A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm Needing a little advice, I realize time is meant to be a healer but it still hurts !!I had a very short but intense relationship and my partner left, I was heart broken. I have followed the things you are meant to do and it has got a little easier. I have not contact them, I have plowed my time into making myself a better person, tidying myself up, concentrating on my hobbies. Working hard, I have booked a holiday ect ect…But I am still left with the problem that when I am tired and when I have a moment it all comes back and I am torn again…. It has been some time now, coming up to 6 weeks (I think I do lose count) and I still feel tearful at times, and I still want him.I feel silly as I know he has probably moved on by now, and I should too, and I know we were only together for a short time, (a few months) but I am finding it very difficult. Does it get anymore easier with more time ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2014): something similar happened to me. Except it happened the same way TWICE. I got back with this ex because I never really got over the breakup FULLY. He broke up with me abruptly both times bc he doesn't trust me. Anyway, as a fellow breakup-upperer (?)- I didn't process all my emotions. The worst moments are the free ones where conciouseness hits you and you allow intrusive thoughts to come in . Or maybe the thoughts come all day and we build on them over and over. Im on my 2nd week and its better than the 1st. I think it's important to learn how to accept and allow ourselves to feel sad. For a certain time. At 6 weeks, I know I was still upset and I did not accept that. I still wouldn't honestly. Feeling sad feels shitty. As someone going through a breakup right around a similar time, if your emotions are like wise owl explained , then I'm going thru them! Seek a therapist if these don't go away. Don't hide them or pretend they aren't there. Purge out the poison in you. Sometimes we need to sit in the shit and feel it. however, not forever. Seek peace instead of happiness. Happiness is momentary according to circumstances we prefer. Peace isn't. Im kind of broken too, so I don't have much to offer but i found that spending time with a friend has helped. A talkative person that will absorb you will probably be best haha. But anyone who you like to spend time with … Try yoga too. Its very relaxing and can help you find some peace.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): Wow wise owl thank you so much for all the info !!! That helps me so much reading your post and getting helpful advise !!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 September 2014):
 If at 6 weeks this person only comes to mind when you are tried or have an odd moment now and then, then you are healing...
It goes like this
at first you think about them 24/7 they are all you can think about
then one day you wake up and don't think about them first thing... maybe not till brushing your teeth..
then more time passes and you don't think of them till you are say driving to work or school...
then more time passes and you don't think of them till lunch time.
finally the day will come (this could be months down the road) and you lay down in bed for the night and think of him and realize you have not thought of him till that moment.... that was for me when I knew I was healed. it took MONTHS.
Now I only think of this guy when I answer posts like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): First let me say how sorry I about your breakup.
I mark the calendar for nearly 18 months since I got dumped. Guess what? I still get twinges of pain, and I sometimes have a day when I do feel sad. I still miss what I had; but I've had a lot of time to get-over the person who dumped me. In fact, I'm dating again. It's great! I gave myself all the time I needed to heal. No baggage!
I can talk about it and not feel bad anymore. That's why I came to your rescue. To let you know that it does get better. Speaking with the voice of experience!
I was like you, say approximately 15 months ago. I waited for calls hoping he changed his mind. I felt stupid for letting myself fall for him, and my ego was destroyed for being rejected. Anything symptomatic of the emotions following a breakup? You name it, and if is hurts like hell, I surely felt it. I felt like my emotions were run-over by a train.
You're not going to be dancing a jig for a bit longer. You have no choice regarding how long your feelings decide they want to take to feel normal again. All you can do is wait them out. Just make sure you aren't stalking your ex on Facebook, reading old text messages, hanging on to old pictures, hanging out in the old places you used to go,
and listening to the gossip of well-meaning (or mean-spirited) friends giving you minute to minute updates on his every move.
I know you say you're doing everything possible, but what makes you think you'd get-over a breakup so soon? I mean, you're mourning a loss, and going through a period of grief.
Go turn his pictures face-down. Pack away presents. I hope you don't wear his old T-shirts; or have his picture as your screen-saver at work, on your laptop, or tablet.
