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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My bf is NOT good for me. What do I do?
Q. My bf is NOT good for me, at all, and I know I'll be much better off without him in the end but he's gotten into my head so bad that I feel like I can't do any better. He's made me feel like there's numerous women pining for him and how I should be ...
A. 12 March 2015: Stop watching him on facebook too... that will help
You are mourning a loss and there will be bad times ahead.
DO NOT CAVE in. Do not give him what he wants... your attention. He has addiction issues (sugar is part and parcel of addict... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 9 March 2015: Cindy that's a good point. I know my husband would not have been with me as a spouse or committed partner if I was not very far removed from raising the babies. Mine were in their 20s and out of the house when we met but he does not like children ... (read in full...)
My husband blames me for things that I have no control over, he's always mad
Q. I'm not sure what to do here. I've never done this before but I have to talk to someone.... my husband and I have been Together a year. when we were dating things were great but now that we are married not so much. he gets angry alot., like oh ...
A. 8 March 2015: Yeah well when my dad who is 80 found out my husband hurt me he said "I can still take a baseball bat to his knees"
tell someone he hurts you that you know loves you. then make a plan to leave...
because if you don't what happens next is... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 6 March 2015: I agree with Sageoldguy
IF your daughter (and you as co-signer) approach him with paperwork for a loan (with a repayment plan and low interest) and he says NO then you need to rethink the relationship
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems uninterested in me....
Q. Hi everyone I'm going to get straight to the point and I hope someone can offer some advice. I feel my bf of almost a year doesn't pay me enough attention. We only get to see each other around three times a week as we live an hour or so aw...
A. 6 March 2015: You are a filler for him. The second he meets someone who interests him more he will either begin to cheat and let you catch him or he will break up with you.
I bet you row the relationship boat more than he does.
I suggest you try this... (read in full...)
It’s hard to relate to him as a “friend” when my heart sees him as more
Q. I’m beginning to feel out of my depth and holding onto hope. A long term male friend and I have been talking for a long time about upgrading our already close friendship to something more. We have been intentionally taking things slow (for ...
A. 6 March 2015: You have the right to set boundaries and take care of yourself.
and saying to him, "I don't think I can dial back our relationship or my feelings but I will try and I will remain fiends with you as long as I can"
THEN the only rule is NO ... (read in full...)
He sent a text that I said I love but then told me he sis sent it?
Q. I got a text from a guy who used to like me or I'm not sure if he still does. But I like him to and I'm not sure if he knows but he might. It said I love you. I asked if he was being forreal and he said that was my sis sorry. Should I believe him?...
A. 6 March 2015: I would not. It could have been his sister trying to make trouble or like Honeypie said it might have been him seeing how you react and "testing the waters"
... (read in full...)
Is having sex on the third date a bad idea? I think he's expecting it!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've met someone who seems like he could potentially be a fantastic match for me- Our first date went on for 12 hours and I barely noticed I was having so much fun. Our second date went just as well. I haven't met anyone in a long...
A. 6 March 2015: If you really like him and want him to see you as more than a casual thing, I would wait.
It's hard with a 2 hour distance but I think in the long run since you are asking that it will be worth it.
are you guys meeting in the middle or is he ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 6 March 2015: Money, Money changes everything.
I am a "trust fund baby" but I was raised and told "NO you don't need that" vs "we can't afford it" This was how my dad handled having money that he did not wish to spend.
It may have been things we reall... (read in full...)
My husband has let himself go, and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hello, My husband and I have been married for a little bit over two years. A year ago, he was diagnosed with a chronic disease. He is supposed to put it into remission a while ago. The problem is he doesn't take care of himself. It's true ...
A. 6 March 2015: Unless his eating and working out has changed since you met him, then it's his illness that's the issue. IF that's the case, then I'm sorry but "in sickness and in health till death do us part" applies here.
IF the weight gain is due to hi... (read in full...)
My bf is NOT good for me. What do I do?
