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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What sexual skills do men look for in a woman?
Q. Hello, all! You know how they say curiosity kills the cat? Well,I'm afraid I'm the cat in this situation. One of the recent topics on this forum really got me thinking:http://www.dearcupid.or...
A. 24 February 2015: other than being a goddess on your knees so to speak I agree with C. Grant. It's the brain that is our most sexual organ. ... (read in full...)
My 18 year old daughter is sleeping with a 31 year old man. What do I do?
Q. My daughter is 18 and living and sleeping with a 31 year old man. In my heart I feel this is totally inappropriate. Her father is so upset. They got into a huge fight. Now I am in a deep state of depression. I don't see how my daughter believes that ...
A. 24 February 2015: There is NO way at 31 I would have wanted my 18 yr old husband. Thankfully he was in his late 30s when we met but to be honest we have the same age gap as your daughter and her boyfriend.
The person to be angry with is the 31 yr old. But then... (read in full...)
The girl I am dating is going to have to move 9 hours away. How do I tell her I want to go too?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have just recently started dating a long time friend (known her two years, dated about a month). I have never been in love, but I feel more for this girl than I have anyone in my whole life. I'm 25 and she's 26 by the way. The prob...
A. 23 February 2015: My son was dating a young lady. Less than one year into their relationship she moved 12 hours away.
He had his job transferred and three months later he followed her.
they are getting married in May and just bought a house.
TALK TO ... (read in full...)
Does the volume of semen a man ejaculates matter to a woman?
Q. I was talking with a female friend of mine and she called herself a "slug girl." I asked her what she meant by that and she said she she gets very wet when she gets turned on. She was quite embarrassed to admit that. However, I think most men thin...
A. 23 February 2015: in my case... less is more. I'm thrilled with dry orgasms to be honest.
we don't use condoms
I don't want to get pregnant (and can't)
ejaculate is nothing but messy.... (read in full...)
I contacted my girlfriend 7 times last week and she's still mad about lack of contact?
Q. I contacted my gf 7x last week but it wasn't good enough?? We've been together for 4 years. I'm 36 and she's 32. We usually spend our weekends together but due to work we don't see each other through the week that often so we rely on exchanging me...
A. 23 February 2015: Because saying "I love you" to her does not tell her you love her in her mind. She doesn't even know what does...
get a copy of the book The Five Languages of love. it should help
and both of you should take this test:
http://www.... (read in full...)
All of my boyfriends new friends are girls! Should I worry?
Q. Is it normal that my boyfriend has been befriending/talking with other girls lately? I'm in a serious long term relationship with my boyfriend. We're together every weekend so I notice things here and there., For the past couple of months ...
A. 23 February 2015: I agree either he is totally clueless about it... (and my ex husband and current husband are both like this) or he's very very SMART and is practicing a version of "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"
Often I've seen my husband g... (read in full...)
I think I would rather date my boyfriend's brother
Q. I have been having this huge problem that just wont go away. So I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now. And I can't say that things have been going great; they haven't. The problem is, I am really into my boyfriends brother. When I am ...
A. 23 February 2015: you need to break up with the boyfriend.
sadly you should NOT date the brother... at least not for a while... that's just going to be too awkward for a bit.
in fact, if you want to date the brother of the soon to be ex... let the brothe... (read in full...)
I am pregnant with married boyfrind's child. He is away and I don't know what to do!
Q. I need help. More than ever. I am here all alone with nobody to talk to. I have been with a married man for 2 years. I love him. I truly love him. I know, I am stupid. I have just found out tonight that I am pregnant with his child. He is out...
A. 23 February 2015: Well do you want advice on the relationship? It's a no brainer... he's married. he's not available for you and you need to consider ending the relationship.
As for your baby... if you are not opposed to abortion and don't want to give the ... (read in full...)
I am unsure of the signals she gave after our second date
Q. Ok, so I had my 2nd date last night with a girl that I met on a dating app.. The 1st date was at a pub near her house and last night she came to mine, I put some nice cool easy listening to music on, lit candles and cooked for her. We talked from ...
A. 23 February 2015: Agree agree agree... a second date AT HOME?
with easy listening music and candles... oh yes it SCREAMS you wanted sex...
Call her (not a text) and ask her for a third date IN PUBLIC somewhere nice. How about a coffee/museum date..... (read in full...)
My boyfriend remains friends with a girl who froze me out. I am angry that he remains her friend
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and met most of his friends, co-workers and even his bosses. One of his closest friend had a new gf who I kinda grew close with. I confided in her when things werent good between me and boyfriend, ...
A. 23 February 2015: I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. I can understand it but to be honest you cannot and should not ever mandate who your partner can and cannot be friends with.
My story:
when I met my now husband I had friends that are a married c... (read in full...)
