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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Being cheated on and the other girl getting pregnant I don't know what to feel?
Q. I've been in a relationship with the love of my life, but with every relationship there is a problem, he kept me a secret for 3 years and always had time for his ex he would never contact me when she was around and told me that she was just really ...
A. 19 April 2013: you can move forward by NOT making it work.
he is a liar and a cheater and if you take him back he will know he can lie to you forever and you will forgive him and he can cheat and you will forgive him.
So you get back with him knowing he... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my insecurities are interfering in the bedroom
Q. Hello everyone, I’m in need for some advice. I would like to be sexy for my husband… but I have no idea how to. I don’t think I am sexy or have to looks to be considered sexy. I love my husband and I love sex with him. But I’m scared. I have always ...
A. 19 April 2013: what he looks at in porn is not you
i thought my husband wanted me to look like his favorite porn stars with long dark hair... nope he likes my hair shorter with highlights... go figure...
and since I gained a bit of weight in my belly he's mu... (read in full...)
Sexually charged BF after a fight?
Q. hello, After my boyfriend and I have an argument and sort things out, he tends to ask for a lot of sexual attention. why does he do this? Thank you....
A. 19 April 2013: "hey baby we had a fight time for my blow job" kind of thing?
if he asks for a blow job after a fight and does not want to cuddle and kiss and make love but wants to lay back and enjoy...
well then he's lazy
and he probably gets arou... (read in full...)
Has taking the hormone balancing pills done this to me? Have I gradually killed my sex drive this way?
Q. This isn't a relationship problem, but I'm curious about it anyway. Back when I was 18, I started taking a women's hormone balancer. I did this because I always felt I had more body hair than I should, my chest was underdeveloped, and I had an ...
A. 19 April 2013: If you were my daughter I would take you to the GYN for a full workup and a good talking to. Just because they say all natural does not mean they are safe... too many tylenol or aspirin can kill you too.
I am sure that none of your body changes ... (read in full...)
Do guys like fake boobs if a girl practically has no boobs?
Q. Okay, so I started losing weight about 2 years ago, now I am a gym rat but my boobs are getting smaller, I have gone from 36b to 34a. My sister who's 19 has bigger boobs than me! I'm 25. I got a nice tax return and will be in miami in 3 month...
A. 19 April 2013: Some men like big boobs and do not care if they are fake… most guys like to look at natural looking fake boobs but don’t like to touch them because they feel fake.
In addition, large boobs sag with age and fake ones don’t and they don’t lo... (read in full...)
How do you handle being around someone who doesn't like you?
Q. This isn't really a relationship question but what I would like to talk about is how to deal with being around someone who doesn't like you/you don't like them. I usually get along with people and when I find out that someone doesn't like me it re...
A. 19 April 2013: when I realized that I did not like everyone and everyone did not have to like me it was a very freeing experience. NO longer did I care what those who I disliked said to me or about me and once I did not care, their bad behavior did not bother me ... (read in full...)
He says he's straight but I think he might be bi-curious
Q. I'm a bi guy and I like this other guy who says he is straight, but I think he is a little bi-curious. The reason for me saying that is when we used to text each other he would always request gay porn pics to help him masturbate. We even have...
A. 19 April 2013: He may be straight he may be bi he may be bi-curious. Sexuality is really fluid for folks.
I consider myself bi but have not had contact with a woman in nearly 3 years.
I think WiseOwlE is a very smart guy but I disagree that straig... (read in full...)
Does these questions mean something?
Q. Why is he asking me all these questions? Is weird? So I was hanging out with this cute guy that I've liked for months now. and he said I'm very mysterious, why am I like that? I said to him I don't know. He'd just have to figure it out once ...
A. 19 April 2013: you are overthinking this...
he's making conversation and trying to get to know you...
... (read in full...)
GF sister keeps making a pass at me, HELP
Q. i am 30 my girlfriend is 22 we got a good relationship but her sister keeks hitting on me the more she dose the more i think about it but she is 14 help me...
A. 19 April 2013: you are 30 and can't cope with a 14 year old "hitting on you"?
At 14 they are not subtle and don't even know what they are doing...
you look at her and you say LITTLE GIRL (and that part is important) LITTLE GIRL (she is a child, she is ... (read in full...)