Six-weeks in, is just the beginning.
Your mind is still going through the chemical process of detachment and withdrawal. That's why it feels so terrible. You also have to stop your mind from doing instant replays of the breakup scene. Think about how handsome Prince Harry is, and make believe he sent you an invitation to his birthday party and a royal night-out. Distract your thoughts. Make believe he gave the order to have your ex beheaded or castrated. Think about that a little while, you'll giggle.
I bet I named all the stuff you're going through?
Like the temptation to call or text. Every-time your screen lights up, you wonder if it's him. Wanting to text a nasty-gram to tell him off, and tell him to eat excrement?
Yet common-sense told you that's not right. Been there and done that. Don't, if you haven't, and don't get any crazy ideas. Do not read his messages. Delete his phone number, and get all thoughts of "being friends" out of your head.
That is sooooooo cliche! Give your nerves a break!
It has only been six weeks!!!
My dear, we're talking about a broken-heart here. You have to give yourself more time. As it is a fact that some people recover sooner than others; it is usually the person who dumped who heals sooner than the one who got dumped.
The reason is, the dumper gets a head-start; because they sometimes have weeks or months longer to anticipate the breakup. While the dumpee is the one who has to absorb the shock; and wrestle with the wreckage of a broken-heart.
Even if you were the one to end it. It doesn't mean you wouldn't feel pain. If you cared you would. If you didn't, you wouldn't have written your post.
The deeper your feelings were for him, the longer it may take to get over him. Or her, whatever the case may be.
I like the fact you're so impatient to get-over it. That's what it takes. The determination to just get this crap over with already! Keep-up that attitude! That you just want to get it over with, and that will speedup the process. Fill the void with more family-time, and getting out in fresh air.
Don't be closed-in with your thoughts. Don't be wimpy and whiny. Find solitude or a place where no one can hear you, like in a car. Just scream as loud as you can. Oh, what a relief it is!!! I had to do that several times. Don't make anyone think you're being attacked. You can't be heard when you do that. It relieves stress, breaks tension, and like a battle cry; it gives you the strength to keep fighting.
I wish I could tell you that there was a way to stop feeling bad over-night. No matter how many books you buy, how many videos you listen to telling you how. The subconscious takes its own time to purge itself of grief, and the psyche has to get around the rejection and disappointment that sets in. You're only human.
Recovery takes its sweet time. So avoid stalking his FB account, don't chat with his friends, clear your phone of all his pictures, and don't talk about him. Or, to him! You'll find each week that passes, the pain is less and less. If it is getting worse and worse, you're giving-in to self-pity. That can toss you into depression. Fight it. Let the emotions flow, give yourself some privacy. Then stop the tears and go about your day. Stop beating up your feelings, there was nothing you could do to save the relationship.
Guilt will fill you full of should-haves, would-haves, and could-haves. They were all exhausted. Fate has other plans for you, and he's not included in your destiny. Someone is being prepared for your future. Don't mess it up with stupid rebound hookups, empty-headed nonsense, or alcohol-abuse.
Chill! Pamper yourself. Time to be your own best friend.
Loneliness is not a sentence. It's peace and quiet, necessary to heal. That's why hospitals are quiet. It's a place for healing.
You can't keep stuff around that reminds you of him either. It's like an automatic loo (toilet) with a sensor. As long as you stand there staring into the bowl, it isn't going to flush. You have to walkaway and turn your back. Then all the nasty stuff goes away! Pardon the analogy. I just wanted to get a smile out of you. Did it work?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 September 2014):
 I think there are three components to healing. Time is one of them. Getting yourself busy helps to jump start your brain. The last one that is often not emphasized is to allow yourself to feel the pain and emptiness. The three things have to be in balance. Everyone deals with grief differently and it is fine if you need extra time. If you find yourself feeling lost again whenever you have free time it just means that there are sad feelings that need to be processed still. It doesn't mean you are not on the right track or doing it wrong. It certainly doesn't mean you are a weak person either. I myself find that the thing that helps me most is dating a new person.
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