Why do the thongs I wear not seem go fit right?
Q. When I wear thongs, it fits like it should when I first put it on. They're comfortable and I have no problem with them at all. By the end of the day, I notice it makes its way up my vagina and sometimes, it rides up in the back and hurts a little ...
A. 23 February 2015: I go commando no panty lines and no thongs up my butt
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I are fighting over small things but he doesn't learn from our fights
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately. Ridiculous as it may sound, its over small things, like not saying goodnight, not saying I love you, forgetting to say goodmorning, not picking up when calling...frivolous reasons and some ...
A. 23 February 2015: if you are fighting over things like "forgetting to say good morning" I don't think you two are cut out for each other... (read in full...)
He's a good man but I miss having cuddles and sex
Q. hi, i have been in a relationship for just over 9yrs. i love my partner very much. we used to have a very healthy sex life but over the last 3/4 yrs we hardly have any sexual relations at all, nothing. no kisses,cuddles,touching etc. i have tri...
A. 23 February 2015: if you have talked to him about this and he's happy with things the way they are , you can't force him to be affectionate.
I would consider shaking it up a bit and telling him "I love you and want to be with you but I can't bear the lack of... (read in full...)
What are the ground rules during separation from spouse?
Q. Just curious, what are the ground rules for separating with a spouse i.e. we need some time apart? Is dating and seeing others ok? Please don't look at this as an excuse but rather a consequence of separation....
A. 23 February 2015: in my state there is no such thing as a legal separation. there is married or NOT married. that means if you are not living with your spouse and you date others you are legally cheating.
If you and the wife are separating and you ask about da... (read in full...)
Do I swallow my pride and text him first?
Q. Up until last Friday I was dating a guy for nearly 2 month, I really liked him but on that friday he went on a night out with his ex , we argued and he said it was innocent they were only talking about something. But why not just speak over text or ...
A. 23 February 2015: Sounds to me like if he HAD to see the ex and you two are only dating for 2 months and she's a RECENT ex that POSSIBLY they are talking about getting back together.
I would NOT text him. I would assume he's getting back with her and get on with ... (read in full...)
We've only been dating six weeks but he seldom initiates contact with me
Q. I have been dating this guy for 6 weeks. We have met up multiple times though it has been hard as I am a single mother to my 4 year old son. The reason I am here is because I need to know if this is normal or okay. The man I am seeing barely co...
A. 23 February 2015: stop playing games "i am tempted not contact him at all now, even if he texts me first. " is NOTHING but game playing.
BE yourself. and give him time, 6 weeks with a single mom who does not have reliable child care is not a long time
mayb... (read in full...)
When it comes to sex, what is considered appropriate for my age?
Q. Hi, So recently me and my boyfriend have become really close and have started to try new things. Whenever he comes over we make out and we gotten to the point where he's sucked my breasts. We get close and do lots of touchy feely things and yes, ...
A. 23 February 2015: Both of you have to keep your pants on and you should be fine.... (read in full...)
I wish my LDR boyfriend would give me as much attention as I give him!
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year, have known him for several, but we live in different countries. When we first started dating we would talk so often, cam often, etc. Now it's like the relationship has lost it's spark....
A. 23 February 2015: if you are still not known to his family and friends after nearly 2 years of being together then he is not taking your relationship seriously.
what's the plan to end the distance?... (read in full...)
I'm in a bit of a predicament ......
Q. Ok so I'm in a little bit of a predicament. I really like this guy that works down the street from me at this food place and we do text each other and tease one another playfully when we see each other around town. Hes ridiculously shy and has told ...
A. 23 February 2015: yeah if it's two months of fun and games he's just having a bit of fun and is not serious I'm pretty sure.... (read in full...)
Orgasm clarification please!
Q. I'm not sure if I've ever had an orgasm. Everything I read and everyone I talk to always says "you'll just know if you have one." I'm sick of hearing that because it doesn't help me at all. I'd like to know for sure if I'm having one. I'm genuinely ...
A. 23 February 2015: Agreed... if you have to ask you haven't had one.
truth be told I was having them when I was too young to know what they are.. I called them "the tickle"
and as I've aged i've learned there are BIG tickles and little tickles...
I h... (read in full...)
How can I cope with this? Hasn't been a good marriage. Wife is leaving me.
Q. So after five years of marriage my wife is leaving me. It hasn't been a good marriage, with her spending our money and leaving me to pay off he debts, she has ben humiliating me. She makes herself look good, but she rarely helps around the house et...
A. 23 February 2015: why do you see this as a punishment? what you need to do is see this as a chance to get free from something/someone that makes you dreadfully unhappy.
8k is small but it' could be 800 then what?
and since you are recovering from a 5 ... (read in full...)
