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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 20 February 2015: I agree with you Cindy... male anon does not get that what makes him average and unattractive and unable to get laid is his hatred of women in general. his total disdain for them as people...
... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: your regular doctor would run blood work to check your T levels but trust me based on your follow up your t levels are fine...
... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Dear Geeky Chubby Male Virgin,
Hang in there... you are just my type... do you play board games... I bet you can find a woman at a board game convention... that's how I met my husband.
check out the World Boardgaming championship... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: and to add...
her INSISTENCE on your penetrating her sounds to me like she WANTS to get pregnant.
Tread very carefully with this woman and do not go without a condom oh wait let me guess... she doesn't like them either right?... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: OP I have the solution:
you said " She's not on birth control either. And I've talked her through about this issue, but she doesn't seem to be so supportive about it. "
I truly believe your mind is smart enough to know that having unprotec... (read in full...)
How can I help our best friend who’s fallen ill and is being used by a gold-digger sociopath?
Q. For several months my husband’s and my best friend has had all sorts of problems and we stubbornly stood by him doing everything we can to help him. The only positive development is that he had left a horrible marriage behind, everything else ...
A. 19 February 2015: OP you are not getting the main issue
this is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
YOU are investing a lot of time and energy on something that is NOT YOUR CIRCUS they are NOT YOUR MONKEYS
keep the focus on yourself... our goal is to HELP YOU
your goal is... (read in full...)
Am I the problem or is it them?
Q. Hey guys. You see, at the start of this academic year, all of my friends went off to college while I stayed at school for sixth form. I knew straight away that they would all make new friends and I was fine with that, but it's getting to the p...
A. 19 February 2015: there is not a problem. they have moved on with the next stage of their lives and you have not yet.
once you go off to school it will change for you too...
... (read in full...)
Can open relationships work?
Q. Hi aunts. I was wondering if anyone had any experience with open relationships -- can they work, is it a viable option? How do you approach the subject? My partner and I have been together over 3 years, living together for 2 and a half years. We...
A. 19 February 2015: NOPE it does not work.
what you have is you live with your best friend.
you need to end the relationship so that you can go out and meet "the one" he's not it.
btw there is no ONE but this guy you are with is not doing it for you sex... (read in full...)
I told my married lover I am free to see others and he said he wants a future with me. Is he stringing me along?
Q. I have been seeing a married man for 5 years I have divorced my husband but my lover is still with his family, he said he cannot leave his children until they are older and less dependant on him, he does idolise his kids.I said I was free to see ...
A. 19 February 2015: `I will tell you what you NEED To hear... he is stringing you along.
he is giving you a line
if he wanted to be with you he would have left the wife a long time ago.
you CAN leave your wife and NOT your children.... (read in full...)
Literally out of options with sex life. Help?
Q. Hello, I would like to ask for any insight possible on a big problem that's been lingering for quite some time. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now. We've managed to enjoy our time together, seeing each other and everything's bee...
A. 19 February 2015: My concern is that you refer to YOUR penis as IT.
it's not a separate entity from you... your penis is part of you
I agree a T level work up is in order. But I'm pretty sure that it's a brain issue here.
are you afraid you won't satisfy... (read in full...)
What are some ways I can make extra income?
Q. Hello! I have a bit of a problem and hope you guys can help. For the past two years I've had a full time job working a 2PM-10PM shift. However, it's just not enough to make ends meet. I need more money. The question is what should I do to b...
A. 19 February 2015: when i was a stay at home mom I did calls for survey companies. I got paid for completed surveys. not a lot of money but it might help
could you possibly change your expenses? do you have a roommate? would that help?
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's child is 15 months old and her tantrums are frazzling my nerves!
Q. So I've recently started dating a woman about 4 months ago. Things between us are fantastic. We get along amazingly and chemistry between us is definitely there. However, there's one thing I'm having a hard time admitting is a problem for me. Her ...