Q. My bf is NOT good for me, at all, and I know I'll be much better off without him in the end but he's gotten into my head so bad that I feel like I can't do any better. He's made me feel like there's numerous women pining for him and how I should be ...
A. 6 March 2015: You are correct NO ONE but you wants him. What a winner he is OP! (end sarcasm)
So what we have to figure out is why you won't leave a man-child you know you should leave, that you WANT to leave but you don't leave.
Is being with this gu... (read in full...)
Do I tell my ex that I slept with 2 guys while we we broken up? I know he'll hold it against me!
Q. My ex and I have now been broken up for a year. He moved to a different state for a job which prompted a lot of arguing between us so we broke it off. We've kept in close contact and although we've both dated multiple people, we've recently admitted ...
A. 6 March 2015: Well he's already shown issues of retroactive jealousy and judgement concerning your prior sex partners. It's not going to change. He is not going to change. IT'S STILL going to be an issue for him.
Not sure why you broke up but if it was an... (read in full...)
My husband blames me for things that I have no control over, he's always mad
Q. I'm not sure what to do here. I've never done this before but I have to talk to someone.... my husband and I have been Together a year. when we were dating things were great but now that we are married not so much. he gets angry alot., like oh ...
A. 6 March 2015: I'm with Cindy. There may have been hope until we go to " he. has gotten mad and hit me before a few times."
OP that's a few times TOO MANY.
There is never an excuse for abuse and it is NEVER your fault.
He is abusive this early on... ... (read in full...)
He doesn't love me but wants to stay friends. Should I?
Q. Hi have been in Relationship for 2years wants to continue friendship but has told me he does not love me .we are both in our early sixties .Do I move on or stay as friends???...
A. 4 March 2015: my dear departed mother always told me "let's be friends" is the kiss of death.
you have been in a relationship. to me that means sex.
IF now he wants to go NO commitment but still have sex I would say NO....
IF he wants to drop dow... (read in full...)
Exhausted from the rollercoaster of emotions. How can I get the strength to leave my boyfriend?
Q. I need to break up with my boyfriend but I can't bring myself to do it. We've been together for years but I'm miserable. He often neglects me and I'm constantly feeling nervous, angry, paranoid and so many other negative emotions. We broke up once ...
A. 4 March 2015: YOU are miserable... what he thinks and feels does not matter.
YOU need to keep the focus on yourself and move forward.
END the misery and go NO contact, then he can't ask you back, and you won't know who he is with, what he is doing or ... (read in full...)
She seemed flirty and interested. Was she never really interested in me?
Q. I was 'seeing' this girl, I met her at a bar one night with some friends. I was very flirty towards her and showed that I was interested in her. I got her number etc and asked to see her most weekends but it came across like she would never ma...
A. 4 March 2015: I think you are over thinking it.
sounds to me (are you female like it says) that she was curious and attempted a bisexual encounter that did not work.
do not put your eggs in this basket.... (read in full...)
Surely if she was as interested as I was, she'd be doing more to keep in contact?
Q. I have no trouble speaking to women, in fact I'm quite a flirt. Intimate encounters aren't hard for me to achieve either, I know how to show a girl a good time. But when it comes to relationships I'm entirely unlucky, having never had more than fle...
A. 4 March 2015: I think she's NOT interested in you the way you are in her.
let it go.... (read in full...)
Can anything really happen if you give up masturbating
Q. I know there's all kinds of mythical things people tell you will happen if you masturbate, but is there anything real that could happen if you don't? I gave it up for Lent and I would love to know....
A. 4 March 2015: OP if you mean me... I would hope you know what a nocturnal emission is. If you masturbate while awake I am hoping that a towel or tissues or even a dirty old sock would be used to contain the ejaculate whereas if you ejaculate while asleep who ... (read in full...)
Is my crush trying to send a message to the other gals at work what is his purpose?
Q. Dear cupid,I have a huge crush on a guy I have been knowing for about 8 months.He stated he is in a relationship but he is not married.We flirt with each other back and forward and I notice the other gals rolling their eyes at me on the sly.Really ...
