A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Modnote: some graphic language removed from post, without changing the meaning.. . . . . . . . . .I am so sick of the rubbish that comes out of my boyfriend's mouth. I'm at my breaking point and want OUT of this relationship. I'm miserable with him and have pretty much lost all my attraction to him because of this kind of rubbish. We've been together for 4.5 years. He's turning 37 next month. He swore to me, on his own, last Sunday night that he was going to call me EVERY night this week. I told him at that moment that I knew better (i was right, like always) and he swore he was going to. He even made me promise to talk to him every night before bed when he did call. Guess what? He still hasn't called me. He messaged me Monday night to say if he could he'd call me that night and if not that night he would on Tuesday. Didn't hear from him on Tuesday. He messaged me yesterday at around 6pm and said "i love you baby. i'm going to call you later. i hurt my knee like something awful". No call, yet again, even though he was online for 4 hours after that. The thing that annoys me about it is it was HIS idea to swear to calling me every night this week. He was the one brought it up. I'm so damn tired of all that comes out of his mouth. When he doesn't follow through with HIS promises, he comes up with some dramatic thing that's happened to him to make it seem okay. Such as the "knee injury" above. This wasn't a one time thing, this happens all the time. There's always something that's happened when he doesn't do what he says he's going to. He's either "sick" or "the comp wasn't working", "my phone was dead".. blah blah blah. There's never a time he just owns up to his behavior.I'm constantly feeling let down anymore. He loves marijuana, so I know for sure, he's picked up that phone this week and used it to go get some weed. When it comes to weed he doesn't mess around and he'd move heaven and earth to get it so a phone call for that is nothing. But calling me, after promising to do so, is too hard. It hurts, it really does. He knows his actions are not that great and will even tell me that I have reason to be upset sometimes and bitch at him..... yet he still does them. I know he doesn't want to break up with me, he wouldn't let me go that easily, but he doesn't do a damn thing anymore to show he really cares. I mean, he will to an extent but what's the point of doing something nice once a month if you're going to act like a douche the other 30 days? I'm so frustrated with him that I've only said 6 words to him since Sunday. I feel like walking away from it but I don't really know how. We've been together so long that I don't even know how to break up with him really. Advice please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2015):
 So saying to him enough is enough, I'm done. Done with broken promises, lies and halfass attempts.. I wish you well, good luck and I'm going to go no contact... so, don't call, don't text, don't show up. I AM DONE.
It's OK to get fed up and decide that you NO LONGER want to stay with a guy. That YOU want more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015): OP here. Not talking everyday isn't the issue. We go days sometimes without talking and then just spend our weekends together. My issue is his promising, or swearing, that he's going to do something and then completely not following through. I've been down this road so many times that I knew when he swore to do it that he wouldn't do it. It's just the fact that he brings it up, swears it's going to happen, and then NOTHING. I knew this time was no different but he assured me it was. He made me feel good, for the moment, when he swore to call me every night, and made me swear to talk to him before I went to sleep. It was a sweet "thought" I suppose. A thought he initiated and then just forgot about. It's one thing if I ask him to call me and he can't, but it's fucked up for him to make a promise all on his own and then not follow through with it.Then he acts as if he's going to later, so he flat out knows he didn't keep his original promise, and will make a re-promise to do it later, only he doesn't. I do love him and wouldn't leave him over just not calling me. I'm just fed up with the stories and broken promises. Overall I'm just fed up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2015):
I guess the "not calling" every night is minor issue, but the latest "straw". He seems like one of those guys who LIKES to make all kind of promises, but doesn't follow through and if this is just the latest of his promises he hasn't kept, then END it.
I agree with the no contact. It's the only way to go.
I also want to add, to YOU OP. That you CAN NOT change a guy so he will be what YOU want him to be. That goes for this guy too. You can't TRAIN a guy, as he is not a dog. And even dogs have their own little quirks. You CAN talk expectation (such as if you make me a promise, I will EXPECT you to keep it, just as I will KEEP any promises I make). ANY REASONABLE grown up will understand that.
Whether I feel it's NEEDED to call your BF/GF every night is another issue. YOU obviously do. What I just don't get is.. WHY did HE have to be the one to call? I mean, can't YOU call too?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2015):
 My first real break up was so hard. I went over to see the guy and meant to say "David we have to break up" and instead I said "David we have to break OUT" how Freudian of me.
The problem with just telling him, is he will probably step up his "wooing" behavior and be the "good guy" for just long enough to get you back on his hook. This is the time you must be strong and go NO CONTACT.
I don't blame you for being done with him.
I would just say to him "BF, our priorities and needs are different now and I think it's best if we go our own way. I don't think we need to discuss this YET again and you already know what my concerns are. Use this as a learning tool and maybe you won't screw up your next relationship"
then go NO CONTACT block him on the phone and all social media.
You have nothing to discuss with him and if he gets in touch with you just keep on saying the same thing over and over "we are done and I have nothing to discuss with you" if you say ANYTHING else he will grab on to that and try to worm his way back.
best of luck this is a very hard thing to do. stay strong.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (20 February 2015):
 "Bob, this isn't working out any more; we want different things and I'm going to leave, so that we can find them separately. Good luck."
Then don't give in to anything he may say to try to keep you around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015): okay so you seem really mad and im not totally sure why, like calling someone ever single night is alot anyway sometimes we need our personal space, so i think not calling you when he says he will is not enough reason to dump him but im getting the impression there is alot more to it than that, maybe you just dont want to be with him anymore, why are you guys calling and not actually seeing each other in the flesh? next time you see him in person lay it all on the table, explain how you feel be honest.sounds like maybe he is getting so stoned he is too out of it or forgets to call you or maybe you nag him too much that he doesnt want to talk to you so he just chickens out.just tell him look dont promise to call if your not going to, because then i feel let down explain why you are upset but try not attack him because when we nag as they see it they switch off to us, dont really listen try a different approach to get through to him about his behaviour. sounds like maybe you both need better quality time together and to communicate better but still give him his space too, and maybe he needs to lay off the weeds so much.If he doesnt change then its quite simple say look Ive really cared about you but this isnt working anymore chances are he might agree with you or he might beg you to stay up to you if you want to give him another chance or if your already fallen out of love with him, sounds like you dont like him that much anyway
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