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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How much should I tell my lovers about my home situation?
Q. My Husband has lid to me repeatedly about porn. At the very beginning of our relationship I was clear that I was not interested in q relationship including pirn and he assurd me he shared my views . I find it demeaning , offensive , degradin...
A. 26 March 2015: ONE more piece of advice OP...
watch out for that Karma bus... it hurts when it hits.... (read in full...)
My old fantasies don't turn me on anymore
Q. Help, I can't fantasise anymore. My husband makes me climax evertime during sex using his tongue, hands and also through penetration alone. It's mindblowing and I couldn't ask for more. However, I used to be able to imagine all sort...
A. 26 March 2015: OP I am bisexual and while I am madly in love with my spouse and will not see others women included) I do miss the "girl play"
when I have a fantasy it's usually a threesome with my spouse and another woman (random, stranger, or other wise a... (read in full...)
Why would the man I am dating say this?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and he knows I have fallen for him, but I have no idea how feels about me or what he wants??? Twice this week he has said come off of birth control as I am not opposed to having more children. We only see each other ...
A. 26 March 2015: OP I strongly urge you to prepare for your chat with him.
You are a dirty secret and possibly a little something something on the side even if he's not married.
He's not going to go gracefully into that good night and will come up with al... (read in full...)
How is a woman honestly supposed to deal with getting older when men so obviously prefer younger women?
Q. My question will probably seem very silly here to many of the young ones or men but to women in my age group perhaps they will understand what I'm saying. How is a woman honestly supposed to deal with getting older when men so obviously prefer y...
A. 26 March 2015: OP I understand the wanting of the same experience and therefore you assume it can only happen with a man your age.
I strongly urge you to widen your search in terms of age.
I have a 28 yr old son who is so mature he makes me look like a chil... (read in full...)
He acted frustrated and then pushed me against the wall and kissed me. This means what?
Q. I feel super lame asking this but if a guy gets frustrated at you and kind of pushes you against the wall but then kisses you on the head quickly what does it mean?...
A. 25 March 2015: IT means that he is willing to lay his hands on you in anger.
first it's a push
then it's a slap
then it's a punch
then you die.
... (read in full...)
He never tells me he loves me! What do I do?
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship with my parter for the last four years, we have a 7 month old son together. there is an age gap he's 45 and I'm 24. I love him so much but I doubt if he feels the same as he never tells me. I don't think he fancy's ...
A. 25 March 2015: Op check out this website and book
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
it saved my relationship. and had I known about it 30 some years ago I doubt I would have divorced my first husband.
I did not get that we express love in different wa... (read in full...)
Considering seeing a therapist. How do I find one to address my concerns?
Q. I'm 29 and have never had a girlfriend. I have dated some, but they've been few and far between for the most part. While I have a great, supportive family, hobbies to occupy my spare time, and a few close friends that I like spending time with, I ...
A. 25 March 2015: check out psychology today. it was recommended to us by a therapist at my husband's rehab. the website has a lot of therapists and you can narrow the search in many ways... (read in full...)
Why would the man I am dating say this?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and he knows I have fallen for him, but I have no idea how feels about me or what he wants??? Twice this week he has said come off of birth control as I am not opposed to having more children. We only see each other ...
A. 25 March 2015: ok so he asks and you have asked and he either ignores you or changes the subject... that does not sound good...
are there other things he tries to manipulate?... (read in full...)
What percentage of women think about another man or an ex partner while having sex with their husband
Q. What percentage of women think about another man or an ex partner why having sex with there husband...
A. 25 March 2015: Only the ones you sleep with OP.... what an odd question..
so I googled it for you:
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#fantasy
Fantasy
Men's sexual fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women's; wome... (read in full...)
How much should I tell my lovers about my home situation?
Q. My Husband has lid to me repeatedly about porn. At the very beginning of our relationship I was clear that I was not interested in q relationship including pirn and he assurd me he shared my views . I find it demeaning , offensive , degradin...
