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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 20 February 2015: I agree with you Cindy... male anon does not get that what makes him average and unattractive and unable to get laid is his hatred of women in general. his total disdain for them as people...
... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Dear Geeky Chubby Male Virgin,
Hang in there... you are just my type... do you play board games... I bet you can find a woman at a board game convention... that's how I met my husband.
check out the World Boardgaming championship... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Finally something I can comment on:
to anon male who said:
"It ended up being no future, no strings, expectations, just some fun to make you feel sexy again?"
it didn't END up being NO future... it started out as no strings, no expectations... (read in full...)
Young male, older female, advice for breaking news of relationship to her kids
Q. Hey! I'll get right to it... I'm in a relationship with a woman in her 50s and im in my 20s (male). I started it since i fell in love with who she is after knowing her for a few years and the love is mutual. I just need advice on how to tell...
A. 18 February 2015: I'm 13 years older than my husband. He's closer in age to my older son than he is to me.
I get where you are at. I worry about your GF... she may not be in it until "something better comes along" which is what i get from your replies.
I can... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 15 February 2015: Not at all.... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Faking Orgasm's!
Q. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking orgasm's! We have been together for just over a year and I have never faked an orgasm with him. I don't even think I would be very good at faking one! First of all, why does he think that? My downstairs tenses and ...
A. 13 February 2015: ya know i could write a whole essay much like the one YouWish wrote but she's so good at it, I'll offer a different approach.
stop taking it personally. when he accuses you of faking it just smile and say "yes dear whatever you say" and if... (read in full...)
I let myself go and am not quite sure how to get myself back together?
Q. I just turned 21 and I've seriously let myself go. Basically I was abused and it got really bad when I was 17. The person is no longer able to hurt me and I've been to counselling but I sort of regressed into a frightened shell of a person and ...
A. 13 February 2015: you will NOT be judged... that's not what doctors do..
print out this question and give it to the doctor and say "please help me I'm fragile and need help"
how can they say 8 sessions and out you go? can you find online support???
... (read in full...)
Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend?
Q. Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend? I know a man from work and have became good friends with him over the past few months, he has also helped me out around the house. I have just moved into my first house myself, he helps ...
A. 13 February 2015: Are you friends with his wife? Does she know where he is when he's with you fixing your things.
It's possible he's just a good guy...
But if he is friends with you and his wife is not mentioned and she does not know where he is or abou... (read in full...)
I'm scared friends and people will see me differently after I tell them I'm bisexual!
Q. I'm bisexual, and I have a girlfriend, and no one really knows. I feel like I want to tell my friends and people, but I'm so scared that they will see me differently after I tell them. Any help on what I should do? I'm so confused....
A. 13 February 2015: Would you feel the need to tell all your family and friends you were purely heterosexual? I don't think so. So why do you feel the need to announce to the world what your private sexual feelings are?
I am bisexual. Of course back when... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is impatient and short with me
Q. My boyfriend of a year has a father that treats his mother really badly. For that reason I have been mindful of how he treats me. When he gets stressed he raises his voice which to me happens every other week. He's very conscious of this and said ...
A. 13 February 2015: I don't think he's abusive.
I do think he has issues that stem from what he learned as a child about how people interface and that is going to be very difficult to break especially since he has done it his whole life and i will assume he is... (read in full...)
I've lost respect for my friend who's standards are, I find, different to mine. How should I respond to her revelations?
Q. okay this is my first question on here so we'll see how this goes. Okay, a night ago my friend was seeking advice on which guy she should date and how they were giving her mixed signals. (She trying to decide between one guy who is in it for sex but ...
A. 12 February 2015: And she may find you repressed and hung up but she is still your friend.
You do not have to be friends with her. IN fact, if you can't be friends with her without judging her choices then maybe it's better that you let the friendship d... (read in full...)
I cry everyday and want to be happy again!
Q. I don't know what to do anymore. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years now. He is 25 and I am 26. Our relationship was long-distance for about eight months before he moved across the country to be with me. Everything about...
