A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:what are your opinions of an older man getting with a younger girl and getting her pregnant? i met a girl who is 20+ years younger than me. we have talked and not having any children of my own, she said she is in love with me and will have a baby for me. ive talked to her mother who is 12 years older than me, and i will be staying with her in her home, she lost her husband 7 years ago to an illness. until i can get a home for us both. im well off in the money area because i have a good job and she has agreed to stay home to be with the baby and raise it. im not happy in my marriage, and will be getting out of it to pursue this. im getting old and i want a off spring. thanks in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): Mate mate mate mate mate... my gosh. Lol. She wants to have your baby not because she thinks that your genes are fantastic and a mini you would be the best but because when she's your baby mother you will have to pay her. She can split from you and you will still have to pay her money. While you're at home she can get a nanny for the baby and fool around with other guys. Well done you, I see a quick marriage and then an even quicker divorce
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 April 2013):
 If you are so secure with yourself, and secure that you have made a good choice , why are you on this forum asking could she possibly be a goldigger ,could she possibly see you as a sugardaddy ?
Because you aren't ( secure ).
Normally this kind of doubt does not even cross anybody's mind, regardless of age, if they are in a secure,solid, serious relationship. One does not think " maybe she wants to marry me for money " - and if he does, well, then he does not get engaged until he has cleared all his doubts.
What do you do instead ? You get engaged, but you have still to deal with this little nagging voice inside, that say " careful ! You are going to be taken for a ride ! "... it's a strange message, and it can't just come out of the clear blue sky... maybe subliminally you feel there's something she said or did which does not quite add up, there's something which bothers you in the picture, that you don't want to look at too close, because you are afraid of being proven right....
So you go ahead anyway, but you write us for reassurance, and you get a bit miffed too that you don't get a big chorus of " Noooo way ! She LOVES you to bits ! "
Although, in a way you are a lucky guy. Now you don't risk to marry a golddigger. Because, how other posters have noted, with the adultery and abandonmnet, your wife can take you to the cleaners, and there will not be much gold left to dig.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2013): well im not going to have to give her anything. she told me last night that she would rather slit her throat than to have to be in any kind of long term arrangements that would keep her around a no good cheating, craddle robbing, pediophile. so i get the divorce and get to move on. honestly it hurt to hear her call me those words. i never would expect a woman like her to say those things. she is one of the kindest women i have ever met. i guess when your hurt you will say anything. i didnt want to hurt her in any way, and she didnt deserve this to happen, but i cant push this feeling away, and its really too late now, because the baby is coming.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 April 2013):
 OP you do realize that you have given your wife grounds to render you NO LONGER WELL OFF.
A long term marriage where you have committed the acts of adultery and abandonment will net her a nice chunk of your well off funds and possibly your pension or other retirement plans.
I hope Miss Fertile young thing sticks around when she finds out she gets to live in a 2 bedroom apartment that she will have to work to help afford.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2013):
 So you are still married? And you are cheating on your wife with the younger girl, because she might want to give you an offspring?
Why not divorce your CURRENT wife, let her find HER happiness and THEN you can look for YOUR happiness to. STOP stringing your wife along and the girl.
Sounds like a big ole mess honestly.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2013): i do love her very much, and i am going to marry her. i gave her an engagement ring last night. just have to get the divorce over. as far as her staying home she likes the idea and i have been good to her. im not afraid she will find someone else, im very secure with myself.
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A
male
reader, GrYmsin +, writes (13 April 2013):
OP, sorry to sound rash but it doesn't sound like you're keeping her home so that she can take care of the baby. It seems more like you're trying to keep her away from the world so you don't lose your ego boost. It doesn't make sense when you say it's best she stays home and take care of the baby because there's no money. It makes a whole lot more sense for her to get a job and you both have a bigger income for the arriving child.
You say you've been taking care of her since you've met her. You know what that sounds like to me? It sounds as if you VOLUNTEERED yourself to be a doormat. You willingly accepted all the responsibilities so that she worries about nothing. This is a plan that many guys have done to women. They cripple them financially and emotionally so that they HAVE to depend on the male for support. I think you know exactly what you're doing to her. You're making sure she has no chance to meet or need another guy. You're making sure that once she's isolated and away from the temptations of a social life, you secure your spot in her life.
The fact that you feel it's MORE expensive for her to get a job tells me that you definitely don't want to risk her bumping into someone else that may fancy her. This also tells me that you're insecure about your status as her boyfriend. If you weren't then you wouldn't be asking if you are a sugar daddy. The only thing you benefit from in her staying at home is not having to pay for daycare. That's a poor excuse considering day care isn't a wallet crippler these days. If she had a job then daycare and baby stuff would be a LOT easier on both of you to afford.
OP, this is an unhealthy relationship because you simply don't have enough love or trust in her for her to better off herself. You're being selfish in wanting to keep her from her dreams and ambitions.
You can deny it as much as you want but being a guy myself, I can see why you're doing what you're doing. It's an attractive thought to have a girl totally dependant on you for everything. This give you a sense of power and upperhand over her. She NEEDS you so she won't defy you. This plan will eventually calapse in on itself. She'll get tired of being the stay-at-home-mom and seek a little fun in her life. That's where the cheating and partying will begin.
