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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He hasn't text me in nearly a week? Has he lost interest? What do I do?
Q. Hello. Well, I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. We have been on two days in the past, both ending really well, both ending in kisses. He said we will definitely have to go on a date again when he comes back (he is currently ...
A. 31 March 2015: how about you call him and see how he is and NOT ask if he still wants to meet you and assume he does...
just call to say HI! ... (read in full...)
Why does my long term Gf still keep registering on dating sites? It's affecting our relationship
Q. I've caught my long term girlfriend many times registered and active on different dating sites. I am not able to get to the root of it, because I always end up defending myself over extremely minor mistakes I made years ago (like being 10 minu...
A. 31 March 2015: "stupid dating site"
OP the woman can't even OWN her bad behavior.
Do you need help in figuring out how to walk away from this woman without drama and stalking? (because I bet if you do walk away and end it she will NOT go quietly)... (read in full...)
His (now pregnant) one night stand is causing angst for us. Do I stand by my man and help him through this difficult time or leave?
Q. Please help. My boyfriend of 5 years and i took a break. During this time he had a one night stand with a condom. Two months later we started going to counseling and everything seemed to be working out. He even proposed marriage and our...
A. 31 March 2015: OP, This woman (and her baby which I'm really WONDERING if it's your BF's baby) are NOT YOUR CIRCUS, NOT YOUR MONKEYS
do not let HER insanity drag you down.
IF the baby is his (and like I said he can't tell until the baby is born but the... (read in full...)
He hasn't text me in nearly a week? Has he lost interest? What do I do?
Q. Hello. Well, I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. We have been on two days in the past, both ending really well, both ending in kisses. He said we will definitely have to go on a date again when he comes back (he is currently ...
A. 30 March 2015: and when does he come back?
sounds to me like it's a big todo about nothing.
you like him but aren't formally dating... he owes you nothing.
why not send him a text or give him a call just to say hi if you are just friends?... (read in full...)
Is 47 too old to start a family?
Q. Im 47 yo male. Just wondering what opinions are on starting a family when you are older? Id like a male and female opinion. Cheers....
A. 30 March 2015: Folks like to say it's never too late but women for sure have a deadline to pro-create.
I will assume you mean having children.
What age female are you targeting for this miracle of birth?
Are you sure you are up for lack of uninterru... (read in full...)
I told my tutor that I had a crush on him and now he's acting very coldly to me
Q. I told my tutor I had a crush on him and that it was affecting my work, I knew he would reject me, we laughed and agreed to carry on as normal etc However he has been really cold towards me since, he won't look at me or even barely talk to m...
A. 30 March 2015: He's making sure that he's not doing anything to lead you on.
It's an appropriate response to your share with him.
WHY did you tell him? what did you think (or hope) would happen?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said something flirty in a text to someone else
Q. i have been with my boyfriend 3 months now. We had a staff party at work on Friday and there are a couple of girls who I get in with really well. One of these girls is married and likes my boyfriend work colleague. We have kept our relationship ...
A. 30 March 2015: Wow are you OVER THINKING THIS....
so he said she was pretty... BFD.... doesn't mean he's interested in getting with her or anything else.
WHY did you think you should look at his phone?... (read in full...)
He hasn't text me in nearly a week? Has he lost interest? What do I do?
Q. Hello. Well, I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. We have been on two days in the past, both ending really well, both ending in kisses. He said we will definitely have to go on a date again when he comes back (he is currently ...
A. 30 March 2015: maybe he's sick?
maybe he's busy?
maybe he lost his phone?
who knows... and maybe just maybe he needs a bit of a break.
if where you left it was good, then just sit back and see what happens....
how long will you two be LDR?... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm dating a little boy instead of a man?
Q. So I've been dating my boyfriend for three years now and for the most part everything is great. However, he is 24 without a car(he longboards) and has not found his career path yet. Last year he was planning on going into the military but he could...
A. 30 March 2015: I do not think my gaming is childish. Card games are included in my gaming. Most of my games cost @50 dollars a game... NOT a childish hobby at all. Check out world boardgaming championships. Gaming is a very big deal.
As for the rest... (read in full...)
My ex wants to take our baby away for his visits and I'm not comfortable with this. Do I have a say in the matter?
Q. Hi, My ex and I split up while I was pregnant and now he sees our son (9 weeks old) for about 2 hours a week at my house. He has never done a night feed alone and has never looked after him without supervision. He is saying he wants to take me...
