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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Unique bond with a complicated situation..HELP
Q. I had a boyfriend who went away, he's been 17 months. Our relationship ended badly and we have not had any communication for the past 5 months. While we were together we spent a lot of time with his family, and mostly his cousin. The three of us ...
A. 16 March 2015: you are over thinking this.
sounds to me like he likes you but just wanted a cuddle with a friend... that happens you know.
if you are NOT over the first boyfriend then you are not ready for a new one whether it be his cousin or not.... (read in full...)
Do I ask the younger girl from college out?
Q. Ok I am a single guy of 32. I decided to go back to college to change career. Since I started,a girl in my class hae grabbed my attention. She hangs out in our group and is very sweet,great sense of humour and very beautiful. I would absolutely love ...
A. 16 March 2015: My husband is 14 yrs younger than I am.
The thing is he was 37 when I met him.
IF you ask her out, she may make a face and find you a dirty old man or she may like older men and go out with you..
what you may find is that at 19 she's sti... (read in full...)
Is a baby ultimatum a bad idea?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am 30 and he is 41. I love him and want us to be together for the rest of our lives. I have mentioned marriage before to which he has said he doesn't believe in. Sure I'm disappointed, but he assures me ...
A. 16 March 2015: My take on this...
I have two sons I had them in my 20s. I would not trade them for anything in the world.
My current husband does not want children and never did. When I met him at 37 he said to me
I am NEVER getting married. Marria... (read in full...)
He flirts with me and he's younger than I thought. Do I act on my feelings or forget him?
Q. Theres a bar i go in and each time ive gone theres a young guy who works there always chats to us, this week he had more time to chat and got quite flirty. He told me how old he was i was shocked he was as young as he was id like something to happen ...
A. 16 March 2015: Bartenders are paid to be flirty and they do it to get more tips.
If he's over 21 then all's fair in love and war... if you want to get to know him, ask!
Personally I think every 35 yr old woman should be given an 18 yr old for her birthd... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is bisexual and I'm really uncomfortable with it!
Q. My gf is bisexual and I'm really uncomfortable with it. I feel this way because we've had some issues where she was making lustful statements about women she knew on social media and basically flirting with other women while we were together. When I ...
A. 13 March 2015: I realized my post does not say what I'm trying to imply which is "she's a cheater and is just using her bisexuality as an excuse"
end it with her. do not ask her to change who she is.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is bisexual and I'm really uncomfortable with it!
Q. My gf is bisexual and I'm really uncomfortable with it. I feel this way because we've had some issues where she was making lustful statements about women she knew on social media and basically flirting with other women while we were together. When I ...
A. 13 March 2015: I am a bisexual woman and I am monogamously married to a man.
I did not rid myself of my bisexuality. I made a commitment to my partner to not cheat on him. This means men or women.
If she thinks that she can "rid herself of it" she's either... (read in full...)
What should I include in a CV/Resume to make it look good?
Q. Hello! As a lot of you know I have been on this website for a good couple of years now and have ended up having a rather difficult time when it has come to education. I have suffered from various mental health problems since the age of 13, and d...
A. 13 March 2015: I have not applied for a job in over 10 years and even then it was what we call federal service so it's different than a regular resume/cv
what I can tell you is that it took me 23 years to work on and complete a college degree that I started ... (read in full...)
Should I suggest having a threesome with my guy?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been with my partner for 3 years, a few months into our relationship he told me that he would like to watch me have sex with another man! This was like a bombshell to me. Our sex was great in the beginning but we only have sex ...
A. 13 March 2015: I am a former swinger.
Swinging ruined my last marriage.
Swinging will NOT fix broken. IN fact, every relationship I know that has gone into swinging as a way to "fix" it is over and done.
Yes there are some couples that survive swingin... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend tells me what to do and doesn't want me talking to other men
Q. I met my LDR boyfriend online on a dating website, I live in a different country. He wants to meet me next year, now i am not comfortable to have sex before marriage. Now he has forcibly made me delete my account on the website right a month we met. ...
A. 13 March 2015: It means he believes in the right of men to "own" women and tell them what they can do and who they can do it with.
