip and immediately got into a relationship with him
you were gone for 3 WEEKS
in that three weeks Phillip... (read in full...)
.I don't understand why I should be faithful and invest in a relationship that has unstable future plans
Q. I have been dating this man for a year and a half and I need a solution to a problem. We are in a long distance relationship an hour and a half drive away.I live in a big city and he lives in a small town. I am willing to relocate to another big ...
A. 27 August 2014: He could sell his house or rent it out.
YOU do things when you love someone that you would not normally do.
I owned my house so my husband moved to me on the condition that we sell the house and buy a new one. I did not want to but I agreed... (read in full...)
How can we make our long-distance relationship successful?
Q. He's from the UK, I'm from the US. We've been talking online for 6 years now, been "official" for one. Guess what... I've never met him! I know this sort of relationship is unconventional. A bit weird, and most people don't get it and will never g...
A. 27 August 2014: I'm sorry I've done LDRs and Mark is spot on.
UNTIL you meet IRL you can't tell if you have any chemistry at all together face to face.
I know that what you have now FEELS VERY REAL. I've BTDT in the past. We went hot and heavy online... ... (read in full...)
The man I love can't give me a baby
Q. So my husband and I were having some trouble concieveing. We are in a very fortunate financial position despite our age and feel we can give a child a good upbringing. With me, everything seemed to be fine, but my husbands test results weren't so ...
A. 27 August 2014: What would be so wrong with having a baby using IVF...
if you are fine and it's just the hubby's sperm, then mixing his ejaculate with that of a donor which is then injected into your uterus while you are ovulating will probably be all you need... (read in full...)
Should I tell my Mom the things my cousin has shared with me about my father and the affair my father is having?
Q. My cousin [We'll call him R] came with me today with news that really shocked me. He told me my dad has been seeing a woman he graduated with who has a lot of money. The other day, R came to my house (I still live with my parents) and I wasn't the...
A. 27 August 2014: I am sure if your dad was able he would do something about his addiction. I am also sure that at least some of his ramblings were fueled by beer....
but I would go to him and ask him..... and if he does not remember then he has blackouts fr... (read in full...)
I found my new wife on an escort website. What do I do?
Q. hello everyone please help me. i just got married. i knew her from long time back but we werent keeping contact eachother untll we decided to get married. we are from same country but living in different countries. she lived in singapore and im ...
A. 27 August 2014: I would be curious to know how you found her on this escort site as well...
since you hate prostitutes and are a man with dignity I suggest you consider ending the relationship since it was based on lies.
I am sure you can get an annulment... (read in full...)
I go on a weekend away and come home to a boyfriend with what looks like a love bite on his neck
Q. Hi everyone! I'm just wanting your opinion on whether I'm being naive here! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years, I've never had a reason to not trust him! This weekend I went away with my friends for bank holiday and he went out ...
A. 26 August 2014: i once burned my neck with a curling iron... looked just like a hickey. I was in high school and teased beyond belief....
the fact that he was willing to call the friend then and there.... I'd trust him this one time. ... (read in full...)
Jealousy is ruining my life!
Q. For as far back as I can remember, I have been a VERY jealous person. I was jealous of friends, girls in my class, and one day in primary school, my friends mum actually said to me that I was a very jealous little girl because I got so pissed off ...
A. 25 August 2014: I agree that if it's this severe a counselor is your best bet to fix this.
I will say that jealousy is an emotion totally rooted in INSECURITY. since you mentioned always COMPARING yourself to others and finding yourself lacking, I suggest that... (read in full...)
.I don't understand why I should be faithful and invest in a relationship that has unstable future plans
Q. I have been dating this man for a year and a half and I need a solution to a problem. We are in a long distance relationship an hour and a half drive away.I live in a big city and he lives in a small town. I am willing to relocate to another big ...
A. 25 August 2014: 90 minutes is often a commute around here.
when my husband was my boyfriend and a nearly 2 hr drive away we had to decide what to do.
LDRs exist with one goal in mind if the folks are honest and that's to be NOT LDR!
If at your age after ... (read in full...)
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