A. 30 March 2015: EVENTUALLY he will have to go with dad but NOT at 9 weeks. But I think that a friend of the court should be involved in this and get it all nice and legal in writing.
And I like the idea of you meeting his folks with the baby now and then... ... (read in full...)
Do I need to show my boyfriend what I like sexually?
Q. I have been dating a guy for around a month now, met him three times. We slept together on the second time, it felt so natural and things seem to be progressing from there quite steadily. We get on extremely well, feel at ease with each other etc. ...
A. 30 March 2015: Sadly I am going to vote for lousy selfish lover.
I would by all means have a chat with him about it. But don't be surprised if he says "I don't do that" or he says he will and he does not.
My current husband is the love of my life. he ... (read in full...)
Help me to move on after the he violated my trust
Q. Recently I split with my partner of 2.5 years. We split last August for 3 months and reconciled in October under the circumstance that we were completely honest about what had happened since we split, had it all out cards on the tables I completely ...
A. 30 March 2015: Don't feel stupid. You found out he lied and you took the necessary action to end the relationship.
Now go NO CONTACT with him so that you don't have to be stressed by his words. His actions show you that you were correct in your interpre... (read in full...)
Will this age difference be a problem in my new relationship with a co-worker?
Q. I have just entered a relationship with a Co worker. We have both come out of bad relationships in the past. We both love each other and make each other very happy. We are considering moving in together soon. She has a young daughter who I g...
A. 30 March 2015: No it's NOT wrong but it's NOT realistic.
I am an older partner. I am 14 years older than my husband.
At 43 I said the same things you said. I am fit. I am healthy I am active. I was. Then I was the first person in my family to get DEG... (read in full...)
The married man I'm seeing has now pulled back. What am I supposed to think?
Q. I met a man, he's married. We've been seeing each other but only slept together that first night... It's been 5 weeks of texting and short visits. We have very strong feelings for each other. He said he doesn't want to drag me into his mess, also ...
A. 30 March 2015: You are supposed to think that he's trying to work on his current situation and you need to BACK OFF.
He's married. Until he has a piece of paper that says he's NOT married (a divorce decree) then no matter where he lives or what he does HE IS ... (read in full...)
He loves porn more than he loves me. Is it normal to be so upset about this situation?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 3 years, and the whole of our relationship he has never been able to have an orgasm during intercourse. He says it was the same with his previous partners and it's not just me. But he is the only per...
A. 30 March 2015: You gave him a choice... you asked him to cut down. he didn't
YOU WENT BACK. You no longer have the right to ask him to stop or cut back on his porn usage and you going back has made it clear that you don't really mean it. (in actions)... (read in full...)
Am I moving on too fast with the girl from my past?
Q. So about a month ago I was cheated on and ended a 5 year relationship. Just the other week I reconnected with a girl from my past and we really hit it off. I'm a little uneasy because I don't know if I am moving on too quick. I really never fel...
A. 30 March 2015: Everyone needs different times to heal and move forward.
I had one relationship that it took me nearly a year to be ready to date again, I have had others that took no time at all.
Even for an individual healing times will vary from relati... (read in full...)
His (now pregnant) one night stand is causing angst for us. Do I stand by my man and help him through this difficult time or leave?
Q. Please help. My boyfriend of 5 years and i took a break. During this time he had a one night stand with a condom. Two months later we started going to counseling and everything seemed to be working out. He even proposed marriage and our...
A. 30 March 2015: I agree he needs an attorney. FAST. NOW. find out what he needs to do to establish legal paternity and if he is not the BIO DAD.
He needs #1 to have a paternity test done. IF he is the father he then needs an order for visitati... (read in full...)
Why does my long term Gf still keep registering on dating sites? It's affecting our relationship
Q. I've caught my long term girlfriend many times registered and active on different dating sites. I am not able to get to the root of it, because I always end up defending myself over extremely minor mistakes I made years ago (like being 10 minu...
A. 30 March 2015: yes it will go on forever. IF she has not stopped and she knows it bugs you she's not going to stop.
If you have threatened to leave and have not left even after she did what you said you would leave about, then you have lost your power and she ... (read in full...)
Do you think I've made the right decision to not attend this wedding, where my Bf will be the Best man?
Q. this may seem like a minor situation but it's stressing me out and im a grad student so extra stress is bad. A few months ago I had a falling out with my ex flatmates who are a couple. My boyfriend took their side which upset me. I posted on herea...
