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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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BF face book status "when God sends her, don’t lose her" What does this mean?
Q. My current partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. Him and his last gf were together for 7 years and were going to get married. When he met her, she was ******* somebody else’s boyfriend. 4 years into the relationship, he cheated. He told ...
A. 24 April 2013: Honeypie makes a great point, it does seem like he deliberately wants this to be confrontational and I wonder why.
It’s very possible you are hostile and judgmental about her every time she comes up but if all you have to go on is what he’s sai... (read in full...)
She says I don't act as in love as I say I am
Q. My gf and I have been together for two months. It had some bad times at first, but I've realized after that first month I am deeply in love with her, but she's said I don't seem to be acting as in love as I "say I am." We are gamers so... we'll go ...
A. 24 April 2013: Two months together is not a lot of time in real life. And if you are just ONLINE friends, that means NOTHING. You say you are “deeply in love with her” and while I am one to fall in love quickly, even I know after a mere two months it’s not a ... (read in full...)
He has a close, touchy female friend
Q. my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship. we've been apart for almost two years and plan to see each other and live together soon this year.he studies and works abroad. he has a very close female friend who is his co-worker too. the ...
A. 24 April 2013: Ya know there are friends and there are friends.
"I miss your face and your penis" is not friends... that's way MORE than friends. AND if a woman did that to my husband he would be my EX husband. THAT is NOT appropriate conversation... (read in full...)
Does she like me as a friend, or is she curious about more?
Q. I've been seperated for two years. I have two dogs, and about eight months ago I met a lady at the dog park. Our dogs really liked each other, and played constantly. Over the next couple months, I'd encounter her once-twice a week at t...
A. 24 April 2013: Well I think then I’ll answer your original question as best as I can since clearly you are not great at expressing yourself (saying you want to marry a woman you don’t know to show your sincerity is not a good method of communication and will get ... (read in full...)
Should I be upset at this financial situation with his sister? What do I do?
Q. Should I be upset and what do I do ? I have been with my partner for 3.5 years and living together for 3. We have been having ups and down but recently one problem has got me to re think being with him..when we met. I was (and still am) a sing...
A. 24 April 2013: Personally unless you are legally bound to him I can see why he keeps it in the family. If you two were married it might be different but since you just live together things are more complicated and may be better being kept separate.
If you wa... (read in full...)
My husband wants to have a baby with another woman. He's says I'm making this out to be a big deal. Am I over-reacting like he says?
Q. Im 20 years old and have 2 kids. My oldest is 4 and she is from a past relationship. Im now married and we just had our son in February. Recently my husband has been talking about having a baby of his own with another woman. I thought he was k...
A. 24 April 2013: You are NOT over-reacting. If anything you are under-reacting to his idiocy.
If he truly believes this line of horse hockey he is feeding you he needs to seek counseling for what used to be called "stinkin thinkin" He is way off the mark on ... (read in full...)
How should I ask him what our status is?
Q. So I've been talking and spending some time with a guy I met but I don't know what he considers us or if we are just friends at the moment is it ok to ask him what he considers us and if so how should I ask?...
A. 23 April 2013: you can ask him how he feels about you and let him know how you feel.
it's a risk putting yourself out there but guys do it every day and fair is fair. if you like him let him know.
better to find out early on that he does not feel that w... (read in full...)
Does she like me as a friend, or is she curious about more?
Q. I've been seperated for two years. I have two dogs, and about eight months ago I met a lady at the dog park. Our dogs really liked each other, and played constantly. Over the next couple months, I'd encounter her once-twice a week at t...
A. 23 April 2013: oh dude you are a hot mess.
you are separated you barely know this woman you see her with the dogs and go for walks and that's it and you want to marry her?
yeah get a grip on reality.
... (read in full...)
Does she like me as a friend, or is she curious about more?
Q. I've been seperated for two years. I have two dogs, and about eight months ago I met a lady at the dog park. Our dogs really liked each other, and played constantly. Over the next couple months, I'd encounter her once-twice a week at t...
