A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear AnyoneOver 2 yrs ago I started a relationship with a man of a very dominating religion. It was no problem for him to `see' me as he was never serious about me, in fact it was so he could try to obtain his visa and convert me.It is now 8 mths since I finally ended it, it had ended it and 2 mths since he stopped trying contact me. It is finally over.The problem I have that he kind of brainwashed me. I am not myself and I dont think I ever will be. He played cruel subtle mind games and they have had a lasting effect. He lied about just about everything, its like it was a mission to lie. He was a user playing a game and I didnt realise til it was too late. I did think that with time I would go back to normal (we all suffer when a relationshio ends but we get back up) yet its getting worse.I feel ashamed ugly and stupid all of the time. I hang my head, I avoid eye contact in shops and anywhere I dont really need to bother. I cant bear the sight of myself in a long mirror and facially I have no interest though I ritually put on my makeup to `face the world' I do not feel womanly or feminine anymore. I deliberately dress almost masculine. I rarely wear jewellery or nail varnish. In a small way t is liberating to not worry what you look like, to cast aside vanity, it is something his faiths women have to do in order to be thought of as righteous. Its not that I want to be this faith, no way (in fact he has completely wrecked any credibility of his religion) I think Im doing it so no man of this religion can ever again mistake me for a `bad' woman as even in my previous conservative but feminine attire I must have been mistaken as a w***e.I have no desire for men either, I never have been one to go find any man to sleep with but I dont even notice them. The thought of intimacy makes me feel sick. I cant imagine why any man would want me ever.Please dont blame me for this, I am a good kind woman. I have only had a few relationships and I always love and care for my partners with all my heart during my time with them. Thanks for reading
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Who cares what men of a certain religion think.
maybe you are doing it to keep all men at bay?
I don't think you are truly healed yet....
I can't see why anyone would blame YOU?
the fact that you think we would blame YOU is enough for me to strongly suggest some professional counseling.
having a professional tell you that you are not wrong, that you did not bring this on yourself, that everyone makes mistakes in judgement is a good idea.
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