A. 12 February 2015: So he's lied to you
He's cheated on you
He makes you cry daily and yet you "love this guy"
really?
what about him do you love? the fact that he can lie to you?
the fact that he infected you with HERPES which is a life long issue no... (read in full...)
I want to forgive my mother, I know she will never change and I don't want to!
Q. My mother is a workaholic. She always has been, my whole life. She's fond of saying how she went back to work the day after she and I came home from the hospital after I was born. She says she works so hard so that we can have a nice life but I ...
A. 12 February 2015: I would strongly suggest you find a good therapist and work through the issues that are causing you make bad choices and use your body to find love (that's not love btw that's sex)
It is perfectly acceptable to end a relationship with a blood... (read in full...)
She insisted on condoms but should I still get checked out?
Q. I had a fling with a girl ssix months ago, and we only had sex three times. We always used a condom, she was very insistent on this and even had them with her. Lately ive learned she has a bad reputation and has slept with a lot of people. I am ...
A. 12 February 2015: Yep I agree that anyone who is sexually active and not monogamous should be getting regular STD testing.
My doctor did it every 6 months for me until I was in a monogamous relationship for a year.
... (read in full...)
Should I start dressing like a frumpy mom?
Q. So, I am almost 35 and "look 18", according to my husband (and all the men at the office, ew). I apparently have an "innocent look", despite the fact that I wear makeup and don't go with the trends, I have my own distinct style. Thanks to my genes, ...
A. 10 February 2015: AT 35 I had your "problem" I had two sons at a very young age and people assumed I was the baby sitter.
Trust me in a few years this issue will probably vanish for you.
I have one friend, she is 54 yrs old and looks 30 something. It's inc... (read in full...)
Why are people so disapproving of age gap relationships?
Q. Never been in one myself but I can't understand why society is so disapproving of relationships with a big age gap. We can accept interracial couples, even same sex couples now, but not ones where a man and woman are two different ages?? There's n...
A. 10 February 2015: As the older partner in an age gap, I don't feel the things from society you seem to think are out there.
Age gaps where both partners are over 21 are fine.
The ones where a partner is under 18 and the other is not even if the gap is 2 yea... (read in full...)
I feel like his sex toy, not a girlfriend
Q. I have been dating someone but he keeps lying to me an making false promises to take me out but makes excuses as to why he cant keep promises an he only sees me on a night time but not through the day an he says he has to look after his son whos 11, ...
A. 10 February 2015: yes he is lying. that's what you NEED to hear.
He is USING your BODY and you are permitting it.
IF you want to know where he stands refuse to have sex with him now till he takes you out to dinner.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says that I have betrayed his trust because of a message on my social media
Q. I have been with my boyfriend over 3 years(I'm 29, he's 31) I work in health care and watch a client of mine at his house to make some extra cash. A man who lives at the house with the client and is around my age, we have developed a platonic ...
A. 10 February 2015: best suggestion... let the boyfriend meet the young man at the home where you work. Let them become friends.
and be transparent with your friendships. BF should have known about the young man, and if he did then it would have made sense f... (read in full...)
Six year age difference, different religions, oh and I have children and don't really want more.. I want some insight from men here!
Q. I am a 35 year old woman with 2 younger children. I met a man who is 29. He has never been married and has no children. I think he is interested in taking it a step further and wants children. He also says that he loves kids (maybe insinuating he ...
A. 9 February 2015: The wanting kids will be a deal breaker. It was for every younger man I was ever with but the current husband. He never wanted kids. I had my kids a long time ago and was long done with babies so it worked out well.
I once had a guy say to... (read in full...)
What can I do? He wants to still see me, but he doesn’t want to tell
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a year we were wonderful together... But things started getting crazy. We broke up three months ago but still we were living together. He started talking to this girl and ended things completely with m...
A. 9 February 2015: you are the spare in case the new girl does not work out.
you will never be the ONE for him. He will ALWAYS leave you for the "better one"
it's better that you find a place to live, give him back his trailer/camper and go NO CONTACT with h... (read in full...)
Does he really care enough after our 6 years together? Is it time to consider an ultimatum?
