A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm thinking of leaving my wife after 33yrs of an amazing marriage. It all began three years ago. I was let down badly by people I trusted (including my wife)I needed to feel valued again. I met someone and we began a relationship. I love my wife very much , but the spark I had for her has vanished. I know she will be devastated, she knows I'm unhappy but puts it down to work issues.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2015):
 IF you want to leave because you are not happy and you are having an affair that makes you happy.. then leave.
Clearly it's not that cut and dried... so more details please so we can help you work out what the REAL PROBLEM is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): After 33 years of marriage, she's let you down once and so you met someone else and want to leave her? Leaving out the last 3 years, what about the 30 years that your marriage was not a let down and was amazing? Isn't marriage supposed to be through thick and thin?
You've probably lost the spark because there is another woman in your life distracting you from your wife.
If you want to leave her, then leave her. But if that's the case, you must not love her very much like you claim to.
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A
male
reader, dayvide  +, writes (21 February 2015):
 you have to decide if you can forgive your wife or not..let her know how you truelly feel instead of her thinking its work issues..if you guys had gone this far in your marriage I don't think there should be anything that would break that trust.. Give her another chance but jumping ship completely isn't always the best solution to every problem.. If you still love her then I'll advise you don't leave her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): Care to explain in more detail how you were let-down? The reason the spark has left your 33-year marriage, could be because you met someone. Leaving out details isn't helping.
If you love her so much, then what particularly makes the marriage irreparable?
Your post is far too short. It just looks like an older-man just found somebody else he likes better than his aged-spouse.
Make me wrong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): Even amazing has an expiry date.Just because it was amazing then does not mean it is amazing now nor will it ever be amazing again.Sometimes marriages run their course.You are not bound and gagged and prisoner of your wife and marriage.You have a right to be happy. If your girlfriend makes you happy and your wife no longer does, off you go. And I wish you the best. It takes a strong person to realize that there is no more love in their heart for their spouse and have the courage to move on. I would say the majority sells out, cops out, opts out for the safe and familiar embrace of a long term marriage. And brain wash themselves that everything is okay. And perhaps they try and try again and end up in the same place. In denial. Just putting off the inevitable. And they just go through motions and live their life in quiet, resigned misery and loneliness.Love doesn't come around all the time. That person that you connect with doesn't come around all the time. If you find this, how can you walk away?It seems to me your marriage is over. You know this. I think that even if you tried to work it out due to obligation, your glass house would eventually shatter. Because your heart isn't in it. You would just be going through the motions. Because you are now invested in someone else and another relationship. You cannot work on a marriage when you are in love with another woman and have clearly moved on emotionally. Your wife is just a security blanket. Your other woman is the one you are passionate about.I don't believe in being with anyone once the spark has died. I was married for 17 years and the spark died and I realized there was nothing left for my husband. He was and is a good man. But no fire. And I was not going to live out the rest of my life with a man who was my room mate. My friend. A man I was not attracted to sexually. And that would be it for me. Because I cannot live without passion. And what happened? Another man came along while I was married who lit the fire in me. And I left my husband for this man. I have no regrets. This man is a better match for me on every level. Not all marriages are meant to go to the home stretch. People change. Circumstances change. Feelings change. Be true to yourself and your own feelings. Have the courage to follow your heart. Move on.So many people on forums like this always seem to be pro marriage. I believe in marriage too. I believe in happily ever after... with the right person. But there is no happy ending if you are miserable and just putting in time. You have another relationship. That speaks volumes. I think you may be torn because you feel guilty about leaving a long term marriage. Because you are afraid in some ways. Because your whole world would change. But sometimes you just gotta take that leap of faith. Bottom line is why would you try to work on getting the spark back with your wife when you already have the spark with your girlfriend? Your girlfriend is meeting your needs.I walked away from my first love. And he was truly that. But along the way I lost that love for him. And I left. My world changed. I did not feel guilty because I had to be true to myself and my own happiness first. And remember, change can be good. My life changed for the better. Yours can too. :)I wish you happiness.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (21 February 2015):
 jumping the fence to the greener grass, may not be all that it looks like once you get there. so you are willing to through away 33 years you two built?you say she is and you have an amazing marriage? then you are willing to trash it. everyone goes through ups, and downs in life, and there marriage. you may have been let down by people you trusted, and love. but the thing is to be able to forgive, and love in spite of events. to get the spark back you will need to make an effort to get the flames going again, if you want to see a different marriage for the positive. it will take time, effort, love, work. we are use to instant results in everything this day and time, but life is not like that. she must love you, if you know she would be devastated, if you choose to leave. don't tear down what it has taken you 33 years to build is what i am saying, think before you jump.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 February 2015):
 You have to decide if you can forgive your wife for whatever she did to lose your trust. You met someone and there's this freshness and appreciation that you had forgotten what it felt like from your wife. The affair couldn't go anywhere deep unless your situation with your wife is resolved. Your future of your marriage depends on whether your wife felt remorseful and wanting to work on it. I think the spark can come back but you have to commit to work together with her and not be distracted by the affair and the greener grass. After all she gave you 33 years of amazingness. It would be a shame if you don't at least try forgiving her.
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