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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Threesome after marriage? I've been faithful in my marriage but often get the urge to revisit my sexually adventurous past!
Q. Hi Cupid, Am 29 and am married for 5 years...I should say that I have have an amazing love life so far and even before marriage I was very active. I happened to be touch too adventurous for an Indian woman and experinced many a things which wou...
A. 30 April 2013: OP, Asking questions is a tried and true method of guiding folks... helping them to figure it out themselves is the hallmark of a good therapist.
No one can tell you what to do only help you figure out what you are willing to risk and lose... (read in full...)
Which cheater is worse? I want your opinion of the women in these scenarios.
Q. i was just having a discussion with someone and i was wondering what you guys think of these 2 situations. my question is regarding the females of these situations. Scenario A: a couple (Tom and Lisa) has been together for 1.5 month. the girl,...
A. 26 April 2013: the question is which boyfriend would you rather be
the one who leaves after finding out right away about the cheating or the one who leaves after finding out about long term cheating?
See if a partner will not tolerate cheating, it does no... (read in full...)
I don't want to move into my guy's "boy apartment"! How do I tell him?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for over 3 years, i am just finishing my final year of studying, we have had to go long distance for a couple of months whilst i complete. after i finish uni he wants me to move into his place, i miss hi...
A. 25 April 2013: Not hard to understand at all. You sound like my husband. He does not like living in our current home because I owned it before him and I have had two previous husbands live in the home with me. He wants us to own OUR own home. I have agreed ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in my marriage with 3 children? Or step out with someone who makes me happy?
Q. I have got myself in a real dilemma and could really use some advice. I have been married for fourteen years and have three of the most beautiful children a woman could ask for but I never really loved my husband and got married for all the wrong ...
A. 25 April 2013: OP thank you for your update. It’s very very hard to wonder about the “might have beens” but that’s all you have to go on…
I have to say that I get you totally. If you love your husband but are not “in love” with him, if you have a nice lif... (read in full...)
How does the average couple afford children?
Q. Does anyone else worry a little that they will never be able to afford a child? I am still on the younger side so I know I have a couple of years to figure it out before my clock starts ticking, but I wonder how we will ever get there. We do okay ...
A. 25 April 2013: I guess you have to define average.
When I was 24 I had my first child. I was a stay at home mom. But my then husband made a decent living and we did not go on vacations, we did not have cable, there were no such things as cell phones yet..... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and b/f has a large penis. Will sex hurt?
Q. My boyfriend has a large penis. I want to satisfy him. I am a virgin. will it hurt ?...
A. 25 April 2013: maybe...
I would strongly advise you no to have sex just to satisfy your boyfriend but only if you want to as well.
consider that BABIES that weigh an average of 7 1/2 pounds come through the vagina when they are being born.
the va... (read in full...)
We don't have any kids and I even hate to mention this, but should I run before it's too late?
Q. My husband is a jerk and very careless with money! I don't even know where to start!!! Ok, I've taken a few deep breaths and I think I'm ready to explain. My husband is very naïve when it comes to all things money. For example, he wants to tak...
A. 25 April 2013: Money management is a sore point in many marriages. If one partner is the better manager it’s incumbent on the person with bad money skills to give the reins over to the better manager. I SUCK at money management. My new hubby and I have ... (read in full...)
He's separted from his wife but still legally married . We've been dating but now he wants a break. What should I do?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, this may be long so I apologize in advance. I have found myself in a situation I can't really talk to anyone about, except all of you. For seven months now I have been in a relationship with a gentleman who is separat...
A. 25 April 2013: “he was my first of everything and I can’t just walk away from him”
I know how hard this must be for you but to be honest, the best thing for you to do is to figure out how to walk away, because if you do not walk on your own, he will con... (read in full...)
Which cheater is worse? I want your opinion of the women in these scenarios.
Q. i was just having a discussion with someone and i was wondering what you guys think of these 2 situations. my question is regarding the females of these situations. Scenario A: a couple (Tom and Lisa) has been together for 1.5 month. the girl,...
A. 25 April 2013: Female A cheats but then tells the truth. She still cheated
Female B cheats and lies.
Are women that cheat of the same moral fiber? Maybe. Is one cheater BETTER than another? NO. Cheating is cheating in my opinion.
To be honest I ... (read in full...)
Any reason as to why he's being like this? Or is it that he's just too busy?
