Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): From my experiences, I'd say that initially the dumper will hurt more because breaking up with someone is such a difficult, heart-wrenching thing to do. However, the dumpee usually experiences the pain afterward for a much longer period of time, since they are typically the one that still holds most of the feelings within the relationship.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 HiI would say the dumpee, especially when they have thought all was good in the relationship. They will be the last to know their partner was unhappy.But there will be times the dumper may hurt more, if they have decided its not working, say in a LDR, when life gets in the way. Or wrong time right person scenario.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 I've always hurt in a breakup.the one who loves least sets the relationship and even when you dump someone it' hurtsthe one that hurt the most for me was being dumped by someone I loved more than anyone I have ever loved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): It depends on the situation OP.
Some people don't like being the dumper so they intentionally spoil the relationship so the other person will end it. The dumper then is the one most hurt because they've been treated badly and were forced to dump a person who didn't want to be with them but was a coward.
Sometimes the person who was dumped feels worse, sometimes the guilt of dumping someone is worse for the person who does it.
It's irrelevant really anyway. It's not a competition and you'll never truly be able to judge whether your ex was more hurt than you.
Once I figured out how fragile women's egos were even with ex boyfriends I always played on that. At the end of relationships that went sour I always go cold and no contact, never respond to anything from them, get on with my life and act like it was just a fart in the wind. This kills women, even if they dumped me the idea that they were so easy to get over or that I didn't give a shit anyway really messes with their heads and hurts deeply. I know this because I have always had a social group of female friends.
A guy falling to his knees begging and crying for them not to go is the most satisfying ego boost for them. Personally I think it's pathetic but they love it, see it as sign of how great they are and their ego is stroked then by how big a loss the guy makes it seem. Me? I'm like "meh, grand so, have a nice life" and it kills them. I've messed up quite a few exs by my seeming indifference. They dumped me and while I was shattered and deeply hurt, my outward indifference really spoiled it for them.
My point is it's situational and you just never know who is the most hurt. Lots of people like me like to be indifferent but you can't tell because a lot of the time I truly was indifferent.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Honestly, Being dumped HURTS like heck! Especially since I felt I was the only one in love ya know? And then he said he was in love too but ... then he broke up with me so its like... what the heck? I thought I love you meant something. So definitely the dumpee
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): It would really depend on the reasons for the breakup. there has been many posts that tell of dumpers that regret it and beg to re-establish the relationship.
Always be who you are and share that fully and openly with your partner. That way, you will feel comfortable in both situations.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): In the long run it has nothing to do with who left whom. It depends on how each person's life looks like later on. You could have been dumped but later on meet a better partner and become very happy. You could have been the one dumping the other person and years later your next relationship is not working out either so you're miserable.
But in the short term it is usually the person who got dumped who hurts more since it wasn't their choice and they were the one being rejected.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 I think the person who got dumped hurts the most as they were not expecting it and stil believed in teh relationship.
The dumper had enough time to make the decision and when he/she said it was over they had already exited the relationship long before.
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (12 April 2013):
 The one who loves more is the one who hurts the most. And the one who loves less leaves first, so I would say the dumpee
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): I have found in life that I have found it more painful to dump someone than I have when I was dumped.
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female
reader, Queenofthegreen27 +, writes (12 April 2013):
previous answer..you mean the dumpee? the one who was left?
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male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (12 April 2013):
dumper. always.
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