A. 3 March 2015: It does not matter that you don't call him.
IF you two are flirting outrageously (and I'm an outrageous flirt for the fun of it) and folks do not realize that BOTH of you are playing a game you won't take farther, then I can see why they are... (read in full...)
Can anything really happen if you give up masturbating
Q. I know there's all kinds of mythical things people tell you will happen if you masturbate, but is there anything real that could happen if you don't? I gave it up for Lent and I would love to know....
A. 3 March 2015: you may have to change the sheets more often.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that she may get fired?
Q. I know how crazy this question may sound. Off course I should, right? Only, she’s unable to hear anything bad in general and especially right now. She’s been prolonging her sick leave for over a month (we live in a European country where th...
A. 3 March 2015: NOT your circus NOT your monkeys. Say it with me. LEARN IT.... you have no control over anyone or anything but YOURSELF.
Your friend's mental health is as much an illness as any illness that has a physical cause. I am tired of mental healt... (read in full...)
Does he have a crush on my sister? Should I talk to my friend about this?
Q. I am 17 years old male. My sister is 15 years old and my best friend is 17 years old male. When I was at my best friend's house, I went into his bed room to get something when he was in the bathroom. When he was in the bathroom, I noticed he had a...
A. 3 March 2015: "hey dude why do you have a picture of my sister by your bed?"
how hard is that?... (read in full...)
Problems: Was it the lack of emotional connection? Or the condom? Or that it was my first time?
Q. Hi, I'm a 20 year old gay man and I recently had sex for the first time. I've found that it's really hard for me to stay hard when I use a condom because it feels really uncomfortable on my penis. What should I do? Does anyone else have this i...
A. 3 March 2015: Condoms are important. IF it's uncomfortable it's possible it's too small. Try the Magnum XLs and see if they feel better.... (read in full...)
Why does my bf try to make me feel jealous? He implies that I can't do any better
Q. I've been with my bf for almost 5 years. Things have been so rocky the last month we're hardly communicating. Last night we talked for almost 3 hours, over facebook, about our issues and how we can't seem to make it work. As the conversation wen...
A. 3 March 2015: He is insecure and jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity. HE NEEDS to know that he can be a jerk and you won't leave him.
He is being a jerk. He's testing.
Is he really what you want/need in a partner?
He wants/needs you to sho... (read in full...)
Is this man capable of being faithful? Should I trust him?
Q. I've been with a lovely man for 2 years who has been wonderful to me, including inviting my criminal son to stay with him when he was released from prison. Even when my son stole from him he didn't reject me ( but did quite rightly kick my son out)...
A. 3 March 2015: He's already been unfaithful. IF he defines cheating as putting his penis in another woman, then you have an issue.
Emotional cheating is still cheating. Sexting is still cheating.
he has proved he CAN'T be faithful.
will you EVER trust... (read in full...)
Am I a bad person to feel the need to talk to other men ?
Q. My partner and I have been together for years now but it's always me that puts in effort, including a normal conversation. I get excited to see him after we both work and to share our days with each other but it's always me to ask how was your day? ...
A. 3 March 2015: No you are not bad but you are filling a hole that will never be filled.
You need to either leave the guy that won't talk (since that's who he is and you want him to be something he is not)
or you need to accept that is who he is and stop fill... (read in full...)
My mum is insistent that I move out and get a job.. but I am already doing a beauty course..how do I get her to back off?
Q. I am currently finishing a full time beauty therapy course. I have been looking for jobs, but so far have been unsuccessful. my mum is giving me such a hard time at the moment, phoning me up and calling me a "fucking disgrace" because i havent got a ...
A. 3 March 2015: If you are self-supporting and you live on your own, and own your own home, then your mother has NO SAY in where you live, what you do or who you live with.
Let it go
say to her "you MAY be right" and "I'll think about it" and then ... (read in full...)