33 years of amazing mariage but the spark has gone. How can I deal with my wish to leave my wife?
Q. I'm thinking of leaving my wife after 33yrs of an amazing marriage. It all began three years ago. I was let down badly by people I trusted (including my wife)I needed to feel valued again. I met someone and we began a relationship. I ...
A. 23 February 2015: IF you want to leave because you are not happy and you are having an affair that makes you happy.. then leave.
Clearly it's not that cut and dried... so more details please so we can help you work out what the REAL PROBLEM is.
... (read in full...)
My mom is an attention whore on the beach and it botherd me!
Q. My mom likes to wear skimpy bikinis to the beach! Ok so this has been going on my whole life but now that I'm beginning to mature it's starting to matter to me. My mom wear's the smallest bikinis in the world it seems even when we are going as a f...
A. 23 February 2015: Sorry OP I did not see your follow up
"why would she want to be wanted by men half her age?"
if you don't understand that yet, it's because you are not mature enough to be honest.
how would you feel if an 18 yr old boy thought you were h... (read in full...)
How do I let him know of my needs? I do worry about him flirting with other girls. And it does upset me that he doesn't compliment me as often as I would like.
Q. How do I learn to trust my boyfriend? He does go out with his friends. But I'm just worried he is out flirting with women. Its frustrating that at his age he still loves going to clubs and he drinks a lot. I love him but wish he grows more m...
A. 23 February 2015: He is so WRONG for you as a partner.
A woman with low self-esteem needs a partner that is mature and attentive. He is 38 behaving like he's 21... let him go and consider dating the two that want you.
... (read in full...)
My mom is an attention whore on the beach and it botherd me!
Q. My mom likes to wear skimpy bikinis to the beach! Ok so this has been going on my whole life but now that I'm beginning to mature it's starting to matter to me. My mom wear's the smallest bikinis in the world it seems even when we are going as a f...
A. 23 February 2015: “beginning to mature” yes you are BEGINNING to mature One Direction2000 but you are nowhere near an adult yet.
“going as a family” everyone is assuming that mom is single… is there a partner for mom ? (a dad or step dad facsimile?) if so wh... (read in full...)
My husband puts his parents before me and it hurts!
Q. Hi everybody, I had a lump followed by pain in my breast so I asked my husband to take me to the doctors. We went and then that doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound which was three weeks after that. Come the morning of that appointment my husband ...
A. 23 February 2015: Usually lumps that hurt are not cancer so the first thing to do is relax on that front.
I agree with Aunty Bim-Bim you are very young and I assume your hubby is too.
I would a. get my license b. get my ducks in a row and c. start ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has gone off sex
Q. Hi! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, living together for over a year. I have to say I had always have more sex drive than him, I am 36 yr, he is 42. But in recent times, I have became very aware of the frequency of sex...
A. 23 February 2015: sounds to me like you have differing drives.
frustrating isn't it?
I'm 54 and my hubby is 41 and my drive is much higher than his (as it is for most of my women friends, I do not understand why men complain about women losing their drive... (read in full...)
Why do men expect women to be shaved down below? Porn?
Q. I'm out of a twenty year marriage so the last time I dates was some years ago. Since being single again it seems most men now expect or want women to be shaved down below. What's going on? I don't remember this ever being a request or even a prefer...
A. 23 February 2015: FWIW I hated that my now husband was totally shaved. It's NOT attractive IMO. I asked him to grow it back some... he did..... now I have to discuss trimming with him.
it's not an all or nothing thing.... (read in full...)
Christians, four months dating, and 23 year age difference. He keeps talking marriage.
Q. My question is about how age gap relationships work long term. I am 26 and my other half is 49, we are both Christians and enjoy spending time with each other. Weither we are dating or working for the Church he is a full time Evangelist so his life ...
A. 23 February 2015: I am a huge proponent of age gap relationships.
my husband is 13 years younger than I am and I agree that one of the reasons it works for us is because I had my children long before I met him.
I do not think in this case that it's a good fit ... (read in full...)
How do I make it work with a 24 year old man I met in Cuba?
Q. Hi, I am a 16 (nearly 17) year old girl from London, UK... I have visited Cuba 7 times and I have some very good friends there. In June I met a guy aged 24 who worked at the hotel I stay in who was very sweet. I didn't stay in touch with him but ...
A. 23 February 2015: The age difference between 16 and 24 is as big as 30 and 70.
You are at a totally different point in life than a man of 24 is.
If you have:
a. a distance issue (UK/Cuba) and
b. an age gap (8 years at under 25 is a big gap) AND ... (read in full...)
Why do men expect women to be shaved down below? Porn?