Q. Im in my mid twenties and I am seriously dating this guy for 5 going on 6 years. We have been dating only each other, no one else. We are both from the same area in the same state. We did our first two years living in different cities two hours...
A. 9 February 2015: You don't need a ring to get engaged or married
or a wedding.
you need two willing people
a court house and a marriage license.
Actions speak louder than words you are correct.
You two have different time tables and that's not going to ... (read in full...)
I asked him out but still no plans!
Q. Ok...there's this guy at work whom I really like; I like him more than just wanting to have sex with him-just had to put that out there. Anyways, for a couple months, there's been alot of back and forth flirting, so a few weeks ago, I got bold ...
A. 9 February 2015: Sounds to me like he's just a good work buddy and is not interested in progressing any farther than flirtations at work.
He knows your interested... let it go and don't wait for him to ask... just know that some folks just like the whole flirtati... (read in full...)
OK, what about foreplay on men?
Q. This is a question mainly for the guys, and is something I've wondered about for ages. During foreplay, men have so many choices as to where to touch/kiss/lick a woman, there are so many erogenous zones.. instep of feet, thighs, waist and stomac...
A. 9 February 2015: Some men like to be teased... some do not.
I have had men love to have their nipples played with, some could care less and my current husband can't stand to have them touched at all...
every spot on a man that is on a woman is fair game for... (read in full...)
Had a fling with a guy from work who's separated from his wife. We broke up. How do I now keep my distance from him?
Q. I recently had a fling with a guy that I work with. I knew it was just about sex, and it didn't bother me at first. He had just split up from his wife of four years and I hadn't been with anyone for over a year, and one drunken night, we slept to...
A. 9 February 2015: The big deal is because he is legally married and you can be named in the divorce proceedings and he can loose his house, his savings, and his kids.
yes it's very hard when they are emotionally done with the marriage but he's not done with it... (read in full...)
"What kind of words I can use to tell a girl face to face "in a seductive way" that I wanna date her?
Q. Hi guys! My name's Jimmy, I'm 37 and I'm still single. I had a little number of girlfriends (about 4) and all of them were from out of my city. I'm a very good lover (good in the sack! lol) and they love that! I' a gentleman, I know how to express ...
A. 7 February 2015: so going on facebook and friending a woman who does not know her and telling her "you're beautiful" is not working for you?
i can see why.
If you are seductive.. that means you want to seduce and you are thinking about sex.
do you want ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is too rough during cuddles
Q. Hi everyone. My boyfriend isn't violent at all and he loves me very much, but when we go on our bed to cuddle and stuff, he's really really rough. He always squeezes me, pulls on me, pinches me and stuff and it really hurts. I've told him to stop ...
A. 7 February 2015: I agree that you need to get up out of the bed the very first time he is too rough.
He pinches you get up put on your robe and say "session is over you can't comply with my needs' we can try again in 24 hours.
then walk out of the room and ... (read in full...)
In love with two men for 25 years...Help, what would you do?
Q. Just wanted to know if anyone else has been in love with two people for over 25 years and they both love you back? I am married to same man for over 20 years and love him greatly...dated in high school, got married, had family. However, during this ...
A. 7 February 2015: POLY-AMORY is what you want.
you want hubby and you want the other guy as your second.
simple... just get both of them to sign on for sharing you...
no? that won't work? yeah didn't work for me either.
I ended up marrying the b... (read in full...)
What to do when there are mutual feelings of trust and attraction......but he's married?
Q. I can not believe, me of all people, would have this sort of dilemma, but here goes... I work with this guy, and he's like the male version of me. I could sit here and talk him up, but I'll spare my readers. I like him wayyy more than I should, ...
A. 6 February 2015: I have to agree this sounds somewhat like it might be more blown up in your brain than in reality.
I am not saying he does not like you. I am not suggesting he does not flirt with you. But is it remotely possible he's just a very friendly... (read in full...)
Was he turned off or did he not like my text?
Q. B.f. and I haven't been able to have much sex lately due to living situations. Today we texted how we wanted to be alone together somewhere and how he wanted to pleasure me. ..I then said come give it to me. He then sent me a dirty text saying he ...