A. 23 April 2013: are the dogs walking with you on sundays too?
I think you are reading things into it.
she has a boyfriend so even if she wants more, she's off limits till she ends it with him.
be a man and tell her how you feel so she can let you down... (read in full...)
On line friend, what does this mean?
Q. Theres this guy and he used to annoys and teases me a lot. We started to chat on facebook and chat for at least 4 to 6 hours a day(not everyday but once in a while). Since we are going to different schools next year he just said that hes going to ...
A. 23 April 2013: it doesn't mean anything OP
it's just facebook chat
it's teasing and time wasting.... that's all
stop looking for clues and meaning where there isn't any.
... (read in full...)
Pregnant and he finishes with me?? What the...
Q. Hi everyone. This may be a bit long-- but please bare with me. I'm very shocked. I found out yesterday I am pregnant. I'm 24 and very fortunate to be in a good well paying job with a good maternity package also. I have been with my boyfriend for...
A. 23 April 2013: I think that
a. he reacts then thinks
b. he over reacts
c. he does not want to be a dad
d. he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips (he is not) and you are so DESPERATE to keep him that you got pregnant on purpose. (I do not based on ... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 23 April 2013: OP your follow up is most helpful Thank you for sharing it.
He's beyond ogling... he's got other issues and inappropriate behavior.
As for your friend... well if i was your friend I would not leave you or invite folks to join us but my ... (read in full...)
I cannot get over the love of my life, Help?
Q. I am in love with my ex. I know right? 17 year old junior girl in high school thinking she's in love, its one big cliche. I just realized it and it scares me. It scares me. I mean we broke up because he cheated on me. With a freshman. And that...
A. 23 April 2013: M asked if she could date him (good for her!) you said yes.
you can let her know that it really bothers you but you can't expect her to stop seeing him now....
do not try to be friends with him. it's over and done. sadly you will see h... (read in full...)
A classic case of miscommunication, hurt male pride, and immaturity LDR
Q. Background information: He and I met on the internet when I was 13 and he was 14. He lives in London and I live in Tennessee. The last time I was there in August(2012) things changed between us and we decided to try a long distance relationship ...
A. 23 April 2013: Dear Bas4G,
“before you call him a jerk” what a way to introduce me to your “boyfriend”
You are young, you met him when you were VERY young and your distance is very great. NOT good signs for an LDR to work….
So you are going to see him... (read in full...)
Am I worrying too much about this since it's been so many years since he was my teacher?
Q. I currently am separated from my husband and we are in the middle of a divorce. It has not been finalized but we have not seen or spoken to each other in over 5 months, my attorney just sucks and is really slow. Anyway, I recently ran into my form...
A. 23 April 2013: Maybe I'm under reacting here. But since you guys have not had any contact for 16 years I think that his being your former teacher is a non-issue.
perhaps you had a crush on him when you were in High school and that's making you uncomfor... (read in full...)
Does colleague's behaviour suggest he is interested or is it just professional courtesy?
Q. I met this guy for the first time through work a few months ago. Initially, I wasn’t attracted to him. I found him to be arrogant and annoying. Over the months, he’s grown on me. I have noticed that he craves attention. And he sulks when I talk to ...
A. 23 April 2013: If you have rules, you have them for a reason, he can’t be the be all to end all that makes you willing to break your rules can he? So what about him makes you willing to break the rules?
You are 30-35 and say he is YOUNGER than you… how much... (read in full...)
BF face book status "when God sends her, don’t lose her" What does this mean?
Q. My current partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. Him and his last gf were together for 7 years and were going to get married. When he met her, she was ******* somebody else’s boyfriend. 4 years into the relationship, he cheated. He told ...
A. 23 April 2013: Thanks for the follow up OP! It adds insight for me. I can see being annoyed that he considers her a loss and that would make me feel like he’s “settling” for me when he’d rather have her but that may not be the case. He can grieve the loss of ... (read in full...)
Two weeks after a holiday with my family, I am not into my BF, Why?
Q. This guy I have been dating for 3 months is starting to get on my nerves and I would like to understand why that is, as before that we got to know each other as platonic friends (about 4 months before he made a move). Nothing would ever have ...