Q. I'm out of a twenty year marriage so the last time I dates was some years ago. Since being single again it seems most men now expect or want women to be shaved down below. What's going on? I don't remember this ever being a request or even a prefer...
A. 20 February 2015: It's not about hygiene at all. A person can have a full bush and still be cleaner than someone who shaves or trims.
... (read in full...)
Aside from telling his ex to really stop it, what else can we do to make stop calling him?
Q. Dear Aunties and Uncles, I've posted here before about my boyfriend's ex who has been contacting him on a regular basis. It started with her grandmother being in the hospital in October, then her grandmother's passing in November - my boyfrien...
A. 20 February 2015: it is NOT rude to ignore her if he's told her to cut it out.
she played him like a fiddle to get him to respond. NOW she knows he's still listening to her messages and if it's a "reasonable request" he will respond.
IGNORE HER but b... (read in full...)
Newly married, but I've lost my sex drive completely. What can I do? What could cause this?
Q. Hello, I just recently got married literally about a week ago. However, I've lived with my husband for a little over a year. For about 9-10 months now, I've not wanted sex at all. I'm on birth control pills, and on anxiety medication so I'...
A. 20 February 2015: You need to speak to the doctors. Birth control pills can very much affect your libido.
It's perfectly normal to discuss this with your doctor btw.
In fact, my gyn every year at my check up asks if I have a drive and if I'm active (I... (read in full...)
So many broken promises from my Bf. After 4.5 years how do I break up with him?
Q. Modnote: some graphic language removed from post, without changing the meaning. . . . . . . . . . . I am so sick of the rubbish that comes out of my boyfriend's mouth. I'm at my breaking point and want OUT of this relationship. I'm miserable with h...
A. 20 February 2015: My first real break up was so hard. I went over to see the guy and meant to say "David we have to break up" and instead I said "David we have to break OUT" how Freudian of me.
The problem with just telling him, is he will probably ste... (read in full...)
How small is small for a man's penis if the man is 5 foot and 11 inches and 195 pounds?
Q. Hello everyone sorry to be the umpteenth guy asking this question but how small is small when it comes to penis size? Im 23 and have had sex with over 20 girls but its always been in the back of my head that I'm unproprtional and small. My size is ...
A. 20 February 2015: My 5'6" 145 pound husband had a much larger penis than my 6'4" 300 pound husband. The size of the man has nothing to do with the size of his organ.
As for a small penis making you unworthy, the only thing making you unworthy is your own bra... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 20 February 2015: I agree with you Cindy... male anon does not get that what makes him average and unattractive and unable to get laid is his hatred of women in general. his total disdain for them as people...
... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: your regular doctor would run blood work to check your T levels but trust me based on your follow up your t levels are fine...
... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Dear Geeky Chubby Male Virgin,
Hang in there... you are just my type... do you play board games... I bet you can find a woman at a board game convention... that's how I met my husband.
check out the World Boardgaming championship... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: and to add...
her INSISTENCE on your penetrating her sounds to me like she WANTS to get pregnant.
Tread very carefully with this woman and do not go without a condom oh wait let me guess... she doesn't like them either right?... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: OP I have the solution:
you said " She's not on birth control either. And I've talked her through about this issue, but she doesn't seem to be so supportive about it. "
I truly believe your mind is smart enough to know that having unprotec... (read in full...)
How can I help our best friend who’s fallen ill and is being used by a gold-digger sociopath?
Q. For several months my husband’s and my best friend has had all sorts of problems and we stubbornly stood by him doing everything we can to help him. The only positive development is that he had left a horrible marriage behind, everything else ...
A. 19 February 2015: OP you are not getting the main issue
this is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
YOU are investing a lot of time and energy on something that is NOT YOUR CIRCUS they are NOT YOUR MONKEYS
keep the focus on yourself... our goal is to HELP YOU
your goal is... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: My concern is that you refer to YOUR penis as IT.
it's not a separate entity from you... your penis is part of you
I agree a T level work up is in order. But I'm pretty sure that it's a brain issue here.
are you afraid you won't satisfy... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Finally something I can comment on:
to anon male who said:
"It ended up being no future, no strings, expectations, just some fun to make you feel sexy again?"
it didn't END up being NO future... it started out as no strings, no expectations... (read in full...)
How can I help our best friend who’s fallen ill and is being used by a gold-digger sociopath?
Q. For several months my husband’s and my best friend has had all sorts of problems and we stubbornly stood by him doing everything we can to help him. The only positive development is that he had left a horrible marriage behind, everything else ...
A. 18 February 2015: YOU can't do anything.
He is an adult and unless he is mentally incompetent due to mental defect or a stroke or something else, there is not much you can do but let him make his own mistakes.
the hardest thing we do as friends is stand by ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 15 February 2015: Not at all.... (read in full...)
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