A. 6 February 2015: maybe he hasn't gotten it yet..
texts are piggy backed on other data packets on the network so they sometimes get lost or dropped
I once sent my husband an email in AUGUST. Since we don't use texting for important stuff the fact that he did... (read in full...)
Why does my ex want to hold on to me he has a woman?
Q. Dear cupid,my ex and I broke up years ago we talk from time to time now he has a woman but he wants to say in conversation with me I told him we have nothing to talk about.He told me he wants to to keep in contact just in case his relationship falls ...
A. 6 February 2015: What you do is cut all contact with him. You yourself can see clearly why he's an ex... why bother to have any contact at all with him?
Why do people think that they have to be friends or friendly with an ex partner? You don't. Choosing to ... (read in full...)
His relationship isnt going well. Do I tell ex how I feel or wait?
Q. I broke up with my ex boyfriend (around 3 years ago), he tried to get back with me for ages but I was adamant I wanted to move on...Hes now been with his current girlfriend for around 2 years, and they live together. I realised last year I still lo...
A. 6 February 2015: I would not only NOT tell him, since you have unresolved feelings for him I would strongly urge you to go NO CONTACT with him for both your sake and so not to muddy the waters of his current relationship.
IF things are going bad in his current ... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex will not allow their children to be in our wedding
Q. Dear all Following a previous post, again I need some advice on dealing with a highly sensitive issue regarding my future lovely step children. We are getting married this year and they are supposed to be my flower girl and usher to which t...
A. 6 February 2015: if he has visitation with his children or partial custody and she's just being evil about this one day then your fiance needs to contact his attorney and let the courts handle it.
... (read in full...)
Walking on egg shells. Am I falling out of love with my husband?
Q. I have been married to my husband for almost 13 years. He is generally a good man but he is not easy to live with. All along he has had problems with light substance abuse, anxiety, anger management issues, borderline personality disorder (which i...
A. 6 February 2015: I sound like a broken record here lately OP. But in this case I think that the very best thing for you to do is find AL-anon.
you speak of learning detachment. they can help you learn to detach with love from your husband and yet support ... (read in full...)
Is he flirting with his ex? I do really love him
Q. I have a boyfriend who is three years older than me, I'm 18. He has two kids aged 3 and 4, both from different mothers. We have been together for over six months and I have been introduced to the children. I have bonded a lot more with the fo...
A. 6 February 2015: What Honeypie said.
1. a man of 21 has two children a year apart in age with two different women... so it's probable that he was having intimate relationships with both the moms AT THE SAME TIME
the fact that at 6 months in he has had you me... (read in full...)
I love him and I'm helping him with health issues, but is there someone else? What should I do?
Q. I have been staying with my boyfriend for 5weeks since he was diagnosed of high sugar level, just cos I thought he need me to choose the right foods and psychologically. So far, the improvement has been so wonderful. I started noticing some sha...
A. 6 February 2015: "I NEED him to see me very important" NO you don't NEED him to do anything.
You are care-taking and being rather co-dependent with this man.
In addition it is NOT your responsibility to make sure he eats well and takes his medications.. th... (read in full...)
Why does my LDR boyfriend talk to strangers about his fetishes?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I find it strange that he talks openly about his fetishes with people, especially strangers. Yesterday he mentioned something about a girl he met online offering to buy him a shirt related ...
A. 5 February 2015: he may just have lousy boundaries. I think your idea of saying to him "how would you feel if I was texting my sexual desires to some guy I met online?" and see what he says.... (read in full...)
How do I handle this toxic friend of his? She is also an ex of his!
Q. I recently met a man and we fell deeply in love. He is everything, I ever dreamed of and more. My boyfriend has a lot of friends from highschool and they are big party animals. Included in this group is an ex girlfriend. My boyfriend says there has ...
A. 5 February 2015: I really am shocked that you are my age and acting like you are 16...
IF you do not like this woman, you don't like her. that's your choice.
IF you want to give your boyfriend the "her or me" ultimatum I fear you will lose. I had friends wh... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of my partner being in touch with her ex-partner's child!