A. 19 February 2015: I agree with Honeypie.
I have had two children the oldest is special needs and was very colicky and had lots of issues. but his melt downs were rather controllable.
I do think that part of the issue may stem from the child being schleppe... (read in full...)
I want to move out but can't afford it! Ideas?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm 21 years old and I live with my father and brother. The thing is, I really want to move out and be on my own but I just can't afford it. Let me explain my situation. My father is retired. I love him to death but he stays at home...
A. 19 February 2015: a google search "is there a safe roommate finder for adults"
brought up lots of websites
https://www.googl... (read in full...)
Did he use me? My married lover just stopped seeing me
Q. So I know that what I have been doing is wrong. I wholeheartedly know this. I just feel sometimes you cannot help who you have a real connection with. This is my situation in a nut shell; I am now 26. When I was 18/19 I used to work for a l...
A. 19 February 2015: Did he USE YOU? for what?
does he like you? Yes
is he going to leave his wife for you NO
did you both make a bad choice to do what you did? yes.
I'm sorry you made a bad choice to choose a married man to have an emotional aff... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Finally something I can comment on:
to anon male who said:
"It ended up being no future, no strings, expectations, just some fun to make you feel sexy again?"
it didn't END up being NO future... it started out as no strings, no expectations... (read in full...)
I'm about to get married, and my fiancé has started to smoke weed- how do I deal?
Q. I began dating my now fiancé 7 years ago when we were 18. We both had very strong Catholic morals, including both being extremely against any form of smoking. Well, I found out he has lied to me for over a year and has started to smoke weed on ...
A. 19 February 2015: I smoke weed daily. I think it should be legal like alcohol.
BUT my children are grown and out of the house and I did not smoke when I was bearing children or raising children.
I can stop smoking as needed but my husband is currently... (read in full...)
Committed or not?
Q. I am 27 years old my BF is the Same Age. We have been in this relationship 3 years total and 1 year living together. So far everything is good. I have my doubts. He seems to be prolonging marriage and kids. He tells me on it's time it will come. I ...
A. 18 February 2015: I'm sorry but if he deems you 'companionship" then he's wasting your time till someone that he truly loves comes along.
I am not saying he does not love you and care about you, but not enough to do what he needs to do to not risk losing you. ... (read in full...)
She did us a big favor, but how long do we owe her?
Q. It's a bit sensitive situation andi need an advice. We have a customer who at one point did a huge favor for us that it resulted in bringing us quite a bit of business. On her part it was absolutely effortless. She is kind and generous lady, r...
A. 18 February 2015: I think that you could offer her a discount and she can wait for you to do it on your time frame.
IF she wants rush pieces then she has to pay full price.
and you don't owe her as long as the clients keep coming back to you. you only o... (read in full...)
He wants me to be exclusive with him. But there is another woman in his life. What should I do?
Q. i met this guy i been having sex with him the last mouth he has been helping me in so many ways. he talks to my kids he tells me he wish he met me fours years ago before he met the women he is with now he wants me to wait for him for me to have no ...
A. 18 February 2015: OH dear... really.. YOU LOVE HIM?
make a list of all the things that HE CURRENTLY does that makes you love him. NOT what you want. NOT what he COULD be. BUT what he currently is and does.
so he wants to have sex with you while dating an ... (read in full...)
What can we do to work through the issues that impact on us as a couple due to her parents prejudice against disabilities?
Q. first off, i have a disability which impacts me physically. it's nothing serious and i can live a normal life, but with some minor limitations. ok, so i've been dating this absolutely amazing girl. she fully understands my limitations, and...
A. 18 February 2015: Sad as I am to have to agree with YouWish I do.
this is about HER feelings not her parents.
IF it was just her parents she would be proud to be with you at all times and she would work towards getting her parents to accept you.
I assum... (read in full...)
What can I do to help him understand he is ruining our relationship?
Q. Im in a relationship with a younger man there is no doubt on my mind we love each other, he goes to work I am home I rarely go out I pretty much stay to myself before the relationship began I was always surrounded by fam and friends they were always ...