They always said what goes around comes around.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 April 2013):
Dear OP,
If two people LOVE each other and the CIRCUMSTANCES are okay, I think a relationship like this (young woman, older guy) might work.
But so far, I haven't heard YOU saying that you love her. Just that she says she's in love with you, plus the baby thing and that cheated on your wife with her. Are you willing to commit to this woman and be a good father to her child? Are you willing to tolerate the age gap and treat her like a grown up anyway?
As far as the circumstances go, this young woman was dependent from her parents, now she's dependent from you. Well done *sarcasm*! Yeah, why invest anything in her education or get her a job, if she can just be a housewife and raise a kid right away, before she's even married? Having no financial or economic security in case her once cheating husband (are you even going to marry her?) is inclined to cheat on her and leave again?
My biggest problem here is not the age gap, but that you sound very inconsiderate. Getting another woman pregnant before breaking up with your wife is just the start of what makes you sound selfish.
I really recommend you start to genuinely consider her wellbeing and your wifes wellbeing, and try your best to make this work out. The pregnancy can't be undone, the decision's been made. Don't ask for anyone's approval, but try to prove us wrong by showing you can make a fresh start as a loving partner and father!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2013): i didnt say i was wealthy just well off. ive know her for 2 years, and her mother for 12 years, i work with her mom, and she came to work 2 years ago, thats how we met. i told my wife tonight that i was leaving and im at my girlfriends moms house now everything i own in my car. and my girlfriend is already pregnant due in 5 months, she told me this morning i was going to be a daddy :) well it was my idea she stay at home. ive been taking care of her for about a year and half now, she hasnt worked since i met her. it would cost more for her to work, with putting the baby in day care and all, so i think its best she stay at home. wife didnt take the news too well, she cried but told me that she could take care of herself, and that she would not stand in my way of having a baby. i told her thankyou and i left.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 April 2013):
Honestly, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Look, I get it. The clock is ticking and suddenly you feel like you're missing out and you want a kid and you have this young girl batting her pretty eyelashes at you. But think it over: what makes you think this is a good situation to raise a child in? Why do you want a child? Do you think you'd be a good dad?
Yes you have money, but money doesn't buy a good childhood. A child is raised well through love and stability. This relationship is not going to be stable. It's going to resemble a business transaction: you give her money, she provides baby and sex. Is that what you want your kid to grow up in?
And what about your wife, whom you pledged love and loyalty to? Surely she's worth more than just being betrayed and ditched like this. Do you think a future daughter/son would be proud to call someone like you their father? I know I sound harsh, but you lack all the qualities a kid needs from a dad. You're not loyal, you don't have a spine, you don't care about others and you're impulsive. Look in the mirror and wake up.
You've made some big mistakes already, like falling for the charms of this girl. She knows what she's doing. By giving you a kid she is financially set for the rest of her life. She doesn't love you. And even if she did, there will be a time when a younger guy comes along and snatches her away from you. And then you'll know what it feels like to be your wife.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Who cares!!
You are using her to give you a child, raising kids isn't cheap, so if you got to pay her to stick around after she pops out the sprog, then it will probably cost you dear!!
You sound like a cold callous selfish man so God knows what kind of father you will make...poor child (and I am not speakin about the child you are impregnating)
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 From Bed Springs to Off Spring – what a crackerjack prize
Sure enough you’re her Sugar Daddy and Father figure if she’s 20+years younger than you. Pity you couldn’t have ended your marriage first more dignifying before starting a new!? As they say; --it happens! So what’s the real issue here? Girlfriend out living you, exchanging you for a younger model in your retirement years or running off with your money after 5 years!?
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): "what are your opinions of an older man getting with a younger girl and getting her pregnant?"
He's trying to recapture his lost youth and wants validation that he's still attractive and virile and studly.
If you're not a sugar daddy to her, then you're just a daddy. Given that her bio-father is apparently not in the picture, I'd say that's just as her looking for a payday via you knocking her up and allowing her to sink her claws into you for life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Of course you are! The average 20 something don't want no part of man that is old enough to he her father! If she is still staying with her mom, that to me is saying she doesn't want any responsibility as far as paying bills and being out on her own. If you are well off, why haven't you found at least and apt? Why even move in with her mother? This sounds like a three ring circus to me. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, GrYmsin +, writes (12 April 2013):
Sorry to burst your bubble there, champ, but it's highly possible you ARE a sugar daddy to her. There's a reason why you don't hear of many SUCCESSFUL relationships between young women and guys twice thier age. It's a known fact that older guys are better off than younger ones in the financial department, and what more is that they're easy prey for young women. I say this because for older men, a pretty, young woman with a tight body and soft curves is their kryptonite. They long to feel young again and the closest thing to feeling that is being with a much, much younger fox. This is no secret. There ARE women out there who preys on guys like you. Don't think for a moment that since she agreed to have your baby, she must love you. You'd be surprise how far a women will go to secure a spot inside of your wallet. Honestly I believe you are a fly that has fallen for a fly trap. I think this is an unhealthy relationship because you've already rushed in to too many decisions already. Discussing babies and living together. How long have you been with her? Better question, how long have you been cheating on your wife?I'd be careful during this situation. Infact, run a test on her. Tell her you're flat broke and you have enough for you two to get by on ONLY the basics. See what her reaction is after that. That is if you don't fear what your heart must be telling you, that you're a sugar daddy.
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