A. 25 March 2015: I will tell you that if you take a lover and he finds out and you did not seek permission to do so before you did this that when you do get a divorce he has grounds and he may get custody of your children.
YOU have "repeatedly" let him know how... (read in full...)
Is it worth it for me to ask out my co-worker? And is it even likely she'd agree to go out with me?
Q. For the past couple of weeks (probably 8) I've been talking to a cute coworker who sits on the other side of the building where I work at. I usually pass by there and whenever she gives an inviting hello or I have something interesting to talk ...
A. 25 March 2015: I think "hey free for lunch one day next week?" sounds like a fine idea.
IF you work in the same building but not the same area I think that dating is an option.
... (read in full...)
About Pornography: are my thoughts about women who like pornography accurate? Or simplistic generalizations? Or incorrect assumption?
Q. This is just a general question about something I've wondered about. Its safe to say that men who like porn come from all walks of life. But what kind of woman likes it or at least accepts it within a relationship? Often I'll read commen...
A. 25 March 2015: I stole it from somewhere EWO feel free to steal it from me. I think I saw it years ago on a tv show....... (read in full...)
How is a woman honestly supposed to deal with getting older when men so obviously prefer younger women?
Q. My question will probably seem very silly here to many of the young ones or men but to women in my age group perhaps they will understand what I'm saying. How is a woman honestly supposed to deal with getting older when men so obviously prefer y...
A. 25 March 2015: at 50 I think you could find a guy in his early 40s that would be fine and on par with what you want.
try OURTIME.com (I've never been there but it's for folks 50 and older)... (read in full...)
My gf is upset with me for talking to my ex
Q. Me and my exs relationship ended almost 3 years ago and I've been with my now gf for 2 years. My ex gf messaged me on Facebook last Saturday night (we had not spoken for like 8 months prior to this, we don't speak hardly at all to be honest). We ...
A. 25 March 2015: I can't say what your gf is feeling or if she does or does not trust you.
I can tell you that if this was my house, I would NOT have made any attempts to have ongoing contact with an EX without first discussing it with my partner. IF he was OK w... (read in full...)
Is there anything we can buy from the health food store that will help maintain an errection?
Q. What can you take from the health food store that can help a man part stay hard . Can you gave me some names to try that will fix the problem . Hope so. ...
A. 25 March 2015: Nothing I could safely recommend. why can't he see his medical doctor?... (read in full...)
Twelve days after the break up. Please tell me it gets better.
Q. 12 days post BU and I feel so terrible. I broke it off with him, after being together almost 5 years. He was mistreating me and just wasn't good for me in any way. I went straight into blocking/deleting him from everywhere and have been NC since. ...
A. 25 March 2015: Yes the pain will stop. BUT it's so slow and so subtle that you won't even really notice it starting to stop until it's almost done...
The reason you hurt more this time is you have wisely gone NC and you know that is' over and done for rea... (read in full...)
About Pornography: are my thoughts about women who like pornography accurate? Or simplistic generalizations? Or incorrect assumption?
Q. This is just a general question about something I've wondered about. Its safe to say that men who like porn come from all walks of life. But what kind of woman likes it or at least accepts it within a relationship? Often I'll read commen...
A. 25 March 2015: Ok here is my answer.
Men can come from all walks of life but women have to be tattooed sluts huh?
I am fine with both with my partner watching it or my watching it or us using it together.
I am not extremely liberal. I am a social ... (read in full...)
My old fantasies don't turn me on anymore
Q. Help, I can't fantasise anymore. My husband makes me climax evertime during sex using his tongue, hands and also through penetration alone. It's mindblowing and I couldn't ask for more. However, I used to be able to imagine all sort...
A. 25 March 2015: I knew it was love when my fantasies started involving my spouse....
does thinking about sex with him help?... (read in full...)
My partner had an affair. Should I share the details with other husband?
Q. My long term partner (Me: 29F and Him: 32M) had an affair with a recently married woman, lasting about a month that I am aware of. They were family friends, I bartended her brother's wedding, etc. She and I were "friends". Long story short: I had a ...
