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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is my former FWB guy genuine about wanting to be friends?
Q. I'd like some advice because I'm so confused. I used to be sort of fwb (hate that saying) with someone, which I regret now. He's now married but we still talk. He told me he wants to be friends but he's changed constantly flirting and whe...
A. 2 January 2015: he's married
he tried to kiss you
are you friends with his wife?
does his wife know about you?
he's not a friend... he's looking to see what he can get.
want to prove it... invite him over for dinner WITH HIS WIFE and see what happen... (read in full...)
Would you be with someone who wouldn't have sex unless you used a condom?
Q. Hi everyone. A question for both, men and women: how would you feel if someone you want to be intimate with won't do so unless you use a condom? Boyfriend or girlfriend relationship type. Also, if you get asked to be tested for STDS, do you do it? ...
A. 2 January 2015: I always insisted on blood work. No unprotected sex until two blood works (6 months apart) that had no STIs on it.
as long as both parties are subject to the same rules. (i.e. if you ask for blood work need to be offering copies of your own ... (read in full...)
Married friend wanted sex, I refused and said I could only offer friendship and now he's conveniently disappeared!
Q. Hi. I'd like some advice about something that I think I already know the answer to. Recently a guy friend, who is now married, got in touch and asked if I'd like to meet up over the holidays. I'm also now in a relationship and told him this. H...
A. 31 December 2014: are the married male friends men you used to have a casual sexual relationship with? ... (read in full...)
Have I ruined my chance of turning this FWB into something more?
Q. Ok so I've had a fwb recently and it was all pretty normal like only texting to talk times unless last week I went to a party where he was there as well as my ex boyfriend (we went out years ago and now we're pretty close friends as he was a ...
A. 31 December 2014: FWIW for the newbies that don't know... my current hubby was my FWB/NSA and I was the one that had to be convinced we were more than that.
so yes FWB CAN be more than FWB but it's NOT common and usually it is the females that get hurt more.... (read in full...)
I verbally abuse my boyfriend!
Q. I verbally abuse my boyfriend and I am aware that it is wrong. However, I do it so he can pay attention to me. This time I did it while visiting his job. He ask me for a hug and I told him that I did not want to hug him. Then, I proceeded to tell ...
A. 31 December 2014: You went to his office and you embarrassed him AT work with your abuse.
I think the word is NO...
leave him alone.
do you think you do these things to elicit any sort of a response from a man who gives you minimal feedback?
if tha... (read in full...)
Is it possible my husband does NOT understand respect?
Q. I have been with my husband 4 years. He is extremely outgoing and friendly with everyone. There are times when he has no idea what boundaries or respect are. Three examples: 1)he has put one of my intoxicated friends in bed with me but climbs in, in ...
A. 31 December 2014: Does you husband have any disabilities such as learning disabilities, or ADHD or OCD?
My ADHD makes it VERY hard for me to extrapolate behavior out from ONE type of (similar) event to another. If you say "do not put the cup on the blue mat... (read in full...)
He will not commit but have I put up with this for too long? Should I stay or go?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for years I have met his mom and sisters they all know about me. He practically shares everything with me even personal stuff like his habits bank details etc. I literally am his first point of call whenever...
A. 31 December 2014: you won't leave. you have told him this over and over and you keep going back.
that;s what he believes because that's what you have taught him.
how do you plan to stay gone from him this time?
I wouldn't say anything since you woul... (read in full...)
A dear friend turned hostile
Q. Dear Cupids; Let me start by setting the scene (I'll try to keep it to the point). I was raised in a large, strict and very religious household. I am one of 29 grandchildren (soon to be 30) and the only one who is gay. My family did not rea...
A. 31 December 2014: He helped you and now he has turned on you. Seems the friendship was intended to make him feel better more than anything and now that he's not getting some need of his met, he's going off on you.
document any and everything that goes on with the... (read in full...)
Married friend wanted sex, I refused and said I could only offer friendship and now he's conveniently disappeared!