A. 18 February 2015: OP, I'm sorry but I can't see how HE is ruining the relationship?
He is abusing you by controlling you
He is abusing you by accusing you of things he is doing himself.
He is abusing you by cutting off your family and friends and essentially ... (read in full...)
I caught my husband taking negatively about me to the kids and family
Q. I've been married to a man for three years. I had three kids to bring to this relationship he had 2... At first things were great between us like they are in the beginning... We have since then bought a house and are starting to try to make a ...
A. 18 February 2015: It sounds to me like he married you to have a housekeeper, sex partner and babysitter.
I would
a. get my financial ducks in a row
b. contact a good attorney to find out what needs to be done to protect yourself and your children
I fe... (read in full...)
My wife wont talk about our sexless marriage and thinks everything is ok!
Q. Hi I'm been married 27 years After my wife had breast cancer 20 years ago she as gone completely of sex when I try to touch her she just turns around I've tryed talking to her but she's not interested I still love her but ate being regected all ...
A. 18 February 2015: I totally agree with all the answers (other than "men need sex" and " The fact is; afte menapause and after 50 (40 in most cases) the female libido is 'zeroed out' ")
I will say while those are good options I have one that may work.... it'... (read in full...)
Should I move in with boyfriend of 4 months? He's been acting standoffish
Q. I'm widowed but seeing someone. OK he has 2 children 10 and 12 I have 1-19 we have been seeing each other for 4 month. I need to move so I decided to move in with him. I'm unemployed. He owns his house. But lately he's getting stand off ish.but ...
A. 18 February 2015: after 4 months and he's standoffish
find a different place to live. do mot move in with him.
decision made.... (read in full...)
I have trouble having an orgasm during sex. Can this be fixed?
Q. My problem is with climaxing, Ive only ever orgasm-ed with my ex of five years, we broke up a few years ago, I havent been able to with any men before or after him regardless of what they did oral or hands, by myself I have no issue but I always ...
A. 18 February 2015: I am 54.
I have been having sex for 40 years.
I have had sex with men and with women.
I have had 4 husbands and many boyfriends and lovers.
ONLY ONE MAN (my 3rd husband) could ever consistently bring me to orgasm during oral and i have... (read in full...)
I walked in on my 15 year old cousin masturbating
Q. I walked in on my 15 year old cousin masturbating. My mom told me to go see if he was sleeping and if not tell him breakfast was ready. It was silent and I thought he was sleeping so I peeked in to look and forgot to knock (worst mistake ever) I ...
A. 18 February 2015: when i was a teenager my mother walked in on me having sex with my then boyfriend.
she said "oh excuse me" she shut the door
it was NEVER mentioned again. that was a long long time ago... my mother died and we never mentioned it a... (read in full...)
My friend and I are keen to have some fun with my fiancee!
Q. Hi there, i am in a long term, committed relationship and i love my fiance with all of my being. I have told him openly and honestly, regarding the fact that i would love for us to have a threesome, after we're married, not because he do...
A. 18 February 2015: I was a swinger with my ex husband.
I am a bisexual woman by choice.
I have had MMF I have had FMF I have had FFF and other combos... BTDT.. name it I've done it.
YES it changes the dynamic. YES it can be a problem later on
I wo... (read in full...)
Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?
Q. please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious person.my marriage was fail last year.it was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...
A. 18 February 2015: when did being Muslim become a race? I thought it was a religion.... (read in full...)
Online stalking obsession
Q. Hi there, I have a major issue thats been controlling my life, I have a very bad habit of internet stalking people, my boyfriends ex, friends of friends, my ex and his new gf, its like an addiction, it think its interesting watching peoples...
A. 18 February 2015: AA and such 12 step programs have online meetings.
I asked my hubby yesterday if we did ONLINE meetings for an internet addiction would it count?
I was being facetious but it's true... addictions come in all shapes and sizes.
some are easier... (read in full...)
I truly love my boyfriend so why do I want to call this married man?