A. 23 April 2013: Three months is usually the first "make or break" time. the honeymoon perfect period is starting to wan and the true colors of the people in the relationship come out....
You are realizing it's not going to work and you are looking for reasons ... (read in full...)
BF face book status "when God sends her, don’t lose her" What does this mean?
Q. My current partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. Him and his last gf were together for 7 years and were going to get married. When he met her, she was ******* somebody else’s boyfriend. 4 years into the relationship, he cheated. He told ...
A. 23 April 2013: Deep sigh… you talk a good game honey but your words tell me otherwise. For some reason this woman that was with your bf in the past still riles you up. You know an awful lot about her (like why she doesn’t wear a two piece) you call her names ... (read in full...)
Betrayed my BF, but I want him back?
Q. I betrayed my boyfriends trust. I lied to him and hurt him..i was selfish.i made a big mistake.. And we broke up forever..i feel like a horrible person..in a way i feel like i deserve it. Maybe i do? Cause of how i treat others. Maybe its a ...
A. 23 April 2013: How do you cope?
you use this experience to grow and mature and learn not to make the same mistakes again.
and you slowly heal, one day at a time, You can't go back and change the past, you can only learn from it, and even if you have cha... (read in full...)
Why did he not tell me?
Q. My bf and i started dating newly,recently there was a social school programme for campus students so i told him i would go with my galfriends and i asked him if he would go,he said he wasnt sure but he might...i called him after the programme and he ...
A. 23 April 2013: You told him you were going with your girlfriends.. maybe he did not want to intrude on girl time?
ask him why he didn't call you... don't make things up in your head...... (read in full...)
Why cant I befriend this girl who is also friends with my BF?
Q. Both my boyfriend and I share a large friend group who we have all been friends with for a long time. There is this other girl in the group who I seem to be bothered by a lot. To be honest, me and her are really the only two girls in the group, th...
A. 23 April 2013: She sees you as competition and she's insecure with herself hence her constant sexual references and flirting.
We do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like us. And that's ok. I have discovered the best thing to do with f... (read in full...)
What is Girl Talk?
Q. my girlfriend tell me that she wants this relationship to last for a long timethe college and just life and we have been dating for 2 months and then we spend the whole day together and then she tells me she is headed to get friends house to have a ...
A. 23 April 2013: Girl talk, girl time, it's when two or more women get together and gab and talk about every and any thing.
It's mandatory in my life and I have dinner with girlfriends a couple of times a month without our spouses.... and yes we talk about t... (read in full...)
I prioritised my exams over diner date with GF, was I wrong?
Q. I wanted to share my little problem im having with my gf. On sunday me and my gf organised a dinner date with her friend at 7.30pm. That day i had my cpr and first aid certification school untill 6pm. So i spent all day doing cpr certific...
A. 23 April 2013: And this is why we do not use text messages to have relationships. Maybe a quick phone call would have solved the problem.
yes the planning was poor. IF you had an exam till 6 and then had dinner plans at 7:30 that was cutting it close to beg... (read in full...)
When is it right for a teenager to start having sex?
Q. if a boy tell u to do your school work and then call him and u and this boy been together long and u is 15 year old girl should u have sex with your boyfriend ?...
A. 23 April 2013: No you should not have sex with him if you have to ask online strangers. just because you have been with him "a long time" does not mean anything.
... (read in full...)
How can I get him to pursue a relationship with me?
Q. I used to be "building a relationship" with this game named "James". I liked him a lot in the beginning, but over a few months of me waiting to be in a relationship, I found him less and less attractive with everything he did. He always asks me for ...
A. 23 April 2013: Just because JAMES said something does not make it true. Why are you giving this loser such power? YOU do not have a THING with James and if TED thinks you do, then it’s incumbent on you to set him straight. Saying “my thing with James isn’t ... (read in full...)
I'm confused about having a crush on an older man?
Q. OK so I'm 14 and I just talked to my Vice principle for the first time Friday. I admired him from afar, but I was forced to talk to him on Friday. So now I'm having these weird feelings for him now. He's looks so young,but i think hes in his late ...