Q. Hi. I'd like some advice about something that I think I already know the answer to. Recently a guy friend, who is now married, got in touch and asked if I'd like to meet up over the holidays. I'm also now in a relationship and told him this. H...
A. 31 December 2014: doesn't it strike you as ODD that a recently married man wants to go to the movies with a friend and NOT HIS WIFE?... (read in full...)
I snooped on my boyfriend's Facebook account because I no longer trust him - is it time to break up?
Q. Basically, I've caught him lying to me a couple of times in the last few weeks and I was shocked. I never believed he had it in him and it's taken a lot of begging on his part for me to agree to give him another chance. I've always had an idea what ...
A. 31 December 2014: Break up with him.
Weed IMO is no big deal as I'm sure before my lifetime ends it will be legal here in the states much like alcohol.
Lying in general is the issue. I would rather be with an honest addict than a sober liar.... (read in full...)
He wouldn't commit so I ended it and bought a house. Now we might be getting back together...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years, and for the last year I have been unhappy with the progress we've been making. He asked me to move into his home a while back but point blank refused to commit to/discuss any more of a future than ...
A. 31 December 2014: MOVE into your home ALONE.
let him continue to court you and prove to you that he wants more than what you currently have.
DO NOT move in together until you have a date set for marriage and a venue paid for.
IF you let him move into your h... (read in full...)
I want my ex take an HIV and STD before rekindling our relationship. What if he refuses to do so?
Q. Dear Cupid,I haven't been with my ex for over ten years we are talking long distance now and have hopes of rekindling our relationship, but I am in fear of having sex with him . I want him to take an HIV and STD test before I give myself to him agai...
A. 31 December 2014: your follow up says "I don't think I want him back"
therefore then you have to say to him that it won't work and ask him to stop wasting your time.
BTW asking for blood work is pretty easy and even if you have no need of it yourself as you h... (read in full...)
Have I ruined my chance of turning this FWB into something more?
Q. Ok so I've had a fwb recently and it was all pretty normal like only texting to talk times unless last week I went to a party where he was there as well as my ex boyfriend (we went out years ago and now we're pretty close friends as he was a ...
A. 31 December 2014: OP, I am a 54 year old woman who totally understands and gets FWB for women. NOT so much teens wanting to lose their virginity but in general.
Some of the guys here tend to bring their own morality and judgment to the FWB questions.
The b... (read in full...)
Should I give up on Prince Charming? Says he won't marry me unless I agree to become a swinger with him
Q. I am a very attractive, tall, successful, and fun-loving 25-year-old young woman. I am deeply and truly in love with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Our sex is amazing, and the adventures we have together are truly unreal. ...
A. 31 December 2014: GIVE HIM UP NOW!
I married a man who could not give up others. I'm fine with casual sex and we became swingers. He left the marriage for someone else and they no longer swing. Truth was he did not love me enough.
My current hubby and I do N... (read in full...)
Met online, had 6 dates, had sex on 4 of them, is he just using me?
Q. Dear Aunts, I met this guy at an online dating site about two months ago, and after we met in person (about seven weeks ago) we have been out about six times and we had sex four times out of the six dates. The other two times were nice and romanti...
A. 31 December 2014: He doesn't like you as much as you hope...
let it go, wait to hear from him and unless he asks you out on a real date I'd just relegate him to friend with no intentions of getting into a serious romance"... (read in full...)
I said "yes" to a proposal but I was not ready
Q. OP's original title ** Call me crazy but I just accepted a proposal from my LDR boyfriend of 6mths. The problem is ever since then there are things about him that I know I won't be able to cope with. I get angry when trying to communicate with him...
A. 30 December 2014: DO not think that your behavior is "supportive" or "helpful" in the true sense of the word.
Your behavior is parental. He's not mature enough to be a grown up on his own and he's expecting or needing you to be the mature one in charge.
... (read in full...)