Q. Around 3 months ago, I went to the pub for a few drinks with a few friends. One of them I had previously met before and had tried flirting with me but i wasn't interested. I ended up getting slightly drunk and he walked me home and ended up kissi...
A. 25 April 2013: well it could be a bunch of things
he could be busy
he could not like texting
he could be hoping you would have put out by now (given him some sort of sexual activity) and is frustrated that you have not.
if his replies are short and ... (read in full...)
I'm distraught about his actions. He's been lying to me and talking to another woman on line. Do I stay quiet or confront him?
Q. Not long before my fiancee and I got engaged, we had a fidelity issue- on his part. It took me a long time (and I am just summing this up to keep it short) but eventually I forgave him. Its been YEARS since then but sometimes I get bitten by the b...
A. 25 April 2013: If you did not trust him before with good reason you will not trust him now with good reason.
It does appear he lied about how he knows her etc... and that is enough to destroy trust that was solid and even worse that it was already shaky.
... (read in full...)
How can I be more approachable to guys?
Q. I'm curious on what sort of personality, traits, appearance, etc makes a girl seem approachable to a guy... Perhaps if I was more approachable I would have an easier time finding guys to date! So, in your opinion and experience... what m...
A. 25 April 2013: The best thing to do is be yourself. DO not be fake or phony because then you get guys that are attracted to your fake persona and when you let your hair down and are yourself they are disappointed.
I find that men in general are attracted to... (read in full...)
My husband said he'd pack up and move to be with his first love! What am I supposed to do?
Q. I just recently found out that my husband's first-love contacted him. I also now know that he was the one making the attempts to find her He says he is still in love with her and never got over her. He also wants to continue contact with her to ...
A. 25 April 2013: You did not over react. You are not being unfair.
Where you go from here is to contact an attorney. When he moves out, you have abandonment grounds for your divorce. DO NOT tell him this. Keep this to yourself.
I think your telli... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has told me he has lost interest in me. So should I care about his wish for me to be more "rough?"
Q. So recently my boyfriend has told me he has lost interest in me. He also commented to me saying he wants me to be rough. Since I am soft I don't know how to become rough. He doesn't mean to be rough while having sex but he means for me to have a r...
A. 25 April 2013: Dear Hopeless Girl,
you have been given great advice.... and I can't improve on it
and I know you are in pain so I wanted to leave you with a comforting song quote
"and if you wish for things that are only in the past,
just remember th... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and my parents are strict. I want to get birth control but if I do my parents will judge me. What should I do?
Q. Okay I'm 18, and with having strict parents i sometimes feel like they don't understand me. Ever since i started dating my boyfriend i feel like he is the only one here for me. We have been together for almost a year now and we have started ...
A. 25 April 2013: When my stepdaughter was 15 I took her to the gynecologist for a what is called a well woman visit. EVEN at 15 the doctor would NOT let me come in the exam room with her saying she needed to have her privacy with the doctor. Even though I was ... (read in full...)
He used to say he wanted a future for us
Q. Why is my boyfriend now saying he doesn't want a future with me? Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year, a few months ago he was always the one to be so positive about us, and say he wanted to marry me and have children with ...
A. 24 April 2013: you are together nearly a year... in the beginning we all think the new one is the one we want to be with forever.. that's what makes new relationships so exciting..
after time, and seeing the real person, reality sets in and if a person spoke... (read in full...)
If I stay with him is it possible that he will just make me even more unhappy? Because he's not the Bf he used to be. He takes me for granted.
Q. My bf and I have dated for almost 3 years. We've never dated before so being in a relationship with eachother is our first. I have made a few mistakes in the past such as lying. When I first met my bf I lied to him about a few things such as g...
A. 24 April 2013: I have not read the whole post OP
It’s been 3 years and people change over time
In addition you lied to him at one point and once trust is broken it’s never EVER going to be totally the same. If you lied to him then you can’t take that back. ... (read in full...)
How does my friend interpret my smiley use?
Q. Hello. I have a good online contact that I generally interact with, every day. My inquiry is very important to get insight on. When I talk with my friend, I put the :) smiley for anything I answer. One time, he asked me to read some old li...
A. 24 April 2013: if you use it all the time it means NOTHING and after a while it's like a period.
... (read in full...)
This cute guy is all I want but I'm too shy to talk to him, it's killing me!
