A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have a good marriage and communication about our needs and fantasies. My husband first suggested for me to experience another man. At first I it was an instant NO, this was years, years ago. We however talked about it and fantasize about it and enhanced our sex life quite a bit. Not to long ago I started to become extremely excited and very comfortable and even imaged who it could be with. Obviously my husband is enjoying my new attitude toward the idea. My questions is has anyone had a "regular" (same person) partner you experience for the long term? If you have, how did it work out for you? Or do you think it is better to have different experiences?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2013): Been there, done it! playing a dangerous game in ( many ways) a word of truth, only do this, if it is what you want. Have you over a period of time, began to fall into (HIS) fantasy because it did begin in his head after all.
I have played the field in this way many times, but as soon as you start to choose the bull, that is when it can go wrong...the fantasy is nolonger his, reality takes it's place and strange emotions can surface that have not been part of the fantasy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the feedback.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2013):
 I'm here.
Fantasies are fine and can truly enhance and spice up a sex life.
Actually bringing other people into your bed is more problematic than it is worth the fun.
And what's even worse is you have a particular person in mind and want a regular ongoing relationship with him.
So are you thinking of having a polyamous marriage with two husband or is this just to be a boy toy for fun and games?
My last husband and I were in an open type marriage and very active in the swinger lifestyle. I am a bisexual woman and as long as it was just women in our bed or on his phone he was fine with it.
the minute we added a man (a boy toy) that was interested in me (and not him) he had a problem with it and yet he was more than happy to keep all his girl friends on the side.
Bottom line, the marriage did not survive... it was a very amicable divorce and we met a few weeks ago and both of us are a bit wistful about things that we miss about the other but it's clear we are better this way.
part of the problem is my ex husband has poor self-esteem.
Marriages that are not 100% rock solid will not survive opening them up....
and yes the fact that you have a particular person in mind is not a good thing.
had i been given my perfect preference I would have stayed married to the first guy, moved the second guy in as a secondary and kept them both.
didn't happen. I ended up marrying the boy toy... and now we don't allow anyone else into our relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks CindyCares,Thank you, although my husband was the one who suggested this years ago and I wasn't keen on the idea. I did like talking about it and fantasizing, which definitely improved our sex life. About a year ago something in me woke up and I am extremely comfortable with sex, fantasizing, etc and not feeling like "Oh, i could never do that!". I feel like I became more confident with what I like and want to try. My husband totally noticed the change in the bedroom. The guy I said I could imagine in our fantasy, is just a the first time I could fantasy about who we actually know. It doesn't have to be him. I am open to the idea because I am secure in our marriage and sexually confident and excited about experimenting.With that being said, I would like to experience another man . If it is something my husband and I enjoy it and want to continue, I would like to have a regular "Steady", not sure if I feel it will be safer, easier? That is why I would love feedback. Again, thanks!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 I hope Aunt SoVeryConfused will see your post because she had this kind of marriage so she can give advice from real experience and not just by hearsay. Maybe you can PM her ?
In the meantime, I have to say that I've sort of got the feeling that you are playing with a rigged deck.
It must be very different to share the fantasy of adding to the marriage some unknown , anonymous male for whom you have no special fancy- just a human tool for the enjoyment of your couple - and the fantasy of adding to the mix a very specific guy that you took a shine too.
If I were your husband, it would not pass me by the fact that until it was a general fantasy you were not interested at all , and now that there is a specific candidate you are turned on. I'd say that this is not acting out a fantasy with, and for, your husband- this is wanting to cuckhold him and him to be happy about it.
Which, it could still work, there ARE man that get off over cheating and betrayal- but , before proceeding, I would make very sure I am not going to cause any trouble or hurt to anybody.
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