Q. Dear Aunts, I love my boyfriend of seven years fully. Yet, there's a married man after me. He drops by where I work weekly and always talks with me. He brings me gifts mostly every time and says he simply likes our conversations. I keep telling h...
A. 18 February 2015: I love my husband. Truly. Things suck with us in our marriage right now. IF he asked for a divorce I'd grant it truly. But I love him. Madly.
If a single available guy came up to me right now at work and gave me gifts and his phone nu... (read in full...)
How can I help our best friend who’s fallen ill and is being used by a gold-digger sociopath?
Q. For several months my husband’s and my best friend has had all sorts of problems and we stubbornly stood by him doing everything we can to help him. The only positive development is that he had left a horrible marriage behind, everything else ...
A. 18 February 2015: YOU can't do anything.
He is an adult and unless he is mentally incompetent due to mental defect or a stroke or something else, there is not much you can do but let him make his own mistakes.
the hardest thing we do as friends is stand by ... (read in full...)
She is initiating everything. Does that mean she likes me?
Q. So there's this girl that was in one of my PE classes last quarter. I didn't talk to her much, but from what I've learned about her, she's super smart and athletic. We don't have any classes this quarter, so I haven't seen her on campus. Over the ...
A. 18 February 2015: why not ask her to go for coffee and see what happens...
it's just coffee...
but call her and say "hey want to grab a cup of coffee together this weekend and catch up?"
see what she says.... (read in full...)
I'm a man who wants to have a semi relationship with a man while I play the part of the woman
Q. About me: young, live in a tiny village in the uk, have been crossdressing on and off for 5 years now, have met up with men but always get tested regularly. So since starting my industrial placement from uni last summer I've expanded my ward...
A. 18 February 2015: Is it even remotely possible that you are transgendered?... (read in full...)
Everything seemed fine so why the playing hard to get?
Q. Hi Guys, I split up with my girlfriend of a few years abit back and had some time on my own.. I decided a couple of weeks ago to try meeting someone else, so I went on a dating site and messaged a girl, she messaged me back and we exchanged mobile ...
A. 18 February 2015: I like daisies for a first bouquet.
and yes if you know where she works send them there if you can
and don't text her to have a relationship.. pick up the phone and call her...... (read in full...)
If he upsets me he leaves me alone
Q. Is it odd the way my boyfriend reacts to upsetting me? Whenever he does something that upsets me, whether it be something big or small, he's usually perfectly fine. He says sorry for what he does, but he gets into a sort of mood where he's like, ...
A. 18 February 2015: I see what you want. I understand it. HE cannot provide what you want and need.
I disagree with WiseOwl on the talking to friends. THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS are for.
As for how to deal with your BF, If you have talked to him about how you fe... (read in full...)
He's in jail and was my wild Bf. How can I help him without it becoming a relationship agani?
Q. I have recently split up with my boyfriend but I'm really confused about what to do. I was in a relationship for 8 years with a guy who was really quite boring, we had nothing in common and my life was a bit mundane. After I split up with him...
A. 18 February 2015: Dear OP,
I am MARRIED to a man who beat me up when he was drunk. NOT once. MORE than once. He’s been arrested for it twice. Once before I married him. The last arrest was my breaking point and I told him “you cannot come home unless y... (read in full...)
Does my boss hate me?
Q. My boss acts like he hates me. One time he had to make an announcement and when I looked up at him, he saw me and immediately turned to another co-worker and looked at him instead. He'll avoid eye contact with me or turn and look away. He'll exclude ...
A. 18 February 2015: "my boss acts like he hates me"
"I don't want to mess up his engagement"
Wow you give yourself a lot of power don't you?
before I go any further... be honest with me..
HOW DO YOU feel about YOUR BOSS?
if he was NOT your bo... (read in full...)
After four dates I don't know if she's messing with me
Q. Hello, so Ill try to brief. I met a girl, we went on 4 dates never kissed. Walked her home to her apartment every time. I was nervous around her and she knew it, she told me to relax lol, she's a "cool" girl.anyways we had a couple short ...