I still think my ex is the one for me
Q. I still love my ex-girlfriend and I feel like she's the one for me! But I don't know if she love's me back. She made me feel like I belonged in this world and no other girl hasmade me feel like that ever. What should I do???...
A. 19 April 2013: your family (mom and dad?) told you you had to break up with her? why is that?
... (read in full...)
I use plenty of lube but still bleed after anal
Q. I am male and I am straight but like to do anal with a dildo when I'm jerking off but every time after I bleed a little and I use plenty of lube is this ok?...
A. 19 April 2013: could be anal fissures or internal hemorrhoids.
You may want to see a gastro doctor or your regular doctor to see what's going on.... (read in full...)
Sexually charged BF after a fight?
Q. hello, After my boyfriend and I have an argument and sort things out, he tends to ask for a lot of sexual attention. why does he do this? Thank you....
A. 19 April 2013: make up sex is so much fun!... (read in full...)
Guy, if a girl is 19 and the guy is a few years older, then what are the issues for guys to consider when dating a younger girl?
Q. Hi everyone, I am 19. My boyfriend of almost 3 years recently broke it off and I'm trying to move on, and I am ready to date again and just have fun. I am really attracted to this guy I go to school with, but I found out he's 27. I thought he ...
A. 19 April 2013: I am not a guy but I am an older partner. When I was 27 my now husband would have been 14. There is no way I would have thought of him as anything other than baby sitting material....
That being said... you are 19 to his 27 that's a mere 8 yea... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being judged about my lifestyle
Q. hey all i just need some opinions so here we go im a 23 year old girl who was in a relationship with a guy a year younger than i. we had a baby together and he did not step up to the plate to be a good dad. just a typical dead beat, yes he love his ...
A. 19 April 2013: OP,
I guess its ok for you to make blanket judgmental statements about an entire population of young men that in general do not appeal to you. And, even though you say “everyone is happy for us” you get the “occasional looks and remarks ... (read in full...)
Experimenting SEX, and I am Virgin
Q. Okay, I'm 13 and I'm a girl and my girlfriend is 15 she tells me she wants me to get a toung ring so I can eat her out . But were BOTH virgins nd I feel that I should finger her first befor I eat her out but I don't know how to tell her or know if ...
A. 19 April 2013: Please ask the mods to remove your birthday honey.. folks can find you on an internet search more easily
the fact that you will be 14 this month (same birthday as my son btw) does not change my feelings that you should go slow.
I know you ... (read in full...)
What are some helpful ways I can tell him to comfort me?
Q. Although my partner has been through very similar situations to me, he doesn't know how to sympathise/empathise or comfort me at all. He is not a very touchy feely kind of guy and doesn't understand that it's not okay to just say 'that sucks' to ...
A. 19 April 2013: Ah yes Ok... I see now... an explanation.
Well I can give you a generic idea why.
IN GENERAL, women like to vent about their problems and be comforted without actually NEEDING a resolution to the problem.
MEN, are problem solvers and ... (read in full...)
The Cheating young Husband and an older wife?
Q. I have been with my husband for four and a half years he has cheated 3 times and treats me like crap, will his cheating ever stop, is it my fault? He is 25 and I am 50....
A. 18 April 2013: I'm 53. My husband 39. If my husband cheated on me ONCE he would be GONE... but he would not do that.
You say your husband treats you like crap but your only question was "will the cheating ever stop" NOT "how can I get him to treat me... (read in full...)
Disturbed Husband sleep with the alarm to drop of my Brother at work and I got sworn at!
Q. My brother totaled his car recently, occasionally i would give him a ride to work as he have be at work for 6:00am. This morning my husband was obviously annoyed when my clock alarm at 5:am, when i returned home he starting yelling at me and ...
A. 18 April 2013: Ciar makes great points.
He may have misplaced anger... perhaps he's worried you are not getting enough rest by helping your brother but he doesn't want to say something about it for fear of seeming non-supportive.
Or he thinks your being ta... (read in full...)
Experimenting SEX, and I am Virgin
Q. Okay, I'm 13 and I'm a girl and my girlfriend is 15 she tells me she wants me to get a toung ring so I can eat her out . But were BOTH virgins nd I feel that I should finger her first befor I eat her out but I don't know how to tell her or know if ...