Would you cancel your wedding if your family wasn't interested? Is my fiance's suggestion better?
Q. I'm getting married next summer to the love of my life. We have been together almost 3 years and I love him so much. I'm 21 he is 30. I got engaged last year and booked my wedding but my family are so disinterested. My mother and father hate soci...
A. 2 March 2015: OH go elope. it's not the wedding that matters it's the marriage.
my first wedding was a full blown affair... music, dress, bridesmaids the whole thing... yeah two kids and a divorce later i have some pictures no one ever looks at.
bes... (read in full...)
He called me stupid and fat.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship. We've been dating two years, see each other over the weekends and communicate a lot by text. Today, my boyfriend was rude to me over the phone, basically hung up on me for no reason, and then ...
A. 2 March 2015: HIT the key by mistake
There is NEVER any EXCUSE for calling ANYONE STUIPD
as for FAT... even if she is overweight HE said it to hurt her.
and abuse OF ANY KIND is not acceptable... (read in full...)
He called me stupid and fat.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship. We've been dating two years, see each other over the weekends and communicate a lot by text. Today, my boyfriend was rude to me over the phone, basically hung up on me for no reason, and then ...
A. 2 March 2015: To the last male reader.
EVEN if she does not like or know about ANYTHING
there is NEVER any EXCUSE... (read in full...)
College or Surgery? I can only pick one!
Q. To put a long story short, I was once morbidly obese. I've gotten to a *somewhat* healthy weight of 160, but I can't stand my body. I avoid looking in the mirror at my body. Over the past 3 months, I've come to the conclusion that I want to g...
A. 2 March 2015: I have had a full tummy tuck and a mastoxpexy after massive weight loss at an older age.
I then promptly gained a bunch of weight and if I lose it now I will be saggy again.
Let me tell you that the tummy tuck was THE WORST surgical recov... (read in full...)
He is Armenian and I am Chinese, should I bother?
Q. I met a guy, and think I am starting to like him. But the problem is thate we're of different races. I'm Chinese and he's Armenian. I've heard that Armenians are against dating outside their own race. I live in an Asian community and he lives in an ...
A. 27 February 2015: you are both the same race
HUMAN
if you like him as a person and he likes you what is the issue?
or is it that you met him ONCE and you like him and you want to know if he likes you?... (read in full...)
He called me stupid and fat.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship. We've been dating two years, see each other over the weekends and communicate a lot by text. Today, my boyfriend was rude to me over the phone, basically hung up on me for no reason, and then ...
A. 27 February 2015: His being "under stress" is not an excuse for his abusive behavior.
And he is being abusive.
you have to set the boundaries. I'm working on this now.
My husband calls me "bitch" all the time when he's angry.
I have said to him... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mother doesn't make food available for him
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I are both 22 years old, we just finished university and have been looking for jobs. I managed to finally find one however my boyfriend is still looking and trying to find one. The problem is, I'm unsure of how to...
A. 27 February 2015: So if you feel the 14 yr old CHILD is being mistreated why have you not reported the abusive mother to child protective services?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mother doesn't make food available for him
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I are both 22 years old, we just finished university and have been looking for jobs. I managed to finally find one however my boyfriend is still looking and trying to find one. The problem is, I'm unsure of how to...
A. 27 February 2015: Is he paying room and board to his mom? If not at 22 he's got it good.
AT 21 I was running my own household.
if he has eggs he has protein
if he has cheese he has protein
if he has porriage (oatmeal I guess) that's an awesome food and y... (read in full...)
I broke it off with him and wonder if my feelings of anger are normal
Q. Hi, I would really appreciate some reassurance about the stage I'm at in ending a relationship. Please don't judge me, it's honestly been very hard. I became physically ill due to the stress of living with a binge drinker. I was with him for nea...
A. 26 February 2015: HI hugs to you.
My husband is a newly sober (51 days today) alcoholic and what has saved both of us is his going to Alcoholics Anonymous and I go to Al-Anon.