A. 30 March 2015: IF you are invited, then they want you there. IF your boyfriend wants you to go, then you go...
I have had many partners over time and trust me you don't compare and contrast one to another... it's a silly thing... and ex is an ex for a rea... (read in full...)
Will this age difference be a problem in my new relationship with a co-worker?
Q. I have just entered a relationship with a Co worker. We have both come out of bad relationships in the past. We both love each other and make each other very happy. We are considering moving in together soon. She has a young daughter who I g...
A. 30 March 2015: It's a big gap.
She has a young daughter...are you sure at 43 you are ready to go through all that is involved with a young child and then a young lady in the throes of puberty? Are you committed to raising this child as your own?
Wh... (read in full...)
What else? Tried anti-depressants, counselling and contraceptive pill to try to control side affects of heavy periods. Any further suggestions before I see Dr next week?
Q. Hi, I have had some great advice on here before relating to periods and anxiety - people suggested fish oil and cutting out caffeine and these have really helped me a lot - as a result I am nowhere near as anxious as I was. However, I won...
A. 27 March 2015: I too think that if you have no intentions of ever having any more children that the ablation is the best way to go.
I had a nova sure ablation in july 2004 and it was the best thing I ever did.
I am now going through the final stages of meno... (read in full...)
Have feelings for former co-worker. Is it meant to be? And I am married to another man
Q. i am married. it seemed to be ok until I met a guy at work. the attraction grew for past years despite my attempts to stop it. few weeks ago I quit as a last ditch effort to save my marriage. I felt he felt the same about me, although he never sai...
A. 27 March 2015: what do you mean "what should I do?"
you are married
you had a crush on a now former co-worker
you felt you could not handle it so you quit that job so you could focus on the marriage.
you ran into him. that happens when you know people... (read in full...)
My aspergers boyfriend wont have sex with me.
Q. Hi, I am seeking help as I am dating an aspergers male virgin. I have researched various articles and I am trying to understand it more. I have grown up around aspergers/autism as majority of males in my family have it, however dating is different. ...
A. 27 March 2015: To the male anon...
WHAT PHYSICAL aspects of ASPERGERS do you mean?
btw the DSM will no longer list as a separate disorder but will continue it on the autistic spectrum.... (read in full...)
Why is he so insistent he made me jealous?
Q. If a guy asks you if you he made you jealous one night and then proceeds to list a play-by-play of your every reaction from that night justifying why he thinks he made you jealous, was he trying to make you jealous or is making people jealous a ...
A. 27 March 2015: "was he trying to make you jealous or is that a girls game?"
it is the "game" of immature insecure people.
Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity and his behavior is rooted in both insecurity and immaturity.
the bigger question i... (read in full...)
Don't want to lose my friend. Yet what is so wrong in dating my friend's ex-girlfriend?
Q. I'll just go straight to the question. What is so wrong in dating my friend's ex-girlfriend? I mean they are no longer together for 3years now. We both want to go for it,i can bet on that but its just as if we should never cross. She has been m...
A. 26 March 2015: make your choice.. your friend or the girl... in this case you can't have both because he wants her back.
... (read in full...)
Do I break up with my boyfriend? He doesn't please me and I still have feelings for my ex
Q. hi into 25 years of age and I have problem of still having feelings for the father of my child yet I'm in a relationship and it's been going on for 3 years now. my current boyfriend doesn't give me pleasure in bad he ejaculate quickly ,he gets tir...
A. 26 March 2015: you need to leave the current boyfriend because you are not happy with him or the way he treats you. that's fine.
but you do not need to go back to the father of your child either...... (read in full...)
Is it safe to go ahead dating him even though he said he is not ready for a relationship right now? He's going through a divorce
Q. I started seeing this guy who is in the process of getting a divorce about 2 months ago. His divorce will be finalized in about a month. He told me on our fourth date that he had been married for 7 years and for the last 2 years things had gone sour ...
A. 26 March 2015: if you want more than a casual relationship with a man he is not your man.
it's highly likely you are his transitional person. He will be happy to be with you and have company with you but he may never see you as something serious.
Life ... (read in full...)
Should I really go through with surgery to correct my breasts?
Q. Hello everyone glad I found a place I could receive some help. Has anyone here ever gotten plastic surgery, specifically a boob job? My problem is very personal to me. I found out at a young age that my breasts have a deformity. This has always ...
A. 26 March 2015: IF you have a deformity have you checked to see if your insurance would cover it as it's reconstructive and not cosmetic?