Married friend wanted sex, I refused and said I could only offer friendship and now he's conveniently disappeared!
Q. Hi. I'd like some advice about something that I think I already know the answer to. Recently a guy friend, who is now married, got in touch and asked if I'd like to meet up over the holidays. I'm also now in a relationship and told him this. H...
A. 30 December 2014: you ignore the scum bag.
he's just trying to get a lit bit of "somethin' somethin' on the side" as we say here.
he's not a friend at all.
I would ignore him from now on. ... (read in full...)
My best friend wants me to change our wedding date
Q. My best friend is not talking to me and giving me the silent treatment because she wants me to change my wedding date, because she has some exams coming up on the week of my wedding. I really can't do anything about it, we really struggled till we ...
A. 30 December 2014: yes she's being selfish.
is she an honor attendant? will the wedding plans impact heavily on her studyin
if so, let her know that she does not have to be an attendant but rather she can just take a few hours off from studying and exams a... (read in full...)
Should my b/f have told hix ex why I blocked ber on facebook?
Q. My boyfriend of six months has a really hot ex girlfriend. I have spent a lot of time looking at photos of her on Facebook and feeling jealous. She dumped him after a few years together and he was heartbroken. I decided to block her on Facebook so ...
A. 30 December 2014: so you wisely blocked her to help your mental health and she's so busy being concerned about you that she looked for you and noticed that you blocked her and went to her ex boyfriend to ask why and he didn't think saying "why are you:
a. conce... (read in full...)
My girlfriend ignores my calls and only calls back when she needs something
Q. I have been with my girlfriend over 4year now since then she have been doing some wrong thing in which I just let it go ,but now I can't take it any more she hot my feeling that sometime I feel like crying If call her and she saw the missed calls, ...
A. 30 December 2014: if the only time she wants to have contact with you is when you can do something for her, then she's using you.... (read in full...)
I feel cheap doing what he asks. Will I lose my fiance if I stop agreeing to his requests to skype while undressed?
Q. I'm in a LDR relationship in which we have met recently and have hadsexual relationships. Everything is well except this man loves sex a lot. He's asked me to undress on Skype and arouse him to masturbate every other night. I've done it twice now...
A. 30 December 2014: you should not have to do something that makes you uncomfortable.
IF a man is going to use the excuse that he's not with his partner as a reason to cheat, then he's not worth anything anyway.
the proper response to his request is "no I'd ... (read in full...)
A long time friendship is suddenly feeling like something more..
Q. I've been friends with a guy for years I've known him since he was born(our parents lived next door) he's been in and out of my life due to him having feelings for me since adolescent. I never had these feelings as I couldn't get past the brother ...
A. 30 December 2014: Why not discuss it with him?
"I wonder if you are feeling a change in our friendship lately like I am?"
see where it goes.
... (read in full...)
What did his email mean? Does he not want to meet up any more?
Q. Hi! I have a question about what this guy meant in an email. I'm on an online dating site and have been communicating with a few people. One guy in particular wanted to meet up, so he sent an email to ask about meeting up that week (Christmas ...
A. 30 December 2014: No loss for you...
sounds to me like he's just up for quick fun and games and not wanting to plan things.
I would not contact him again.
I would also NOT accept any plans from him that come with less than 48-72 hour lead time. Anything like... (read in full...)
I said "yes" to a proposal but I was not ready
Q. OP's original title ** Call me crazy but I just accepted a proposal from my LDR boyfriend of 6mths. The problem is ever since then there are things about him that I know I won't be able to cope with. I get angry when trying to communicate with him...
A. 30 December 2014: you ARE settling and you will continue to grow more and more angry and frustrated with this man.
HE is not the man you want. YOU are in love with his POTENTIAL which is not all that great.
"did you go to church?" is NOT a question a partn... (read in full...)
My brother and sister-in-law are keeping their new baby away from family
Q. Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this in advance. My brother just recently had a baby, its his first and the first grandchild. We have a beautiful little 5 week old baby in our family and everyone adores him. Is it normal to not ...