Q. hi im a gay woman in my 30s and my partner in her 40s. i am really happy with her and she always says she loves me and is happy too. one thing though but i cant ever let my g.friend know this, i get very jealous but wont show it. not of other women ...
A. 5 February 2015: I was married to a man who had a child. We are now divorced. I still love and care for this child even though she is an adult now. We were a daily part of each others lives for many years.
A CHILD is NOT a threat to you... she is not being... (read in full...)
Fighting over contact... Who's wrong?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 4.5 years. We've been bickering over how long we go without contact. Such as, I haven't heard from him since 3pm yesterday. That's currently over 24 hours. This, to him, is okay and not a problem in any way. This, ...
A. 5 February 2015: He sent you a message that said: "sick yesterday, i love you, and will message you when i get out of bed".
well the fact that he sent it on xbox confuses me, why wouldn't he just call you or text you? why do you guys use x box to communicate?... (read in full...)
Can I object to certain types of porn?
Q. Am I wrong for being angry at my partner for watching female solo masturbation? I am fine with him watching normal porn, as I do too.. BUT I feel watching a solo (gorgeous) girl masturbate and orgasm is a little different.. It has really hurt me a...
A. 5 February 2015: "I'm fine with him watching 'normal porn'"
this struck me as funny as I don't think there is "normal porn" but I sort of understand what you are saying..you don't mind him watching vanilla stuff with couples because that might mean he is thinki... (read in full...)
Why does my LDR boyfriend talk to strangers about his fetishes?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I find it strange that he talks openly about his fetishes with people, especially strangers. Yesterday he mentioned something about a girl he met online offering to buy him a shirt related ...
A. 5 February 2015: ok... wait... is he being sexual with these people or just talking to them about what interests him and they are friends offering to send stuff as friends?
there is a big difference between him being sexual with others and just being more o... (read in full...)
I love this man and would like to think that he will change!
Q. Ive never been so confused in my life. i got into a relationship with a man who i had the slight knowledge of him being a bit of a problem. he was a party animal! but he wowed me, he was amazing! so passionate and caring and i had never been treated ...
A. 4 February 2015: Deep sigh...
It is not so easy to just quit drugging and drinking. Most folks who do it daily to the point of being affected (losing jobs, fighting, etc) are addicted and can't just quit on their own.
Did he lose his job due to his addic... (read in full...)
How would you feel if your partner told you its not his fault you can't get pregnant because he already has a child?
Q. I feel terrible for even asking this but if you were having difficulties getting pregnant, how would you feel if your partner told you that it can't be his problem as he already has a child? We have been together for three years, and I adore his ...
A. 4 February 2015: I also vote for not getting pregnant before the wedding... dress, morning sickness. lack of sex drive .... better to wait and settle into married life.
usually if you don't conceive after a year of active trying the doctors will do tests.
... (read in full...)
First partners and oral sex?
Q. When you dated your first boyfriend, did you give him oral sex?...
A. 4 February 2015: My very first "boyfriend" NO
my first SERIOUS boyfriend (we dated 2.5 years as teens) yes. but not right away and NEVER when it was asked for or demanded. usually AFTER I was satisfied...
... (read in full...)
Why does my LDR boyfriend talk to strangers about his fetishes?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I find it strange that he talks openly about his fetishes with people, especially strangers. Yesterday he mentioned something about a girl he met online offering to buy him a shirt related ...
A. 4 February 2015: The anonymity of the internet makes many people brave.
there are many sites where you can go and create a profile that can't be traced back to you and talk of your fetishes with other people who understand.
Have you ever met this boyfriend y... (read in full...)
Fighting over contact... Who's wrong?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 4.5 years. We've been bickering over how long we go without contact. Such as, I haven't heard from him since 3pm yesterday. That's currently over 24 hours. This, to him, is okay and not a problem in any way. This, ...
A. 4 February 2015: Does he know how you feel about contact? Have you told him "I like daily contact in some form" if so... what did he say? IF not, well then you really don't have a right to be upset with him.
Sounds to me like you "stalk him" online... he... (read in full...)
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