A
female
age
22-25,
*neDirection2000
writes:My mom likes to wear skimpy bikinis to the beach!Ok so this has been going on my whole life but now that I'm beginning to mature it's starting to matter to me. My mom wear's the smallest bikinis in the world it seems even when we are going as a family. She wears a really small top and usually thong bottoms. Now that I'm older I'm realizing all of the guys at the beach checking her out and it's kind of embarrassing that my mom is the hot thing on the beach. My mom is tan, beautiful, and curvy but it seems like she is trying to flaunt her stuff whenever we are out in public together. Do you know why she's being an attention whore? How i can get her to stop? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): Your mom embarrasses you. I get that. That's often what parents do to teens, inadvertently or not. I would be mortified in your case too.
But, you should be happy if she is an otherwise good mom. In the big scheme of things this is a pretty minor complaint.
I remember when I was a teen, a friend's mom was driving me home. I had kissed his sister. I guess the mom heard about it and thought I was a good catch, coz she said to me, "If you want to get to second base with my daughter this is what you have to do..."
Can you imagine how embarrassed/upset that daughter must have been if the mom told her about her 'help'!?
A
female
reader, 0livia  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Hey cindy:)I'm anonymous. I couldn't log in at first but felt so compelled to post advice that my impatience got the better of me.I am too a mother of 2 and I also receive attention but I don't place and value on that like I do respect. Some people just don't need attention.The OP has posted looking for advice as this is a website where you ask for advice, not to be told what to do. I would be frustrated voicing my problem hoping for an understanding ear (or eye) but yet being told off for something I had written in the heat of the moment.OP is very young but is intelligent enough to articulate her feelings and describe a situation in her life so that total strangers can see what is going on. I think she is deliberate with her words and says what she means and means what she says. That's why imo I would rather OP tell total strangers that don't know her or her mother than to tell her mum directly and cause a fight or worse yet, hurt her mums feelings...
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Anon female of Feb.24 th, I have to thank you for surprising me. It's very seldom I get surprised ,by now, by anything I read on DC, but your statements did surprise me.
So do you REALLY believe that it is ok to call your mom ... " anything you want " ? For instance a whore ?! ( even if just an attention whore )? And that the fact of being chicken and not daring to slag her off in her face , but just slagging her off to total strangers, makes it any better ?...
What can I say- I beg to differ. It's not ok to call your own mom names . First , because if you want to get respect , you have to give respect first. I don't think it would go down that well if the OP should go to her mom , all judgemental as she sounds in her post, telling her " hey you attention -seeking whore , why don't you stop wiggling your skanky ass in front of young males, you old dishrag - at all of 40, maybe even 35 ...you have no right to enjoy being attractive and a sexual being, you are a mother and GOOD mothers wear muu-muus; while bad , attention seeking whores wear skimpy bikinis ".
That would sort of freeze the convo and the possibility of an explanation or a compromise , I guess. Why I , the mother, should respect and consider the feelings and sensitivity of my teen daughter, and find a way to enjoy the the beach and take pride in my great body, while still respecting my daughter's frailties and vulnerabilities ? I would not do that for a girl who does not respect me and calls me a whore , ( or, demurely, a you-know-what ) on a public forum.
Then... it's just not on. It's just not done. Heck I had a friend whose mother WAS a real, professional whore when my friend was a child, and even SHE did not call her mom a whore !
Hypocrisy ? Respect ? Boundaries ? Tradition ?
Call it the way you want, but no, in a civil society 13 y.o.kids ( nor adults, as for that )do NOT call their mother derogatory names. She is always the lady who put you in this world, fed you, raised you and made sure that you could arrive, more or less safely, but anyway ALIVE, ...to the present age of being old enough for feeling a bit resentful, jealous and competitive toward her, the older,more powerful female of the pack- pardon, house :).
