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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why do some people twist everything around to make themselves look the victim?
Q. So last year I was in a bind. I needed some cash. Asked my baby daddy to help me call a few friends to see if they can help out. They did, except for one friend. This is the one friend who always acts so concerned and caring, always wanting to know ...
A. 20 March 2015: you had the money but could not access it... why not ask baby daddy to bring you a check from your checkbook to pay the bail or borrow from a bail bonds man?
I would no NOT be lending a friend money for bail
when I lend money I assume I am... (read in full...)
Why do some people twist everything around to make themselves look the victim?
Q. So last year I was in a bind. I needed some cash. Asked my baby daddy to help me call a few friends to see if they can help out. They did, except for one friend. This is the one friend who always acts so concerned and caring, always wanting to know ...
A. 19 March 2015: So you needed money and you had your ex contact your friends to ask them to give you money?
WOW!
I would have been one of those friends that said "no I can't lend you any money is there some other way I can help?" what would you have ... (read in full...)
(Long distance relationship) My girlfriend is being distant towards me. Why?
Q. Hi all, I have been dating my girlfriend and we are having a long distance relationship. We have been dating over a year plus and we've already made plans together, such as me moving over to live with her soon. We used to text and video chat...
A. 19 March 2015: Have you ever met her face to face?
If not, end it and move on.
if yes... it still may be time to end it. LDRs cannot survive without regular visits and the plan to end the distance within 2 years or so.
... (read in full...)
I cheated on my FWB guy and feel bad about it!
Q. okay dont judge me, but I know this guy who i met through work, we became friends but our friendship went to friends with benefits. we have been like that for about 3 years now. but recently i met this new guy at my new job who i thought was ...
A. 19 March 2015: FWB means FRIENDS you sleep with.
he is not your boyfriend and he has no claim to you if all you are is FWB...
do you want to be more than FWB with the guy? if so you need to talk to him about it... if you don't then maybe it's time to e... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my FWB man. Should I end it? I don't think he'll leave his g/f for me
Q. I'm in a total quandary! I've been in a "friends with benefits" relationship for over two years with a guy who has a girlfriend, but whom he is mostly only with for financial "trapped" reasons. Debts and life's stresses mean it is nigh on impossible ...
A. 19 March 2015: You yourself said "I justify this"
Yes you are well aware that you are doing something wrong.
and no you will never be more than his little bit on the side.
you are not FWB in anyway shape or form. You are his mistress. He is cheati... (read in full...)
I'm married and have fallen for a boss at work
Q. Hi, I'm really hoping someone can help me. Im facing the worst predicament I've ever had in my life. I'm 27 and have a very good job, I am exceeding in my career and facing a huge promotion in a few months time. I'm married to a very nice man an...
A. 19 March 2015: OP you say "I am married to a very nice man"
wow... do you LOVE your husband?
you say that the boss of the boss of the boss (the guy you have a crush on) is married and has already made it clear that an affair won't work you have pets a... (read in full...)
There is no sex in our relationship and I can't figure out why!
Q. ive asked for help on this site before and do appreciate any insight on my issue. im a 48 year old female living with a 30 year old male. the issue is sex... he wont touch me and says its not me. i cant help to think that it is. he has made many ...
A. 19 March 2015: I am 55 my husband is 41 so I get the younger man thing and won't bash you for that.
I will bash you for being a doormat and taking his abuse.
does he live with you or do you live with him?
yes you need to get out of this relationship.... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mother in law that I am not ready to forgive her behaviour?
Q. Hey everyone. Back in December, i wrote on here for advice on dealing with my insensitive, mother in law. Basically, she said some really cruel things to me regarding me infertility struggle. She told me to "hurry the f@*k up to have a baby because ...
A. 18 March 2015: letting go and forgiving is not about making her happy it's about making yourself and your husband and your baby serene.
Holding on to anger and resentment will not bother her a flying fig but it will harm YOU and maybe the baby.
MIL sounds ... (read in full...)
How do these foursome things usually move along?
Q. am talking with an old friend, who is married now and he and his wife want to have a 4 some together the 4th person is a good friend of my old friend, but neither his wife or i have met this other male. i trust my friend completely... just curious ...