He views you as his property.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk and its making me feel sad and confused
Q. I've been in an LDR with my bf coming up to a year. I see him a few times a month and the time I get with him is precious. However, I feel lately that he's making no effort in our relationship. He tells me the things I want to hear, like he loves me ...
A. 13 March 2015: I'm the aunt that thinks you should stop "rowing the boat"
let me explain it.
let's say you two are in a rowboat and you are in the front.
you are rowing the boat to move forward and you think he's rowing the boat too but you are get... (read in full...)
Rejected after first date?!
Q. So I joined eharmony. I was talking back and forth with this guy and we seemed really compatible, he even said so. He asked me out to a coffee date and I said yes, which was yesterday. I was really exited because he seemed attractive and we had so ...
A. 13 March 2015: Nope.. he is a class act to be honest.
he sounds like he's seriously looking for someone and when he met you IRL that "chemistry" we feel with someone was NOT there for him.
It's NOT really about YOU. YOU did nothing wrong at all.
j... (read in full...)
Unique bond with a complicated situation..HELP
Q. I had a boyfriend who went away, he's been 17 months. Our relationship ended badly and we have not had any communication for the past 5 months. While we were together we spent a lot of time with his family, and mostly his cousin. The three of us ...
A. 13 March 2015: I really wanted to read this and help but it's a solid wall of text and I can't follow it... in case you want more help than this garners I offer this as a suggestion for future posts:
http://ww... (read in full...)
Found dildo's under my boyfriends bed. Is he cheating?
Q. I think my be is cheating on me. I found an anal sex beginners kit and purple rabbit vibrator already used hidden under his bed after I had been away from his house for 6 weeks. During my absence he would visit me only at my house and I wasn't ...
A. 13 March 2015: If it was just the sex toys I would not jump to think cheating...but adding up the other things yeah I think that the other things
not being allowed to his place
throwing out your toothbrush
other women's under-garments
an... (read in full...)
My mom's friend complained that she wasn't invited to dinner. What should my mom do?
Q. My mom has been friends with a big family for a long time. The parents of the family are now dead, but one daughter, whom I'll call Alice, lives in the same town as my mom. Recently a son and his wife were in town and staying with his sister, ...
A. 13 March 2015: I don't think your mom has to DO anything.
she had brother and his wife to lunch are Alice and her brother conjoined twins? IF not they can do things without each other.
She took alice to lunch the next week without the brother and ... (read in full...)
He complained about my lack of memory and detail and I broke up with him. Now he's drinking heavily. Should I reach out to him?
Q. Hello so I dated this guy for about a year. everything was awesome between us for the first few months.his demeanor was always very alpha male. He liked to be in charge. He never liked to go out and party he liked staying in all the time sometimes ...
A. 13 March 2015: Ok so you broke up with him (rightfully so)
and now that he's being self-destructive WHY do you want to reel him back into your life?
why is he your problem?
and why are you confused... I am not following your logic as what he does no... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend tells me what to do and doesn't want me talking to other men
Q. I met my LDR boyfriend online on a dating website, I live in a different country. He wants to meet me next year, now i am not comfortable to have sex before marriage. Now he has forcibly made me delete my account on the website right a month we met. ...
A. 13 March 2015: He says he loves you but he does not. He can't. He's never met you.
You say you are confused but you are not asking a question so what is your question???
this guy is no good. He's bad news. He has not met you and yet he's trying to t... (read in full...)
Guys: How can a man last so long after not having sex for 7 years?
Q. Hi I have been dating my bf for 2 years and r engaged to be married. We were great friends before we started dating and shared all our secrets with each other. So we know each others past and stuff. He had told me that he had sex with his 1 st ex gf ...
A. 13 March 2015: oh honey that's simple.. he can't orgasm from penetration because he's so used to masturbation and a firm grip with his hand.
He needs to stop masturbating unless you like him going that long....... (read in full...)
My baby daddy wants to wait till the paternity test results come back and then says we can be a family
Q. It's a weird situation but my baby daddy and I had a one nighter and had a baby. He ran away in the beginning so a new guy stepped in until he just didn't want a child that wasn't his. I've tried to tell the guy my baby's his for 1.5 year and ...