Just by thar, she earned the courtesy from you to NOT call her derogatory names, either in her face or behind her back- no matter if said back is scantily clad.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): Op I am going through the same thing with my mum so I can empathise:) I don't know why posters are telling you what to do? You can call your mum whatever you want. I mean, its not like she knows you think she's an attention seeker. So, you get to vent on here and she doesn't get offended - everyone's happy. Freedom of speech, people.My advice to you is to stay away from her as much as you can tbh. Negative thoughts of any nature isn't good for you. You cant change your mum but you control your thoughts, your direct environment and the people that you interact with.You know shes a bad role model and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so limiting mum-daughter time won't be a loss to you but it will be to her. This method could give you an opportunity to speak with mum about this problem. Once she realises that things aren't the same and wants to know why, you can then discuss the situation and tell her how you feel. Hopefully she understands and makes the minor adjustments needed.It's a tough one for you because your her dependant. So there's no running from her lol
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2015):
 Sorry OP I did not see your follow up
"why would she want to be wanted by men half her age?"
if you don't understand that yet, it's because you are not mature enough to be honest.
how would you feel if an 18 yr old boy thought you were hot and wanted to get to know you? That's how the young men make your mom feel....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2015):
“beginning to mature” yes you are BEGINNING to mature One Direction2000 but you are nowhere near an adult yet.
“going as a family” everyone is assuming that mom is single… is there a partner for mom ? (a dad or step dad facsimile?) if so what does HE/She think? ARE THEY UPSET?
“all of the guys at the beach checking her out” GOOD FOR MOM. She’s young and attractive. She’s a mom she’s not dead. She likes the attention. IF she is single then she is the only one that matters on this. IF she is partnered then as long as her partner does not mind, I see nothing wrong about this. WHY do the guys on the beach checking her out bother you so much?
“it’s kind of embarrassing that my mom is the hot thing on the beach” WHY is that embarrassing? What about it bothers you? The fact that your mom is a sexual being? Where do you think YOU came from?
She is NOT being an attention whore. She is being a normal natural woman. When we are attractive we want to flaunt it. GOOD for her. It could be worse she could be 20 pounds overweight in the same thong bikini.
Remember honey those are YOUR genes and when you are her age you can do the same thing to your daughter and laugh about how you KNOW your daughter feels when you are the “attention whore”
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 February 2015):
 Your mom is wearing bikinis to the beach in this weather? On the East Coast of the US then she need to see a neurologist! It's FREEZING here. As in ARCTIC cold.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 Anon before me, I don't think the responses were harsh - the ones I've read, at least - but I would say that the OP needs to let her mum live her life the way she wants, regardless of how awkward this is for her child to see. She's her mum first, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed (as a single woman) to be admired by men.
OP, you have to ask yourself: is she a good mum? If she is, you should really accept that women don't usually feel sexy after having children, especially if they are single mums - so this is her way of getting attention for being beautiful, to remind herself that men will still find her attractive.
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do; it's understandable, but it's not fair on your mum.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): I feel like everybody is being so harsh on the op. She just doesn't want her mom to act like or be seen like a sex object by all these strange men. And judging by the replies to her post, unless you have ever had to deal with something like this, it is hard to understand where she is coming from.
The op is in the 13-15 age range. At this age, it's not like kids have the most extensive vocabulary nor are at the height of maturity. She is still very young and is expressing herself the best way she knows how.
She is not complaining that her mom is attractive. She is just uncomfortable about the fact that her mom dresses in a revealing way to draw attention to herself from men. Kids don't want to see that.
She doesn't care if her mom wears a two piece bathing suit. But wearing a thong screams, "look at my ass boys!" And kids do not want to see their mom be looked at in that way by perfect strangers. It is extremely awkward and it is embarrassing. I don't think she would care if her mom did that, away from her children, when she is out with her girlfriends. Or in front of her husband. But when she is with her children, add to that that she is single, she just doesn't want to see her mom in that light. Creepy men she doesn't even know staring at her mom like she is a piece of meat because her mom dresses in a overly sexualized, revealing way.
I totally sympathize with you.
Just talk to her. If she is cool, she will understand and will tone it down. Mom's don't want to disappoint their children. She'll probably think that you are being protective of her and find it charming.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): You do know as well as being your mother she is a women too!!
If she has the confidence and looks to wear skimpy binkini's good on her. Remember it her holiday too and I doubt you have had such a bad life when your mother is taking you on beach holidays.
You will be a mother one day and you will see for youraelf, yes your children come first but there are times where you want to be a women too. Leave her alone, I would never use words like that to describe my mother, remember that is the women who gave birth too you, brought you up, at least remember to show her some respect.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): That is such a horrible word.
Especially to use about your mother who loves you very much.
She'd be really sad to hear you speak like that about her.
