A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been married for nearly nine years and together with my wife for eleven and half years.Recently the marriage has been going through a lull and I fell for a 20 yr old girl. We get on really well and cant stop wanting to be together.They know about each other and both have threatened suicide!I am torn between them and wish someone could help point me in the correct direction... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 “they know about each other and have both threatened suicide”
WOW at least we know you have a type. DRAMA QUEEN! Neither of them will commit sucicide and if you are truly worried about whichever one you leave in the dust you can report it to the local authorities and they will put her in custody to make sure she is safe.
You are torn between them? REALLY…. So you would pick a manipulative child (and at 20 she’s really not mature enough to consider the ramifications of scratching an itch with a bored horny married old guy) over your wife of NINE years.
I agree with honeypie… leave your wife (her suicide THREAT be dammed) if you are that unhappy in your marriage… or walk away from the manipulative child (her suicide THREAT be dammed). YOU may not have BOTH PICK ONE!
If you leave your wife for this sweet young thing, are you prepared in 10 years to be left for someone else by your sweet young thing? DO you think your loving loyal wife will be there to pick up your pieces? No you will end up alone more than likely.
IF there are kids involved… to me it’s a no-brianer… put your little brain back in your pants and use your big brain to figure out how to make amends to your wife and family and fix this.
A
female
reader, laurane  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 BAD IDEA NUMBER 1 does ur wife and u have kids! ur wife still loves u very much! somewhere deep in ur heart Look ile cut to the chase here ok u Cant leave the past behind it will come back to haunt u if ur wife had the dignity to walk down the ile 4 u!!! then u have made yourself dumb! im NOT trying to be mean here but your past cant go away it will infact come back! nine years is a long time keep it hear my words
she loves u somewhere deep in her heart somewhere......
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Ah, yes.... the lure of a hot, young thing......
The ONLY phrase, in your submittal, that means ANYTHING, is this: "...and I fell for a 20 yr old girl. We get on really well and cant stop wanting to be together..."
NOW, wake up,... and remember who you are.... and get back to that wife of your's.... who's put up with you for 11-1/2 years.... and get away from that child who has tempted you....
Simple, no?????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 So she strokes your ego. Well you're still married.
Always end one relationship before you start another. That means, determine what you want to do with your relationship before you start thinking about this 20-year old little miss something. In the big scheme of things, she's irrelevant, and you will soon tire from her. But for now she's fun because she's a new toy and you're bored with your marriage. Still, that doesn't solve the problem: your marriage.
Figure out what you want to do with your marriage first. And don't let anyone use emotional blackmail such as threats of suicide. If you take any of these threats seriously you will call the police and notify them of a possible suicide attempt. That's what you should do if you take it seriously. If they are thinking of committing suicide then they are emotionally fragile and not rational, and as such is on no state to reason. You should hence get them professional help, and distance yourself from both.
However, I think these threats are just BS and drama. Of course, you know best, but it is often a case of a person believing if they just shout the loudest they will get their way. You're entangled with two hysterical drama queens..
Anyway, you're married, so the little miss something 20-year old doesn't get to be your priority. Either divorce or stay married. Those are your options.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Marriage takes work, not every now and then but all the time, if you WANT it to work.
Blaming you actions on a "lull" in the marriage is pathetic and quite honestly stupid. How on Earth will CHEATING on your wife make the marriage better? Less boring? Do you LIKE the drama?
Shit or get of the pot. If you WANT to stay married and are WILLING to WORK on it, then you NEED to dump the OW (other woman). And ACTUALLY WORK on the marriage - that is your wife is still willing to stay with you.
If you WANT the OW, then you NEED to divorce your wife. YOU can not have your cake and eat it. And You should be old enough to know this.
However, how long do you think it will be with this young girl before she finds someone else? or you get a "lull" in that relationship too and cheat? Do you think you two can actually TRUST each other enough to have a healthy relationship?
What you are doing right now is equivalent to PISSING your pants to keep warm then then complain that you are now wet and cold.
If you think one or the other will ACTUALLY do harm to themselves call a suicide hotline and ask for help or 999.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (14 April 2013):
Well your first duty of care is to your wife and also care for this other girl.As you dont want any threats to be carried out i would advise you to go IMMEDIATELY to a counsellor and ask him for advise as to how to handle this situation.Kind Wishes.Nora B.
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