A. 18 March 2015: first you have a meet and greet... it can be in a bar or a restaurant or at someone's house.
We used to rent hotel suites and do them there but we had more like 30 people at our orgy...
you meet the people just like you are not going to... (read in full...)
Lazy or uninterested?
Q. Are some men just lazy communicators (text, phone) rather than 'not interested'? If so, does this make them emotionally unavailable or just lazy? How does a woman bring this up with a man in the early stages of dating without looking like a clingi...
A. 18 March 2015: it's not just men some folks do not text. some folks don't like the phone it's not lazy it's just the way they are.
does no mean they are not interested.
my husband does NOT text. he hates the phone.
we communicated (and still do e... (read in full...)
Two months and not over it?
Q. Its been two months so why am I not over it? I was fine until this month, he cheated and left he didn't even apologize. So why am I still sad? We go to the same school....
A. 18 March 2015: Emotions do not run on a timetable.
it's been 8 weeks. you were fine now you are sad again
what's changed?
what are you doing to try to move on?... (read in full...)
Repressed memories of abuse are coming back to me, and now I don't want my mother in my childs life
Q. When I lived at home, my mother and I were at loggerheads. She and I never got on. I was a hard teenager to deal with in fairness, my attitude was terrible, although I never did anything really bad. One time, when my mother was giving me a ...
A. 18 March 2015: My father abused me physically when I was younger. Out of anger. And an inability to cope. After a long time and lots of therapy including confronting him in a family session (that really helped me forgive and get why my dad did what he did)I ... (read in full...)
Can I be pregnant while on the pill and having regular periods?
Q. Last week my friend's sister found out she was pregnant and the baby would be born is two weeks. She never had any symptoms or a "typical pregnancy belly". Also she never missed a period,even though they were very irregular. Now I'm scared that thi...
A. 18 March 2015: I know a woman who had 4 babies while on the pill and getting periods. I know a woman who was 3 months pregnant and not missing periods. Yes it can happen.
If you take other meds like antibiotics, with the pill it can cause the pill to be i... (read in full...)
I'm feeling really trapped in this relationship.
Q. so me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and two months and I absolutely love him to bits!! But he's overly sensitive. I feel like I've become his councillor. He is so emotionally unstable and I've tried so hard to convince him to see a ...
A. 18 March 2015: Forgive me for pretending to read your mind, but this is how I view your post:
You say you love him to bits but you don't. Not really. You think you do. You think you SHOULD. You give EXCUSES for why you can't break up with him. You WANT out... (read in full...)
How did I become the family villian?
Q. A question: If a kid gets punished for something they did not do, is it child abuse even if not excessive just because the kid was innocent and the parent did not believe them? I have not been on speaking terms with my mom for years for this reason. ...
A. 18 March 2015: The past is the past
call everyone you are holding a grudge against. or go see them
Say "I'm sorry I was a butthead kid and I'd like to fix this how can we fix this?"
and let us know so we can help you proceed.
... (read in full...)
Love, baby daddy drama, a blossoming friendship! What do I do?
Q. OK so weve started out as friends I'm 23 she's 21. She does have 2 kids and a baby daddy they're kind of falling out lately he's kind of abusive, verbal, physical etc.lately we've been hanging out and she's been hugging me alot. Sitting closer to ...
A. 18 March 2015: OP thank you for verifying what I said. When you originally posted you said “I don’t know what to do” We responded to you based on that. Now you are admitting that you have NO INTENTION of walking away from this disaster waiting to happen.
... (read in full...)
Love, baby daddy drama, a blossoming friendship! What do I do?
Q. OK so weve started out as friends I'm 23 she's 21. She does have 2 kids and a baby daddy they're kind of falling out lately he's kind of abusive, verbal, physical etc.lately we've been hanging out and she's been hugging me alot. Sitting closer to ...
A. 18 March 2015: All we said and the ONLY reply is to address whether or not you know the baby daddy will be in the picture? OP, your lack of acknowledgement of everyone saying to not get involved with her says EVERYTHING I need to know. You want advice on how to ... (read in full...)
Love, baby daddy drama, a blossoming friendship! What do I do?