Q. Why can't I get him out my head? This is killing me:(? My ex boyfriend lied cheated and dumped me and i lost all my confidence so I decided to join the gym and I'm in the best shape in my life. Guys all say I'm attractive. But there's ...
A. 24 April 2013: goodness of course you can ask him out... just ask him if he wants to get some coffee or something. the worst thing he can do is say NO and then you know he's not interested in you and you can start to move on.
... (read in full...)
Is it ever acceptable to tell a guy that you want to have kids and not get married?
Q. I'm 29-years old and have never been married and have no children. I've had long term relationships in the past (one for 4-years and one for 2-years) and I haven't really been serious with anyone in almost 6-years. Anyhow, I wouldn't say...
A. 24 April 2013: So you have no clue what marriage is like? What do you think is different between committed long term relationship and marriage?
Personally I think all people that have children should be married. Yes divorce happens, but it’s shown that mos... (read in full...)
Why am I now not attracted to my boyfriend of five years!?
Q. So I love this guy we have been through thick and thin together. He's everything I dream of and the best Bf I've ever had in bed. We moved in togther about two years ago. Been dating since we were 16 and we are both 21 now. We have experienc...
A. 24 April 2013: what you want at 16 is not what you want at 21...
and what you want at 21 may not be what you want at 25 and surely won't be what you want at 30....
as we grow we mature, we change.
if when you look at him, you don't want to kiss him ... (read in full...)
Due to be married in two weeks. But I get slightly jealous about his deceased fiance. Is the problem my jealousy or the grief he's never resolved from the past?
Q. Okay, my fiancé and I are set to be married in two weeks. We own a home together and have two beautiful, amazing kids. We have what many consider a "perfect" relationship, as no one has ever seen us argue/fight/be upset with each other, etc. We'...
A. 24 April 2013: Well you already have the house and the kids so you might as well marry him with all his current baggage anyway. I know telling you to call off the wedding is fruitless anyway. Is the house you live in the house he bought to be with her? IF so , ... (read in full...)
18 months dating and still he does not want to be intimate? How do I raise this issue without pushing him, nor seeming needy?
Q. So, I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now and this is my first real relationship, but I'm concerned because he doesn't seem to want to be intimate. Generally, I kiss him more than he kisses me, but when I've brought ...
A. 24 April 2013: Actually if he was raised to not see his parents being affectionate, well then that’s how he interprets a relationship. Affection may not be important to him in defining a relationship. That does not make him wrong or you wrong or right, it make ... (read in full...)
Is being better the key to being hot?
Q. I am just wondering, most of us know what makes a girl hot to guys, but what makes a guy hot to girls? Does a guy basically have to be better than a girl he likes, in ways that she feels is important, for her to perceive him as hot? E.g. taller, ...
A. 24 April 2013: Well since all the smart guys have answered you, it’s time for a woman to chime in. First things first, Cerberus hit the nail on the head when he pointed out that what is hot for him is not what’s hot for all men. For example, my husband ... (read in full...)
I don't like being around the cheating g/f of my boyfriend's best friend!
Q. I'm in a really difficult situation here and need help. My boyfriend and his best friend have been friends forever and they are really close and are always together. My boyfriends best friend has been with his girlfriend for about 6 months n...
A. 24 April 2013: It's simple. No double dates with boyfriend's best friend and his girlfriend. End of problem.
Sadly you and your boyfriend were out of line in telling the best friend about her cheating... it was NOT your place to "rat her out" Obviously... (read in full...)
22 and never been in a relationship... What can I do to change that?
Q. So I just turned 22 the other week and something came to my realization... I've never EVER been in an actual relationship with a guy. I've flirted, I've had a little fun (nothing leading to sex, I am still a virgin...) but have never had someone I ...
A. 24 April 2013: Discounting someone based just on his age is not a good thing.
being yourself is a good thing so don't think you need makeup and heels to "snare" a guy.
maybe you need to say yes to these guys who ask you out and go out on a date or two.. t... (read in full...)
To move or not to move, single mom life
Q. Hello! I am looking for advice on moving in with my boyfriend. He is 32 and i am 23. We both have elementary school age daughters. His daughter doesnt live with him now, but in two months she will,move in with him full time. When i met her she wasnt ...
A. 24 April 2013: I would not move in with your boyfriend. Risking losing your income based housing is not a good idea for a relationship that may not last. The only way I would move in with him is AFTER you get married. Then you are at least assured of a ... (read in full...)