A. 29 December 2014: OP... with your followup you say they are living IN YOUR HOME... how do they keep the baby from the family if they are living with you?
I personally think that your concern is valid and that they are way over reacting...... (read in full...)
I've been asked to use my wedding as a fundraiser
Q. I currently am living in an apartment that a program helps with a portion of our rent. My fiance and I are wanting to get married and have recently been told the program that helps us with rent wants us to have our ceremony at the house they use ...
A. 29 December 2014: You should do what you want.
I am wondering how the program you get financial help from is so involved in your wedding plans... are you getting MORE support than just section 8 housing fees? Because most of the time Section 8 just pays their pa... (read in full...)
What's up with his behaviour? He has a Gf. Would it be weird to hang out with him?
Q. I saw a guy friend today that has a GF, he admitted he liked me and that he didn't want to hurt me or his GF by cheating but still bothers me to hang out with him. Its like he is obsessed. We used to hang out alot but I stopped since his GF is home ...
A. 24 December 2014: you are playing with fire. he wants to be free to be with you but he wants to pretend he's not cheating emotionally on his GF
wait till his GF breaks up with him when she finds out he's emotionally cheating on her...
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is emotionally unavailable so I cheated. Now what?
Q. I have been with my bf together for 1.5 years and for the past 6 months, we have been arguing a lot (a weekly basis, and it always ends up with me crying). Things we argue about: him flirting with other girls excessively, him texting other girls ...
A. 24 December 2014: you are young
the relationship is only 18 months old
you are not happy
he is not happy
BREAK UP now rather than later.... (read in full...)
Would you be jealous of this cheat's wife if you were me?
Q. I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on. ...
A. 24 December 2014: you are jealous of a woman who's husband lies to her and cheats on her (emotional cheating is worse in my book than physical)
you are jealous of THINGS she has. cars, vacations, white teeth..... NOT of the (non) CATCH of a spouse she has.... (read in full...)
Is he hinting he is interested even though I am married?
Q. A few months ago I got to know a man at his place of work. I used to go there for business related issues, and we got to talking. He then got transferred to another location (also near by) and hinted for me to pass by and say hi. I thought nothing ...
A. 24 December 2014: Is it possible that because YOU are attracted to him you are reading into things?
FWIW, when i run into men I work with that I am VERY comfortable with and I hug them or introduce them to my husband he would never question WHY we are comforta... (read in full...)
I'm 21 And Like a 31-Year-Old Guy, But I'm Not Sure If I Should Tell Him...
Q. Recently met this guy who's 31. He's kind, single and I really fancy him. We get on well. However, I'm only 21, and though I'm a nice person I can't compete with a lot of the older women he knows (he's quite borderline flirty with everyone sometim...
A. 24 December 2014: TELL HIM how you feel.
the truth is he may like you more than as a friend but with you being younger he may think you only see him as an old guy.
... (read in full...)
I think we need a break, but this close to Christmas?
Q. Hi all. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we've had our fair share of problems in that time mainly because he often doesn't include me in his life and he's not very willing to discuss our future (I'm 29, he's 27 and he says he's too ...
A. 24 December 2014: It's been six years... it's time to end it since you want something he does not.
It's over and you know it. It's just a matter of when you end it. Personally I'm game for having a date for NYE (after all you have been with him 6 years you mu... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: I'm so sorry. After the holidays I think it's best that you two go your separate ways.
She wants to get married and make babies and after 5 years if you are not ready, then you are not ready and that's ok.
It's her choice to leave you if y... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my frustration at the rude ignorant behaviour of my Bf?
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend and I were in (large well known store) tonight. The cashier was being very slow and having difficulties with the register or something. WE had to wait...My bf then starts saying OUT LOUD something along the ...