Q. OK so weve started out as friends I'm 23 she's 21. She does have 2 kids and a baby daddy they're kind of falling out lately he's kind of abusive, verbal, physical etc.lately we've been hanging out and she's been hugging me alot. Sitting closer to ...
A. 17 March 2015: As a woman involved with an unstable man my option is to tell you to RUN Forest RUN....
she's a HOT mess
she's 21 with TWO children with a man that she's not married to effectively cheating on him with you... (yes she is even if she's not ha... (read in full...)
It was not my kid but I lost my girlfriend over it anyway. I'd like to get her back but am worried she'll take me to court!
Q. I cheated on my girlfriend with this skank from work that everybody slept with. She knew I had a girlfriend I loved and it was just sex. She wanted me to be with her but that would never happen. She told me she was pregnant and my world ended. My ...
A. 17 March 2015: I agree with honeypie.
just because you are not the father does not mean you are blame free.
Your gf did NOT dump you because you fathered a child.
she dumped you for your bad judgement and selfishness.
and calling a woman a skank d... (read in full...)
I asked him if he'd like to have a drink sometime. His answer has me wondering what to do next!
Q. Hi I am in need of some advice. There is a guy on my sports team who when we first met I kept catching him glancing over to me and when our eyes met we would smile and look away shyly. This happened over several months. We started talking more and ...
A. 17 March 2015: He's letting you know that the relationship may not be long for this world and he may be available for that drink sooner rather than later.
You asked
the ball is in his court to end the current relationship.
just carry on like he said "sorry... (read in full...)
I asked him if he'd like to have a drink sometime. His answer has me wondering what to do next!
Q. Hi I am in need of some advice. There is a guy on my sports team who when we first met I kept catching him glancing over to me and when our eyes met we would smile and look away shyly. This happened over several months. We started talking more and ...
A. 17 March 2015: He's a class act. He told you the truth.
let him be. if he gets out of his relationship I'm sure he will let you know
until then... keep it just as casual friends at the event you attend together.... (read in full...)
He's inexperienced in the art of oral, any tips or tricks to help it be amazing for me?
Q. Hi there, I am in a long distance relationship and so on the rare occasion we see each other, we want to make the sex as good as we can! I have only recently started to enjoy him going down on my but he is still inexperienced. Has anyone got some ...
A. 17 March 2015: What I like done to me for oral will be different than what YOU Like.
I've heard that men learn best when taught to trace the alphabet over the clitoris.
let him do that with his tongue and when something feels good say that's it... whatev... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife who drinks too much and then starts fights with the family?
Q. Hi, male 45 years old married 20 years. 3 kids...all is well, until occasionally wife drink more than she can handle and gets mean. Usually, it starts with her drinking while yapping to her sister on the phome for hours in the evening, after s...
A. 17 March 2015: Male Anon, rehab is useless unless she wants to quit drinking. YOU can't mandate rehab. In addition, rehab is VERY expensive, the first month of rehab our bill was 10k WITH INSURANCE. thankfully we had it... in addition we now do not have my ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife who drinks too much and then starts fights with the family?
Q. Hi, male 45 years old married 20 years. 3 kids...all is well, until occasionally wife drink more than she can handle and gets mean. Usually, it starts with her drinking while yapping to her sister on the phome for hours in the evening, after s...
A. 17 March 2015: oh and I wanted to throw this site out there
http://www.12stepforums.net/
the Alanon board is very active and supportive. check it out.... (read in full...)
How did I become the family villian?
Q. A question: If a kid gets punished for something they did not do, is it child abuse even if not excessive just because the kid was innocent and the parent did not believe them? I have not been on speaking terms with my mom for years for this reason. ...
A. 17 March 2015: We really need more info to comment.
if a child gets punished for something they did not do is it child abuse.
depends on the punishment.
I sense that there is something MORE than the one incident.
can you give us more info?... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife who drinks too much and then starts fights with the family?
Q. Hi, male 45 years old married 20 years. 3 kids...all is well, until occasionally wife drink more than she can handle and gets mean. Usually, it starts with her drinking while yapping to her sister on the phome for hours in the evening, after s...
A. 17 March 2015: YouWish I used to do that with my DH. He would never watch the videos. I have them on the computer but part of Al-anon is not throwing the past up in their faces... you have to live day to day.
