A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Alright so this is going to be kiiinnndd of a weird question. It's water under the bridge now, but I just want to see if my reaction to my girlfriend a while ago was reasonable. So here goes: My gf and I are in 10th grade in high school. All the time, I couldn't believe that someone like her could go so long without having another boyfriend. I asked her often about it, and she had always replied that I was the only one. Knowing that she had always been single, this made her so much more desirable to me. After figuring that she was telling the truth, I often expressed how happy and excited I was that she was all mine. I was her 'first' relationship and she was mine.Then, one day we were sharing secrets over text, and she told me that she had had another boyfriend in 6th grade, and that he had kissed her. My reaction to this? I was completely stunned, and for some reason felt betrayed. I couldn't say anything to her the next day in school. I felt that this had really damaged our developing relationship. I wanted to break up with her, because nothing I did was special anymore. My replies made her sick and even cry... which kills me to know that now, but still. Was this an acceptable way for me to react? I know, teenagers get impulsive and say and do things they regret. But for me, after deciding to let it go, it seems like I could have been way harsher on her. Please help me to see if feeling and acting like this was normal.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*Update* Thanks for the answers. As I said it is water under the bridge now, this literally happened within the first few months of us dating. I realize I was a complete idiot, and I have apologized(and sometimes still do, months later) for this. I know it was wrong for me to act like that, I was everything you have said(jealous, spoiled, etc.). I guess I just didn't know to act over that.
But now, TRUST me I'm not an abusive boyfriend or ANYTHING even close that, she is the center of my life and I do anything for her. And I'm no longer jealous over small things or get mad easily, just lots of compliments and stuff ;) So thanks for the responses! I just needed to confirm that yes, I was an idiot after all . I hope you guys have a good weekend
A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (12 April 2013):
Was it correct for her to lie? No. Did you overreact? Absolutely! Perhaps you taught her a valuable lesson moving forward. I don't mean this in a bad way. Lies always have a way of coming back and biting us in the butt and should be avoided at all costs.
On the other hand, 99.99999999999999999999% you will not find what you are looking for and it will only get harder as you grow older. I think most everyone has kissed by the 11th or 12th grade.
You may wish to re-evaluate what you are looking for. If you can't, you may have an issue.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Was SHE your first girlfriend?
...............................
A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (12 April 2013):
Well, you got some strong answers now. At least it's positive you figured you were overreacting and took the time to consult us here.
Now, you know what to do next don't you? You go to her *in person* and tell her (in tears) you are deeply sorry.
Give here a big long hug and stay with her all night/day.
I hope for you she accepts your apologies and that you learned a big lesson: never be mean to a girl especially your gf.
Let us know how this ends ok.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2013):
 NO it was NOT an acceptable way for you to react. You were over the top with your reaction and you were incorrect in you assumptions that the first time for anything is the most special one. It’s not. You made her sick. You made her cry. YOU THINK YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HARSHER ON HER? Seriously? In what way would you have been harsher… maybe called her a whore for something she did in 6th grade???? WOW. YOUR feelings ARE NOT NORMAL nor are they acceptable. Please speak to your mother or father about finding a counselor to help you sort out how adults react to disappointment and surprise and how being loving and accepting of your partner and where they are in their lives while with you, is the critical aspects of it. A kiss at age 11/12 in 6th grade does not even warrant a comment from anyone. I rarely say this but YOU ARE SO WRONG HERE you need to go to her and fall to your knees and kiss her feet and apologize for your stupidity. Then beg her forgiveness and promise never to darken her door again.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 There's nothing acceptable or normal in what you did , you have been a neurotic jerk. Please put your head under the cold water tap and stay there, until you come to your senses. RJ ( retroactive jealousy ) is already unhealthy ,arrogant and annoying enough when it's adults with an actual sexually intense past, imagine at 16 over a peck to an 11 y.o. boy.
You made her cry over something so dumb ? ...How inflated your ego can be, even at 16 ?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): You were mean and mistreated her for all the wrong reasons.How can you consider an 11 or 12 year-old a boyfriend? Are you kidding me? She told the truth. She used the word boyfriend, but they were just kids! Her parents wouldn't even let her date boys at that age. A kiss is nothing.You owe her an apology and you're acting like a spoiled little boy. You aren't ready for a girlfriend, because you have silly opinions and don't have a clue what you're doing.It's a good thing you ended it. She deserves a boy who doesn't care if she had a boyfriend before, and will be nice to her. As soon as you see her with someone else, you're going to be jealous. Don't ever say cruel things to make girls cry. Never! Never! That's being a bully! You could also get into trouble for it.I have to tell you the way you are thinking is wrong and unfair. There is absolutely no excuse for hurting her. You don't intimidate girls for any reason. That behavior is unacceptable.
...............................
|