A. 13 March 2015: Having a baby with someone sadly does not mean anything other than you created a person that needs support. from both biological parents.
Sounds to me like he will be a dad in name only.
you and he both sound about 18 based on your post. I'... (read in full...)
I don't want to seem pushy so how do I let him know I am interested?
Q. About a month ago I met a guy online and we hit it off immediately. On our first date we met for drinks and 4 hours later it was still going strong. We had our second date the next night and things continued to progress. He would text me every day ...
A. 12 March 2015: IF you really like him.. LEAVE HIM BE... let him come to you.
Introducing him to your BF is a step up from very casual friend and it may have scared him. IF he's really interested then he'll be back. It may take a few weeks.
Men tend to... (read in full...)
I love him but his behaviour is repelling me!
Q. Hi all! I'm here cause I think my boyfriend is about to go through a mid life crisis. He's 39 and I'm 24. He's posting these teenage looking pics like one of them is with his very rare credit card and some with hoodies etc. it's turning me off. He'...
A. 12 March 2015: Honeypie is right... he's feeling his age. 39 was a very hard birthday for me.... By all means tell him exactly what you said "If I had wanted to date a twenty year old douche, I would have."
and then if he does not change, feel free to... (read in full...)
My bf is NOT good for me. What do I do?
Q. My bf is NOT good for me, at all, and I know I'll be much better off without him in the end but he's gotten into my head so bad that I feel like I can't do any better. He's made me feel like there's numerous women pining for him and how I should be ...
A. 12 March 2015: Stop watching him on facebook too... that will help
You are mourning a loss and there will be bad times ahead.
DO NOT CAVE in. Do not give him what he wants... your attention. He has addiction issues (sugar is part and parcel of addict... (read in full...)
I don't want to seem pushy so how do I let him know I am interested?
Q. About a month ago I met a guy online and we hit it off immediately. On our first date we met for drinks and 4 hours later it was still going strong. We had our second date the next night and things continued to progress. He would text me every day ...
A. 12 March 2015: You don't need to ASK him about it. His actions alone tell you what you don't want to accept. He's still shopping for a girl and you are not the one (at this time)
He owes you no explanations. You had two dates and now he's seeing what els... (read in full...)
I'm the only one trying in this relationship so why doesn't he just break up with me?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm with my current bf for past 4 years , had our ups and downs. But for past few weeks our relationship is going downhill. He stopped even trying to be nice, just stopped putting any effort in the relationship, no fights and no ta...
A. 11 March 2015: He wants out and is too chicken to break up with you.
this is not going to get better.
I understand you don't want to break up with him, but he's forcing your hand.
the best thing I can advise you to do is to stop rowing the relationship... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed that I look at porn a few year ago and my friends found out
Q. Ok I am a little mortified. A few years ago, I heard my lad mates joking about watching porn on the Internet. I was intrigued and curious more than anything so had a little look myself, looked at a few of the topics, lesbian, oral etc (even th...
A. 11 March 2015: IMO there is no shame in looking at porn.
I remember being a child of the 70s and checking out the "girly magazines" my dad kept in his night table (with mom's knowledge and permission)
as a young adult I remember babysitting for friends (I w... (read in full...)
Do I just stay quiet or do I say something about my brother in law's visits to his ex, for sex?
Q. My brother in law keeps going over to sleep with his ex. I don't know what to say to get through to him! She is trouble, which is putting it lightly, and he only goes over to her after he's been drinking. He acts as if this is just a booty call, ...
A. 11 March 2015: It is not your concern. As I say "Not my circus, Not my monkeys"
he has to make his own choices as an adult.
IF he is involved with an alcoholic he may benefit from Al-anon but only if he is ready to get himself healthy. Al-anon is not... (read in full...)
Any tips for Friends With Benefits?
Q. I just met a guy who's friends with a friend of mine and we ended up having sex on Friday. I really like him sexually and the feeling is obviously mutual. We've seen each other every night except tonight and it is agreed we like each other as ...