How would you like it if she talked about you in that tone?
Respect others as you would like them to respect you. The world is a much kinder place that way. There is no need to be horrible to others.
It's fine if you don't like her bikini. That's your prerogative. But do no be nasty.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): If she is single with a child then many men will stay away from her because of the child so she tries to compensate that weakness by flaunting her hot body hoping the flaunting can woo in a man.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 February 2015):
 She isn't a whore. She's not doing anything wrong! You're just feeling "oogy" for the same reason kids feel all uncomfortable when they hear their parents having sex in the next room.
Your mom is a woman. She is wearing the bikini at the beach, which is completely appropriate. She isn't selling her body for drugs or running around wearing a bikini in your school or trying to steal your boyfriends away, is she?
Guys check her out because she is HOT. Someday, age will change that fact, as it does to all of us eventually.
You're at the age where kids get embarrassed by stupid stuff about their parents. My son got embarrassed about two years ago when I tousled his hair and kissed his forehead in public at a shopping mall, when in the past, he and I would have a blast! I got really sad when that happened, because it was like saying goodbye to his childhood. I didn't show him that though - I just said "OKay. Only at home."
You're becoming self-aware, and it's a normal thing to become hyper-embarrassed about your parents, from what they do for a living, to what they wear, to their quirks, to the type of affection they show you in public, etc. But you cross a line when you call her a whore or "attention whore"...that's not cool at all. She's not having sex in public. She's wearing a bathing suit near water, and people notice.
You must respect the many facets your mom is. "Mother" isn't the only one. She is not asexual. Give her understanding and kindness and patience, just like you're gonna need the same from her...boy are you gonna need it. You wouldn't want her to start calling you a whore the first time you have sex with a guy in a few years, would you?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): I wouldn't like that either. I agree with your sentiment op. It's one thing if she is out with her girlfriends then she can let loose. But kids don't want to see certain things and don't want to see their parents behaving certain ways. I myself have a mom who was attractive and flirty, a bit too much. And me and my sister didn't like it. It's not that we wanted a frumpy mom it is just that she was so overly concerned with her looks and her friends and men's opinion of her. And all we wanted was a mom to take just as much interest in us. Just be a mom. Bake cookies with us and do mom things. And not worry so much about how she looks and who is noticing her.But all we ever saw was her always flirting and drawing attention to herself. I don't know, just tell her. Just say, mom, you wear skimpy bathing suits and all these guys are staring at you and it is so awkward and it bothers me. Cause you are my mom, not a sex object. And it makes me super uncomfortable.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): I have to disagree with others here. And I perfectly understand OP. It doesn't matter what age her mom is it is embarrassing for children see their parents even remotely have any connection with sexual part of their lives. The mother on this case is dressing very provocatively wearing the tiniest biking practically naked, of course she attracts glances from guys, and it embarrasss OP. As a mother she needs to have her limits on how to dress when her daughter is around. I don't dress even remotely as open, but I some of my clothes are open in front and show more chest than my daughter likes. I respect her wishes and don't wear that particular clothes in front of her. To answer your question why she wants to attract the attention of younger guys is because it's pleasant and flattering, but she deffinitely wouldn't do it in front of you. Tell her how you feel, but be nice about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2015):
 You mom isn't a "you know" (as you put it) She just ISN'T an old frump either.
If she has the body, why hate? If she IS OK with flaunting her body, why hate?
You would rather she stays at home and hides herself from life? Or maybe wear a mu-mu so no one can see that she is STILL rocking it?
If you can't handle it, avoid going to the beach with her.
Honestly though, you are trying to SHAME your mother for LIKING her own body. And THAT, my dear, is ridiculous. YOUR mom is SHOWING you, that LOVING YOURSELF is the WAY to go. No matter the age.
I know at your age you might be uncomfortable thinking of your mom as a SEXUAL being, but SHE is one.
All I can say, is .... GET over it and take your mother's lesson to heart. LOVE YOURSELF!
I have 3 daughter, I take them to the beach in summer (however I do wear a more modest swimsuit then your mom's itty bitty bikini, but that is because I'm comfortable with THAT swimsuit, and I don't really feel a need to flaunt what I got.) I have no intentions of staying home or hiding myself in a mu-mu (if you don't know what a mu-mu is, it's a sorta tent dress that covers you from neck to feet)
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (21 February 2015):
I'm closer to your age than hers but, when you're her age, have kids and end up single parenting (hopefully, you won't have to), you'll realise why she appreciates the attention - just like you probably will in a few years, when slightly older men find you attractive; it'll make you feel womanly and mature.