Does my step-father not like me? How can we have more of a family relationship?
Q. Hello, Would you say if this attitude says that my step dad doesn't like me?: - he keeps a mental list of exactly which lights I keep on through the night and how late I go to bed after watching tv.He says I'm wasting electricity but I'm paying f...
A. 24 April 2013: Dear XAx,
Let me address your issues one by one:
1. You say he keeps a mental list of which lights you keep on throughout the night. Does he stay up and watch you or film you? How do you know he keeps this list? Are you wasting electric... (read in full...)
I feel second best.
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for about 6 months, and i have a 1 year old son. When i first met him, he always put us first and called and texted but lately he always puts his female friend of 16 years above me. He goes to her first...
A. 24 April 2013: if he told you that you had to accept her or he would break up with you, he's telling you that yes you ARE second to her.
her feelings and her friendship comes before you.
I would leave him, her and her husband to their happy little threeso... (read in full...)
Threesome after marriage? I've been faithful in my marriage but often get the urge to revisit my sexually adventurous past!
Q. Hi Cupid, Am 29 and am married for 5 years...I should say that I have have an amazing love life so far and even before marriage I was very active. I happened to be touch too adventurous for an Indian woman and experinced many a things which wou...
A. 24 April 2013: I was in an open marriage. It did not survive being open and I strongly STRONGLY urge those folks who are not in open relationships who want to try it to reconsider it.
I would not encourage you to open your marriage bed to other people... (read in full...)
I found a sex toy in my boyfriend's room.
Q. Hi, Today I visited my bf in his house. We don't live together yet. It was a little mess, so I started to clean his place a little. Then I founf this, a sex toy, quite like a simple hole cup. Maybe it was there before, I just didn't noticed? ...
A. 24 April 2013: no reason to worry at all... I have a whole drawer full of sex toys and so does my hubby.
... (read in full...)
I went out dancing with my new girl and her sisters.
Q. I went out dancing with my girlfriend and her sisters. She and I are just starting to date. Another girl come up and ask me to dance I said no out of respect but my girlfriend, half drunk said to go ahead. Does this mean that she does not care ...
A. 24 April 2013: Did you ever see the movie the King and I? Anna explains to the king (remember this was 1865) that women can dance with strangers.... and the king was shocked that strange men could touch women in that way....
it was DANCING for god's sake n... (read in full...)
Girlfriend makes me wash my hands after touching my penis because she's afraid of getting pregnant. Could it happen like that?
Q. hi all. i have a big question to ask. my girlfriend and i fool around, as in oral sex. she is afraid while im giving her pleasure with my finger that sometimes i have to readjust my erection and she makes me go wash my hands because she is afraid ...
A. 24 April 2013: Yes if you have live sperm on your fingers and insert them into her vagina she could potentially become pregnant.
why is she not on birth control?
Precum if you have had an orgasm and not voided (peed) afterwards could still carry living s... (read in full...)
We have sex but he wont consider being my boyfriend.
Q. Atfirst this guy and ibwere together,then we were forced to seperate by parents.Well,now we are allowed around eachouther and we have been sleeping together for about 2 years..i would like to have and call it a relationship,however he says he isn't ...
A. 24 April 2013: I’m sorry sweetie but you can NEVER make someone love you. And having sex with a boy will NOT make him want you as anything other than a sex toy.
He understands just fine that you like him just the way he is. There is nothing you can do to ge... (read in full...)
Jealous that my FWB had sex with someone else
Q. So there's this guy....we've been having sex lately and I REALLY like it. I mean I know he doesn't care about me like emotionally and I dont care about him like that either. But the sex is really good.....until I found out the next day he had sex ...
A. 24 April 2013: You ARE being used honey. BUT you allowed it. AND you are enjoying it and you agreed to it. AND while you SAY you don’t’ care about him emotionally the fact that you are jealous belies that statement totally. So you are lying to yourself.
... (read in full...)
We will be breaking up after the summer. Is it a good idea to keep dating now?
Q. Next year my boyfriend and I are going to uni, different unis but not that far apart. I told him that he meant a lot to me and I'd like to try to stay together at uni because I didn't want to lose him, but after a lot of time of him thinking about ...
A. 24 April 2013: you can stay and enjoy the summer but come fall and time for uni, it's going to be over.
and to be honest even if you don't end it when you both leave for your respective schools I will promise that it will be over and done by Christmas time any... (read in full...)