A. 11 March 2015: Cindy is right... why is it bothering you.
FWB means you are NOT a couple. YOU are friends. YOU happen to have sex together and enjoy it...
what is it you think it should be?
FWB is not a couple. It's not a "we are in a relationship bu... (read in full...)
How often should adults see their friends ?
Q. How often should adults see their friends? Especially people over 35 ? Most people are busy with family, work, hobbies etc , life! Not not everyone has kids, some do,some dont.. I read somewhere to maintntain good mental health a person shou...
A. 11 March 2015: i have wonderful supportive friends.
in my 30s my bff and i talked 2 hours every day.. now we can go months without contact but trust me I would if she called me this morning and said "i need you to come to me" I would drop everything and go (... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't believe in marriage
Q. I'm 25 and I'm in the best relationship of my life. I'm completely in love with my boyfriend and I think he feels the same. He tells me he wants to be together forever but when the word marriage is brought into converstation he freaks out. The pr...
A. 11 March 2015: You can tell him you will stay as long as you can bear it. then you do. IF he does not want marriage and you do, do not compromise.
When I met my current husband (note he is my husband) he told me (at age 37) that he was NEVER getting marr... (read in full...)
Will men still fancy me if I get a short hair cut?
Q. I feel like doing something brave and unconventional, and one thing I'd like to do is to cut my shoulder-long hair to a dramatic, very-short hair cut. But I'm afraid that if I do so, men won't fancy me any more, as people sometimes assume short-ha...
A. 10 March 2015: Get what you want and what suits you and what makes you feel good... that alone will garner the attention you want.
I am currently growing my hair out longer and my husband is NOT happy. He prefers it above my shoulders but all one length. ... (read in full...)
Why won't my ex give me back my garage door opener? Is she punishing me or does she want me back?
Q. I broke up with my ex about a month ago, we were together almost a year though a LOT of ups and downs. She was frequently insecure and jealous and would always accuse me of trying to sleep with other women. We're talking about friends 10 years ...
A. 9 March 2015: I have a butter dish in my house that came with my current husband. He likes it. IT was his ex girlfriend's butter dish and when they broke up he kept it and he would not give it back to her.
WHY? because he liked it. plain and simple (... (read in full...)
He goes on the attack and puts the blame on me when I raise his cheating. Why does he need to go on these dating sites?
Q. I was wondering if I could get some advice thanks. My husband has a history of cheating on me in the past on internet dating sites and when I discovered this 6 years ago he hurled abuse at me and called me a man-hater and lied and denied and turned ...
A. 9 March 2015: the fact that he does it should be enough. It's up to him to figure out why and correct it if he wants. (if the consequences of his behavior bother him enough)
The truth is knowing WHY he does it will not prevent him from doing it as it's... (read in full...)
There is an abusive baby Daddy in the background. Do you think she was trying to ask me if I like her?
Q. Ok So about 2 Months Ago I Met This Girl Through A Mutual Friend. Now She Has A Baby Daddy Who Is Abusive And I Have Had To Get Involved Before. She's Ready To Leave Him And The Other Night She Told Me That She Has A Guy Friend Who's Rea...
A. 9 March 2015: If she is still involved with someone she is i no place or condition to start a new relationship.
even once she leaves him she is going to need time alone to heal and should not be getting involved with someone new.
when you say abusive... w... (read in full...)
Should a woman pay for drinks? his drinks?
Q. Should a woman pay for drinks? I have been out with this guy 2 times, the first time he paid for drinks the second time he paid for drinks. Both times I offered to pay but he said he would. The third time we went out in a group so he did not offer ...
A. 9 March 2015: he paid twice... now it's your turn.
this is not the 19th century when women did not work or the 20th century when we made so much less than men.
IF you want to be treated equally then behave equally.
... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my fiance to call his parents and check in with them when we go somewhere
Q. A little background. When my fiancé was in his late 20's he was in bad car accident and he was in a coma for 3 weeks and rehab and then went home after 3 months. That sent his parents into a frantic mode, which would be a normal response to that ...
A. 9 March 2015: My dad is 80 I am 55 my kids are 30 and 28. None of us live together in fact, other than my older child who is in a group home, we all live in different states.