IT's sad that WE as family and friends of the a... (read in full...)
Broke up recently. Have I lost the love of my life? How do I get over this?
Q. I broke up with my ex a month or two ago and recently I've been feeling very sad and melancholy. She was only girlfriend I ever had who I could see myself seriously marrying. We would look at houses and discuss what our kids would look like. She's ...
A. 17 March 2015: HIT enter too soon
after you make those two lists you make a list of your dream girl both good and bad.
how does she compare
do you love HER or the idea of HER
do you love HER or the idea of NOT being alone?... (read in full...)
Broke up recently. Have I lost the love of my life? How do I get over this?
Q. I broke up with my ex a month or two ago and recently I've been feeling very sad and melancholy. She was only girlfriend I ever had who I could see myself seriously marrying. We would look at houses and discuss what our kids would look like. She's ...
A. 17 March 2015: you love HER?
ok make a list of all the things about HER right now that you love. (not in the past not what you want not what she WAS but what she is right now)
Now next to that list make a list of all the things she does that are Not GO... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife who drinks too much and then starts fights with the family?
Q. Hi, male 45 years old married 20 years. 3 kids...all is well, until occasionally wife drink more than she can handle and gets mean. Usually, it starts with her drinking while yapping to her sister on the phome for hours in the evening, after s...
A. 16 March 2015: I'm sorry Male anon but a THREAT is useless.
If the OP's wife can't control her drinking she is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease not a choice or a moral failing.
Now a boundary with an ultimatum IF done properly and followed through... (read in full...)
How do I ask my employer for fewer hours to work my other job? I am leaving this employer
Q. I'm a full time Nanny that works with a work from home mom. I work 9-5 Monday through Friday with no benefits (no vacation days or sick days and no contract). Since the job is going to be up in May, I went job hunting to make sure I'm not jobless in ...
A. 16 March 2015: if you have no contract I would give her two weeks notice.
and leave.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my wife who drinks too much and then starts fights with the family?
Q. Hi, male 45 years old married 20 years. 3 kids...all is well, until occasionally wife drink more than she can handle and gets mean. Usually, it starts with her drinking while yapping to her sister on the phome for hours in the evening, after s...
A. 16 March 2015: IF your wife has any sort of issue with alcohol you may benefit from Al-anon and your son from Al-ateen.
both for for family and friends of alcoholics (do not say your wife is NOT an alcoholic, if she drinks so much she gets abusive even if it's... (read in full...)
Help with friends with benefits and my heart
Q. So I've been hooking up with this guy for almost 3 months at least once a week and two weeks ago I came to realize I have a crush on him. It's more of a territorial and I get jealous at the idea of him hooking up or seeing another woman. I've been ...
A. 16 March 2015: The minute one of the partners in an FWB starts to fall that is the time to end it or ask them what they want.
IF you ask him he will probably say "i'm not sure" or something to keep you on the line till he's caught the beautiful one with her... (read in full...)
He accuses me of cheating, yet I wonder if he's cheating. What can I do about this relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year. We finally met each others parents. We don't hangout that much cause he works al the time the only day we WOULD have to ourselves is Sunday. But when he has free time he rather spend it with hi...
A. 16 March 2015: "you're cheating on me"
"you may be right, let's take a break and I'll think about your feelings and get back to you on it"
then RUN to the nearest relationship exit.
If he can't manage to see you for dinner, movies, dates, hanging w... (read in full...)
I have a huge secret crush on a woman who has become friends with my own fiancee. Do I reveal my crush, or not?
Q. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman that I have been with for 8 years (since I was 18). She is a beautiful person, inside and out, and I feel terrible guilt about asking this. She has become friends with a girl (let's call her Jane) over the past two ...
A. 16 March 2015: "should I break up with my partner and move away from both of them"
how can you say you love this woman if you are willing to break up with her and move away?
I don't think you know what you want. Therefore you need to talk to your partner... (read in full...)
Broke up recently. Have I lost the love of my life? How do I get over this?
Q. I broke up with my ex a month or two ago and recently I've been feeling very sad and melancholy. She was only girlfriend I ever had who I could see myself seriously marrying. We would look at houses and discuss what our kids would look like. She's ...
