A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a girl I really like. I met her working with her last summer at a summer job. She seems pretty nice and sweet and thinks I'm every bit as such and we chat on Facebook every once in a while (not frequently), we get along fine and she's definitely single. But the big problem lies in our economic class of sorts. While we grew up roughly in the same area, she grew up in a more upper-class area whereas I am seemingly lower class. She's a freshman at an out-of-state city private university while I'm finishing my last semester at a community college and, while transferring, can only afford to go to pretty pathetic state schools. I don't know too much about her parents and their occupations but even though she apparently took out huge loans it seems like she's in more upper-middle class than I am as her family does seem to be doing good for themselves where as my parents only make around $35,000 a year (excluding my father’s disability benefits) and live in a slightly lesser area. And I don't know if she'd really go for someone like me, I mean I have clear goals to be go farther than my parents and actually get a Bachelor's and eventually a Master's, but eh, it seems too much like a pauper wanting the princess. I should mention she does know that I like her, I did tell her that. But since she was leaving for school, she didn't really say "I don't want to date you" more a "not now" but wanted to stay friends for the time being and see how the school year goes before getting any serious. She always seems to make a point of telling me how nice and sweet she thinks I am so I think there's hope... maybe. Is it worth going for or would social class of sorts get in the way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): It matters to an extent, and more so if the disparity is huge. But it depends on your wants and needs and how much it matters to you. My parents make a combined salary of $800,000 while my boyfriend's parents makes about $25,000-$50,000? I never asked but it's my estimate based on their occupations. Huge difference, yes, but it's our parents' money not ours. My parents paid for my private university tuition and board for 50K per year. My boyfriend attended a state university at 3K per year. But we both worked for our allowance, had similar interests, and so did the same things together. There was never a time I wanted to go somewhere more expensive that I could afford but he didn't. I was fortunate to have traveled the world with my family over break. When I came back, our relationship and daily routine was still the same, and my boyfriend would ask me about my experiences rather than feel inferior to me because of them. We are both graduating university this spring. He had a paid internship at a great company throughout university, and is now going to work for them full time. I adore children and was hired as a private academy instructor. He will be making far more than I in the long run. My point? We are living our own lives and not our parents. Yes having very wealthy or poor parents influence to an extent. But the future is in your hands.I hope that answers your question. However, it sounds like social class isn't the problem. The problem is that she seems not into you. Best of luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013):
I would be very careful to whom you give your heart too at such a tender age.. My nephew was in a very similar situation like your own.. But, they had decided to date .. He was her piece of rough basically .. My nephew wasn't academic, he worked on a build site constructing scaffold .. However he is extremely handsome young man ( who now models ) however back then, he was a lowly grafter and she a upper middle class snob.. They dated for nearly three years and she then cheated on him at uni sleeping with a guy whom she thought would give her a better position than my nephew . So she didn't just cheat , she lied, she two timed him until she was ready to move on ..
Now , he got the last laugh though she broke his heart.. He got spotted by a talent agent and now models .. His life is very much champagne ( pink) haha and posh restaurant and clubs.. But he has his feet on the growing .. He now engaged and his gf models . They save their income.. Have a beautiful apartment all paid for no mortgage .. And are happy..
His ex on the other hand ( money grabbing she devil ) wouldn'teave him alone when she found out ..
Not saying this girl like this .. But money normal breeds money and
Her folks not take to you so kindly ..
So just be careful and sweetie don't wait Round for her.. You could be waiting on a tad full of nothing .. Concentrate on your own goals in life.. Get where you wanta go ..
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (15 April 2013):
Dear OP,
If a girl is really in love, I don't think class will matter that much to her (unless she's a terrible snob, and who wants such a gf anyway). As cerberus said, it might matter to you somehow, seeing that her life is apparently easier than yours.
But I don't think that's the biggest problem here, really.
If she says "let's stay friends for the moment" then that sounds like you are in the "friendzone". She sees your qualities as a guy and she sees you have a good character, but she's somehow not made up her mind about dating you. Maybe she has a crush on someone else. Maybe she feels like you don't have a lot of self esteem and she's more after a guy who feels confident around her. If you describe yourself as the pauper wanting the princess, you seem to sort of believe yourself that she's too good for you. This will show in your attitude.
But she's a girl like every other girl and if she doesn't want you and your qualities - then maybe she doesn't deserve you.
I would go for it. She's a free person, she can say no and there's no need to give up before you've already started. The worst that can happen is that she definitely rejects you, but this happens to everybody sometime sooner or later in their live. The best that can happen is worth to keep trying. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2013):
 I agree with Cerberus, it's much more about whether YOU can handle it then anything else.
Besides it's NOT her money, it's her parents.
If you two share common goals, hobbies, likes & dislikes I think the socioeconomic background means little to nothing.
I'm from a upper middle class home with 2 parents. Hubby is from a welfare single parent home. Yes ,we CERTAINLY had different childhoods but that is what makes life more interesting.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2013):
 I think you are way over thinking this.... she's not local and that's a bigger hurdle than social class.
I grew up upper middle class and never wanted for anything... I went to college with no loans and was able to have my son go through a lovely private school with a great rep with no loans either... My husband makes much less than I do (nearly 40k less to be honest) and he came from very little.
Clearly it bothers you...do you think she' just being nice to you to be nice? that her reason for not wanting to date was a smoke screen?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): The big question here OP is can you handle it? Can you handle that she may well be earning more money than you if things got serious? A lot of guys really can't. Can you handle that she comes from a privileged background and will have been handed a life you can only dream of? Again you'd be surprised how threatened a lot guys are by that. Can you handle all the things her status brings?
Now it would be easy to say that class doesn't matter but it does. Especially in America where money is god and your value to society is gauged by the amount of money you have.
But it's like any difference, it's not a reason not to try as long as you know you can handle all that the difference brings.
If you feel in any way intimidated by, or threatened by the fact that you may never earn as much money or be able to compete that way then it's probably best if you don't bother. Seriously read some articles about emasculated a lot of guys feel in your circumstance.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 April 2013):
 While I don't think you should let it get in the way, at the same time, women tend to be pretty black and white. If we like you, you know it. And we also tend to let people down easy. Saying not right now verses a flat out no sounds much nicer, doesn't it? So I guess my whole point is that before you even spend time worrying over this, make sure she likes you first. But if you really like her, I definitely say go for it.
About the class thing. I see no problem with this, from my perspective. My gf comes from a very upper-class family. They want her to be with a rich, white man. Lol well I'm a poor, white girl. Can't get much farther off. Her parents can't stand me because they think I'm ruining their daughters life and chance of happiness (for "making her gay" and not having a lot of money). Truth is, she's happy with me and doesn't want anyone else. In fact, she broke up with her ex because he was going to be a doctor and she knew he'd be too busy to be around much if they ever got married. Besides, one day, I'll have money. I plan to get my masters then PhD. Just hasn't happened yet. We are still young.
So anyway, that being said, if this girl really likes you and wants to be with you, none of that should really matter. She won't let it get in the way. She may get some flack from her parents about it, but all you can do is shrug that off. It's her life and if you make her happy, that's what matters most. And if she doesn't want to be with you for the reason of class, well, she's not the right girl for you anyway. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Social class doesn't get in the way unless you let it. If YOU are bothered by it then you've let it get in the way. It is quite common for at least women to date men with more wealth, and it isn't a problem then. The only way it'd be a problem the other way around is if you feel emasculated by her. Then again, that depends on your idea of what makes a man.
Are you bothered by it? No? Then there wont be a problem.
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