A. 25 March 2015: I think you have done enough. I do not think it's your place to be the morality police for this couple.
You left your ex and that's your choice.
You can't know what goes on in another person's marriage or why they do what they do and it's not... (read in full...)
He thinks that someone who is bisexual can't be faithful. Do I tell him I'm bisexual?
Q. Hi all, So, I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. He's wonderful, and I wouldn't change a thing about our relationship but there's one thing he doesn't know about me: I'm bisexual. I've known since I was fourteen, but it just has...
A. 25 March 2015: I am a bisexual woman. I have always been open and honest about it. With my current spouse I am "forsaking all others" including women.
We have a deal if I can play with other women so can he and I do not wish to share and he does not wish... (read in full...)
How is a woman honestly supposed to deal with getting older when men so obviously prefer younger women?
Q. My question will probably seem very silly here to many of the young ones or men but to women in my age group perhaps they will understand what I'm saying. How is a woman honestly supposed to deal with getting older when men so obviously prefer y...
A. 25 March 2015: I don't have the same feelings you have.
I LOATHE being called a cougar just because my husband is 41 to my 55. I did not marry him or fall in love with him because of his age or he with me. In fact, for both of us it was IN SPITE of the age ... (read in full...)
Why would the man I am dating say this?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and he knows I have fallen for him, but I have no idea how feels about me or what he wants??? Twice this week he has said come off of birth control as I am not opposed to having more children. We only see each other ...
A. 25 March 2015: No clue why HE would say it you would have to ask him.
WHY does it matter what he asks for?
Would you even consider this? I hope not.
just because someone asks for something does not mean you are required to give it to them.... (read in full...)
Is he interested in me, even if he has a girlfriend?
Q. *Notice: I am NOT interested in him and never had feelings for this guy. I am a female and I have this classmate (a male) who known me since middle school. He is very much popular and girls have crushes on him. He does have a girlfriend, but I ki...
A. 25 March 2015: You are LYING to YOURSELF if you say you are not interested in him. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF.
The mere fact that you can list all these things that he has done to get your attention means you are paying attention to him enough to keep track of... (read in full...)
He's 25 and he's interested in me and I'm 47. My son, 27, is not happy about it. Should I try to deal with my sons concerns first?
Q. My boyfriend is 25 and im 47. my son is 27, I initially could not believe a guy younger than my son would be interested in me... but I have looked after my figure. We have a mind blowing relationship and both his and my parents have no problems... ...
A. 23 March 2015: you are an adult
your son is an adult
your boyfriend is an adult
ADULTS do not butt into other adults business unless invited.
I can't tell you what to do to fix it in your head or with your son, but I can tell you that a 22 yr gap ha... (read in full...)
Dan the Firestarter is Bad News, but I still want to talk to him
Q. (Sorry if this is rly long) So about 6 months ago I found myself seriously liking my friend, this isn't his real name but let's call him Dan. I know Dan from my drama group, we go to separate schools. Someone else I know from his school says he's...
A. 23 March 2015: you did NOTHING wrong.
stop trying to figure out what YOU did wrong.
as for Dan, leave him alone and let him be. Once you let a boy know you are interested (as you have done) the ball is in their court to contact you.... (read in full...)
Is this a break-up? Why did he threaten me and say such cruel things?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf has told me he has some work related problems, and wanted me never to talk to him anymore. Long story short, he always make mountain out of mole person and he lies often, I don't entirely but his story. Still wanted to be the...
A. 23 March 2015: It's a chicken way to do it but it's a break up.
and WHEN he calls you again and is all SORRY.. do not take his call.
... (read in full...)
Few questions for the guys, including why the heck do you always leave the toilet seat up?
Q. I have a few questions for you guys. 1. Why do guys loose intrest in kissing after couple of months of dating? It seems to me, that first you are all into it, beeing kissed and such, and than, you just loose intrested and its more like "Lets ju...