A. 23 April 2013: I agree you are normal... and having a crush on someone or finding someone attractive is common and normal even for married or partnered adults.
advice... NOTHING needs to change or be done or admitted... just keep on going... the crush will p... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm mature enough for another go with my ex?
Q. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago, due to "loss of attraction" although, looking back it was probably because I was an immature d*ck and took to many risks. She dumped me randomly though, literally a week after drawing me an ...
A. 23 April 2013: IF you think you want to try it again with her, then the best thing to do is ask her if she is willing. IF she is not, then it might be best for you to go no contact with her as seeing her will just hurt you more and more.... (read in full...)
He wants me to 'talk dirty' and it's outside of my comfort zone
Q. Well, here it goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. The sex is great, though he is much more experienced than I am. Lately he has been pushing me to 'talk dirty' and I just don't know how x.x I always freeze up and it ...
A. 23 April 2013: is he talking about talking dirty during sex or he wants sexting....
I don't sext. I find it rather uncomfortable... texts can be shared and I would not put it in writing for anyone to share....
if he's talking about during sex... well... (read in full...)
Why is he going from very very hot to cool and will a bit of jealousy make him make his move once and for all?
Q. Does making someone jealous work generally as in they will show their feelings or come forward quicker if they think someone else is interested in you. I wouldnt usually be into games like that but a friend of mine who iv been talking to nearl...
A. 23 April 2013: Jealousy is not an emotion I want my partner to exhibit. Jealousy is not based on love, but rather is a manifestation of the jealous person’s insecurity about themselves and the relationship.
IF there is a guy you like as more than a friend a... (read in full...)
Is it normal that girlfriend has never orgasmed with me?
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend, who is 18, for over a year now, and sexually active with her for half a year. The problem is, she has never orgasmed. I just want to know if this is normal, or if i'm doing something wrong...
A. 23 April 2013: It may be normal.
Less than 30% of all women orgasm from penetration, so if you expect her to orgasm from the actual act of intercourse you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
I have had more than 100 partners both male and female... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is a control freak and won't even let me talk without starting problems!
Q. I am currently with a partner for almost 4 years now. She is a control freak, almost always never wanting to admit her mistakes. If I do get her in a corner, she will turn the tables around, accuse me of starting an argument, and then completely ...
A. 23 April 2013: I have pictures of my first wedding and my first husband. I also have photos online from the third husband. because my phone is linked to my facebook account, they automatically show up on my phone as albums.
I do not look at them.
Havin... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 5 years left me and doesn't care
Q. Hello everyone. Hoping for some advice here, I just don't know what to do anymore :/ Im 21, and my girlfriend, 20, of 5 years left me literally out of nowhere the other day. Everything was fine and dandy except she was acting a little pissy. W...
A. 23 April 2013: You are 21 that means you have been with the same girl since you were 16 and she was 15. That is a long long time and we talk about things we hope and dream for. But like MOST relationships that happen as children, this one has run its course. ... (read in full...)
I'm not going to try anything whilst he is still going with her but I was wondering if he might have feelings for me?
Q. ok so I have this friend, M, who has a girlfriend and I'm not going to try anything whilst he is still going out with her but I was wondering if he might have feeling for me. We were kind of close two years ago but then I thought he didnt like me so ...
A. 23 April 2013: just because a boy hugs you or squeezes you and sends smiley texts does not mean he wants you as a gf....
he is a friend. He has a gf and anyone with a gf is off limits in my book... besides if you "steal" him from her what's to prevent someo... (read in full...)
Not sure whether this will lead to more than a friend? or just a one night stand!
Q. Dear All So here it goes, I have a colleague at my work place that I truly am attracted to him and wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him. He lately been flirting with me sexually, his been touching my waist when he has the opportunit...
A. 23 April 2013: DO not think that being physical with him will net you anything but regrets.
He's made it clear he's not looking for a relationship but no man I know who is single will turn down free sexual activity.
Just because he's an outrageous flirt... (read in full...)