I had a tummy tuck and a breast lift (no implants) with a good reconstructive plastic surgeon (NOT a mommy makover surgeon)... (read in full...)
Would you be ticked at a one word reply from your BF in an email?
Q. If you send your BF an email with a funny pic attached and he just replied "Cute!" would you get ticked about the one word answer? Especially if at the end of the message you said "Miss you" and he did not say "Miss you" back? ...
A. 26 March 2015: nope not at all.
sometimes my husband and I don't even respond to emails from each other at all.
do you say "miss you" to get him to say "miss you back"
what else is going on that this is bothering you?... (read in full...)
He broke up with me, but still contacts me every day ....
Q. My boyfriend if 1 yr broke up with me a month ago. He felt that I was too attached and "I don't listen" or give him every thing that he demands. Ever since, he has been texting me about every detail going in his life. He doesn't text me every day ...
A. 26 March 2015: Why he is doing it does not matter.
I think he's being very unfair.
I do not think it's necessary to remain friends with an ex partner. Friendly or civil when or if you run into each other but nothing more.
I think for YOU to move forward ... (read in full...)
Does she remember the romantic times we shared .. I still miss her!
Q. Hello,well it's been a while, since, I posted anything,it's been about three years now, an I still think about my ex, it only lasted three months, I thought it was great. I treated her like an angle, her ex before me, use to beat her, treated her ...
A. 26 March 2015: OP I totally disagree with the suggestion to reach out to your former gf. I think that will be very detrimental for your healing.
if you dated her 3 years ago for 3 months and you are not over her yet, then my concern is that you are obsessin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a 'fat' fetish. Why?
Q. I think my boyfriend has a 'fat' fetish. I am a very pretty girl, I am not overweight, and have never had a problem getting guys. I'm a petite brunette. I've always had a good sex life with my boyfriend's, always felt wanted and like they are 1000% ...
A. 26 March 2015: As a formerly SMO BBW (severely morbidly obese big beautiful woman) who is now average but spent a few years model thin after surgery I can tell you that it's not a fetish.
It's a preference... and much like YouWish says it's like any other pr... (read in full...)
My girlfriend thinks I'm lying and hiding things from her about the past and I'm not!
Q. Hi there everyone. Thanks for checking out my post. I really appreciate it. So rightt. To the question. So me and my girlfriend are kind of being silent from each other. All of this is just too confusing so bear with me. She was an ex of...
A. 26 March 2015: I agree that she's using this as a way to get out of the relationship.
It's very true an ex is an ex for a reason and unless th issues that caused the break up are addressed then the same issues will come up.
I am betting this girl is you... (read in full...)
Are my constant thoughts about my BF cheating based on truth or my own fears?
Q. Hello DC. I have a question about trust. My BF and I have been together a couple of years. It is a good relationship and we still have great chemistry. He has cheated in a previous relationship. Not ours. He has always been up front with me...
A. 26 March 2015: OP if you want my opinion this is all a drama of your making.
NEVER ask a man if he finds a woman attractive. Assume he does. But your bf is correct, just because he finds a woman attractive does not mean he's going to sleep with her or ... (read in full...)
How much should I tell my lovers about my home situation?
Q. My Husband has lid to me repeatedly about porn. At the very beginning of our relationship I was clear that I was not interested in q relationship including pirn and he assurd me he shared my views . I find it demeaning , offensive , degradin...
A. 26 March 2015: ONE more piece of advice OP...
watch out for that Karma bus... it hurts when it hits.... (read in full...)
Does it matter who my girlfriend friends texts and talks to as long as she comes home to me?
Q. Im lesbian and in a 5 year relationship. We are moving in together in less than 5 months. We have never spent more than 7 consecutive days living together as we are long distance. We spend every night on the phone together from the time we get in ...
A. 26 March 2015: I was LDR with my spouse before he moved to be with me.
I can tell you that in the beginning when we saw each other after just 3 or 4 days apart (we were close enough for long weekends every weekend) we were inseparable both emotiona... (read in full...)
I think my ex used a fake profile to get to talk to me again. I don't like what he did but I want to talk to him!
Q. Right here goes..... very long story short My ex boyfriend decided to contact me out of the blue after being broken up for 3 years saying he was sorry and he loved me and wanted me back. I told him I was already in a relationship with someone els...