The people in Al-anon are friends and family members of alcoholics or addicts. Th... (read in full...)
Bondage and bringing it up to my partner?
Q. hello i always fantasized about bondage sex and now since i watched the 50 shades of grey movie it made me want it even more. how can i bring this subject to my partner? thank u ...
A. 26 February 2015: has he ever held your hands down while being on top?
if not ask him to do that... just put your arms above your head and lay on your back and let him be on top and hold your arms.
see how that feels... you may find that you don't like the l... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are going to try swinging, will it work?
Q. My boyfriend and I have decided that are both going to try swinging, or whatever works for us. Not often, but sometimes .. maybe a few times a year if even. Anyway, we broke up last year for two months (something totally unrelated). Duri...
A. 25 February 2015: FWIW I have NO REGRETS on my swinging life style.
My then spouse was looking for a reason to leave.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are going to try swinging, will it work?
Q. My boyfriend and I have decided that are both going to try swinging, or whatever works for us. Not often, but sometimes .. maybe a few times a year if even. Anyway, we broke up last year for two months (something totally unrelated). Duri...
A. 25 February 2015: swinging only works if
a. both people are on the same page
b. they both adhere to any and all rules the couple sets up for themselves (no kissing is one common rule)
c. the relationship is already stron
d. neither partner has insecurity o... (read in full...)
Week of partying while telling me he's done with it all.
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles ... Would anyone be ok with their 47 year old boyfriend of 3 Years going out 6 nights in one week. One night was with me, another was at a local pool hall , other nights were clubs. 2 of those nights were 6AM nights ! I ange...
A. 25 February 2015: if he's drinking I strongly urge you to find Al-anon whether he sobers up or not.
he's blaming your for his bad behavior. DO NOT accept that.
learn to detach from him totally. check out
Al-anon... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are going to try swinging, will it work?
Q. My boyfriend and I have decided that are both going to try swinging, or whatever works for us. Not often, but sometimes .. maybe a few times a year if even. Anyway, we broke up last year for two months (something totally unrelated). Duri...
A. 25 February 2015: you won't know if you are bisexual until you have an intimate relationship with a woman and see if you like it.
right now you are bi-curious.
I was a swinger. It ruined my last marriage.
I am a bisexual woman who is currently monogamously m... (read in full...)
Man I started talking to online won't stop sexting me! Opinions?
Q. Right, hi everyone. :) So I'm hoping to throw this out there and see if I'm overreacting. The other day I started chatting with a guy online and we seemed to hit it off. We exchanged numbers and the next day we decided - quite spontaneously...
A. 25 February 2015: he is a loser ignore him.... (read in full...)
This man doesn't want to deal with his child!
Q. I have been knowing this guy for 17 plus years and all we do is have sex argue and then be ask for money. well we lost touch for a couple of years because he went to jail. i took it upon myself to contact him while he was in jail. i even started ...
A. 25 February 2015: get an attorney and file for child support. Hook your son up with the Big Brothers so he has a positive male influence in his life and write the sperm donor off as a loss.... (read in full...)
I found lip gloss in his car and I suspect he is cheating. Should I end it?
Q. I had a dream where my boyfriend told me "I'll always be your friend" and it was basically a break up. Lately, things have felt different and I do suspect another woman is in the picture. His behavior has changed and I found lipgloss in his car he ...
A. 24 February 2015: The dream is your subconscious telling you to listen to your gut
the lip gloss alone means NOTHING
but the hiding of the phone
the traveling an hour
and other things... yep
give the man his walking papers.
easiest thing to do..... (read in full...)
What sexual skills do men look for in a woman?
Q. Hello, all! You know how they say curiosity kills the cat? Well,I'm afraid I'm the cat in this situation. One of the recent topics on this forum really got me thinking:http://www.dearcupid.or...
A. 24 February 2015: other than being a goddess on your knees so to speak I agree with C. Grant. It's the brain that is our most sexual organ. ... (read in full...)
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