A. 23 March 2015:
I’m not a guy but NONE of my guys ever had these issues
1. My husband still kisses me and blows my socks off…
2. I have had FOUR husbands and numerous lovers… I’m no slut. If a man calls you a slut regardless of if you are a prostitute... (read in full...)
Stable relationship, no ups and downs, but no excitement either.
Q. My boyfriend told me he's missing excitement in our relationship. He dosen't think it's a problem, but I'm thinking that if only we could add some he'd be more happy. His past relationship (his first one) was pretty explosive, arguments, probl...
A. 23 March 2015: I would kill for stable. I never know from one day to the next how my unstable hubby is going to react to things.
if it 'ain't broke don't fix it.' so to speak
does he say he's UNHAPPY or just that it's "dull"
have you asked him to e... (read in full...)
Should I confront him with what I found?
Q. So I just found two hotel keys cards in my boyfriend's overnight bag that he took with him to his mothers house...should I tell him that I found the keys.........
A. 23 March 2015: What options do you have
a. ask about them since they are worrying you
or
b. ignore the concern and pretend all is well and eat yourself up inside with worry.
I would ask... but I would also watch his reaction in addition to liste... (read in full...)
When you know all this about them, would YOU leave?
Q. Okay so, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. The time has come in which I don't no if I'm happy. The thing is it's easy for people to say well leave. If it was that easy I doubt most marriages would last beyond this time period. ...
A. 23 March 2015: OP said: “And when I do he says I'm glad your (sic) crying.”
My husband is an idiot. But he would never say “I’m GLAD you’re crying” that’s just cruel and mean.
“ I suppose my question is this. When you know that your the one perso... (read in full...)
What's the lowdown on the down there hair?
Q. I guess my question is more for the men on DC, but of course I am also interested in women's comments. So : it seems the general consensus , at least among the younger generations, is that a woman SHOULD be hairless down there :the hairless...
A. 23 March 2015: I can tell you when I met my now husband he shaved. I put a stop to that.
Personally I don't find the clean shaven look appealing in men or women... trimmed is lovely... shave the shaft by all means but leave the boys and the base with so... (read in full...)
His asking after my mom, and the grey car, have me paranoid now!
Q. My mom just told me that a couple of months ago she was sitting at a park relaxing in her vehicle before reporting to work and thought she saw my boyfriend pull in and get out with another woman. She said she wasn't for sure but that she thought it ...
A. 23 March 2015: how old and how blonde is the owner of the car he is borrowing?
a FRIEND'S MOTHER'S car.... an older woman.
maybe she needed a lift... if it even was him.
after all we all have dopplegangers...... (read in full...)
The girl I have been chatting with slept with someone else
Q. I have been chatting with a girl for over a year. Lately she has been getting very sexual in her comments, even saying we should meet for sex. I am not necessarily the type to want to meet a woman for sex (only) so I laugh her comments off. ...
A. 23 March 2015: Neither of you were that interested in the other.
If i met someone online who was a mere 4 hours away we would have met long before a year was up.
she was giving you major "get over here and have sex with me" clues without actually s... (read in full...)
Does the bride buy the groom the wedding band?
Q. I am getting married in a few weeks. It's kinda rushed because I am pregnant. My man lives in Germany and is relocating. I have pretty much paid and planned for the entire wedding. He promise to pay me back. I feel sad that this is happenin...
A. 21 March 2015: Bands are not what make a marriage
I bought my husband a promise ring when we got engaged that he wears as his wedding band. We did my rings together as I used my mother's old band and diamond for the primary parts of the setting and he paid for... (read in full...)
I'm frustrated with how she deals with oral sex?
Q. I'm currently having a problem with my fiance. She's 27 I'm 29. The problem is she never gives me oral to completion, she will start and stop making sure I don't climax in her mouth. She seems to want to have sex after she sucks it for a bit so I...
A. 20 March 2015: does she orgasm from penetration? most women do not.
do you like it when she holds your head so you can't breathe?
no?
perhaps she does not like your cum in her mouth?
have you ASKED her why she does not want to perform fellatio un... (read in full...)