A. 23 December 2014: All you have to do if you don't want to leave him for this (and it will NOT change and with time will only get worse trust me) is smile that lovely embarrassed smile that women learn to use when out in public with stupid men (husbands usually) and ... (read in full...)
Do December May relationships ever work, especially if the woman is older?
Q. Do December-May relationships ever work in the real world? Woman older, man 17 years younger....
A. 23 December 2014: my husband is 13 years younger than I am.
... (read in full...)
How to COMMUNICATE I don't like what he called me?
Q. Chatting with a great guy via text and we've yet to meet. Our meeting being next month. Last night he had to go to sleep quite early and while saying good night, referred to me as 'babe'. "Night night babe sleep well." I feel the babe thing is wa...
A. 23 December 2014: He calls all girls babe. it's easier than remembering who he is talking to.
Just say "don't call me Babe I hate it" my husband did that too.... (read in full...)
Met online, had 6 dates, had sex on 4 of them, is he just using me?
Q. Dear Aunts, I met this guy at an online dating site about two months ago, and after we met in person (about seven weeks ago) we have been out about six times and we had sex four times out of the six dates. The other two times were nice and romanti...
A. 23 December 2014: I fear the only way to know what he is thinking/feeling is by letting HIM row the relationship boat.
MEN who are truly interested in more than sex with a woman can't be "scared off"
IF you are concerned that it's all about FWB (sounds li... (read in full...)
I am supposed to visit my BF for Christmas, but he is not responding to me!
Q. Dear Cupid I'm in LDR with my bf for past 1 year. We r in a relationship for.past 4 years. He went abroad for his work. Earlier he used to call me everyday and we used to talk everyday or text me. Nowadays he is not calling me and if I do.he is no...
A. 23 December 2014: I'm sorry that this is happening to you now.
It's a lousy way to find out your relationship is over but I fear that it is.
I would cancel the trip and not even contact him.
see if you can at least move the ticket to a different date w... (read in full...)
We've not dated or had sex but he said he would leave his wife for me!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in such a pickle and I wish I didn't have this to worry over right before Christmas. Me and my partner have been together for six years, happy years and I love him dearly. My partners boss is 14 years older than myself and ...
A. 19 December 2014: The only thing I can think of is Mr Spock's very wise words:
"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true. "... (read in full...)
He's been so attentive lately that I think something must be off
Q. I have noticed that my husband is being weird. What I mean by weird, is that he has taken to giving me compliments. Being very indulgent, like fetching me a sweater when I say I am cold, acting really affectionate, when usually he isn't. My gut ...
A. 19 December 2014: I can't speak for your husband but I know when my back ailment was diagnosed our ex life died for the longest time (and has not really recovered) because my husband was afraid to hurt me during sex.
I wonder if your husband is afraid to hu... (read in full...)
The relationship is dead --- why doesn't he let me go?
Q. My relationship has been dead for the past year been with him for 2 years now ,problems began early on in our relationship due to his insecurities and I had some family problems so that pushed me away because he started drinking on a few occasions ...
A. 19 December 2014: because while you are around you are easy to be with and he is willing to waste time with you.... (read in full...)
The relationship is dead --- why doesn't he let me go?
Q. My relationship has been dead for the past year been with him for 2 years now ,problems began early on in our relationship due to his insecurities and I had some family problems so that pushed me away because he started drinking on a few occasions ...
A. 18 December 2014: how is he hanging on?
what do you expect him to do pack for you, move for you?
you told him you want to move, you want to move Make it so.
... (read in full...)
He's been so attentive lately that I think something must be off
Q. I have noticed that my husband is being weird. What I mean by weird, is that he has taken to giving me compliments. Being very indulgent, like fetching me a sweater when I say I am cold, acting really affectionate, when usually he isn't. My gut ...
A. 15 December 2014: IS it possible he made himself a holiday promise to try to go back to being kind and complimenting you and winning you back over to the cute young thing that adored him so instead of being suspicious that something is wrong or he has ulterior ... (read in full...)
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