A. 16 March 2015: you fix it by
a. blocking all of her online media. you can't be hurt by what you do not see and hear
b. if you can't get your things back from her you let them go and replace them. Unless it's a priceless irreplaceable family heirloom, the... (read in full...)
I'm in a total quandary! In love with my FWB and wondering if I should tell him?
Q. I'm in a total quandary! I've been in a "friends with benefits" relationship for over two years with a guy who has a girlfriend, but whom he is mostly only with for financial "trapped" reasons. Debts and life's stresses mean it is nigh on impossible ...
A. 16 March 2015: While YOU may be thinking you are FWB you are his "little bit on the side" and once he marries her you will be his mistress...
and if he leaves her, he will break your heart when he does not come to be with you. He would be with you already ... (read in full...)
He lied about having a wife and a kid!
Q. Hi, I am very sad..I am dating a guy for a year so far, he is from Iraq but we both met in US..after 6 months of being together I saw a pic on facebook of him with a baby..I asked him whos this baby..he said is one of my nephews..anyway I believed ...
A. 16 March 2015: OH OP you DO know what to do you just don't know how to do it.
so he lies
he cheats
he manipulates
you need to NOT listen to him.
when you came up with your list of what you want in a partner did liar, cheater, manipulator fall a... (read in full...)
Comments about his best friend's new girl really upset me, am I being too jealous?
Q. I don't know if I'm being stupid or not with this but I would like help and advice as these sort of things go over and over in my mind. My boyfriends best friend moved to Australia a couple of months ago and he messaged my boyfriend the other da...
A. 16 March 2015: You need to chill darling.
He said she's fit. BFD.
does he like beef? yes.... good
does he like chicken? yes? that's different than beef
but if he likes both that doesn't mean he likes one more than the other does it?
I am c... (read in full...)
My wife is my sole sexual partner to date. would having sex with friends be a good or bad idea?
Q. I'm writing for the first time on DearCupid and my name pretty much speaks for itself. Now I'm not the curious as in the same sex, but the curious type that wonders what it is like to be with another woman. Since I was 17 I have been with only t...
A. 16 March 2015: "I keep reading that swinging has its benefits that makes couples fall more in love and that sex is not used as a measure of love. I guess you could say I use it as a measure of love but if for some reason she could no longer do it, would I still ... (read in full...)
Don't want to make the first move when he said such hurtful things about me, but I love him
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me 2 weeks into the relationship, we talked it through and decided to try again. It's been 4 weeks and I found out from his dad (a man that is a family friend) that my boyfriend has told his dad that I'm a huge flirt, a slag ...
A. 16 March 2015: "but I love him?"
while the question mark is not what you intended it speaks volumes.
You are quite young although you do not see it or feel it.
What is love to you? WHY DO YOU LOVE HIM... what about him is so perfect that you love.. NOT ... (read in full...)
Do we end it or not?
Q. In the next 2-3 years, my plan is to move country and seek employment elsewhere. I've always envisioned working and living in America and now I that I have my degrees, am gaining experience in my field and saving money to travel - I feel like th...
A. 16 March 2015: If you are with him forever then yes it's time to end it as forever is when you move and he does not.
IF you two are together because it's good and you have fun, then I can't see why you don't stay as long as you can.
AS long as you know thi... (read in full...)
Unique bond with a complicated situation..HELP
Q. I had a boyfriend who went away, he's been 17 months. Our relationship ended badly and we have not had any communication for the past 5 months. While we were together we spent a lot of time with his family, and mostly his cousin. The three of us ...
A. 16 March 2015: you are over thinking this.
sounds to me like he likes you but just wanted a cuddle with a friend... that happens you know.
if you are NOT over the first boyfriend then you are not ready for a new one whether it be his cousin or not.... (read in full...)
Unique bond with a complicated situation..HELP
Q. I had a boyfriend who went away, he's been 17 months. Our relationship ended badly and we have not had any communication for the past 5 months. While we were together we spent a lot of time with his family, and mostly his cousin. The three of us ...
A. 13 March 2015: I really wanted to read this and help but it's a solid wall of text and I can't follow it... in case you want more help than this garners I offer this as a suggestion for future posts:
http://ww... (read in full...)
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