A. 18 April 2013: I don't think girls can get Blue Balls CMMP....
OP you are too young to be considering this... NOT because you are 13 (although that's part of the reason) but rather you are not even able to figure out how to talk to you gf about it.
I h... (read in full...)
I hesitate to move to his location because I question his commitment to our relationship
Q. Dear all, I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. (I am 28 yrs old and he's 38) It's only an hour flight so we have been seeing each other like twice a month the past four months. I recently lost my job - my contract was not ren...
A. 18 April 2013: You have two choices in my opinion.
IF you want to make it work with him, at least ONE of you is going to have to move.
since you are at a point where it would be worthwhile if you think it will work then moving might be in your best inte... (read in full...)
Precautions for Recieving Oral if Prone to Urinary Tract Infections?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been talking about taking our relationship a bit further. He is a bit older than me and knows that I want to take things slow and wait on full out sex. I'm still a virgin, but he's pretty experienced. The other night he told ...
A. 18 April 2013: Congrats on no UTI for six months... when I was your age they were constant and chronic for me. I was told from age 9 when they started to NOT TAKE BATHS... do not sit in the water and no bubble baths EVER.
I have had many cases of hemorrhagic ... (read in full...)
What can I do to improve our communication?
Q. My boyfriend is very introverted and internalizes his feelings quite a bit. He's had many girlfriends in the past, even an ex-finace. He hasn't told me loves me, which I attribute to a lot of relationships and a lot of bad relationships that he has ...
A. 18 April 2013: after a year and no changes, you need to accept that he's a man of few words.
my husband is like this. I had to learn to look at his actions not his words...
if you must have a man who says "I love you" or "you look pretty" on a regul... (read in full...)
Three communicable diseases hold me back from dating
Q. Ok so i have a dilemma. Im 29 and consider myself good looking n a great catch for someone but i have hep c from past drug use n i also have mrsa that sometimes reoccurs mildly and my ex gf cheated on me 3 years ago n got hpv n than gave it to me so ...
A. 18 April 2013: Hello WhiteRabbit,
My brother has HEP-C and has since about 1987. His husband has HIV and has for 20 years. They are together about 15 years and do not share their diseases with each other. I probably had HPV twice in the past but I am cur... (read in full...)
Its been a week and he hasn't kissed me yet?
Q. so me and my boyfriend been going out for about a week and by then he would have kissed his girlfriend or hug them but he doesn't do that to me and i am extremely nervous my stomach plunges when i see him i have no clue if he feels the same way ...
A. 18 April 2013:
Wait wait wait... how old are you? are you really 51-59?
until I am sure of the OPs age I can't answer the question.
my answer for 13-15 which is what I assumed the age was would be very different for someone old enough to be a grand... (read in full...)
Things are going nowhere with my crush and I want him to ask me out!
Q. I totally have the hots for the lifeguard at my pool. Yet I'm so nervous and naturally shy I havent had a proper conversation with him as of yet. Every session I attend and he's on shift, we have so much eye contact! He smiles, i smile. It's ...
A. 18 April 2013: no he won't come ask you for your number for the SAME reason you don't ask him for his...
he smiles
you like him
so talk to him
he may have a girlfriend.
he may be gay
till you get to know him honey all he is for you is eye cand... (read in full...)
I feel marriage is important but he doesn't
Q. Dear everyone, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and I’m almost 36. We’ve lived together for a year. Problem is this: he knows I wanted to get married and have kids. He wants kids, but he doesn’t want to get married. We talked about ...
A. 18 April 2013: If he’s fine marrying you to make you happy, then he loves you enough to make a commitment to you that he doesn’t feel necessary to have.
You wanted the proposal the ring the white dress the whole fairy tale.
Guess what.. that’s not what ... (read in full...)
Was this girl ever interested in me?
Q. I caught this girl staring at me last and when I caught her she didn't look away so I kept looking until she did. I won that staring contest. then a couple days ago I was listening to my music and doing my work in art and I was just zoning out in my ...
A. 18 April 2013: “I won that staring contest” REALLY? What did you WIN? Do you not see how you LOST? Do you not see that it’s not a contest and not a game?