But when my son is traveling it's nice to let me know that he arrived safely. ... (read in full...)
My sister is OCD about everything except a day's work
Q. My close relative and her husband have both been unemployed due to anxiety and stress. They both seem to be OCD about everything apart from a day's work. They have both gained a lot of weight and are now eligible to a brand new car worth 20k ev...
A. 9 March 2015: You practice the saying "not my circus not my monkeys"
you have no control over them and you have no NEED to get past these feelings.
You feel what you feel....and if they annoy you so much cut them out of your life. NOWHERE is it writte... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 9 March 2015: Cindy that's a good point. I know my husband would not have been with me as a spouse or committed partner if I was not very far removed from raising the babies. Mine were in their 20s and out of the house when we met but he does not like children ... (read in full...)
These ladies are all home owners and take pride in their home- why couldn't they respect mine?
Q. Hi, Something happened recently which annoyed me some what and I would like opinions as to whether I'm being too sensitive or not... 2 weeks ago my work organised for us all to have an evening out- now seeing as I lived closest to the venue whe...
A. 9 March 2015: OH no they were so very wrong on so many levels.
I have spilled wine in a friend's home. I helped clean it up and offered to pay to have it cleaned professional and if it did not come out... you OFFER to replace it. (hopefully a good friend ... (read in full...)
My husband blames me for things that I have no control over, he's always mad
Q. I'm not sure what to do here. I've never done this before but I have to talk to someone.... my husband and I have been Together a year. when we were dating things were great but now that we are married not so much. he gets angry alot., like oh ...
A. 8 March 2015: Yeah well when my dad who is 80 found out my husband hurt me he said "I can still take a baseball bat to his knees"
tell someone he hurts you that you know loves you. then make a plan to leave...
because if you don't what happens next is... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 6 March 2015: I agree with Sageoldguy
IF your daughter (and you as co-signer) approach him with paperwork for a loan (with a repayment plan and low interest) and he says NO then you need to rethink the relationship
... (read in full...)
Are these signs this guy is a player or not interested(even though he has a girlfriend)?
Q. -Never makes much effort to see me and only when he's away will he talk about us catching up next, but when he's home doesn't initiate anything. -Acts flirty over text, never answers phone calls, acts cold/distant in real life. -When we're 'f...
A. 6 March 2015: IT is the sign that he is
a player
a liar
a cheater
an immature fool
a time waster
why are you bothering?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems uninterested in me....
Q. Hi everyone I'm going to get straight to the point and I hope someone can offer some advice. I feel my bf of almost a year doesn't pay me enough attention. We only get to see each other around three times a week as we live an hour or so aw...
A. 6 March 2015: You are a filler for him. The second he meets someone who interests him more he will either begin to cheat and let you catch him or he will break up with you.
I bet you row the relationship boat more than he does.
I suggest you try this... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 6 March 2015: Money, Money changes everything.
I am a "trust fund baby" but I was raised and told "NO you don't need that" vs "we can't afford it" This was how my dad handled having money that he did not wish to spend.
It may have been things we reall... (read in full...)
My bf is NOT good for me. What do I do?
Q. My bf is NOT good for me, at all, and I know I'll be much better off without him in the end but he's gotten into my head so bad that I feel like I can't do any better. He's made me feel like there's numerous women pining for him and how I should be ...
A. 6 March 2015: You are correct NO ONE but you wants him. What a winner he is OP! (end sarcasm)
So what we have to figure out is why you won't leave a man-child you know you should leave, that you WANT to leave but you don't leave.
Is being with this gu... (read in full...)
My husband blames me for things that I have no control over, he's always mad
Q. I'm not sure what to do here. I've never done this before but I have to talk to someone.... my husband and I have been Together a year. when we were dating things were great but now that we are married not so much. he gets angry alot., like oh ...
A. 6 March 2015: I'm with Cindy. There may have been hope until we go to " he. has gotten mad and hit me before a few times."
OP that's a few times TOO MANY.
There is never an excuse for abuse and it is NEVER your fault.
He is abusive this early on... ... (read in full...)
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