In the limbo of friend/ex/possible bf.
Q. Ok, so I just want others input. Helps me analyze things from a different view. I went out with her and she broke up with me. (Basically, she was young. Impossible expectations (please don't judge me like I'm a low life, just take my word on ...
A. 24 April 2013: If she truly HATES him, then she is not over him. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference or ambivalence. Since she actively hates him, she’s not done processing her relationship with her ex. Until she is done with her ex, she ... (read in full...)
My crush has a g/f but says I'm pretty. How do I tell his g/f what he said?
Q. Ok so today I saw my ex near and he kept staring at me I said " what are you staring at me for " and he said " nothing ". I said something funny and stubid but I said " what you wishing you had all this again " and I like pointed to my self and ...
A. 24 April 2013: Just because a boy says you are pretty does not mean he wants to be with you. It also does not mean he’s not faithful and true to his gf. It’s perfectly acceptable for partnered people to find others attractive. It’s what they do with the attraction ... (read in full...)
Is it time to cut my high school friends off?
Q. Ok so I have known my high school friends for about 10 years and we were close knit. Now i am a junior in college and they both have had children and not really where they would like to be in life. I have still remained there for both of them but I ...
A. 24 April 2013: You are thinking too much…
As we grow and change, our friends change. Circumstances change and we no longer have the same things in common with our friends that we did in high school. I was friends with a girl from age 13-age 25 or so. By then... (read in full...)
I like this guy, but the thing is, he avoids girls. How do I ask him out?
Q. I like this guy, but the thing is, he avoids girls. He doesn't talk to them, he doesn't even look at them. I would have thought he was gay, but I have it on good authority that he's not. He has had a girlfriend before. Anyway, I happen to really...
A. 24 April 2013: If you don't know him enough to talk to him, then you don't like HIM, you are attracted to how he looks.
It's very possible you will be rejected but you won't know if you don't try.
the problem is you may find that if you ask him out and you ... (read in full...)
Need help dealing with my 14 year old!
Q. I need help on something...My husband passed away about 4 1/2 years ago, and I was left with 3 young children (9, 6 and 5). I ended up, out of fear of being alone, dating really fast. I got into a 3 year relationship that was not good. He was ...
A. 24 April 2013: Even if her dad had not died, at 14 she would be fighting you. It's part of being a 14 year old girl.
I think that with your update you have a great grasp on this
yes it's frustrating for you and for him and for her.
maybe she's scare... (read in full...)
BF face book status "when God sends her, don’t lose her" What does this mean?
Q. My current partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. Him and his last gf were together for 7 years and were going to get married. When he met her, she was ******* somebody else’s boyfriend. 4 years into the relationship, he cheated. He told ...
A. 24 April 2013: Honeypie makes a great point, it does seem like he deliberately wants this to be confrontational and I wonder why.
It’s very possible you are hostile and judgmental about her every time she comes up but if all you have to go on is what he’s sai... (read in full...)
She says I don't act as in love as I say I am
Q. My gf and I have been together for two months. It had some bad times at first, but I've realized after that first month I am deeply in love with her, but she's said I don't seem to be acting as in love as I "say I am." We are gamers so... we'll go ...
A. 24 April 2013: Two months together is not a lot of time in real life. And if you are just ONLINE friends, that means NOTHING. You say you are “deeply in love with her” and while I am one to fall in love quickly, even I know after a mere two months it’s not a ... (read in full...)
BF face book status "when God sends her, don’t lose her" What does this mean?
Q. My current partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. Him and his last gf were together for 7 years and were going to get married. When he met her, she was ******* somebody else’s boyfriend. 4 years into the relationship, he cheated. He told ...
A. 23 April 2013: Thanks for the follow up OP! It adds insight for me. I can see being annoyed that he considers her a loss and that would make me feel like he’s “settling” for me when he’d rather have her but that may not be the case. He can grieve the loss of ... (read in full...)
BF face book status "when God sends her, don’t lose her" What does this mean?
Q. My current partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. Him and his last gf were together for 7 years and were going to get married. When he met her, she was ******* somebody else’s boyfriend. 4 years into the relationship, he cheated. He told ...
A. 23 April 2013: Deep sigh… you talk a good game honey but your words tell me otherwise. For some reason this woman that was with your bf in the past still riles you up. You know an awful lot about her (like why she doesn’t wear a two piece) you call her names ... (read in full...)
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