Yes she stopped looking, or caring or finding you interesting and attractive because you blew... (read in full...)
I found out my husband has Alexithymia. I think my marriage is in trouble!
Q. I need help. I think my marriage is in serious trouble. My husband has always had a problem showing emotion, sympathy, compassion and empathy. He also has always spoken in monotone, no emotion in his words. When he says "I love you" you don't f...
A. 18 April 2013: How about if YOU see a counselor just for yourself to help you get over your fear of "being alone"
People get divorces when they marry the wrong person.
People get divorces when they are unhappy and miserable and their spouse is part of th... (read in full...)
Is it normal for your boyfriend to start acting like a jerk?
Q. Is it normal for your boyfriend to begin acting like a jerk? Mine has started ignoring me for 15 hours at a time for video games, telling me he doesn't like texting because it annoys him, never wants to stay on the phone with me, and hardly ever ...
A. 18 April 2013: does he want sex when he sees you?
do you two still go out and do things and have fun?
if not, then you my dear have been reduced to an FWB...
if he's under stress folks react to stress differently and this is how he is. It will not ... (read in full...)
Any ideas why he's so changeable when we are apart? It's great when we are together!
Q. Hi, Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship t the moment and hope to move in together soon. But its been very difficult. He hates emailing, calling and texting in general as it is but does make the effort to stay in contact of...
A. 18 April 2013: He just does not like phones or computers I guess.
My hubby and I were LDR the first year of our relationship... only 2 hours apart by car so we saw each other every weekend once we got serious.
I always needed and wanted more contact than he ... (read in full...)
Is her attitude about marriage something I should worry about now?
Q. This is a simple question, but it might have a complex answer... My girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. Recently, we were talking casually about marriage. Not about us getting married, just the topic in general. She said "You know, ...
A. 18 April 2013: When I met my husband he was 37 and never married. I had been married 3 times already and I was as done with marriage as I ever wanted to be. My friends even have a recording of me saying "I'm never ever EVER getting married again"
did you n... (read in full...)
Heartbroken after a devastating loss, how can I get my friends and family to back off?
Q. Hey everyone, My life has taken sucha downfall,I'm heart broken and I'm unable to put the pieces together! Background:I 'was' dating this guy I met in high school,as we grew up got jobs we decided to move in together,he was my life,my best fri...
A. 18 April 2013: I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain, both physical and emotional.
I know you see your fiance's parents because you love him and miss him and feel more connected to him by seeing them, but perhaps they are differen... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't really touch me and I don't know what to do
Q. I really feel like being in some kind of vicious circle concerning the sex life with my boyfriend. We've known each other since childhood and he has always been my closest friend and now that we both finished university we finally got together for ...
A. 18 April 2013: my husband will grab my boobs and call it foreplay. he is lazy and selfish and a lousy lover. I feel your pain. the problem for me is HE is not receptive to hearing what I want or need but your guy is.
If you have talked to him and t... (read in full...)
Is my significant other a complusive liar?
Q. When we first started to date he told when he heard I was single he sat on it for months before calling me. His folks said when they heard I was single and informed their son that he called me right away. I asked my significant other about it a...
A. 18 April 2013: I have found that people like your SO who lie about stupid mundane stuff really can't help it and they get so caught up in stuff that they believe it themselves.
I would bet that some adult in his family encouraged him in some way as a child t... (read in full...)
What are some helpful ways I can tell him to comfort me?
Q. Although my partner has been through very similar situations to me, he doesn't know how to sympathise/empathise or comfort me at all. He is not a very touchy feely kind of guy and doesn't understand that it's not okay to just say 'that sucks' to ...
A. 18 April 2013: We have no idea what YOU want from him in terms of comfort. ONLY YOU know what YOU WANT from him for your needs. I mean what if I liked to be comforted by being spanked? I have a friend who finds being whipped comforting. I kid you n... (read in full...)
I feel like I will never be significant in her life
Q. I am so confused and I don't know if I'm totally out of line or if my girlfriend is being unreasonable. My girlfriend is very attached to her family. They are overall a very close, intimate family who are all open with each other. I, in contrast, ...