A. 26 March 2015: YOU miss him? really what part of him do you miss?
make yourself a list of all the things that you like about him currently. NOT the things in the past. Not the things you WANT him to be... but the things that he currently is.
this should h... (read in full...)
How much time should couples spend together?
Q. How much time should you spend together in a relationship? We have been together nearly 3 years and I just don't feel like we spend enough time together. She will come over on the Friday every two weeks and stay the night and then I'll see her onc...
A. 26 March 2015: IF you are not happy, then you need to move on. If she gets sad because of that,it's due to her own issues.
She is in the closet for whatever reason she needs to be and that's not fair to you if you are not.
If you love someone and want to... (read in full...)
My old fantasies don't turn me on anymore
Q. Help, I can't fantasise anymore. My husband makes me climax evertime during sex using his tongue, hands and also through penetration alone. It's mindblowing and I couldn't ask for more. However, I used to be able to imagine all sort...
A. 26 March 2015: OP I am bisexual and while I am madly in love with my spouse and will not see others women included) I do miss the "girl play"
when I have a fantasy it's usually a threesome with my spouse and another woman (random, stranger, or other wise a... (read in full...)
I think he is keeping secrets about his ex from me!
Q. We have been together 5 years and I know he is in contact with his ex-he says to discuss kids. I know she wants him back. I also know they text and call each other frequently. I also know he deletes his texts from her and most likely, the record of ...
A. 26 March 2015: OP, i would not even bother with an "ultimatum".
I mean if you live together with him now what are you going to say "stop contacting her or get out?" all that will mean is he will hide it better.
I agree that it's time to just go. ... (read in full...)
How do I leave a job that needs me?
Q. I work in a small company of 12-14 people. Besides my manager, I'm the only one in my department. There's two other depts. I've been here 9 months. My position requires negotiating rates and contracts, and maintaining a good relationship and...
A. 26 March 2015: I think that the more notice you can give them the better.
However if you think they are going to make your life difficult when you give notice then the less you give may be better.
Two weeks as long as they are behaving professionally i... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm always in the wrong with my boyfriend!
Q. Dear Cupid Hi all where do i begin . Well ive been with my boyfriend 10years and I do love very much . Im preganant due date very soon all is very exciting . My boyfriend is a very loverble man but im starting to question his love for me alot...
A. 26 March 2015: IN the beginning of a relationship we are on our best behavior. As the relationship progresses the person we love the most and want to be with the most becomes our "safe place" and we "let our hair down with them"
this means we tend to treat... (read in full...)
Why would the man I am dating say this?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and he knows I have fallen for him, but I have no idea how feels about me or what he wants??? Twice this week he has said come off of birth control as I am not opposed to having more children. We only see each other ...
A. 26 March 2015: OP I strongly urge you to prepare for your chat with him.
You are a dirty secret and possibly a little something something on the side even if he's not married.
He's not going to go gracefully into that good night and will come up with al... (read in full...)
Why would the man I am dating say this?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and he knows I have fallen for him, but I have no idea how feels about me or what he wants??? Twice this week he has said come off of birth control as I am not opposed to having more children. We only see each other ...
A. 25 March 2015: ok so he asks and you have asked and he either ignores you or changes the subject... that does not sound good...
are there other things he tries to manipulate?... (read in full...)
How much should I tell my lovers about my home situation?
Q. My Husband has lid to me repeatedly about porn. At the very beginning of our relationship I was clear that I was not interested in q relationship including pirn and he assurd me he shared my views . I find it demeaning , offensive , degradin...
A. 25 March 2015: I will tell you that if you take a lover and he finds out and you did not seek permission to do so before you did this that when you do get a divorce he has grounds and he may get custody of your children.
YOU have "repeatedly" let him know how... (read in full...)
My old fantasies don't turn me on anymore
Q. Help, I can't fantasise anymore. My husband makes me climax evertime during sex using his tongue, hands and also through penetration alone. It's mindblowing and I couldn't ask for more. However, I used to be able to imagine all sort...
A. 25 March 2015: I knew it was love when my fantasies started involving my spouse....
does thinking about sex with him help?... (read in full...)
Why would the man I am dating say this?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and he knows I have fallen for him, but I have no idea how feels about me or what he wants??? Twice this week he has said come off of birth control as I am not opposed to having more children. We only see each other ...
A. 25 March 2015: No clue why HE would say it you would have to ask him.
WHY does it matter what he asks for?
Would you even consider this? I hope not.
just because someone asks for something does not mean you are required to give it to them.... (read in full...)
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