It's awkward and cringe-worthy for you, I get that, but let her do it in peace; if she's a good mum, she deserves to feel appreciated by her kids and men, even if the men are young adults.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015): You don't mention if your mom is a single-mom; or if she is married. Does it seem to bother your dad, if she is?
You are getting older and forming your own values and opinions. Your mother is a grown-woman, and what she likes to do is really her right to do so. Whether you like it or not.
If it really bothers you; and makes you feel totally embarrassed, tell her! If you've never said anything about it, she doesn't know it bothers you. If all you do about it is get snarky and moody, she wouldn't know. If she knew; maybe she might tone it down. But then again, she's the mom and she can totally ignore you. Like you will when you get just a little older in your teens, and start to think you know everything. I'm just saying!
My experience with tweens and teens is, everything their parents do embarrasses them. The way they talk, walk, dance, and look. You have your mother's genes, and it is likely you'll have the same curves, beauty, and all. Even if she was all covered up, guys will still notice.
I think it's only in your teenage-mind, that she's being an "attention-whore."
Don't be a hater!!! SHE'S YOUR MOTHER!!!
Your mean little teenage-hormones are turning you ugly against your own mom. She's lucky to be pretty and curvy, and it probably took a lot for her to love herself since she went through puberty, and going through her awkward teens. She probably has to put up with a lot of glares from jealous women, gross old-men gawking, and criticism like yours. So, if she takes a little pride in her curves, GOOD FOR HER!!!
Now remember, she is an adult. She can wear whatever she pleases. You only get one mom. If she is enjoying attention, look at it in a positive way. Many women who write DearCupid hate how they look, or let other people make them feel bad about themselves. It hurts more when the negative-criticism comes from the people they love.
You are lucky, you have a mom who is proud of who she is.
Just let her know that the tiny bikinis embarrass you, and you don't like it when guys gawk at her. That is understandable.
I do understand how you feel, but don't shoot her down when you tell her how you feel. Be kind. Remember she's your mom; so show you care about her feelings, and be respectful. Watch the words you use, when referring to your mother.
She'd have every right to take away your smartphone and ipad privileges, if she sees what you wrote about her!
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 February 2015):
 Just out of interest OP, at what age do you feel that women should no longer wear bikinis to the beach?
From your age I suspect your mother is still only mid 30's in age, which is really still very young and the prime of her life!
I suspect that you are just reaching the age where you are now becoming aware of sex, attractiveness and the attention of men, and you feel that your mother shouldn't be flaunting herself. It is perfectly normal to feel embarrassed by your parents - we all were as teenagers, but you also have to realise that she is still a woman, and life doesn't end when you have a teenager.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (20 February 2015):
Dear OP,
You are just going through puberty, so it might last years until you feel really comfortable with your body.
One of the advantages of being older is that you have more self-confidence. I think your mother has that and she knows how to get attention.
You can't stop your mother, really. Maybe she's flaunting her stuff a little too much, but maybe you're also overly sensitive to that, because she is your mother. She is a woman too, who longs to be attractive. Maybe she's missing that feeling elsewhere in her life. But there's nothing you can or should do about it. It's not your job.
In a few years, you'll have a very different life. You'll go to the beach with your friends, and you'll enjoy the attention of men, too. Since you're your mothers' daughter, chances are that you'll be the next "hot thing", so just let your mother be free and wait for your time to shine.
...............................
A
female
reader, OneDirection2000 +, writes (20 February 2015):
OneDirection2000 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah she's single but that shouldn't give her the right to be a "you know". Don't want to say that word again. It's hard to ignore her when she's parading in that thing. Why would she want to feel wanted by men who are half her age?
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (20 February 2015):
Don't call your mum an "attention wh*re"; it's rude and unfair - regardless of how she is on the beach.
Why shouldn't she show off? I'm not saying it's appropriate to wear around your children, but you can't change it and, depending on her age, she may just want to feel wanted by men - assuming she's a single mother?
I know it's uncomfortable to see, but I think you should let it go and ignore it :)
...............................
|