A. 18 February 2015: Call her. do not text her, do not message her.
CALL HER and ASK HER out for this weekend. DO IT NOW.
and yeah.. VALENTINE'S day... did you get her a funny card at least?... (read in full...)
Pills and periods?
Q. Hi, I just wanted to get some input or thoughts from any ladies. I have been on different birth control pills over the years. Since I have been on the pill, I never get my period. Do you find this as well on the pill or is this actually not nor...
A. 18 February 2015: I agree that if you don't believe your doctor then you need a different doctor.
FWIW I have had male and female GYN and i Much prefer a male gyn... ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's made a new friend, but is he too interested in her?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. Our relationship has been amazing except lately I find that things are a little weird. My boyfriend met a girl through work about a week ago and they really hit it off. I was ve...
A. 18 February 2015: Well everyone is blowing up about VALENTINE'S DAY like it's a big deal for EVERYONE.
I got my hubby a card and I replaced a cup he needed replaced and gave him a bag of his favorite candy for Valentines Day.
He didn't even read the card ti... (read in full...)
I'm tired and depressed and it's affecting my work
Q. Hello everyone :) My problem sounds a little stupid but i would really appreciate your guys help! Basically i work at in retail and recently ive been very tired and depressed i usually can block this out but its got worse its effected my sale...
A. 18 February 2015: I totally agree that the very first thing you need is a complete medical work up including discussing clinical depression and it's treatment.
AFTER medical treatment and perhaps some counseling to determine if your sadness is really depression a... (read in full...)
She's shy, she's a friend, and I want to ask her out
Q. This may sound like a newbie question but I am a newbie so here goes. So there's this girl I really like at uni and I really want to tell her how I feel. Problem being we're both quite shy and I've never asked anyone out to their face before I...
A. 18 February 2015: Instead of telling her how you feel why not gauge how she feels by asking her out....
I agree with Notsohappy.... "hey wanna go this weekend for a cup of coffee?"
... (read in full...)
Why won't he kiss me?
Q. Hello, I met a new guy almost two weeks ago. We've gone for coffee and talked for several hours, walked the dogs, had dinners, lunches, watched movies and have spent a lot of time together. We are both mid 40's. We get along well and definite...
A. 18 February 2015: When my ex-husband and I were married we were swingers.
We had ONE RULE... NO KISSING other people.
KISSING is intimate... sex can be intimate as in making love or it can be sex as in swingers... and FWB and ONS....
Most prostitutes wo... (read in full...)
Is there any point in me telling him how much I love and admire him?
Q. If you like/love someone, should you tell them how you feel even if you KNOW 100% that nothing will happen between you? Like is there any point? Only asking because I have feelings for someone and the only reason I want to tell them is because I ...
A. 18 February 2015: If he's not in a relationship and he's not in a position of authority over you... then WHY would you think NOTHING can happen?
... (read in full...)
Is it time to sever my long distance relationship?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in a long distance relationship for almost a year and a half. My boyfriend and I are perfectly made for each other: he's sweet, respectful, caring. We plan to see each other once every 3-4 months and aspire to be in the sam...
A. 18 February 2015: OH I know how LDRS suck. My husband and i were apart for a year but thankfully we were close enough to drive and see each other frequently (every weekend once we got serious) We planned to do it for a year but we could not bear it so after a year ... (read in full...)
Young male, older female, advice for breaking news of relationship to her kids
Q. Hey! I'll get right to it... I'm in a relationship with a woman in her 50s and im in my 20s (male). I started it since i fell in love with who she is after knowing her for a few years and the love is mutual. I just need advice on how to tell...
A. 18 February 2015: I'm 13 years older than my husband. He's closer in age to my older son than he is to me.
I get where you are at. I worry about your GF... she may not be in it until "something better comes along" which is what i get from your replies.
I can... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 15 February 2015: Not at all.... (read in full...)
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