Why do some people twist everything around to make themselves look the victim?
Q. So last year I was in a bind. I needed some cash. Asked my baby daddy to help me call a few friends to see if they can help out. They did, except for one friend. This is the one friend who always acts so concerned and caring, always wanting to know ...
A. 20 March 2015: you had the money but could not access it... why not ask baby daddy to bring you a check from your checkbook to pay the bail or borrow from a bail bonds man?
I would no NOT be lending a friend money for bail
when I lend money I assume I am... (read in full...)
My best friend stopped all contact with me because his girlfriend asked him to?
Q. Hello Everybody! My problem is: I have been friends with a guy for more than 10 years. We attended the same high school, and the same university for BA and also for the MA studies. We never tough about being more than friends, though we kissed...
A. 20 March 2015: you see her request to not spend the night with you as "creating problems" I see it as setting boundaries.
I would NOT be pleased if my spouse opted to spend the night with girls instead of me.
When you are in a love relationship that... (read in full...)
My boyfriend read my texts in front of me without my permission. Why did he do this?
Q. I was with my BF of two years the other day and he saw that I received a few texts. The battery died on my phone and as soon as it recharged he saw I had three texts waiting to be read. He seemed very interested in my texts from the moment he sa...
A. 20 March 2015: my idiot husband does that too. drives me nuts.
it has nothing to do with trust IMO it's just that my husband and I think that it's perfectly ok to have no secrets and we hide nothing.
IF he's stupid enough to read a text message to me fr... (read in full...)
Husband cheated first with best freind now texting another woman of adult freind finder
Q. I've Been married 34 year and I thought happily, but 10 yr ago I caught my husband out and he was having sex and texting my best now X best freind. Now I have just caught him on a adult freind finder web site and has crossed phone numbers and is ...
A. 20 March 2015: you said you were leaving him. why not do that?
since you said you were leaving and he didn't stop and you didn't leave.. you have no choice but to leave.
you can't make a threat and not do it and expect them to stop doing the behavior ... (read in full...)
How do I manage an addictive personality?
Q. I have this problem that I'm trying to fix. I used to snoop on my boyfriend. I'm not talking every now and again. But up to twenty times a day. On every email or social media account.... his phone and computer history when I could. Never found ...
A. 20 March 2015: Oh addictions... my fav topic lately..
The sugar is replacing the alcohol that's common with alcoholics... any AA meting you go to is full of coffee and snacks... mostly cookies... amazing...
so you can't exercise... and are looking for ... (read in full...)
Why are men's sexual needs considered more important than a woman's emotional needs?
Q. Another woman here who had found out her husband who claimed to Not use porn had been jerking off to women online. I've read and read and whilst the experts seem to point out the dangers , the general advice from people online is that it's just a n...
A. 19 March 2015: As a woman who does not mind porn use I do not see how a man's sexual needs are being met while my emotional needs are not.
The two are not mutually exclusive you can have both being met.
What about when a woman's sexual needs need to... (read in full...)
Are we too young to settle down?
Q. Am I making a mistake by not dating others and exploring my options? I'm twenty and my boyfriend is nineteen and we've been together for almost three years now. We've been through so much together. He helped me overcome my anxiety and depressi...
A. 19 March 2015: I married my first husband at 21
what you want at 21 is NOT what you will want at 30....
I think that if you are worried that you need to experience life more you are smart enough to know that getting married now is not a good idea.
d... (read in full...)
Why do some people twist everything around to make themselves look the victim?
Q. So last year I was in a bind. I needed some cash. Asked my baby daddy to help me call a few friends to see if they can help out. They did, except for one friend. This is the one friend who always acts so concerned and caring, always wanting to know ...
A. 19 March 2015: So you needed money and you had your ex contact your friends to ask them to give you money?
WOW!
I would have been one of those friends that said "no I can't lend you any money is there some other way I can help?" what would you have ... (read in full...)
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