A. 18 April 2013: Ah OP your update fleshes out the real problem. Because until I read your update I was totally with Cerberus and CMMP on this. The way it seemed to me was you were being insecure and creating a problem that is not really there. Now with your ... (read in full...)
She said she loves me but I think she doesn't understand me and I m thinking to leave
Q. I'm in a relationship with a gf i really love from 3 years. At the beginning everything was amazing,now i'm having real troubles. I m not working for 4 months,i have bills to pay and not enough money (unfortunately my dad passed away last year and i ...
A. 18 April 2013: IF you are the only one giving and feel that she's sucking the life out of you, then it's not a relationship that you will be able to sustain no matter how hard you try or how much you want. do not stay because of who you WANT her to be or wh... (read in full...)
I can't handle the competition he puts me through! How can I make him let me be the only one he dates?
Q. I lost my husband of 35 years in 2009. I stayed home without dating for 2 years and when ready, I decided to go online. I met a man 6 years older than I and was very impressed. In fact, I fell in love with him, but was not quite ready to jump ...
A. 18 April 2013: Thanks for the UPDATE OP! Since you like guy #2 maybe he will be happy with just dating casually for now.
Best of luck to you.... (read in full...)
In love with an older family friend
Q. Hi everyone, i'm in a bit of a sticky situation hopefully you guys have some good advice for me. Okay so here the deal, i'm in love with this guy (not puppy love), but he is a close family friend. He is the son of my dad's best friend, but even...
A. 18 April 2013: I understand that his age is not what’s attractive to you… I am NOT at all attracted to my husband’s age.
Your concern that he will ‘meet someone else in the meantime” makes no sense. What do you mean? Do you think when you are 25 and he i... (read in full...)
I like to dress up in women's clothing and then hump a pillow. Why do I do this?
Q. My question is embarrassing and its about a sex fetish. I tried looking it up on google and i got all kinds of porn ads n than i tried to find a sex fetish forum but couldn't find one so i found dearcupid.com. i hope my question doesn't offend ...
A. 17 April 2013: NO judgement OP... you do it because you are human and different things arouse different people.
Most people have a preferred masturbation routine. Same hand, same speed, same lube/lotion etc... no biggie in my book
as long a... (read in full...)
I don't want to move in with my mom and my step father but they need my income!
Q. Hi. I don't know what to do. My mom is getting married and before that we had plans to buy a house. I don't want to live with her and her husband I like him ok but living with them where we are aggravates me. At our place theres constant noise, c...
A. 17 April 2013: IF she can't afford a house without you, then sadly she can't afford a house.
Tell her that now that she's getting married the terms of your agreement have changed and you will not live with her and her husband. Tell her they need their p... (read in full...)
I can't handle the competition he puts me through! How can I make him let me be the only one he dates?
Q. I lost my husband of 35 years in 2009. I stayed home without dating for 2 years and when ready, I decided to go online. I met a man 6 years older than I and was very impressed. In fact, I fell in love with him, but was not quite ready to jump ...
A. 17 April 2013: Dear Patellen,
He lies.
He has 5 marriages behind him (the reasons are irrelevant) I myself have just married my 4th husband and I thought him NUTS to take me on with my track record but could NOT dissuade him from wanting to marry me.
H... (read in full...)
She said she loves me but I think she doesn't understand me and I m thinking to leave
Q. I'm in a relationship with a gf i really love from 3 years. At the beginning everything was amazing,now i'm having real troubles. I m not working for 4 months,i have bills to pay and not enough money (unfortunately my dad passed away last year and i ...
A. 17 April 2013: Spacekrust, thank you for your post and your updates. I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad to cancer. I lost my mom to cancer in 1995 and it’s still one of the most painful times of my life. While we expect to lose our parents, we don’t ... (read in full...)
In love with an older family friend
Q. Hi everyone, i'm in a bit of a sticky situation hopefully you guys have some good advice for me. Okay so here the deal, i'm in love with this guy (not puppy love), but he is a close family friend. He is the son of my dad's best friend, but even...
A. 17 April 2013: What opinions do you want? You are 18 to his 31 and have known him pretty much you’re whole life huh? And now, after a two week vacation you are in love with him. But it’s not puppy love, and it’s neither infatuation nor limerence right? It’s ... (read in full...)
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