Does colleague's behaviour suggest he is interested or is it just professional courtesy?
Q. I met this guy for the first time through work a few months ago. Initially, I wasn’t attracted to him. I found him to be arrogant and annoying. Over the months, he’s grown on me. I have noticed that he craves attention. And he sulks when I talk to ...
A. 23 April 2013: I think that because you are attracted to him you are reading more into this than there is.
I read this and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop... I'm not seeing anything that indicates that he is anything more than a friendly co-worker.... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt someone in the process of finding out who I am!
Q. So I'm a little confused. About my sexuality. I've always considered myself straight until now, now I'm just confused. Basically, I have a crush on a guy. He's brilliant and I like him a lot. I might even go as far as to say I love him. I have al...
A. 23 April 2013: you are not saying you are attracted to women. You are saying you envy the relationships your gay friends have. This is not the same as saying you want a gay or lesbian relationship.
You want a GOOD relationship. Being gay or lesbian does not... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend hiding something from me?
Q. My girlfriend has lied to me in the past about where she was from. At the time, I forgave it as she appeared to be really sincere, and she cried her eyes out after admitting it to me. I felt bad and decided to give her a chance because she really ...
A. 23 April 2013: I know women who have had bad stretch marks from weight gain... I had NONE from pregnancy BTW... just saying.
NOT saying she's truthful.... but even if she is you don't trust her OP for whatever reasons you have.
IF you do not trust her the... (read in full...)
My b/f doesn't text or call me. Is this normal?
Q. I have been with my current bf for two months. At the beginning (like two weeks), he usually wrote me like 5 texts per day and I liked it, we saw each other like 2 times per week and I thought the relationship was really great. After like two weeks ...
A. 22 April 2013: I would not consider him a boyfriend.
stop calling him
stop texting him
if you are the one going to see him stop going to him
stop making plans and asking to see him
and if you are having sex with him or being sexual in any way stop... (read in full...)
Is this relationship healthy? Should we break up?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been having problems a lot lately. Last week and today we were fighting because i apparently am not nice to him, and i dont support him, and i don't love him correctly. He also won't allow me to talk to any guys besides ...
A. 22 April 2013: he yells
he cusses
he won't "let" you talk to other boys
he's jealous which is NOT a sign of love but rather of insecurity on his part.
it's not a healthy relationship
and it's not love.
consider ending it.... (read in full...)
If missing somebody is a sin, I confess I am seriously guilty.....
Q. If missing somebody is a sin, i confess i am seriously guilty. Missing him is so heavy and weight me down. 15 days already, he only left me some words by messages that " i am busy with my work and will talk with you asap." I do not know how...
A. 22 April 2013: if you have not heard from him at all in 2 weeks, it's safe to assume he's not as into you as you are into him....
you met online but you have feelings for him...so you have not met in real life?
if you have not met in real life, time to s... (read in full...)
Is this friendship, mind games or more?
Q. Is this friendly behaviour or more? Mr A mids 40s, i am mid 20s. Both single work together. He does not do this with any one else. He throws things at me then will tease i assault him e.g hoola hoops, my sweet bag, paper clip , soft things an...
A. 22 April 2013: well here's the rub... you work together and there is very little chance of a relationship working out with him long term due to the age difference.
IF you jump his bones you will start to care more than you do (it's human nature) and if it do... (read in full...)
How can I get him to pursue a relationship with me?
Q. I used to be "building a relationship" with this game named "James". I liked him a lot in the beginning, but over a few months of me waiting to be in a relationship, I found him less and less attractive with everything he did. He always asks me for ...
A. 22 April 2013: If the only reason Ted is not dating you is because of James then just tell James NO the next time he comes looking for free stuff. He may get mad but OH WELL.... he's not your boyfriend, you are not dating him or having a relationship with ... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 22 April 2013: My husband looks. BFD I think. My husband is 39 and looks younger. I am 53 and while I don’t look bad for 53 I think I look 53 although most folks are surprised when I tell them how old I am. I am very secure with myself and my marriage so I ... (read in full...)
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